For a few weeks I've been thinking about picking up Devin's book again. I managed to get up before work one morning to do it, then sat at the computer and didn't touch it because the rewrites he requires feel completely overwhelming. I need to plot out an entirely new draft of his book.
Until yesterday, when I remembered--I resent the hell out of the fact that I gravitate to male characters. I resent it because I know that part of it is that that's what I see. So I picked up the oldest of my continuing projects, a book that has all of two male characters in a cast of about twenty ladies. And I looked at the dossier--last time I picked this up I cut a bunch of girls I created just for the story and replaced them with the more fleshed-out heroines from my various other, dead in the water projects.
So guess what I'm second-guessing now?
Yep.
I can't stick with anything for more than a few minutes anymore. And when I do, all I can think is the problems. It's not diverse enough; I don't know the cities my characters are from enough; I don't know math and computer coding like Beatrice does; the program the school runs, no matter how I shape it, just feels trite. And when I keep seeing problems, very quickly I stop caring. That's what my writer's block looks like--I just don't care.
I went almost a year without caring about my original writing and only barely caring about my fan work. I'm tired of not caring.
Until yesterday, when I remembered--I resent the hell out of the fact that I gravitate to male characters. I resent it because I know that part of it is that that's what I see. So I picked up the oldest of my continuing projects, a book that has all of two male characters in a cast of about twenty ladies. And I looked at the dossier--last time I picked this up I cut a bunch of girls I created just for the story and replaced them with the more fleshed-out heroines from my various other, dead in the water projects.
So guess what I'm second-guessing now?
Yep.
I can't stick with anything for more than a few minutes anymore. And when I do, all I can think is the problems. It's not diverse enough; I don't know the cities my characters are from enough; I don't know math and computer coding like Beatrice does; the program the school runs, no matter how I shape it, just feels trite. And when I keep seeing problems, very quickly I stop caring. That's what my writer's block looks like--I just don't care.
I went almost a year without caring about my original writing and only barely caring about my fan work. I'm tired of not caring.