Asking for a little help with my synopsis

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cornflake

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Hi -

You probably want to move this to QLH, where we do queries, synopses (synopsi? synopsises? Synops?) blurbs and other such things.

That said, it's also not really working as a synopsis right now -- a synopsis is a fairly straightforward step-by-stepish layout of the plot. This is too blurby, withholding too much, being too coy, imo.
 
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neurotype

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Hi there, jumping in!

I'm preparing to query agents for my new science fiction story, Temporal Consciousness Transposition --> I'm caught by the title. It's slightly hard to read., and would appreciate any comments and/or suggestions for my synopsis. Thanks in advance for any replies - positive, negative and helpful.

Ben Tilifson and his wife Linda are enjoying the early years of their retirement. In addition to spending a lot of quality time together, Ben has established a daily routine of perusing their financial investments, daily walks for exercise and weight loss – demanded by Linda, and enjoying time with family and friends. They enjoy the typical life of an upper-middle class couple in their late sixties. That is until Ben discovers a strange alteration to the old recliner in his study. It had been mysteriously infused --> "infused" doesn't seem like the right word here. I think of tea being infused, not recliners.with a bizarre contrivance from the future --> This is too vague for a synopsis. You need to say all so the agents can peg whether or not this book is readable. What is this contrivance?.

At first, Ben believes some friends are responsible for the strange additions to the recliner. His first interaction swiftly dispels these thoughts as the computer generated voice offers him the opportunity to travel into the past. Imagine being offered the opportunity to travel to any time in your early life. The computer voice explains he has the option to either simply observe or actually alter his life. The offer is so peculiar that Ben continues to think it is a joke perpetrated by friends. He finally reluctantly decides to play along. Except it is not a joke.

It is not his body that travels through time, but merely his mind, somehow melding with his earlier identity. During Ben’s first trip, he coerces his fifty-five year younger self into speaking to a high school crush to whom he was originally too bashful to even say hello. The brief conversation changes his life forever. The girl introduces Ben to a friend that will become his wife, Linda. --> Wasn't he already married to Linda? What has this changed? Intrigued by the possibilities, Ben decides to continue his travels. Fearful of doing anything else that might alter his own life, he elects to devote his actions to preventing terrible accidents. Upon returning from his most recent trip, Ben discovers his life has been dramatically transformed, despite his effort to avoid this precise consequence. --> So far I am not seeing how this plot differs from any other time travel plots.

A thorough review of the family assets reveals that he must have traveled back in time simply to win a lottery. He has already done this, or he wants to do this? The wording is hard to decipher here. Memorizing a set of winning numbers, Ben travels twelve years into his past and purchases the winning ticket. He returns to a life even more bizarre than the one he just left. He becomes convinced he is somehow jumping between parallel yet different timelines. Recognizing the contradiction of time travel, Ben wonders what would happen if he reverses the action of his first trip. Would he find himself with a different wife and family?

Ben enlists the aid of his friend, a scientist at MIT, and continues his travels, careful to do nothing that might alter the life he treasures. Hasn't he already altered it? Or has he found a way to reverse the actions of his prior trips? Endless discussions involving the potential possibility of making the world a better place or somehow completely changing his life, Ben decides to limit his trips to saving the lives of people he has never met. No matter how carefully they plan, Ben’s life is touched by each trip he takes. Some changes are mundane. Preventing President Kennedy’s assassination, Ben returns to find the name of the government medical plan for the aged has changed. Not to mention a greatly improved international political and economic world.

Although fearful of more dramatic alterations to his life, Ben finds the possibilities of making the world a better place too enticing to resist. The surprise ending to the Temporal Consciousness Transposition presents a paradox that convinces Ben he has no free will. --> The full plot of the book should be included in a synopsis. This is a tool for agents to see how the plot unfolds and whether it would hold their attention, etc. Be sure to give a full scope for Ben's travels, what stands in his way, and hopefully an overarching goal that he accomplishes.
 

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Given that the book has already been self-published, this isn't appropriate.
 
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