The Cantina Staring Back At You From The Abyss

Got a complete outline, even if it's a little rough in spots.

E.F.B. said:

Of course, he was also still VERY immature, hyper, and puppy-like when he came to us, in spite of being 3yo, so I'm probably worrying too much about an actual puppy being much worse.

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No, you are not. A 3yo dog, even an untrained one, will learn far faster than a puppy. Especially in regard to housebreaking. Articles about housebreaking way undersell how much work it really is. They read like old parenting books from the 60s: "Let the baby cry it out for the first few nights, then they'll turn into little angels and sleep through the night on their own!" <- utter bullshit

I had a good weekend - now hopefully to follow it with a good week at work. Yay! I survived (mostly) the footnote from hell - we have a meeting this morning with my reviewer, but she's more concerned about the tax effects of the amounts than of my reporting on the amounts, which is fine by me. My other footnotes passed with flying colors. Which is good - because I was getting seriously concerned about job stability for a while. It's safe for now, which means at least another three months. Year end is always a gamble. On the plus side, I had a serious talk with my boss about possibilities if things should go pear-shaped in this position, and we have a plan should that happen. The great advantage of working for a 30,000 employee company is that there are usually other options within the company if your current position becomes untenable. In fact, this company ENCOURAGES people to move on from their current position in about 3 years to another within the company, so they can learn more and have mobility. They have a whole 'roll-out/transition' culture which is really nice. My best bet is to the tax dept, since I have tax experience. I already started sowing the seeds of discussion with the current tax folks so that if a position comes available, they'll know I'm interested.

Watched Princess Bride in the theater last night. Epic, of course.

Also yummy Thai food for dinner beforehand in Ithaca. Then I found a new comedy on Acorn called Whites about a chef, so hubby likes it as well.

JJ Litke said:

Got a complete outline, even if it's a little rough in spots.



No, you are not. A 3yo dog, even an untrained one, will learn far faster than a puppy. Especially in regard to housebreaking. Articles about housebreaking way undersell how much work it really is. They read like old parenting books from the 60s: "Let the baby cry it out for the first few nights, then they'll turn into little angels and sleep through the night on their own!" <- utter bullshit

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Aaaand that would be why I'm glad to have parents who have had puppies before and glad my mom will be taking off work specifically for adjustment to puppy.


Morning Cantina. I had some very odd dreams last night. Not bad, just odd, and now I'm trying to get awake enough to forget them and move on. Writing will happen today and then crafting. As soon as I finish the scarf I'm making for my shop I'm going to crochet myself a new cardigan sweater. The last sweater I made went pretty well and I know more about crochet now than I did then, so hopefully this new one will be even better

Yep, I remember having those books. Unfortunately, they were lost in the fiasco of my divorce with my other 800+ paperbacks ... *gah!*

That's what made me want to focus on them and then add in the Grays, who chose neither side in the war, which meant they were targets for both sides.

Filigree said:

Polenta trick if you use the sliced roll form: dry the slices on folded up kitchen towels or paper towels. Then dredge them in a little parboiled maize flour (like P.A.N. brand or Maiseca, or you can use wheat or rice flour). Then drop onto a hot oiled pan. Corny goodness. Then look up two things: lemon polenta cake, and mozzarella arepas.

For peeps looking for Norse elves, track down a writer named Elizabeth Boyer, whose ljosalfar and dokkalfar stories were mass market paperbacks in the 80s and early 90s. Really good stuff, largely set on an Iceland analog island.

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Cantina, I am having one o' dem momentz. Yaknow, when you wonder why you even write and stuff?? Like, I don't dislike it, and my story is still the bombed diggidy and all the rest, but I'm just so tired. Not really of anything - just a general blech. I'm having real trouble making myself prep for NaNo as I surely must. And what's more, I do be stucked. Not for lack of editing, not for lack of material, not for lack of anything, just like... what's even the point kinda stuck? Getting p-sure my emotional roller coaster of a calm life is bipolar too. :/

Damoclian said:

Cantina, I am having one o' dem momentz. Yaknow, when you wonder why you even write and stuff?? Like, I don't dislike it, and my story is still the bombed diggidy and all the rest, but I'm just so tired. Not really of anything - just a general blech. I'm having real trouble making myself prep for NaNo as I surely must. And what's more, I do be stucked. Not for lack of editing, not for lack of material, not for lack of anything, just like... what's even the point kinda stuck?

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Nothing wrong with taking some time off to rest for emotional/mental health if you need to. The biggest reason I don't do Nano is because it would be too stressful for me, and that would only set me back, not help me progress.

Getting p-sure my emotional roller coaster of a calm life is bipolar too. :/

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Dammy, if you're really concerned this is the case, don't hesitate to go to the appropriate medical professional(s) and get checked out asap. Better to go on and get it diagnosed and get you on a treatment plan than leave it until you feel worse. More

What EFB said.

E.F.B. said:

Nothing wrong with taking some time off to rest for emotional/mental health if you need to. The biggest reason I don't do Nano is because it would be too stressful for me, and that would only set me back, not help me progress.

Dammy, if you're really concerned this is the case, don't hesitate to go to the appropriate medical professional(s) and get checked out asap. Better to go on and get it diagnosed and get you on a treatment plan than leave it until you feel worse. More

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The thing is, O dearest Effbubbles: I am already on a treatment plan, and I already see dem medical professionalez for things and stuff. It's just, like, bipolar is supe's mega hard to diagnose -- apparently. I think I have it because it seems like I have what I understand to be cyclical moodswings that are basically predictable as all heck, as well as triggers for worse and better moods, and and at least 2 years of self reported personal data on my mood. I have brought it up with the dr. but while I have an awesomesauce dr., I don't think I'm very good at explaining the things. So, in essence, and big hefty mega thank for the concern and sound advice.

My problem with the not feeling like writing things is primarily that - over the last decade-ish - I have tied my happiness to my wordcount. And now the words seem to be drying up, so do the happies. Also, I mostly do NaNo for the sole purpose of friendshipus and writer outreach, I can't do 50k in a month anymore. :/

Okay, it's one thing for the check-out lady at the grocery store to want to strike up a conversation with the customers, but really, lady, must you ask why I'm not paying for my mother's groceries? I know she thought she was being funny, but it's an embarrassing question to begin with, and what exactly am I supposed to answer? All I could think to do was shrug but instead of letting it go, she goes, "Aw, come on." Like, what, I'm not paying becaise I'm stingy and I'm just supposed to whip out a credit card because you're pressuring me? So all I can think to say in my embarrassment is "I don't have money" to which she responds, "Oh. Are you still in high school?" ._. I say, "No, graduated from college." Then she says "Aaaaw" as if this is sad somehow. ._. For real, lady? So, apparently, I should not only be called out by a total stranger for coming to the grocery store with my mom and not paying for her groceries with money I don't have (my mom said it made her feel like the lady thought she was too old and decrepit to pay for her own groceries), but I should also be pitied for my life not going the way *you* think it should? Oh, and we've also got to say all of this on the one day that there's a very attractive gentleman about my age right behind me hearing the whole thing? It was embarrassing no matter who heard it, but for real, lady, HOW ABOUT YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS??? Next time I'll either use the self checkout or at the very least look carefully and make sure I'm not going to be checked out by the lady who feels the need to embarrass her customers by prying into their business. Good grief!

/end rant

Damoclian said:

The thing is, O dearest Effbubbles: I am already on a treatment plan, and I already see dem medical professionalez for things and stuff. It's just, like, bipolar is supe's mega hard to diagnose -- apparently. I think I have it because it seems like I have what I understand to be cyclical moodswings that are basically predictable as all heck, as well as triggers for worse and better moods, and and at least 2 years of self reported personal data on my mood. I have brought it up with the dr. but while I have an awesomesauce dr., I don't think I'm very good at explaining the things. So, in essence, and big hefty mega thank for the concern and sound advice.

My problem with the not feeling like writing things is primarily that - over the last decade-ish - I have tied my happiness to my wordcount. And now the words seem to be drying up, so do the happies. Also, I mostly do NaNo for the sole purpose of friendshipus and writer outreach, I can't do 50k in a month anymore. :/

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If it helps, the way you explained just now made perfect sense to me. Keep trying and bringing it up until a solution is found!

maybe you can try to transfer your creative energy towards something else for a while, as a break? art, or a different form of wordsmithing. poetry, spoken word, music. it can help to try something new.

I know how frustrating it can be when drs aren't settled on your diagnosis. I hope you get confirmation soon

Damoclian said:

I have tied my happiness to my wordcount. And now the words seem to be drying up, so do the happies.

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Your happies should be in your awesomesauce stories. Working on them (even a tiny bit) should feel golden. Putting wordcount goals on yourself and stressing over them is not the happy path--says someone with experience!!!

E.F.B. said:

HOW ABOUT YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS???

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OMG, for realz!!!

Argh. I'm doing housekeeping on the blog, adding affiliate links.

I should be sewing or writing.

She was totally out of line, EFB - I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Shaming should NOT be part of her job!

Thanks, Mary and GD. My mom was pretty annoyed by it too and actually appologized for being too taken aback to think to say anything on my behalf. Of course I told her she didn't need to apologize, it's not like either of us expected someone to say anything like that, and both of us being very introverted it can be hard to come up with a responses when we're surprised. Anyway, if that woman keeps that kind of insensitivity up she's eventually going to find someone who doesn't appreciate her sad attempt at humor and either chews her out or files a complaint that gets her penalized. I have personally decided the incident and she are not worth my valuable time or mental powers, and, to take something I learned from reading "A Little Princess" by Frances Hodgson Burnett this year, I actually feel sorry for her, because she clearly did not realize to whom she was speaking, and if she did, she would be the one who was embarrased. #LiteraryReferencesMakeEverythingBetter

Filigree said:

I should be sewing or writing.

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Do eeeeeet.

Morning, Cantina. I must do the words today. I feel I've been more focused this month but this ending is coming along slowly because I just don't picture it as clearly as some other parts I already wrote that came along more quickly. I mean, I have a general idea of what happens: Evil queen gets vanquished the following appropriate and dramatic manner and heroine and friends have succeeded and happy celebrations, etc, happen. But books being what they are, I kinda have to develop and show it a bit more than that, and that is where I'm struggling. :/ Still going to give it my best shot, though.

greendragon said:

She was totally out of line, EFB - I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Shaming should NOT be part of her job!

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Emphasis mine, because for REAL though.

- - -

In other news, I've finished the long version of the story - it only took me forever what with work, but hey, it's done now.

Does anyone else want the story of how my girlfriend and I became a couple?

I feel like I've forgotten how to put words to the screen. I've debated printing out what I had so far, marking it up, and then maybe handwriting it for a bit. Perhaps that will get my creative juices going again. I feel so lost....And a creative outlet of some sort is so good for my mental health.

tjwriter said:

I feel like I've forgotten how to put words to the screen. I've debated printing out what I had so far, marking it up, and then maybe handwriting it for a bit. Perhaps that will get my creative juices going again. I feel so lost....And a creative outlet of some sort is so good for my mental health.

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Writing by hand *always* helps me. Sometimes it's very rough, but there is a difference in the way my brain (personally) processes words written on paper with pen/pencil and those written on the computer. When I get stuck, paper is always a way out. (Possibly because it's a good way to process ideas until I find one I really love.)

YOU GUYS!!!! THE QUICK REPLY WINDOW IS ADJUSTABLE IN SIZE!!! :O :O

Yzjdriel said:

Emphasis mine, because for REAL though.

- - -

In other news, I've finished the long version of the story - it only took me forever what with work, but hey, it's done now.

Does anyone else want the story of how my girlfriend and I became a couple?

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ME! but only if it's a happifying story. I need a happy tale of pleasant conclusions without a great deal of murder and mayhem right now. SO ME, ME, PICK ME!

Mary Love said:

Your happies should be in your awesomesauce stories. Working on them (even a tiny bit) should feel golden. Putting wordcount goals on yourself and stressing over them is not the happy path--says someone with experience!!!

OMG, for realz!!!

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IKR, like, I know what I SHOULD be doing, and I know what I want to be doing, but changing has never been so simple for me. It's not so much the ol' "Easier said than done" bodingle, as it is the: "I done diggily dug my own grave just in case, cause like, yaknow, who's gonna do it for me, riiight? But I'm an over achiever, damnit, and I done diggily dug the damn dumb grave TOO DEEP, and now I can't get out" (Sidenote: Plot bunny, A world where everyone digs their own grave as a right of passage to become an adult.... ) So, in essence, I have trapped myself.

E.F.B. said:

Okay, it's one thing for the check-out lady at the grocery store to want to strike up a conversation with the customers, but really, lady, must you ask why I'm not paying for my mother's groceries? I know she thought she was being funny, but it's an embarrassing question to begin with, and what exactly am I supposed to answer? All I could think to do was shrug but instead of letting it go, she goes, "Aw, come on." Like, what, I'm not paying becaise I'm stingy and I'm just supposed to whip out a credit card because you're pressuring me? So all I can think to say in my embarrassment is "I don't have money" to which she responds, "Oh. Are you still in high school?" ._. I say, "No, graduated from college." Then she says "Aaaaw" as if this is sad somehow. ._. For real, lady? So, apparently, I should not only be called out by a total stranger for coming to the grocery store with my mom and not paying for her groceries with money I don't have (my mom said it made her feel like the lady thought she was too old and decrepit to pay for her own groceries), but I should also be pitied for my life not going the way *you* think it should? Oh, and we've also got to say all of this on the one day that there's a very attractive gentleman about my age right behind me hearing the whole thing? It was embarrassing no matter who heard it, but for real, lady, HOW ABOUT YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS??? Next time I'll either use the self checkout or at the very least look carefully and make sure I'm not going to be checked out by the lady who feels the need to embarrass her customers by prying into their business. Good grief!

/end rant

If it helps, the way you explained just now made perfect sense to me. Keep trying and bringing it up until a solution is found!

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NONE of the stuff yon lady did is okay by any stretch and I totes think you should have a preprepared script to chew her out with. Because someone has to chew her out, and if you don't chew her out, who WILL chew her out??? *I like saying "chew out" it's so weird!

Jade A said:

maybe you can try to transfer your creative energy towards something else for a while, as a break? art, or a different form of wordsmithing. poetry, spoken word, music. it can help to try something new.

I know how frustrating it can be when drs aren't settled on your diagnosis. I hope you get confirmation soon

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I mean, I could, but... I don't know if I even have any creative energy left. It's all like a long distance Saharan Rally where the driver and navigator BOTH forgot to add spare fuel to their car-boot and I'm the car and I don't have anything left, just running on fumes and prayers. I'm not burnt out (been there, done that) I'm tuckered out and worn out and just plain sadded.

Also, my doc is like, very settled on my diagnosis, and has gone so far as to get third opinions all of which seem to agree (because I was there and they told me): Dis bunny right here (me) has got a whole hecka bunch of shinola wrong wid his head place, including mega sads, hyper uber super doober mega sads, SAD, and prolly like four other things that are obscure and weird but seem to fit. SO yeah. :/

---

furthermore, I should mention I am not trying to solicit non-medical unprofessional advice from you all for which liability could be construed or settle on a course of action, mostly I'm just venting and talking and getting poop off my chest (the worst place for poop). Thought I should clarify. Also, mega thank to all of you for entertaining my madness in a constructive and supportive manner. It's nice.

You could always find a massive video game that will take a few months to finish and lose yourself in that for a while. I'm also on the "NANOWRIMO means automatic failure for me" brigade because there's no way I can meet its deadline, so I've resigned myself to treating my novels like a coral reef. Just a little bit, everyday. Even if it's not much, if you do it everyday, one day you decide to look at the whole thing and realize you're standing on a big pile of pages. How fast you get there isn't as important as getting there at all.

zanzjan said:

I've been feeling like that a lot lately myself. At least I'm making a very small dent in my TBR pile while I wait for the mojo to come back. Fall always sucks for me, but this year seems especially bad already.

That said, something printing stuff out does help me get unstuck? Worth a try. Or just come hang out in chat and harass us to word war. Gods know I could use the extra motivation...

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I have been reading quite a bit. That helps at least. I've been so brain dead from work still lately that I have no motivation either in the morning or in the evening, so that hurts me some.

Aggy B. said:

Writing by hand *always* helps me. Sometimes it's very rough, but there is a difference in the way my brain (personally) processes words written on paper with pen/pencil and those written on the computer. When I get stuck, paper is always a way out. (Possibly because it's a good way to process ideas until I find one I really love.)

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I think putting pen or pencil to paper might help me figure out where I want to go with my story. At least that's the theory.

The last few weekends have been chock full of activities for the kidlets, so letting my brain unwind has been difficult as well, leaving me feeling blocked.

I loved A Little Princess! One of my childhood treasures.

Yes, I want to hear the long version of the story!!!!

I think I need a new S.A.D. lamp. My old one is acting up and I'm feeling the winter blues deep. My brother has good news, he got a job in Vienna as a TA. My mum's in Israel, which Havana doesn't like.

I participated in an experiment on local anaesthetic yesterday, which I thought would last most of the day, okay, turned out it lasted until four in the next morning.

Damoclian said:

I do hear a lot of huff and puff about internships without pay. But good on you for making the phonecall REL! You rock, and I think you're the bestest and that any fear you have is also a fear you can conquer because you're so dang cool and capable. My faith is not misplaced, you CAN succeed, damnit, you just gotta keep trying, keep keep keep trying! Phone them again at a different time of day and see if that works. Phone other places. EMAIL other places! Try try try, beat that dead horse until your necromantic wand wakes it up again!

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Yeh, I don't know if it actually does any good. Great Dammy cheer.

And yeah, Safjre is supe's mega cool because she's also a train operator.... In a space ship. That's alive. And angry.

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Holy wow!

JJ Litke said:

Uh... Cobra is definitely not in the basement dungeon. *kicks door shut and latches it* Haven't seen him, nope.

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Well, then where is he?!

Damoclian said:

It looks like I am about to be the proud new owner of a puppy in two weeks, soo... there goes my free time <3

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Yay! Puppy! Puppies are cool! And adorable!

Damoclian said:

ME! but only if it's a happifying story. I need a happy tale of pleasant conclusions without a great deal of murder and mayhem right now. SO ME, ME, PICK ME!

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greendragon said:

Yes, I want to hear the long version of the story!!!!

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Annnnd done. Anyone else?