Commas

evangaline · Jul 26, 2017

*sigh* Once again, I've hit a punctuation brick wall:

Matt Wilson, superstudman able to bring Chelsea's gay population to their knees with a single d*ck and Matt Wilson, f*cker extraordinaire of all male creatures great and small was in a relationship.

I've been researching commas and appositives, but I'm still unsure what's correct. Do I need commas at all, should there be more, or is it okay the way it is?

Any help would be greatly appreciated (before I drive myself crazy)!

cornflake · Jul 26, 2017

evangaline said:
*sigh* Once again, I've hit a punctuation brick wall:

Matt Wilson, superstudman able to bring Chelsea's gay population to their knees with a single d*ck and Matt Wilson, f*cker extraordinaireof all male creatures great and small was in a relationship.

I've been researching commas and appositives, but I'm still unsure what's correct. Do I need commas at all, should there be more, or is it okay the way it is?

Any help would be greatly appreciated (before I drive myself crazy)!

You have an agreement problem -- that jumped out at me before any comma issue. Also, what's with the asterisks?

Matt Wilson, superstudman (this is odd all together), able to bring Chelsea's gay population to their knees with a single d*ck, and Matt Wilson, f*cker extraordinaire of all male creatures great and small, WERE in a relationship.

evangaline · Jul 26, 2017

Because this forum can be viewed by under-agers, I figured better to be safe than sorry w/the asterisks. I'm confused about the "were". Both descriptions are of one person, Matt. Granted, they are two descriptions, but it still reverts back to one person. *scratches head* Does that make any sense?

cornflake · Jul 26, 2017

evangaline said:
Because this forum can be viewed by under-agers, I figured better to be safe than sorry w/the asterisks. I'm confused about the "were". Both descriptions are of one person, Matt. Granted, they are two descriptions, but it still reverts back to one person. *scratches head* Does that make any sense?

No?

evangaline · Jul 26, 2017

*g* Okay, I have to regroup!

Harlequin · Jul 27, 2017

Definitely needs commas. I'd put an additional comma after 'dick', and it's were rather than was. Matt Wilson and Matt Wilson were in a relationship.

Re adult words, the content of what you wrote is crystal clear regardless of any asterisk, so I don't think there's any point starring out a couple letters.

evangaline · Jul 27, 2017

"...and it's were rather than was. Matt Wilson and Matt Wilson were in a relationship."

Even though both descriptions refer to one person?

be frank · Jul 27, 2017

evangaline said:
"...and it's were rather than was. Matt Wilson and Matt Wilson were in a relationship."

Even though both descriptions refer to one person?

But there are two people in the relationship.

eta: Ah. I just spotted the issue. You're referring to the same person twice? I honestly didn't look at the names that closely, so I didn't notice the name's repeated until it was separated in the quote box.

Assuming this isn't a Will Grayson, Will Grayson situation where two characters have the same name ... yes, this should be a was, not a were. But egads is that a confusing sentence.

eta 2: Honestly, with the content you have there, you draw the line at the swear words? Really? :Shrug:

evangaline · Jul 27, 2017

"Honestly, with the content you have there, you draw the line at the swear words? Really?"

*sigh* I can't help it. Overly cautious to a fault. Tx for your input, btw. I'm going to try and rework the sentence so it's not confusing.

Maryn · Jul 27, 2017

Yeah, that's my first reaction, that you've created a few knots in your thread when it could have been smooth.

To be honest, while I caught that it's the same Matt Wilson, I failed to see any purpose served by naming him twice, since both the references were to his studliness within the gay community. I might have bought this structure if one part of the sentence were about him being with women, the other about being with men.

So yeah, rework it and let us know how it comes out.

Maryn, who'll lend you her beeswax*

* Beeswax is used to prevent thread from tangling during hand sewing

Harlequin · Jul 27, 2017

Matt Wilson was in a relationship with Matt Wilson, or else you need the word himself in there I think.

blacbird · Jul 27, 2017

Yes, by all means, rework that sentence, maybe into two sentences. It's an example of just trying to cram too much stuff into a single sentence, and the resultant reader confusion. I had to read it at least three times, just to comprehend it.

caw

evangaline · Jul 27, 2017

Thanks, everyone! Off to re-write!

BethS · Jul 27, 2017

evangaline said:
*sigh* Once again, I've hit a punctuation brick wall:

Matt Wilson, superstudman able to bring Chelsea's gay population to their knees with a single d*ck and Matt Wilson, f*cker extraordinaire of all male creatures great and small was in a relationship.

I've been researching commas and appositives, but I'm still unsure what's correct. Do I need commas at all, should there be more, or is it okay the way it is?

Any help would be greatly appreciated (before I drive myself crazy)!

I don't know why you've repeated his name. Seems like it should be:

Matt Wilson, superstudman able to bring Chelsea's gay population to their knees with a single d*ck and f*cker extraordinaire of all male creatures great and small, was in a relationship.

Or

Matt Wilson--superstudman able to bring Chelsea's gay population to their knees with a single d*ck and f*cker extraordinaire of all male creatures great and small--was in a relationship.

evangaline · Jul 27, 2017

Oh, thank you, Beth! You've crystallized the dilemma for me! Much appreciated!

Commas

evangaline

cornflake

practical experience, FTW

evangaline

cornflake

practical experience, FTW

evangaline

Harlequin

Eat books, not brains!

evangaline

be frank

not a bloke, not named frank

evangaline

Maryn

At Sea

Harlequin

Eat books, not brains!

blacbird

evangaline

BethS

evangaline