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Passage of Time Passages

M.C.Statz

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What are some of the ways you handle long passages of time/geography between two events? Imagine it's something where the POV doesn't shift, you want to narrate the events of A and B, and provide a bridge between the two. (Silly) example:


Mitch fired home the winning shot. He raised his hands in the air, knowing when the rankings came out the next day, he would be ranked #1 contender to challenge the ping pong champion of the world.

He trained hard for the next several months. Running stairs, lifting weights, punching dead carcuses in the freezer, he did whatever it would take to ensure he would be ready for his shot at the title.

The phone rang.

"Hello?" Mitch.
"Mitch." It was the commissioner. "We've lined up your title match."
 

indianroads

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What you have is fine IMO. A scene or chapter change could also, but it would interrupt the flow.
 

MaeZe

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Mitch fired home the winning shot. He raised his hands in the air, knowing when the rankings came out the next day, he would be ranked #1 contender to challenge the ping pong champion of the world.

He trained hard for the next several months. Running stairs, lifting weights, punching dead carcuses in the freezer, he did whatever it would take to ensure he would be ready for his shot at the title.

The phone rang.

"Hello?" Mitch.
"Mitch." It was the commissioner. "We've lined up your title match."
I like paragraph one, character is in the running.

Paragraph two, the concept is fine, and I know this is just an example, but I think I'd show the months of training a bit more than the way you are telling it there. On the other hand, if you are just providing an example, it's fine.

And the end is good, the match is set.

Point being, I'd show the training and time passing just a little differently, but the mechanism works.

I like the zooming in and out description Harlequin posted.
 

rwm4768

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This may just be me, but I feel like you need more of a transition from the summary of a few months to the phone ringing. Either that or you could make a clearly marked scene break. Otherwise, the line feels a little jarring to me.
 

Bufty

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Silly or not, you have the right idea - but it's far too abrupt.

I would add something to pin down the scene a little more when the awaited call arrives.

It seems at present as though there is silence for months, then one call. Is Mitch waiting anxiously for every call? Does he snatch the receiver off its cradle or what?

What are some of the ways you handle long passages of time/geography between two events? Imagine it's something where the POV doesn't shift, you want to narrate the events of A and B, and provide a bridge between the two. (Silly) example:


Mitch fired home the winning shot. He raised his hands in the air, knowing when the rankings came out the next day, he would be ranked #1 contender to challenge the ping pong champion of the world.

He trained hard for the next several months. Running stairs, lifting weights, punching dead carcuses? in the freezer, he did whatever it would take to ensure he would be ready for his shot at the title.

Then the phone rang.

"Hello?" Mitch.
"Mitch." It was the commissioner. "We've lined up your title match."
 

BethS

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What are some of the ways you handle long passages of time/geography between two events? Imagine it's something where the POV doesn't shift, you want to narrate the events of A and B, and provide a bridge between the two. (Silly) example:


Mitch fired home the winning shot. He raised his hands in the air, knowing when the rankings came out the next day, he would be ranked #1 contender to challenge the ping pong champion of the world.

He trained hard for the next several months. Running stairs, lifting weights, punching dead carcuses in the freezer, he did whatever it would take to ensure he would be ready for his shot at the title.

The phone rang.

"Hello?" Mitch.
"Mitch." It was the commissioner. "We've lined up your title match."

You can do it that way, certainly, but you do need to provide a smoother transition back to the story action. Very roughly, it could be something like--

He trained hard for the next several months. Running stairs, lifting weights, punching dead carcuses carcasses in the freezer, he did whatever it would take to ensure he would be ready for his shot at the title.

At last, one day in the middle of February, the commissioner phoned him. "We've lined up your title match."
 
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M.C.Statz

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Yes that example was completely made up on the spot. Not that I won't do a ping pong adaptation of Rocky one day, however.

I appreciate the advice :)
 

Melody

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Agree with what's already been said as far as seeming a bit abrupt in the transition when the phone rings. I like what Beth said, as far as fixing, if you don't want to have a chapter or scene break. If you can have a specific passage of time before the phone rings, or at least ground the reader as to the place your MC is, it makes for a smoother transition. If you can do both in a sentence or two, that would be even better. Doesn't have to be a long transition or info. dump, but something to ground the reader to time and place, would be helpful, IMHO.
 

Enoise

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You could do it with a sharp transition such as asterisks, or you could blend it as the way you've done, where it would appear as a character's forward thought.