Narrative voice

Marian Perera

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I got a R&R on a romance from an agent at the start of the year (the issues brought up were plot-related), and sent the revisions to her a month ago. Today I received a personalized rejection saying the narrative voice didn't work.

During this time I had also completed and polished another romance (we'll call this one R2). My plan was that if I got a rejection of R1, I could try pitching R2 to the agent, since at least I wouldn't be a complete unknown.

However, the comment about narrative voice gives me pause. I'm pretty sure my style hasn't changed between R1 and R2, and both romances are written the same way, with alternating points of view between the two main characters. Also, the rejection didn't say anything like "if you have another manuscript I'd be interested in seeing it". So I'm just wondering... does the comment about narrative voice sound to you like something reflective of my work as a whole, rather than a particular book?
 

pschmehl

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It would probably help if you could provide a sample, but you should probably do that in Share Your Work instead of here. Generally, the complaint about narrative voice refers to the use of narration rather than action, but without seeing some text, that's hard to say.
 

ElaineA

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I'm confused enough by the comment to think it's an excuse, unless altering the plot via the R & R changed the narrative voice. Did it? If they had a problem with narrative voice, why didn't they mention it before? I really don't know what they even mean at this stage.

Is this an agency you're pretty high on? If so, I agree with pschmehl. Maybe post some of it in SYW and see what folks say. If it's all positive, try them with R2. Can't do worse than another R. (Personally, I wouldn't do another R & R for them, though. Not unless you feel confident you would get a response that wasn't cryptic.)
 

Siri Kirpal

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I tend to shy away from agents who have rejected on voice issues. But it's not my book and I haven't seen your writing.

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Siri Kirpal
 

Marian Perera

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I'm confused enough by the comment to think it's an excuse, unless altering the plot via the R & R changed the narrative voice.

The problem the agent identified was in the middle of the story, so there were seven scenes after Chapter 3 that either underwent major alteration or were written new for the change I made in the plot. POV and characterization didn't change, and I don't think my style did either.

If they had a problem with narrative voice, why didn't they mention it before?

That's the part which confused me too.

I think the changes I made to the story (after the R&R) are an improvement, but at the same time, this feedback doesn't make me feel confident about trying the agency again, which I was fully prepared to do if the rejection said the plot changes didn't work. It's not my dream agency, though. So perhaps I'll just start querying again for R2, and cross this agency off my list for that one.
 
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LaneHeymont

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Wait a while before submitting to this agent — if you do at all. You want your material to come in "fresh" as in seeing something from you is exciting, instead of "Oh, another one."
 

Marian Perera

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Wait a while before submitting to this agent — if you do at all. You want your material to come in "fresh" as in seeing something from you is exciting, instead of "Oh, another one."

Thanks for the suggestion, though if the agent has decided that it's actually my style that's the problem, I doubt anything from me would be exciting. In any event, I don't plan to query this particular agency again. I'll try other places for R2.
 

LaneHeymont

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Thanks for the suggestion, though if the agent has decided that it's actually my style that's the problem, I doubt anything from me would be exciting. In any event, I don't plan to query this particular agency again. I'll try other places for R2.

You don't know that it's your style. It could be any number of issues relating to the narrative. Now "voice" is a different bird.
 

Marian Perera

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You don't know that it's your style. It could be any number of issues relating to the narrative.

But if there's a problem with the narrative that isn't to do with the narrative voice, and yet the agent says it's the narrative voice (which wasn't mentioned when we originally discussed revisions), I wouldn't feel comfortable about querying this agent again.

Or maybe we're defining "narrative voice" in different ways?
 

CJSimone

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I got a R&R on a romance from an agent at the start of the year (the issues brought up were plot-related), and sent the revisions to her a month ago. Today I received a personalized rejection saying the narrative voice didn't work.

During this time I had also completed and polished another romance (we'll call this one R2). My plan was that if I got a rejection of R1, I could try pitching R2 to the agent, since at least I wouldn't be a complete unknown.

However, the comment about narrative voice gives me pause. I'm pretty sure my style hasn't changed between R1 and R2, and both romances are written the same way, with alternating points of view between the two main characters. Also, the rejection didn't say anything like "if you have another manuscript I'd be interested in seeing it". So I'm just wondering... does the comment about narrative voice sound to you like something reflective of my work as a whole, rather than a particular book?

I was really hoping the R&R would work out for you. :(

I'd query others with it, and have more hope for them, but honestly I don't see the harm in sending R2 to this agent also. She was at one point interested enough in your work to request the R&R. She liked your narrative voice enough to do that. Maybe in the end she just wasn't quite feeling R1 as much as she wanted to and gave her best guess as to why. But R2 could still be something that will make her fall in love. You never know and it's just a query and as long as you don't get your hopes up, no real harm in sending it. The connection could potentially help.

Also, if her suggestions improved your MS, then that's worth something too, and even another R&R wouldn't be a bad thing then.

I'm sure it's a crushing experience to be so close and have your hopes up and then dashed (I'd be crushed). But you are close. Hoping it all works out!

CJ
 

Marian Perera

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I'd query others with it, and have more hope for them, but honestly I don't see the harm in sending R2 to this agent also.

Her reply, after mentioning the narrative voice, said, "it is for this reason that I ultimately don't think I'm the best fit for you as an agent". So I got the impression (and I could well be wrong) that she wasn't saying "this manuscript doesn't work for me but another one might". It seemed more like "you and I don't click".

I don't know. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Maybe I just need to give it some time.

She was at one point interested enough in your work to request the R&R. She liked your narrative voice enough to do that. Maybe in the end she just wasn't quite feeling R1 as much as she wanted to and gave her best guess as to why. But R2 could still be something that will make her fall in love.

I'm probably in a very pessimistic place right now, but I can't help looking at the similarities between the two manuscripts. They're both romances told from a third-person POV, alternating between the two characters. They're both written in a similar style, though I try to give different characters different voices.

Also, if her suggestions improved your MS, then that's worth something too, and even another R&R wouldn't be a bad thing then.

You're right, her identifying a problem improved the manuscript. But I'd rather get a beta reader or pay an editor for feedback on my work. There's no point in resubmitting a manuscript where revisions address Problem X if the real issue is Problem Y, which can't be fixed.

Thanks, though. I know you're doing your best to help and I do appreciate that. It's just not the best time for me to think about sending anything else to this agent. I feel like I've gone through enough already.
 
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CJSimone

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Her reply, after mentioning the narrative voice, said, "it is for this reason that I ultimately don't think I'm the best fit for you as an agent". So I got the impression (and I could well be wrong) that she wasn't saying "this manuscript doesn't work for me but another one might". It seemed more like "you and I don't click".

I don't know. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Maybe I just need to give it some time.



I'm probably in a very pessimistic place right now, but I can't help looking at the similarities between the two manuscripts. They're both romances told from a third-person POV, alternating between the two characters. They're both written in a similar style, though I try to give different characters different voices.



You're right, her identifying a problem improved the manuscript. But I'd rather get a beta reader or pay an editor for feedback on my work. There's no point in resubmitting a manuscript where revisions address Problem X if the real issue is Problem Y, which can't be fixed.

Thanks, though. I know you're doing your best to help and I do appreciate that. It's just not the best time for me to think about sending anything else to this agent. I feel like I've gone through enough already.

Yeah, I can totally understand that. I hope you get requests from other agents soon that change things all around for you.
 

Filigree

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Hard choices, Marian. I've had similar brushes with agencies where I either had to translate the rejection (or the agent simply told me) as 'we don't click.' Which is fine. Some are still good social media friends and some I don't keep track of...but I won't query them again. My voice isn't going to change that much.

I think it comes down to research and deduction. Could you work with this agent if you could verify what aspect of 'voice' was the problem?
 

Marian Perera

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Hard choices, Marian. I've had similar brushes with agencies where I either had to translate the rejection (or the agent simply told me) as 'we don't click.' Which is fine. Some are still good social media friends and some I don't keep track of...but I won't query them again. My voice isn't going to change that much.

Exactly. Mine won't, either. I might consider it if I had another manuscript significantly different from this one from a perspective of voice and storytelling, but otherwise, why risk all this happening again?

I think it comes down to research and deduction. Could you work with this agent if you could verify what aspect of 'voice' was the problem?

If there's some aspect of my voice that's likely to turn readers off, I'd certainly want to know about it. Not necessarily trust this agent with another manuscript of mine, but clarification of potential problems is always welcome.

However, I'd also want to know why the narrative voice wasn't an issue eight months ago during the discussion of revisions.
 

Aggy B.

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The other thing to remember here is that agents are human and may ask for an R&R where they are focusing on the most obvious (to them) concern(s). If you effectively addressed those concerns with revisions/rewrites, they may find themselves looking at the MS with a new level of critique and thus "finding" an issue that wasn't mentioned before because it was relatively small compared to other concerns, but still catches their attention now that they aren't worried about the plot hole in Act 2 or whatever.

That being said. I did have an R&R that led to a rejection from an agent who did exactly this. She mentioned plot-specific things in her notes for the R&R, then rejected for a bitter slew of other factors. My take away from that situation was that she and I disagreed on how to fix the issues she had seen in the previous draft and rather than simply say "Our vision for the book is different" she dug up some other stuff to justify going hot to cold on the MS. (Long run is that I found a much better agent. But it was difficult to handle at the time.) In my case (after re-reading the original notes and the ultimate rejection and giving everything some time) I realized that the agent I dealt with had wanted me to fix a particular issue by making my MC more feminine, where I "fixed" the issue by making her actions more grounded in her existing character (a cranky loner with a tendency to fight instead of negotiate).

Not sure if this makes sense in your situation, but there's always just a chance that on closer inspection the MS didn't grab the agent hard enough to make them confident about repping the book. And narrative voice is one of those subjective issues that doesn't put blame on anyone, but still allows them to give a reason for rejection.
 

Marissa D

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^^^ What they said. If this wasn't an agent or agency that is in your "A" list, then I would suggest letting it go because it sounds more like a matter of not clicking with your voice rather than there's something wrong with your voice. Lots of fish in the sea...
 

Siri Kirpal

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Paul, it's not wise to post your email on a public forum. It's better to send it by PM. Just for your protection.

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Siri Kirpal
 

pschmehl

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Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Paul, it's not wise to post your email on a public forum. It's better to send it by PM. Just for your protection.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal
Thanks, Siri. I'm a retired computer security professional. I'm not too worried about it.
 

mccardey

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Slight derail -
Thanks, Siri. I'm a retired computer security professional. I'm not too worried about it.
- is this because you have magical retired computer security professional powers - in which case Siri's point is still valid for the rest of us - or have we all been worrying unecessarily?

ETA: Asking for a friend. obvs.
 
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pschmehl

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Slight derail - - is this because you have magical retired computer security professional powers - in which case Siri's point is still valid for the rest of us - or have we all been worrying unecessarily?

ETA: Asking for a friend. obvs.
Generally, the reason you don't expose your email address publicly is because spammers pick it up and start sending you stuff. Spam doesn't bother me much, and I have defenses in place to keep it at bay. There is no security risk to exposing your email address unless 1) you use weak passwords or 2) you reuse passwords.

I use LastPass to store my passwords (I have no affiliation with them - I'm just addressing your question), I use 20 character passwords that include special characters (when allowed) and I never use the same password on multiple sites. This is an example of the types of passwords that I use: DzPEmCFlXulJBq88vyAU. (This is not one of mine.)

Don't misunderstand. I don't take security lightly (as you can see.) Siri's advice, in general, is good for people who are more careless with their accounts than I am with mine.
 

Toothpaste

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I want to second Aggy. My impression from how the line was worded and the full experience you had was the agent thought there was potential and assumed the fix came in the form of the suggestions she gave you. After you did them I think it's likely she realised it still wasn't for her and that's where "narrative voice" comes in. That to me suggests it's simply a matter of personal taste and it just didn't suit her. There weren't any fixes she could offer, it just for some reason she couldn't put her finger on not quite for her.

I'd take it as a rejection and as a rejection for your future work. There are so many other agents out there, agents who will click with your narrative voice. And that's the kind of agent you want anyway. :)

(the good news is if you are getting R&R that means your work is up to a high level and I think you've got a really decent chance of finding that agent :) )