Passive voice appropriate?

Yes. Appropriate. I teach English composition, and my favorite example of appropriate passive voice construction has to do with the focus of a sentence, within the context of the prose. If you are writing a historical article about, say, the assassination of John Lennon, it would be proper to say "John Lennon was murdered by Mark Chapman." If, for whatever reason, you are writing about Chapman, it would be more proper to say "Mark Chapman murdered John Lennon."

The principal problem with passive voice in narrative is use of it, in circumstances where active voice would be better. Unfortunately, this is a common problem with inexperienced writers, and usually signalled by simple overuse of the construction.

caw

M.C.Statz said:

Just wrote this:

On cue, Lucas was led up onto the gallows stage, wrists bound behind his back.
"Lucas," Felix said, his voice dropping slightly, "I hope you can forgive us."
The noose was placed around Lucas's neck.

Click to expand...

I agree with what Sage wrote -- in the first instance of PV, it feels appropriate, but the second could be reworded to maintain the focus on Lucas. (I don't want to write it for you, but I'd be happy to give you an example if you like.)

PV works well for a scene involving someone being led to a gallows. It reinforces the feelings of powerlessness and inevitability. In fact, it's a great example of what I feel is one of the best tactics to creating emotion in a scene: that your prose isn't just there to provide information, but acts as a sort of canvas for your art, if that makes sense. Is your character feeling confused? Then it might be appropriate to write, somehow, in a way that, quickly read, might prove somewhat difficult to fully and firmly grasp, perhaps involving excessive commas or widely split infinitives. Is your character furious or otherwise emotionally charged? Then nix the commas and even the periods and charge through full throttle and don't stop no matter what. Is your character feeling contemplative? Then perhaps a bit of noncommittal language might be in order...or even ellipses, if you like.

I personally would avoid passive voice in the last sentence, not because of issues of focus, but because that singular event is so important that it deserves more than just the bare statement of the action.

M.C.Statz said:

Just wrote this:

On cue, Lucas was led up onto the gallows stage, wrists bound behind his back.
"Lucas," Felix said, his voice dropping slightly, "I hope you can forgive us."
The noose was placed around Lucas's neck.

I don't know/care who the executioner is. The important part is Lucas, so it would seem odd to write a line like "The executioner placed the noose around Lucas's neck." Seems to me too much emphasis on the executioner.

Click to expand...

I agree for the reason you stated - if no-one cares who the person doing the action is then passive voice works better.

I don't agree with this vendetta some people have against passive voice. It seems to me that it comes from a misunderstanding, i.e. equating passive voice with passive characters. Characters can be passive in an active voice ("Jake sat on the sofa all day. The phone rang but Jake just let it ring and didn't pick it up. The TV was on some boring channel but Jake couldn't be bothered to pick up the remote and change it." etc) and the story's still in danger of being boring. It is the case that some people use passive when active would be better, but I've also seen it where people use active when passive would be better, probably because they've been told that passive voice is bad. Everything is bad if it's done badly.

And then you get people who hate the passive voice without even knowing what it is, for example saying "the boy was eating cake" is passive voice because it contains the word "was". (It's actually active voice in past progressive tense. Passive voive would be "the cake was eaten by the boy" which is fine if the cake is the POV character, or just "the cake was eaten" which is fine if you don't want to say who ate the cake.) Then people go on witch hunts against the word "was". Overuse or inappropriate use of any tense or voice is bad, but that doesn't make any particular tense, voice or auxiliary verb bad.

In the example above, it's not the passive voice that bothers me, it's that I'm not *seeing* anything. Is the executioner dressed in black and masked? Garbed in a banal business suit? Is he harsh? Sadistically enjoying himself? Businesslike, because he's done this a hundred times before? Almost tender, knowing this is the last human contact his "customers" will experience?

In the example, a rope just appears around Lucas's neck, and I think you could make the scene more vivid.

If the POV character is Felix, I'd like to know more about what Felix is going through as he watches his (best friend? mortal enemy? political opponent?) about to be executed. And with Felix as POV character, you might consider changing the last sentence to something like "Lucas, I hope you can forgive us," Felix said in a low voice as he watched the executioner place the noose around [his friend's] [the villain's] [his brother's] neck. And that would eliminate one of the passive places.

BTW, I am intrigued with the situation where the person responsible for the execution (Felix, right?) is hoping to be forgiven for for killing him. Implies all sorts of things.

M.C.Statz said:

Just wrote this:

On cue, Lucas was led up onto the gallows stage, wrists bound behind his back.
"Lucas," Felix said, his voice dropping slightly, "I hope you can forgive us."
The noose was placed around Lucas's neck.

I don't know/care who the executioner is. The important part is Lucas, so it would seem odd to write a line like "The executioner placed the noose around Lucas's neck." Seems to me too much emphasis on the executioner.

I don't have any problems with it as written, but I assume some people will shudder at the passive voice.

So, curious, do you find the passive voice here just fine, or does it make you cringe? If it makes you cringe, what do you propose as the remedy?

Many thanks!

Edit: Bit of important information I neglected in original post: Felix is actually the POV for this scene. This scene is more about Felix's judgments and actions than Lucas's.

Click to expand...

This is exactly when passive voice is appropriate - when the focus in on the recipient of the action, when you need to demonstrate a situation in which the person is powerless (and onlookers are as well), and when even an object (the noose) might become the focal point. No shuddering here.

CJ

There's a time and a place for passive, but "the noose was placed around Lucas's neck" seems awkward to me. It feels weird, and would distract me as a reader.

Snippets out of context always cause issues, but if I was reading this in context I doubt I would bat an eyelid, or even consider the question of passivity or not.

Bufty said:

Snippets out of context always cause issues, but if I was reading this in context I doubt I would bat an eyelid, or even consider the question of passivity or not.

Click to expand...

Same here.

M.C.Statz said:

Bit of important information I neglected in original post: Felix is actually the POV for this scene. This scene is more about Felix's judgments and actions than Lucas's.

Maybe posting more would help clarify. The scene is about Felix. The passive sentences are about Lucas. I don't know/care about the executioner. The executioner can't be Felix, he is a law and order type, not a hands dirty type.

Click to expand...

Has the executioner already been mentioned as part of the description leading up to this scene? If the reader knows the hangman is there, then the passive voice is not necessarily a problem, not in itself. If no hangman has been mentioned, then it would be better to involve him there. And you also need to consider what Felix is noticing, since it's his POV.

M.C.Statz said:

So, curious, do you find the passive voice here just fine, or does it make you cringe?

Click to expand...

No, in this situation I think it's appropriate. You're using passive voice for effect.