Sorry, I didn't mean to throw a grenade (I specifically said I didn't really want to have the discussion), and I wasn't insisting that anyone who disagreed was being unreasonable - quite the opposite! I was trying to say that there were reasonable opinions on both sides of the debate and could people please keep that in mind...
The Cantina Staring Back At You From The Abyss
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Sorry, I didn't mean to throw a grenade (I specifically said I didn't really want to have the discussion), and I wasn't insisting that anyone who disagreed was being unreasonable - quite the opposite! I was trying to say that there were reasonable opinions on both sides of the debate and could people please keep that in mind...
Anyway, in other news. It turns out that I am actually magic! 40 end-of-year reports done, dusted and stuck on the system for sending out to all the proud parents. Coffee played an important part - round of applause for coffee please!
I'm quite happy that Moffat's gone. He's had some great stories, some brilliant ideas and some outstanding monsters. But he seems to have run dry and slipped into confusing convolution for cleverness, like he did with Sherlock in the end. And he's gotten far too bootstrap paradox happy of late - yeah, get away with it once with Pandorica but then don't push your luck. Hopefully, Chibnall will bring some of his clean storytelling across from Broadchurch.
Let's be clear, Yumpty. I criticized a very specific group of people. (The stupids and butt-hurts making comments about the TARDIS full of bras. I did not say that everyone upset with the decision fell into that category. Only that there were/are a lot of folks who do.) At which point you decided to lecture me about "demonizing" folks who are acting like idiots. (Despite agreeing that the behaviour I was specifically referring to was, in fact, stupid.) So let's not pretend this was an innocent misunderstanding. You deliberately took my opinion about a well-defined group of folks and tried to make me sound like I was being intolerant of contrasting opinions.
That was inaccurate and completely uncalled for. Something I daresay you knew was out of line because you then had to stress that you did not agree with the folks showing their ass. Yet, you still felt the need to criticize me for saying "These folks are showing their ass."
We all make mistakes and say something stupid on occasion. (I do.) But the better option is always to admit the mistake ("Whoops, I misread that the first time." OR "I may have over-reacted because I've been lumped in with the stupids before.") Doubling down on defense of stupidity doesn't improve anything.
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Was turned down for one job, but was offered a temp-position in the same phone call. Con, it's really short-term (four months) and so far I definitely can't commute. Pro, it'll make my resumé look a hella lot better.
Go watch Zero.
Honestly, forcing a smile to me sounds much like forcing yourself to be social when you're depressed, it probably does stimulate many of the good hormones and it's the opposite of what your depression tells you to do, and it probably works very well for some (many?) people, but to others it's just making everything worse, it's scraping the last veneer of energy and self-control off, leaving you even more raw and tired than before, possibly a bit embarrassed because you just had an emotional breakdown in public.
If you are going to be social, be it with close friends and family only, if you are going to smile, do things that provoke an honest smile and maybe force it just a bit, make it a little bigger than it'd normally be.
She did teach me this technique called "Havening" which is supposedly so good it can help treat PTSD, and it did calm me down after I'd gotten all wound up. I'd call it an effective in-the-moment calming technique.
On that note, what defines PTSD, the trauma or the effect in the... post?
O-eh, okay.Here Rel, precious! Take this Cat O' Nine Tails for +2 to discipline... You need it more than I
Yeah, from 2006, it's nowhere near as good (visually, at least), but it's based on the first route of the visual novel, so it's more informative. And a tad less dark. It's probably to be found somewhere on the eternal interwebs, but I can't say where exactly. One reputable source claims it's actually the first you should watch, but that's too late. If you can't find it, you can always just raid TVtropes or a wiki.There's another version of Stay Night???
Go watch Zero.
I wonder if you couldn't get the same or better results by using classical conditioning, like using a clicker to reward happiness, smiles and laughter. Maybe click it every time you partake of something you enjoy, or get a bell and connect that to things that induces happiness, then reward it with the clicker.You know what, Jade? The Cantina is a safe space full of awesomesauce people (I'm including the lurkers here!
Smiling when you're in distress will not make the distress go away, it won't get rid of outside stimulus if that's what's causing the problem. But internalising the act of being happy through smiling or any other means, by Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, say, definitely does have long-term benefits. There's a funky-fresh diagram I keep seeing about the interconnectedness of CBT (possibly because I'm undergoing such therapy rn), and by that diagram I have come to the understanding that just as thoughts and feelings influence behaviour, so too does behaviour (like smiling when you don't really want to) influence thoughts and feelings. (There was also a whole bunch of stuff about environment and exercise, but like, meh!)
So if you or anyone else gets out of bed on the wrong side, consider smiling at yosizzelf in whatever reflecty-thing you use, not because it will make your problems go away, but because your problems might smile back atcha! And who doesn't love a good smile??
Honestly, forcing a smile to me sounds much like forcing yourself to be social when you're depressed, it probably does stimulate many of the good hormones and it's the opposite of what your depression tells you to do, and it probably works very well for some (many?) people, but to others it's just making everything worse, it's scraping the last veneer of energy and self-control off, leaving you even more raw and tired than before, possibly a bit embarrassed because you just had an emotional breakdown in public.
If you are going to be social, be it with close friends and family only, if you are going to smile, do things that provoke an honest smile and maybe force it just a bit, make it a little bigger than it'd normally be.
For me it was about wanting to exercise more. I figured it'd help with the various minor issues I had. Despite my doubt as to its efficacy, I did exercise this morning. Nothing major, mostly just a warmup, but that's leagues more than I've done the past several months, so...
She cited studies and anecdotes both, so I believe that she at least believes it, even if I'm more sceptical. The main thing she said I didn't like is how everything we experience and how it affects us is made up by ourselves. Okay, that's cool, very Buddha, but it just sounds like it totally dismisses trauma and difficulty, I didn't decide that this situation would be so hard on me, I didn't decide to go "I'm just gonna collapse into a tear-filled puddle now", I didn't make up that I can or cannot do stuff. Some things are, even if they aren't measurable because they're in your head, they still are. She didn't talk like she actually believed all that I just said, that's just what I heard in the short version. Much like I hear "I'd rather my child died than be like you" in what anti-vaxxers say.
She did teach me this technique called "Havening" which is supposedly so good it can help treat PTSD, and it did calm me down after I'd gotten all wound up. I'd call it an effective in-the-moment calming technique.
On that note, what defines PTSD, the trauma or the effect in the... post?
Good morning friends!
Today is going to be a great day! My beloved in-laws are coming for a last minute visit. They're on their way to drop off a border collie to live with my sis-in-law in a tiny apartment (for those who might not know, border collies' are medium sized dogs with lots of energy who do best with a yard and lots of exercise). And oh, can't forget, She's Allergic To Dogs.
I can't really express in words how angry this whole thing makes me. All I can do is growl like an angry bear.
And I wanted to write today.
So how are y'all?
Today is going to be a great day! My beloved in-laws are coming for a last minute visit. They're on their way to drop off a border collie to live with my sis-in-law in a tiny apartment (for those who might not know, border collies' are medium sized dogs with lots of energy who do best with a yard and lots of exercise). And oh, can't forget, She's Allergic To Dogs. I can't really express in words how angry this whole thing makes me. All I can do is growl like an angry bear. And I wanted to write today.So how are y'all?
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Sorry, this is a bit harsh. But frankly right now I'm feeling a little hurt by the way I've been treated. Stuff I've said has been taken out of context, twisted, and then aspersions have been cast upon my character and intentions. I've tried to keep calm but all I seem to be getting is aggression back. And no, Aggy, you did not criticise a specific group. You criticised everyone who used an argument you deemed unworthy, without paying any attention to the substance of the argument. Comments about bras are stupid. Pointing out that there appear to be ideologically driven trends in franchises is not. And just because you happen to agree with the ideology behind those trends does not invalidate the opinions of those who may disagree with you. And, as such, to call them all - and lump the valid concerners with the bra commenters - as being butt-hurt is, in my opinion, uncalled for. I have, at no point, deligitimised your right to an opinion (as JJL suggested I had). I have, however, been told that, deep down, I know I'm wrong and as such have been kindly offered the chance to climb down gracefully. Which, y'know, sounds a little threatening actually. I'm sorry if this all sounds a bit ranty but, like I said, I'm really quite hurt right now.
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I honestly mostly skimmed all the Doctor Who comments and as such have no real idea about the debate that's going on, but I'm sorry anyone has been made to feel the way Yumpty feels. 
Having not read the discourse, I can't say for certain, but I think this is one of those situations where no one is really in the right or in the wrong, but someone (if not everyone) ended up hurt. The Cantina is a friendly place, so an apology from all parties might be in order, yeah? No one said anything with the intent to be hurtful, no one wanted to pick a fight, but maybe they just hit a sore spot and a keyword?
Having not read the discourse, I can't say for certain, but I think this is one of those situations where no one is really in the right or in the wrong, but someone (if not everyone) ended up hurt. The Cantina is a friendly place, so an apology from all parties might be in order, yeah? No one said anything with the intent to be hurtful, no one wanted to pick a fight, but maybe they just hit a sore spot and a keyword? Uhm... Why are they doing that? You can have a Border in an apartment if you give it plenty of exercise and mental stimulation, I know some people in my neighborhood have some pretty high-demand dogs that look healthy and happy. But if she's allergic, then it... it's probably not the dog for her, even if she can and will provide for its needs.Good morning friends!
So how are y'all?
I honestly mostly skimmed all the Doctor Who comments and as such have no real idea about the debate that's going on, but I'm sorry anyone has been made to feel the way Yumpty feels.
I second this. The Cantina is not the place for arguments and certainly not the place for negative feelings. I haven't been involved in this discussion either and I will take no sides, but feelings are being hurt. Let's move on, please?
Heaven knows I wish I knew. All I know is that I'm going to have two extra people and an extra dog (I already have 2) in my house at some unknown time today.
I'm having to draw on all my Good Southern Lady training to get through this today. At least the rage is giving me energy top clean. I'm not even done unpacking from our week long trip to Georgia.
Ok I'm done griping now. Off to do all the things!
This is what I said, specifically quoted. In case anyone can't remember. (I edited out the parts at the end where I talked about a dog passing away and making tea because it didn't seem relevant.)
Let me reiterate. I referred to a very specific group of folks who have been (in a number of situations) pissed off because "girls in my franchise" and have said a number of demonstrably stupid things. I did not (except in that last part where you voiced the "make your own" argument") say anything directed at you specifically. So....
I'm sorry you're hurt. But you did, in fact, take something quite personally, that was not addressed to nor directed at you and then scold me for the fact that you felt bad. Been there, done that on the feeling bad part. There are plenty of folks I agree with most of the time, who also say things that I disagree with a lot. (K. Hurley tends to be almost anti-het-romance because of the toxicity that exists within that subplot. I disagree, but she has valid points in other areas. It doesn't mean I get wound up when folks criticize her approach because she is not me and no one is immune to critique.)
There have been and continue to be serious issues in the response from the (primarily) male/white/cis/het/abled contingent regarding the roles women play in SF/F. And literally no one that I have met is actually ignoring valid criticisms of those roles. (Because, and this may be a surprise but, women actually want to see realistic depictions of themselves in story-telling. Not unjustified successes by characters that are too perfect to be real. We want women who use their brains and bodies and charm and skill and fists and legs and sexuality and intelligence in any combination to do heroic things.) But "OMG! Teh wemminz are taking over my childhood!" is not and will never be a valid critique of female characters in formerly male-dominated spaces.
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zanzjan
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Okay, first, a few notes I feel need to be made:
On the subject of the new Doctor:
1. Sydney Newman, one of the original creators of Doctor Who, told the BBC that the Doctor should, at some point, be cast as a woman.
2. As someone said upthread, the Doctor is an alien. Unless something happened during the Capaldi episodes I've missed, we have no way of knowing whether the Doctor has human-male-type body parts. Maybe he's got tentacles down below. Do we know? No. Do we want to know? Hell no! Will the new Doctor have a vajayjay? Or alien crotch tentacles? The extent to which any of us assume the Doctor is anatomically male is really about each viewer's mental shorthand in relating to -- and identifying with -- the character. (Unless the issue is with the anatomy of the actor playing the character, in which case the argument that it's problematic for reasons other than sexism become much harder to defend.)
3. Those two things suggest there is a disconnect between show canon and the head canon of some fans that this new Doctor choice has highlighted.
4. Show canon > fan head canon.
On the matter of women leads in TV show, whether new or rebooted or a shift in an ongoing narrative:
5. See #1 above specific to Doctor Who.
6. In the context of the broader trend, the reason it seems like the shift has been exclusively M to F is because:
6a. There is such significant inequality between number of Male and Female leads -- the new Planet of the Apes move, frex, has ZERO female speaking roles -- that any sort of move toward equalizing representation is going to be largely M to F.
6b. Certain elements in fandom notice women encroaching on "their" space while entirely oblivious to the extent to which women have been otherwise absent or excluded, which is part of the subset of fan culture that doesn't think women belong in their fan space either (ie, the "fake geek girl" and "women can't write SF" nonsense).
6c. Even when people are relatively open to a shifting towards more equal representation, perception of that shift is often skewed. In a room where 30% of the people are women, women are perceived as being the majority.
6d. This is, of course, sexism.
7. The combination of 6b-6d can lead, in some fans (not all fans) to a condition entirely fairly described as "butt-hurt", though a more diplomatic term would definitely be preferable.
On arguing in the Cantina:
1. In general, assume good intentions on the part of other posters.
2. If you think someone has crossed a line, REPORT THE POST TO A MOD.
3. If you're not sure if *you* crossed a line, ASK A MOD.
4. If you're posting an angry response to someone else, take a deep breath, walk away from the computer for 10 min, and when you come back see if you still think you should say what you're about to say.
5. ...because blowups before I've had my coffee are really unkind.
On the subject of the new Doctor:
1. Sydney Newman, one of the original creators of Doctor Who, told the BBC that the Doctor should, at some point, be cast as a woman.
2. As someone said upthread, the Doctor is an alien. Unless something happened during the Capaldi episodes I've missed, we have no way of knowing whether the Doctor has human-male-type body parts. Maybe he's got tentacles down below. Do we know? No. Do we want to know? Hell no! Will the new Doctor have a vajayjay? Or alien crotch tentacles? The extent to which any of us assume the Doctor is anatomically male is really about each viewer's mental shorthand in relating to -- and identifying with -- the character. (Unless the issue is with the anatomy of the actor playing the character, in which case the argument that it's problematic for reasons other than sexism become much harder to defend.)
3. Those two things suggest there is a disconnect between show canon and the head canon of some fans that this new Doctor choice has highlighted.
4. Show canon > fan head canon.
On the matter of women leads in TV show, whether new or rebooted or a shift in an ongoing narrative:
5. See #1 above specific to Doctor Who.
6. In the context of the broader trend, the reason it seems like the shift has been exclusively M to F is because:
6a. There is such significant inequality between number of Male and Female leads -- the new Planet of the Apes move, frex, has ZERO female speaking roles -- that any sort of move toward equalizing representation is going to be largely M to F.
6b. Certain elements in fandom notice women encroaching on "their" space while entirely oblivious to the extent to which women have been otherwise absent or excluded, which is part of the subset of fan culture that doesn't think women belong in their fan space either (ie, the "fake geek girl" and "women can't write SF" nonsense).
6c. Even when people are relatively open to a shifting towards more equal representation, perception of that shift is often skewed. In a room where 30% of the people are women, women are perceived as being the majority.
6d. This is, of course, sexism.
7. The combination of 6b-6d can lead, in some fans (not all fans) to a condition entirely fairly described as "butt-hurt", though a more diplomatic term would definitely be preferable.
On arguing in the Cantina:
1. In general, assume good intentions on the part of other posters.
2. If you think someone has crossed a line, REPORT THE POST TO A MOD.
3. If you're not sure if *you* crossed a line, ASK A MOD.
4. If you're posting an angry response to someone else, take a deep breath, walk away from the computer for 10 min, and when you come back see if you still think you should say what you're about to say.
5. ...because blowups before I've had my coffee are really unkind.
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zanzjan
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OK, I have finished my coffee, so I am reopening the Cantina and setting out a free round of drinks for all. Let us toast the things we have in common, and move on to other topics.
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Called my grandparents, the phone got picked up, then nothing. Decided to call back later, might be a problem with the phone. Tried again just now, and no answer. Okay... their cell phones, then. No answer on either. I'm trying to convince myself it's nothing, but they're old and have health issues. Called my Mum and asked on the assumption they wouldn't leave her out of the loop if something happened. She said it was probably nothing, just the phone acting up or maybe they were outside, but she does not have me convinced.
Sorry, Rel. Though seems like the more I worry about things like that, the more wasted that worry turns out to be.
My good little car went dead on me yesterday. Mercifully I was only on the frontage road leading to the freeway and not actually on the freeway yet. The electrical went out, as in, no radio, blinkers, hazards, and once I pulled over and put it into park, it wouldn't shift out again. But the engine would still run. Weird. Anyway, called the dealership, luckily only a couple miles away, got it towed. Last night was much bummed. Today, turns out it's the battery, and I'm squeaking in under the wire on the 3-year bumper-to-bumper factory warranty. So even the tow is covered.
My good little car went dead on me yesterday. Mercifully I was only on the frontage road leading to the freeway and not actually on the freeway yet. The electrical went out, as in, no radio, blinkers, hazards, and once I pulled over and put it into park, it wouldn't shift out again. But the engine would still run. Weird. Anyway, called the dealership, luckily only a couple miles away, got it towed. Last night was much bummed. Today, turns out it's the battery, and I'm squeaking in under the wire on the 3-year bumper-to-bumper factory warranty. So even the tow is covered.
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Yay for covered repairs! Rel, I hope the thing with your grandparents is nothing...
I'm working along finishing up the quarter-end close stuff. Ithought about writing a new short story but I guess I'm not ready yet. I just stared at the page. Then again, I kept getting interrupted while I was researching the setting (ancient Egypt, Old Kingdom, daily life, cats)
The short story I vomited last week was about cats, and I'd already planned a set of six cat short stories. A couple more and I can release a collection (once the set is written, that is!). If I can get nine.. that would be perfect.
I'm working along finishing up the quarter-end close stuff. Ithought about writing a new short story but I guess I'm not ready yet. I just stared at the page. Then again, I kept getting interrupted while I was researching the setting (ancient Egypt, Old Kingdom, daily life, cats)
The short story I vomited last week was about cats, and I'd already planned a set of six cat short stories. A couple more and I can release a collection (once the set is written, that is!). If I can get nine.. that would be perfect.
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It's probably nothing, but worry does not work with probabilities, it works with worst case.
Nice timing of the battery.
Nice timing of the battery.
If you're able to check up on them yourself, do it. If not, have someone else do it, because this sends up all kinds of red flags in my brain that something just might be wrong. Sure, it could be nothing, but in my experience, it's better to be safe than sorry.
Morning Cantina, I see things are calm in here again and I no longer have to be worried about being hit by wayward flying shoes, thank Odyn. Been picking up some of my old favorite books recently and giving them a reread, with my current fascination being A Thousand Sons, honestly my favorite Horus Heresy novel and one of my favorite books of all time. Hell, when it comes to the Warhammer universe, the Thousand Sons are one of the coolest things within it! Seriously, not only are they space marines, but they're space marines who can do magic, er, what is essentially magic. It's also an interesting story about prejudice and not playing with things you don't understand, as almost all the other legions hate the Thousands Sons, or just hate Magnus the Red in particular, but there's a good reason as to why the other legions fear them, as if you're not careful with psychic powers, you will quite literally summon a horde of demons down on your head. Wow, I kinda gushed there a bit, sorry.
MIND! :O I, as a completely unqualified person with no professional experience or prior background knowledge in the field being discussed, but also as a person currently undergoing CBT, STRONGLY suggest not trying it alone. Not for fear of harm or any danger, but because HAWT DAYUMN, group therapy, my dude! It works, it really does!!!
It's okay to ask for help if you are able to, and it's okay if you find yourself UNable to. I am someone who suffered in silence for years and yonks and a very long time, and then I ASKED for help. I waited to be rescued or cured or whatever, and it didn't work, nothing changed. So I ASKED. Ever since then, quite frankly, I've improved, because I wasn't alone, I didn't try to pull myself up by my bootstraps (not least because that's physically impossible), I used others to improve myself. And in doing so, I think I have made the people who helped me happier, on top of making myself less horrifically miserable.
I think CBT works because it seems to be working on me (in combination with some other stuff), but the reason I think it's working on me is because I have other people to work WITH. So, if you think it will help you, please do the thing. But try not to do it alone.
Good morning friends!
So how are y'all?
Iff'n your in-laws are willing to drive the puppy halfway across the continent to southern Ontario, Canada, I have a big house, a big yard, and a border collie puppy-dog-hound who needs other puppy-dog-hounds in her old age for company. I'm quite serious, if the dog can come here, I will personally accept them for as long as necessary. (no allergies in this household!
)This is the other reason I am offering up my home for the hounder, Kricket. I know I can take care of two active dogs, done so before, want to again!
Be brave, Rel dearest!
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Dammy can take good care of Border Collies. He knows them.
Wrote my aunt who lives close by my grandparents. She apparently had better luck than me getting ahold of them, because she just wrote back (as I was writing this) that everything's fine.
Wrote my aunt who lives close by my grandparents. She apparently had better luck than me getting ahold of them, because she just wrote back (as I was writing this) that everything's fine.