Adding Emotional Depth

Emotional depth tends to center on how far a character is willing to go and why. I actually just read a Twitter thread about Noor Khan - the British radio operator in occupied Paris who was considered highly unsuited for the job because she was a pacifist and a Suri Muslim (forbidden from lying as part of her faith). But when she was ultimately betrayed by a double agent and captured by the Germans she fought, and then lied for days even while being tortured. Why? Because she was committed to seeing the Third Reich defeated.

In fiction we have to show the progression of a character from one point to the next, sometimes in little details and actions, sometimes in conversation/subtext, sometimes in larger acts. But, as you figure out just how far a character would go to get what they want and why (and also what they wouldn't do), you'll find the depth.

I think a lot of times when trying to write something it can be easy to confuse emotional depth with being emotional, but your characters don't have to weeping or prostrate with grief to show the reader they are heartbroken. Finding the right balance between little acts and big ones will depend on the character and the story too. But, maybe look for some things you've read that made you cry or laugh or squee and then analyze how the author built up to those moments.

underpope said:

I'm told that my writing needs more "emotional depth". I'm not really sure how to interpret that, nor how to go about adding it. But it's something that my last few stories have been heavily critiqued on.

So, how do I go about adding more emotional depth to my stories?

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The Emotional Craft of Fiction by Donald Maass might be a good book to check out. To quote from the description on Amazon, it covers:

emotional modes of writing
beyond showing versus telling
your story's emotional world
moral stakes
connecting the inner and outer journeys
plot as emotional opportunities
invoking higher emotions, symbols, and emotional language
cascading change
story as emotional mirror
positive spirit and magnanimous writing
the hidden current that makes stories move

That list in itself should give you some clues about where to start: your character's emotional and moral journey. Can you name what that is and why it matters?

I haven't read this particular book myself, but Don Maass is a very good teacher of writing.

underpope said:

I'm told that my writing needs more "emotional depth". I'm not really sure how to interpret that...

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Me either. Have you considered putting it on SYW?

I'd compare my writing to some published books and see if I can figure out where they differ.

& I'd ask for more specific feedback, I dunno - specific sentences/paragraphs that made the person notice a lack of emotional depth.

'emotional depth' can be interpreted ten ways by ten people, IMO.

Think "character" more than "plot". Think "why" instead of "what" and "how". I've critiqued a lot of manuscripts which were long on complicated, often contrived, plot occurrences, but had characters that could have been stamped out of sheet metal, en masse, in a factory. Without seeing any of your writing, I'm guessing that other readers have a similar reaction.

caw

Hard to say, except I know sometimes when I get feedback that this is distant, or lacks emotion, it's usually because I'm distant from it myself. When that happens, I think it's because I'm avoiding the subject and writing around it.

I'm really interested in this discussion. My MC makes a conscious decision to always appear docile.

I can add internal struggles until my fingers are sore, and still some critiquer will give me some variation of "but she has no emotional depth."

My writing more or less reads as a straight recitation of events. This I know, so I bought Donald Maass's The Emotional Craft of Fiction and I absolutely do second BethS's recommendation. Of all his books on writing, I consider this one the best yet.

I hope the following tips help. There's a possibility you've already tried them.

1. Read works that have characters with a lot of emotional depth to them.
2. I think someone pointed that you need to spend more time inside the character. If you don't already do so, maybe spend more time building the character before you start writing - their passions, quirks, desires, dreams, goals,background. That way you have a fully dynamic character already in your mind when the first words of your story are written and you are more likely to portray them as humans with depth.

I read that 90% of character development should follow the "tip of the iceberg" model. Basically, about 90% of the character should written in a separate document, experiences, mentors, traumatic events, etc. So the experiences or whatever aren't necessarily told within the context of the story. They still influence the character, but do so silently. I think this allows you to spend more time with the character too, and spending time with a character is a very necessary ingredient for authenticity, imo.

Also, a little projection never hurts (don't be afraid to let it leak out).

underpope said:

I'm told that my writing needs more "emotional depth". I'm not really sure how to interpret that, nor how to go about adding it. But it's something that my last few stories have been heavily critiqued on.

So, how do I go about adding more emotional depth to my stories?

Click to expand...

I agree with the others who say it's hard to know without knowing more about the story itself. There are many different problems that could lead a reader to make this criticism, not to mention things that aren't truly problems but simply different approaches to characterization. One reader's deep, convincing, emotionally rich character is another person's annoyingly "emo" one. Even the type of story can make a difference. You wouldn't write a James Bond type character with the same focus on his "rich inner life" as you might a character in a story that is more, well, character driven than action driven, or driven by external events.

Sometimes problems with depth can come from too little time spent inside a character's head, or via writing (if in limited third or first person especially) that is very heavily filtered, so it feels like there's an extra layer between the character and the things they are thinking/feeling/perceiving.

This doesn't mean you need to (or should) spend lots of time detailing verbatim thoughts of the character (via long italicized thought passages) or repeatedly telling us that the pov character's stomach is knotting up or they're clenching their teeth or whatever. This can become annoying too, unless the writer is very good at the technique and the story needs this kind of constant internal monologue. There are ways to bring the reader closer to a viewpoint character's perceptions and emotions, though, For instance, by deepening the narrative viewpoint, or (to put it another way) moving the narrative camera closer during scenes where perceptions and emotions are important.

I don't have an answer, but I think this hits on the intangible quality that makes some books great. Two books could tell the exact same story, but the book that makes you care about the characters on an emotional level is the one that is successful.

there's a couple things to consider, I suppose:

First off, your reviewer(s) could be just fucking wrong. That happens, especially w/ newer betas who go strong either for following all rules, or breaking all rules.....generally without knowing anything at all about context and style and other nuances which influence rules that were never actual absolutes in the first place. NOTE this isn't all that common (in my experience) and you need to be really careful if you're considering this, to make sure it isn't a false narrative you're building to salve your own ego (which is much more common in my experience)

the other possibility is your writing DOES lack emotional depth or intimacy. That can come from stilted, telly writing ("Jane looked out over the sea of mutilated, charred puppies. Jane was very sad. She had other errands to run before buying a baseball bat and bottle of lighter fluid, and now she was too late.") where you are saying obvious things (Jane was sad) instead of letting the scene and character reaction/voice convey that sadness, or a general distancing from your character and their POV, or a multitude of other things.....submit a page here in the SYW section and people may be able to offer more directed critique

I sometimes wonder if certain of my betas aren't calling for deeper emotional responses because my MC is a female.

underpope said:

I'm told that my writing needs more "emotional depth". I'm not really sure how to interpret that, nor how to go about adding it. But it's something that my last few stories have been heavily critiqued on.

So, how do I go about adding more emotional depth to my stories?

Click to expand...

You've got some excellent responses here. I'll second the Maass book, and will also reiterate the point blacbird makes about the 'why' of a character.

Remember that as a reader, we're going to a story to experience it: if it doesn't transport us, we'll let it go. Setting details and sensory descriptions may work for a while, but what a reader really needs is to root for a character, to care what happens to her. If we don't care for the character, it doesn't matter how much peril the character is in, or the revelations that get made.

Emotional depth to a character is often about making us care for the character.

Do we know her? Is she vulnerable? Does she yearn for something intangible and higher? Does she believe in things we'd all like to believe in, are her struggles our struggles?

We feel for who we know, we care for someone who inspires us, we identify with someone who is flawed, we root for redemption, we support the underdog.

To create a character who the reader immediately identifies with (this is where 'emotional depth' comes from) we need to work inside out-- build the story and plot from character, not build a plot and fill in the characters, then mechanically give her/them a list of flaws, inspiring qualities etc-- it needs to grow organically.

Or, the problem could be that you have all this in the characterization but are distancing the reader from the characters with your choice of POV, with use of filter words, or creating unnecessary narrative distance simply because you the person is not able to grapple with the issues in the story that you the author needs to.

All this said, it is best to show your work at the SYW, maybe AW folks can point out the specifics, and identify if your beta readers so far have been wrong.

TellMeAStory said:

I sometimes wonder if certain of my betas aren't calling for deeper emotional responses because my MC is a female.

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This is possible. Double standards are very much a thing, and some readers do expect different emotional journeys, or different kinds of stories, with protagonists of a specific gender.

Regardless of gender, though, writing a character who is stoic, or emotionally numb, or detached from those around them, or out of touch with their own feelings, requires the writer to understand things like narrative viewpoint, narrative depth, narrative voice, and when to show versus tell or summarize etc. You want the reader to know that the writer is skimming over certain emotional experiences for a narrative purpose, not because they don't know how to show them.

Also consider that readers can sometimes be annoyed or exasperated with a character when that's actually an appropriate response. If you mean for the character to be a bit of a cold fish, for instance, and that's part of their arc. The thing is to make this as interesting as it is "annoying" to the reader.

I second the others who suggest you share an excerpt in SYW.

Also, consider Neil Gaiman's observation that when someone tells you something isn't working for them in your story they're almost always right, but if they try to tell you precisely what is wrong or how to fix it they're almost always wrong. I take that to mean that critiquers often notice when something feels a bit "off" in someone else's writing, but they generally can't put their finger exactly on what it is. If they try to be specific, they are (at best) telling the writer how they (the critiquer) would fix it, not necessarily how the writer should rectify the issue.

I think internal conflict is key to developing emotional depth. What is your character's conflict? Was is his goal? Where will his arc take him?

When writing characters and creating emotional depth. You need to give them challenges or something they can express to the reader of things they had to overcome, hardships and challenges. Be it bullied in grade school and feeling the scorn of their fellow students or finding the girl or boy of their dreams and only to lose them or whatever.

Take your own personal feelings and challenges you faced in your life and apply them to your characters. Make them flawed but have them overcome the flaws and challenges in their backstory that you present to your readers.

Personally, as a writer, I found a great program to help me out in this sort of thing. It is called TreeDB and it is a totally free program. You can download it and create Trees with folders and little tidbits that you can use to enhance and keep track of the characters in your novel. It is a great tool and I found it quite helpful.

A story is not only about the x to the y. It is about the X and the Y

I felt the same way for a short while until I started writing backstories for my characters. It wasn't more than 200 words, but still enough to say something about them and what they've been through.

Well, it is good to have a private back story but you need to work that story into the story itself. This is one of the core things that go on with character building. Why do they do the things that they do? Why are they have good morals and Why is the villain the villain? Also, it allows you the writer to justify what the villain is doing what he is doing.

Not a big fan of the prequels to star wars but I can see why Anakin wanted to restore peace and order to the galaxy. But at the same time, He was a moron. Palpatine was behind a lot of the trials and tribulations yet there he was kneeling before the same guy who caused all these problems.

When he spent years fighting in the clone wars and all it started by Palpatine to bring the end to the Jedi.

What makes you emotional? What makes you cry? What are your deepest fears? Apply that to your writing.

This is something I struggle with a lot in my own writing. I tend to be very plot-driven. However, I recently sent out a short story to my friend, and she said she felt like crying after reading it so hey, I must've gotten something right.

I second hyperchord24 about finding your own sensitivities and fears and inserting them into your writing. While you ponder this, it helps to think of ways you can make these fears into specific scenes. If you're afraid of snakes, make your character afraid of snakes because it reminds him of the time his little sister get bitten by a rattler in the tall grass of the field. I personally keep a running list of things/scenes that make me want to cry in my writing notebook.

Another thread recommended The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide To Character Expression by Angela Ackerman.

I've also googled quite a bit about writing and emotions. The articles on emotional beats, and the kinds of emotional beats, have helped me the most.

Here's some of the resources:

Writing Powerful Emotion Beats in Fiction

Showing Character Emotion

The Emotional and Psychological World of You and Your Characters

How to Show, Not Tell, Paranoia, Hope, and Other Moods

I'm in the same boat. Several people offered feedback on at least two pieces of writing. The majority stated they felt emotionally distant from the character. Well, guess what? In "real" life I'm really struggling right now to process and show my emotions better. Not sure that's your case, but I still have the same battle in my writing.