Oh, this is a hard day for me. I mean, I'm fine. It's good. But I'm a mess.

Perks

delicate #!&@*#! flower
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 12, 2005
Messages
18,981
Reaction score
6,933
Location
At some altitude
Website
www.jamie-mason.com
Today is the last day my oldest daughter really lives here. Tomorrow we take her to college four hours away.

Julia and I kind of share a brain, except whatever is good about me, she has times three and a half. We never had any of that snarling teenaged thing. I will miss having her as part of daily life. So much.

And I don't want to sit around crying all day. That will make everyone feel bad and I will get no work done.

Just ouch.
 

mccardey

Self-Ban
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 10, 2010
Messages
19,213
Reaction score
15,825
Location
Australia.
Oh, I remember that day. Cry a lot. Eat stuff. Walk. Cry.

It's surprising how quickly you get over it. But cry first. Eat stuff. And walk.

:Hug2:
 

Lillian_Blaire

Procrastinator Extraordinaire
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 18, 2016
Messages
38,760
Reaction score
8,775
Location
hanging by a thread
Hey, Perks. I'm feeling both your sorrow in having her leave, but pride in her as well. This is a hard life transition. And no matter what any of us say, we can't take away the pain that will come in missing her. But god, what a thing to be proud of. She sounds awesome!

I never had that snarling teenager thing with my oldest, either. He was amazing. He graduated from HS as valedictorian a year early and got a scholarship to a university 2,000 miles away. So off he went and I missed him, but I was so proud. And maybe I underestimated the struggle it would be in having a child move out, I don't know. There were down times, but mostly I was okay.

I won't go into details (this isn't about me, my son, or our experience) but I will say that things didn't work out well for my son--he had a terrible blow (unrelated to school) and now he's back home, living with me again, struggling. Every day is a fight to get him out of bed. Every day I beg him to get a job or get back into school. I long for the days when I missed him but knew he was being successful, working hard, and growing into the awesome young man I knew him to be.

It doesn't lessen your current struggle, or ease your feelings, I'm sure. But this is just a gentle reminder that the alternative probably isn't one you want. So you hug her extra tight, promise to send her care packages and see her on weekends when you can, and then let her spread her wings and soar. You raised her right, sounds like. Now you get to see her become something amazing out in this big world. Congrats to both of you! And she's only a phone call away.
 

Fruitbat

.
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 15, 2010
Messages
11,833
Reaction score
1,310
Congrats on a job well done, mom. :)
 

Marissa D

Scribe of the girls in the basement
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 22, 2011
Messages
3,071
Reaction score
365
Location
New England but hankering for the old one
Website
www.marissadoyle.com
Totally understand--went through the same thing with my son. Yes, you will cry, possibly a lot in the day or two after. It's okay--you're allowed to. Give yourself a week or two to feel sad--and be kind to yourself. Hell, my husband was pretty sniffly too after we dropped N. off at college. Nothing to beat yourself up over.

Oh, and the kid? He eventually graduated and has a terrific job, but came back to live at home in order to save up for a house because this is the Boston area and the real estate market is insane. So they don't necessarily disappear forever.
 

Fruitbat

.
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 15, 2010
Messages
11,833
Reaction score
1,310
Yep, ours have been back, too. It was a little rough getting used to the quiet and that kinda "what now?" discombobulation, too. That's a lot of years where they're so much the center of your life. But now we are doing much better with accepting all that extra time and money and it is party time. :)
 

Siri Kirpal

Swan in Process
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 20, 2011
Messages
8,943
Reaction score
3,151
Location
In God I dwell, especially in Eugene OR
Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

I don't have kids. But I agree: pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

And be grateful you have this particular challenge.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal
 

Fruitbat

.
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 15, 2010
Messages
11,833
Reaction score
1,310
There is really nothing to do about this but go shopping. :p

P.S. And pick up a nice bottle of wine on the way home.
 
Last edited:

Shemshari

Registered
Joined
Jul 26, 2017
Messages
33
Reaction score
1
I know it isn't the same, but my wife is going through something similar. My son is starting school next year and it will be the first time he has really been away from her for an extended period of time. Stay strong and I know that you will get through it.
 

KTC

Stand in the Place Where You Live
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 24, 2005
Messages
29,138
Reaction score
8,563
Location
Toronto
Website
ktcraig.com
I feel your ouch. Believe me. You will find a way...but I promise you it will NOT be easy. My daughter is MY everything. We spent all her teen years making supper together while watching The Gilmore Girls and laughing and crying at the show and ourselves. After school was OUR time. With the occasional exception of my son coming through the kitchen and rolling his eyes at us.

And then she went away to university. And the house got quiet between after school and suppertime. It was hard. And it has never been the same since. BUT...she will come back to you. And your relationship will be EVEN better in the end. Not going to say cheer up...because the rollercoaster is just beginning. When you feel lost, remember the separation is temporary and the love is for ever.
 

Fruitbat

.
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 15, 2010
Messages
11,833
Reaction score
1,310
Yep. It's hard but we have to stop and think what our goal for them is. Hopefully, self-sufficient, productive, happy adults.

Although, sometimes I think about moving to a country where everyone has to do what you say and give you your own way if you are old. That would be good too! :hooray: