Can anyone critique my first short story?

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WingO

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In These Last Dying Seconds - By Oliver J Wing

In three minutes the door would close, leaving him trapped. Forever to be lost in the darkness of the abyss that would be his tomb. Adam had little time to figure out the puzzle that would lead to his freedom, but he had nothing. It was as though his brain had abandoned him, rendering him without hope, without love, without anything but a deep-seated feeling of dread. He glanced over at the timer " two minutes and fifty five seconds " he thought harder. Alas… no response. Adam turned his gaze again, to the game that would surely be his demise. His eyes veered down to the puzzle, almost Rubik’s Cube like. However, there were no colours. How was he supposed to slide the pieces into perfection if there was no way of knowing where they fit? Adam’s heart began to race, he was so close to losing his freedom " and his life " yet, he was still entombed within the perpetual nothingness of his conscience. Another quick glance at the time; two minutes thirty seconds. Time was running out.

Adam Taylor rose to the sound of his weekday alarm at 6 a.m. He exited his bed as quickly as his body would allow, and proceeded to the bathroom to begin his morning routine. He brushed his teeth and peered into the oval mirror that hung above the faucet. Staring back was a man, aged 30, whose short brown hair " yet to be coiffed " flopped limply across his forehead. His deep brown eyes, still adjusting to the morning light, held heavy above the black circles that were stereotypical of a bad nights rest. A stylized stubble across his face drew attention to a well chiseled jawline that complimented his six foot three inch, seemingly malnourished frame. Adam staggered slowly towards the shower and furthered his morning with his usual coffee and a cigarette out on the deck in the brisk Oxford wind.
After dressing himself in his usual well-tailored black suit, he reached for his work identification and left for his car that was parked on the driveway outside. He clambered into the driver’s seat of the M-sport BMW and looked down at his work identification, just like he had every morning since he started the job. Adam Taylor Ph.D. Professor of cryptology: Oxford University. A smirk that appeared on his face embodied the sense of self-fulfillment for the role he had dedicated his educational youth to achieving. He devoted his life to the study of cryptology " the study of codes " he had written many editions of literature on them and had achieved his professorship many years before expected. He was perhaps one of the youngest professors in England, perhaps even in the world. He was revered by scholars and deified by those he taught.
This morning, Adam was heading to his 9 a.m. lecture titled, ‘the origins and complex utility of alphanumeric code,’ A lecture series he always thought would inspire budding young cryptologists, like it did himself merely twelve years ago. Pressing the ignition on his car, the great lion that ran his engine let out its overwhelming roar and Adam emerged onto the road beginning his twenty minute commute to campus. For such a renowned scholar, Adams life off campus was in much juxtaposition to that of his day job. He trundled down the quaint streets of Oxford, his car engine drawing far more attention than necessary. His driver-side window was down, arm out, cigarette in hand, and all to the backdrop of metal music from his radio. All of a sudden, and in one epic flash, Adam’s morning took an unexpected turn.


Out of nowhere, and as though it had materialised from thin air, a black van embedded itself in the side of Adam’s BMW. The force of the impact knocked Adam unconscious and the descending darkness took grasp of the light that once filled his eyes.
Two men now emerged from the van, dressed in black with their faces covered. They slowly made their way towards the car that they had just impacted. With some considerable force, both men grabbed the driver’s side door " which had been caved in by the accident " and pried it open with their hands and a crowbar. Once the door was open, they reached inside and removed Adam from his seat. With great efficiency, the first masked man removed Adam from the car and flung him over his shoulder whilst the second opened the sliding door of the black van. Almost instantaneously, Adam was thrown into the back of the van, accompanied by one of the men, and the second donned the driver’s seat and began to drive away; due only to the bull bars that were across the front of the vehicle. In the vehicle, Adams hands and feet were bound, his mouth gagged with a tissue, then covered with duct tape; he was still unconscious and had no way to resist his captors. With the journey nearing its end, Adam’s consciousness was returning and the dimly lit image of the vans internals filled the first few seconds his groggy state. It took a few seconds for this scene to register with Adam, am I dreaming? He thought to himself. But, as soon as he realised he wasn’t, the panic began to take hold. He began to writhe and wriggle and produce a muffled scream from behind the tape. He wasn’t built to resist force, his frame would not allow it, and surely enough as soon as his movement began the powerful fist of his captor plummeted hard into the side of Adam’s head. Seconds of consciousness returned to complete nothingness.


Light once again perforated Adam’s eyelids, and this time, a different scene became clear. He first noticed that he was seated on a wooden chair, nothing out of the ordinary, but it was the solitary piece of furniture in the room which he resided. He noticed that he was free from the ties that bound him and the tape that muted him, he was free from the shackles of torment which had so cruelly been placed upon him earlier. However, he was far from free. Rapidly moving up, down, left, and right, Adam’s eyes attempted to inform him of everything that surrounded. A strange scene indeed. Boxed in by four glass walls, Adam’s initial reaction was to pick up the chair and hurl it at the glass with all his obtainable strength. Nothing. The glass was too thick, shatter proof, probably even bullet proof he thought to himself. The chair he had thrown broke into pieces as though it had been detonated by some kind of bomb, it lay spread out across the floor. Outside the glass walls were another four walls, this time of concrete, there was no light in the room but the underwhelming bulb that hang above his head. There was nothing on the concrete walls outside his glass prison, nothing but a single door and what appeared to be a clock of some sorts above it. It read, 5:00.
5 a.m. Adam thought to himself. How long have I been unconscious? It was only then that Adam realised in front of him was a glass door that was barely noticeable among the glass walls that encased him. He quickly ran towards the door and pulled hard at the handle. Of course… it was locked. Adam recoiled in distress and dropped to the floor with his back against the glass. He didn’t understand why he was there, he had no way of knowing. Who would want to do this to me? He thought over and over again. There was little time for contemplation, when a loud crackling filled the room and with that, a man began to speak.
“Mr Taylor” it began, in a deep and mystifying voice that was muffled by a voice changer in order to hide the true identity of the man. “For many years now I have admired your work, your theories, and your abilities. And in this last year I have been working somewhat tirelessly to prove your mind is inferior.”
“What the hell do you want from me!” cried Adam
“Be quiet Mr. Taylor” the voice replied. “All will become apparent if you take the time " and the due courtesy " to listen to me. I have brought you here in order to see whether you’re as good as the world thinks. Before you lies three puzzles of increasing difficulty.”
Adam shot his eyes around the room, and sure enough there they were. At each side of the glass room, not including the side with the door. Three objects lay on the floor, a cube, a box and a plaque.
“Each Puzzle” the voice continued “will lead you to the discovery of one word. When you can utter all three words to me I will open to door and allow your freedom. If you cannot do this before the timer elapses, I’m afraid to say that this room will be your prison. I pit our intellects against one another to prove once and for all that you are nothing Mr Taylor, that you are not what you believe. Your mind cannot defeat me. You will not succeed”
Adam looked down at his feet, still sat against the glass wall, he was speechless. He had no idea what was going on and his brain was struggling to process all the information that had been laid before him. All he could focus on was the three trials he was about to endure in order to win his freedom. Adam shot bolt upright and walked over to the first puzzle on the left side of the room. It had a large number one painted on the ground next to it and was simply a plaque containing numbers. Adam’s brain began to work at solving the puzzle, when the voice chimed in once again.
“Good Mr Taylor. And by the way… you have five minutes.”
Adams heart began to race and he shot his gaze towards the clock above the second door. It was counting down.


Adam recollected himself and stared once more at the plaque on the floor.

’/20.8.5/6.9.18.19.20/23.15.18.4/9.19/4.1.18.11/’

He read the numbers, and with this information fresh in his mind, Adam began to work. He plunged into his memory for any shred of evidence that might provide an answer. All of a sudden, Adam was smiling. Its alphanumeric he thought. He began to decipher the numbers against a corresponding letters in the alphabet. Surely enough the numbers were replaced by letters and the words appeared in his mind. ‘The first word is dark.’ A wondrous elation filled his body as he shouted out to the voice.
“You’ll have to do better than that I’m afraid, that was too easy.”
Adam suddenly remembered that his efforts were being timed and peered over towards the clock once again. Four minutes and twenty seven seconds remaining.
It had only take Adam thirty seconds to decipher the first puzzle and with this initial victory behind him, he set off towards puzzle number two. The box. Before him there lie a small metal box with a lock and an inscription on the bottom. Inscribed on the box was in a sense, a nonsensical verse, and it ran as thus:


Charity of freedom
Has only been found
After those who seek it
Initialise and indulge
Returning this to pieces

Adam’s thought process began once again, sifting through his mind for any amount of knowledge that would bring him towards the door. Different ciphers flooded his mind. Adam had always had a gifted mind, as a child he had memorised the algorithms necessary to solve a Rubik’s cube in 6 seconds and had been blessed with a wonderfully quick process of thought. He was trying so very hard to convert the lines of the verse into something he could use to figure out the location of the key, or at least a way for him to open the box. He began to perspire. Small beads of sweat formed on his forehead and his hands became clammy in the nervousness he endured. He analysed every line with quick-fire assessment. His close analysis of each line was finished when the only distinguishing factor of the verse caught his attention. He deduced that the first letter of the first word of each line could be placed together to spell the word, chair.
At that very second, Adam turned to look over his shoulder at the wooden chair he had been sat on in pieces on the floor. Looking back at the verse he noticed the last line, ‘Returning this to pieces.’
Was it possible that the key was somewhere inside the chair and that by breaking it open he would be able to find the charity of his own freedom. Adam dived on the floor sifting through the pieces of chair with unparalleled precision. He picked up a leg of the chair and inspected it all around when the shine of something metallic caught his eye. He checked closely to see if this object was a nail. It was not. It was the key lodged halfway into the grain of the wood where the leg would have met the base of the seat. He would have never found it had he not thrown the chair at the glass wall earlier. A momentary feeling of relief was replaced by urgency when he remembered time was short and he needed to open the box.
Like a glove to a hand, the key slid in the lock and with one quarter turn the lid popped open and revealed a piece of paper no larger than a chewing gum wrapper. The second word is eternal it read as Adam slammed down the box and made his way over to the final puzzle. Adam composed himself and then took another look at the clock. Three minutes it read. It had taken him almost triple the time to solve that last puzzle, and if the trend continued, he would not be out by the time the clock reached zero. A horrifying sense of foreboding set in and the room darkened so it seemed. He looked down to his final challenge and his face set with the heaviest of sorrows. How in the world am I meant to solve this he thought? Come on, think!


In three minutes the door would close, leaving him trapped. Forever to be lost in the darkness of the abyss that would be his tomb. Adam had little time to figure out the puzzle that would lead to his freedom, but he had nothing. It was as though his brain had abandoned him, rendering him without hope, without love, without anything but a deep-seated feeling of dread. He glanced over at the timer " two minutes and fifty five seconds " he thought harder. Alas… no response. Adam turned his gaze again, to the game that would surely be his demise. His eyes veered down to the puzzle, almost Rubik’s Cube like. However, there were no colours. How was he supposed to slide the pieces into perfection if there was no way of knowing where they fit? Adam’s heart began to race, he was so close to losing his freedom " and his life " yet, he was still entombed within the perpetual nothingness of his conscience. Another quick glance at the time; two minutes thirty seconds. Time was running out.
Adam bent down and grasped the cube between his perspiring fingers. Turning the cube rapidly in his hand, he aimed to examine every side of the puzzle in attempts to decrypt the colourless challenge. He again began spinning through each side at great speed turning the pieces now to see what affect it would have. Rotating the cube with tremendous efficiency, Adam’s grasp became loose and the puzzle hit the ground. Scrambling to pick it up, Adam’s eyes quickly turned to meet the timer above the door " two minutes ten seconds. Peering back down, he picked up the puzzle once again, noticing something peculiar on the floor. There was a small inscription on the floor where the puzzle had been sat in wait for him, it read,

‘A veil of darkness may conceal the sun, but the light of one’s mind will always lead the way.
Look through the veil Mr Taylor.’

What in the world? Adam thought to himself, What Veil? What Light? What does this all mean? Adam dropped to the floor in the most obvious display of defeat. He worked hard, to figure out how the words on the floor could remotely aid him in his solving of the puzzle. Nothing. His mind had once again given in to the torturous dilemma that he was in. Look through the veil. This thought was now echoing in his conscience. Look through the veil. Again it tolled like the bells of a church at midnight. Look through the veil. Adam stopped, lifted his head and sighed. He knew what he had to do and it had been staring him in the face all this time. A glance at the clock " one minute fifteen seconds. Adam stood up and composed himself. Here goes nothing he thought and hurriedly walked over to the chair pieces on the ground. He picked up the largest and weightiest piece he could find. He turned around and with one mighty swing smashed the light bulb above his head and plunged the room into darkness.

Darkness consumed the room for only a brief second, and then " even to Adam’s surprise " a glow of colour emanated from one corner of the room. The cube. It glowed almost intensely with the six colours that brought a joy to his woeful soul: red, blue, green, yellow, white, and orange. It had worked. This was how he was to solve his final puzzle. By looking through the darkness. A brief moment of awe at his genius led to a panicked run towards the puzzle. Fifty five seconds left. Adam leapt at the puzzle moving the pieces quickly around his hands. Sliding the sides one by one into the specific algorithms he had learnt as a child, the cube was almost complete. It had taken him a little while longer than he had hoped to get to where he was but he was still in good time. Thirty seconds remained. He clicked the final few sides into their spots and the cube sprung open like a jasmine flower in water. The final word was there before him. ‘The final word is Night’ was written down on the paper and Adam began to scream " twenty seconds remained.
“DARK ETERNAL NIGHT!!!” Adam screamed. He waited so briefly and screamed again, “DARK ETERNAL NIGHT!!!” an ever so soft and gentle click echoed within the room. Adam rushed for the door. He pulled hard on the handle and the heavy glass door " which was hard to move due to its size and depth " moved so slowly Adam felt the pressure building in his head. Ten seconds remained. The door was now far enough ajar for Adams slim frame to squeeze through. He headed through the opening and set into a sprint for the second door. With five seconds left on the timer, Adam wrenched open the second door and passed through into the hallway behind.

Adam was free. As he fell to his knees on the concrete floor, he heard the door behind him bolt shut. The time had reached zero, and the mechanism on the door had sealed the room from the outside world. Anger, sorrow, hatred and relief flooded into Adam’s emotional field, and accumulated into an array of tears that streamed down his face. Wits and intellect had saved him from a long and lonesome decay trapped in a room with no one to find him. The hallway was eerie, the repetitive droning drip of water filled the space with an impressive sense of loneliness. Adam once again was on the move. Running through the hallway he followed only his gut taking turns left and right for what seemed like an eternity. He took a final right turn and before him lie a ladder. He looked up to see that the ladder led to what appeared to be a manhole cover. With one last breath of relief, Adam climbed the ladder and moved the great metal plate from above his head. He clambered out of the hole onto a deserted street and the natural light consumed his pupils with and enormous rush of sensation. Adam was finally free from his torment and with the culmination of the day’s events, he collapsed on the floor without a care in the world. He was done, he was free, he was superior.
 
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dpaterso

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