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Thread: The Dance

  1. #1
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin felex1313's Avatar
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    Dec 2015
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    The Dance

    I stand poised upon the rim,
    Others watching,
    Seeing my nervous tension.
    My emotions boiling become full to the brim.
    I leap into the air a twitter with fear and apprehension.

    Descending in a whirl,
    Dipping and diving frantically I twirl.
    I become a master dervish,
    My livingness complete,
    Nourished.

    Sliding-gliding
    Turning-churning
    Landing upon the fall hardened ground
    Gently
    Without a sound.

    Waiting patiently,
    Breathlessly
    It begins to breathe
    Within my veined structure
    I perceive
    A final life force awakening,
    Being conceived.

    I am swept up into a torrent
    Of wind,
    Of rain.
    My thoughts mordant.
    I like it,
    I hate it,
    I am discordant.

    I flit and flutter upon wave after wave
    Into the storm
    I become enslaved.

    When to my relief I begin
    Slowly to descend,
    Gathering among others
    A meeting of sorts
    We are compelled to attend,
    Sisters and brothers we thusly impend.


    We are millions
    Lying in every nook and cranny
    Hues of green-brown-red-orange-vermillion
    Our breadth is uncanny.

    The pouring rain keeps us glued to our places
    We sop and drip and lie in a flump,
    Stuck together smashed together clumped together all.
    Oh direful fall,
    Why hast thy bid me
    Unto thy devilish call?

    Lying in wait
    We know not why
    To fly our desirous sate
    Yet produce nothing more than a tear to cry.

    When to our hearts abounding joy
    A sliver of golden liquid doth pour
    Upon our saturated skin.
    Life rekindled anew as we begin
    Our dance upon the floors of Carnegie and Bolshoi
    To the rhythmic beauty of Bach
    The lyrical wonders of Tolstoy.
    We, each of us,
    Every leaf engulfed within bismuth
    Wood’s divine shimmering alloy,
    Infused with a dancer’s joy.

    My curled ends entwine with another,
    We are lifted upon high,
    Our skins now warm and dry,
    Our aplomb recovered,
    Our dance continues,
    Only now as lovers.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator SuperModerator Stew21's Avatar
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    I love the intensity of this. it is urgent and that makes it beautiful as words and poetry go, a passion behind them is significant.
    My favorite thing is that you made the word, "livingness".
    For me, I think this poem sort of embodies that, and you should go there in your poetry, to "livingness". It works.
    Sometimes I actually write stuff
    Like this...
    If a tree falls in Hesperides

  3. #3
    Super Moderator SuperModerator Stew21's Avatar
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    I also think the poem could be slimmed down and wrung a bit, but you have to keep that urgency. That kind of "scalpel" work is challenging. I think you should invest the time in doing it.

    I also think with a tiny bit of image focus, you could make this significantly impactful. Hone it. I think in this case, more of your language and rhythm punch will pay off in a shorter piece.
    Sometimes I actually write stuff
    Like this...
    If a tree falls in Hesperides

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