How To Nicely Say "No" (Writer's Dilemma)

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stormie

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One of my former students has messaged me. She wants me to critique something of hers to do with writing, and help with grammar and spelling. She says she'll pay.
I don't feel comfortable doing this, as she won't say what it is and even if she did, I really don't want to. (She's out of school and working.)

Any thoughts? Suggestions? How to say "no" without hurting feelings? Send my avi to her to scare her away?
 

veinglory

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I go with: It would be better if you found someone to give you an objective option, and send them to critiquecircle.com or critters.org as implied advice to save their money.
 

cornflake

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"I'm sorry; I'm not available to edit for you <but here's Cornflake's info![ok j/k]>. I wish you the best of luck with your project!'

You don't need to explain why; it'll only open it up for her to work around objections (I don't mean it like she's wily -- it's human nature. If you say, 'I can't because X,' someone will say, 'oh, ok, but what about if Y?'. Just clear, flat, you can't.
 

Tazlima

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I don't feel comfortable doing this...

I'd go with the truth. "Good to hear from you. Happy to know you're still writing...yadda,yadda, yadda. Thank you for the offer, but I'm really not comfortable performing those services for former students (don't give reasons. Reasons leave room to argue or bargain). Here are some suggestions of where to find crits. If the work ends up published, send me a link and I'll be happy to buy a copy (if you really would. Otherwise, leave out that last part).

ETA - Cornflake's version is better than mine. Go with that. :)
 
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Cekrit

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While I am proud of you for completing and continuing your writing I am not able to take on any additional work as of right now. I would be happy to read what you have written, but I must warn you it may take a while for me to respond or get through it. I am dealing with (insert bullshit excuse) at the university/school and juggling that with (bullshit excuse about family.) would you be able to tell me what it is you wrote and if you could share it via email in a PDF? I'll read it and get back to you when I have time, but I cant do extensive work on it- just my opinion.

This is the response I recieved from many of my university professors, some even asked for hard copies of the book after it was published (I wasn't asking for them to do work on it, just to read it) I never heard back from any of them and am not very upset about it. Most students will want to reach out to you but we dont realize whats actually on your plate- we graduate and want to be where you are, looked up to- successful. But as time goes on we realize you are busy with work just as much as we are so we understand.
 

mccardey

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I find I'm sorry I don't critique. Have you tried *somewhere else* ​works fine. If they push harder, No, it's a different skillset - and it's terribly time-consuming. There are people who do it, though - keep looking!
 
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Maryn

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One of the great Life Skills to master is saying no without giving a reason or excuse. Those can be argued against, while a polite not-happening is pretty hard to dispute.

So you don't have to say why you don't want to do it, or even that you don't want to do it. Just say, "I'm afraid I can't do it." "Sorry, I can't." "That simply won't be possible." And then you can suggest places or people you know to be solid on critique and/or editing.

To be honest, any writer without a disability who can't master spelling without help has little hope, IMO. I get that grammar is hard for people whose education failed to provide a solid foundation, but spelling? Sheesh.

Maryn, who won't help her, either
 

Fruitbat

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"Hi, so-and-so. I don't do critiques but so glad to hear you're writing. You might try (name of online crit site). Best wishes with it!"
 
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Siri Kirpal

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Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

The one reason I'd give would be the truth: I'm sorry, I don't critique the works of former students. But I wish you luck.

That's not one anyone could work around, and it's polite.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal
 

Cindyt

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Okay, this is so embarrassing, but years ago I asked Janelle Taylor to critique my Cheyenne novel. :rolleyes (To be fair, I didn't ask her cold. We had been corresponding back and forth for a while.) Still. Duh. So she goes something like "I don't do critiques due to copyright issues that might pop up."
 

Jason

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It's so hard to say no in that scenario - teachers can often find themselves placed on a proverbial pedestal by former students. I have encountered that several times both as a student and a teacher. When I was the student, I was politely rebuffed and the teacher remained on said pedestal. I stole the same thoughts when I was asked to assist professionally after teaching students, and believe I was successful. In essence, it goes something like this:

Dear Student,

The relationship between a student and a teacher can be very rewarding, and I would not want to jeopardize the relationship we developed from the academic environment by embarking into a professional relationship. Might I suggest you consider route A, B, or C.

Respectfully,

Teacher
 
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