A word for my synopsis that is not decimated or devastated?

mafiaking1936 · Sep 7, 2017

Hi all. At my manuscript's low point our plucky ensemble cast is ambushed by a company of mercenaries while their leaders are away. Half their number (originally about 30) are wiped out in a bloody nighttime forest battle. In my synopsis I need to condense all this into a single sentence. Currently it goes like "A parley turns into a double-cross, and though scattered and decimated they must [plot plot plot]..."

I don't want to use "decimated" because it actually means to reduce by one-tenth, not half. "Devastated" doesn't seem right cause that makes it sound like they're just really really sad. "Half-slaughtered" sounds clunky. I'm pretty much at my word limit so I can't really use more than one or two words here. Any suggestions?

Thanks a trillion!

CameronJohnston · Sep 7, 2017

Do you have to specify exactly reduced by half? Some thoughts: ravaged, shattered, broken...

EMaree · Sep 7, 2017

I don't want to use "decimated" because it actually means to reduce by one-tenth, not half. "Devastated" doesn't seem right cause that makes it sound like they're just really really sad.

Honestly, it sounds like you're overthinking it. Language has changed and evolved, and very few people take decimated to mean a literal 'reduced by a tenth' unless they're being deliberately pedantic.

For the actual synopsis, unless this is a minor plot point (it sounds major), I would lean towards a specific description of the damage done and why it matters. Lasting injuries, heartbreak and anger, and all the other wounds your cast will carry with them long after the book is over.

Maggie Maxwell · Sep 7, 2017

broken
massacred
their forces halved

Bufty · Sep 7, 2017

The whole sentence 'A parley turns into....' seems to me as if you're trying to be too clever and 'writery' when flow and clarity should be your aim.

At present, in your quoted sentence, it seems to me you are apparently merely hinting - even if that - at what you refer to with more clarity in the rest of your post as 'an ambush and bloody nighttime forest battle'.

Easier to help if you considered posting your synopsis in the Query section of SYW.

mafiaking1936 said:
Hi all. At my manuscript's low point our plucky ensemble cast is ambushed by a company of mercenaries while their leaders are away. Half their number (originally about 30) are wiped out in a bloody nighttime forest battle. In my synopsis I need to condense all this into a single sentence. Currently it goes like "A parley turns into a double-cross, and though scattered and decimated they must [plot plot plot]..."

I don't want to use "decimated" because it actually means to reduce by one-tenth, not half. "Devastated" doesn't seem right cause that makes it sound like they're just really really sad. "Half-slaughtered" sounds clunky. I'm pretty much at my word limit so I can't really use more than one or two words here. Any suggestions?

Thanks a trillion!

Ari Meermans · Sep 7, 2017

IMO, it's a little wordy anyway and lacks punch. How about something like: Parley turns to double-cross, and _____'s scattered remnant . . .

ETA: And, as Bufty says, your synopsis is not the place to be coy or hint at events; that's better suited to cover copy.

EMaree · Sep 7, 2017

Maggie Maxwell said:
broken
massacred
their forces halved

I like this a lot, alongside Bufty's suggestion to be more direct.

Their forces halved by a bloody nighttime ambush, maybe, or their forces halved by a bloody massacre in the Cool Worldbuilding Description Woods.

Bacchus · Sep 7, 2017

Can't you just use something less fatal like "scattered and depleted" which suggests weakened but will carry on? Or or "scattered and exhausted" which can be either tired or run dry.

more to the point

mafiaking1936 said:
Thanks a trillion!

Do you really mean a trillion? That's a thousand billion thank you notes. The postage will be horrendous, even second class.

benbenberi · Sep 7, 2017

mafiaking1936 said:
"A parley turns into a double-cross, and though scattered and decimated they must [plot plot plot]..."

"A parley turns into a massacre, after which the scattered survivors must [plot plot plot]." That covers the key points and also saves you a couple of words.

mafiaking1936 · Sep 7, 2017

Thanks everyone, some great suggestions! Figures you guys could cut through the crap I've wrapped myself up in by overthinking this too much. I've been obsessed with condensing down every word possible to eliminate any excuse for an agent to stop reading. Poor agents, all those words... I'll try out all these and see which sounds good, but I agree a simple statement of what's happening will probably be the best route.

Roxxsmom · Sep 7, 2017

mafiaking1936 said:
I don't want to use "decimated" because it actually means to reduce by one-tenth, not half.

Thanks a trillion!

No it doesn't, or at least this definition is no longer the preferred usage. Check out the definition and usage examples in various dictionaries.

Some language pedants may grind their teeth over it, but they're a few centuries (at least) out of date. Most modern readers (and agents/editors) know how the word is used today.

If you really don't want to use this word, some alternatives might include obliterated, massacred, destroyed, slaughtered...

Harlequin · Sep 7, 2017

Decimated doesn't mean that anymore.

If your setting had a non-decimal system then *maybe* avoid but otherwise feel free to use I'd have thought.

BethS · Sep 8, 2017

mafiaking1936 said:
Currently it goes like "A parley turns into a double-cross, and though half end up massacred and the rest are scattered, they must [plot plot plot]..."

How about this? ^^^

Azkaellion · Oct 19, 2017

Ravaged?

Daggilarr · Oct 29, 2017

Savaged. Though I would stick with decimated.

A word for my synopsis that is not decimated or devastated?

mafiaking1936

Nihil debetur. Nihil debens.

CameronJohnston

Great Old One

EMaree

a demon for tea

Maggie Maxwell

Making Einstein cry since 1994

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Ari Meermans

MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter

EMaree

a demon for tea

Bacchus

benbenberi

practical experience, FTW

mafiaking1936

Nihil debetur. Nihil debens.

Roxxsmom

Beastly Fido

Harlequin

Eat books, not brains!

BethS

Azkaellion

Daggilarr