Could Secondary Character Death be Seen as Cheap...?

DavidBrett · Jul 11, 2017

A bit of context: I'm writing a paranormal adventure in the vein of Constantine, Dresden and Supernatural about a boy who loses his parents to an explosion caused by an ifritt he foolishly made a deal with. He wakes up in hospital in intensive care, recovering and dealing with grafts along the left half of his body when more dark forces gather, cause the hospital to go into a lockdown, and hunt him and a small band of patients, visitors and staff throughout the large building.

The threat is very real, with survivors being picked off by various creatures, ghouls and similar threats. But I also had an idea that one of the group - a patient with a serious condition (maybe some form of cancer) who the MC forms a strong friendship with - survives until the end is in sight, only ro succumb to their illness.

Would this be seen as cheap, for a character to die of something so normal and mortal after being faced with numerous dark, otherworldly dangers? I don't want it to be anticlimatic, but rather strongly emotional and a harsh reminder to the MC that no matter how hard he fights the monsters of my world, even he can't save everyone from their fates, even he can't deny death all the time.

Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Dave

Cindyt · Jul 11, 2017

Not if there's a plotwise reason for killing the character off.

Maggie Maxwell · Jul 11, 2017

DavidBrett said:
I don't want it to be anticlimatic, but rather strongly emotional and a harsh reminder to the MC that no matter how hard he fights the monsters of my world, even he can't save everyone from their fates, even he can't deny death all the time.

This works perfectly fine for me as reasoning. It also sounds like it would be a nice change of pace from the supernatural deaths.

Roxxsmom · Jul 11, 2017

What narrative purpose does the death serve? I can definitely see an argument for a reminder that death happens, even when dark forces aren't involved (maybe a reminder that there are things no one can control), but it depends on how the story develops. I don't think such a death is inherently cheap.

DavidBrett · Jul 11, 2017

Roxx, it's all a part of the MC's character development in much the same sense as you said. He made a reckless deal with an ifritt to gain the powers of his parents, and that results in their deaths. He resolves to try and not be so brash and take responsibility for his actions, but then the dark forces attack and he takes action to save everyone he possibly can because he knows it's his fault the hospital is beset by dark forces. In doing so he's just replaced one form of foolish naivety with another, believing he can save everyone just because he has the powers necessary. The secondary character's death would then make him come to terms with the fact that, even with his newfound abilities, even he can't save everyone from everything, that he's still just one mortal against forces both natural and supernatural.

... if that made sense? I'm still in the rough planning stages &#55357;&#56837;

Will Collins · Jul 11, 2017

No, your book sounds awesome actually. Feel free to let me know if you even need a beta reader.

Tazlima · Jul 11, 2017

I actually think a mundane (for lack of a better word) death among the craziness would help emphasize the crazy. Look at the story of Sigurd the Mighty. He's in all kinds of battles and how does he die? He's transporting the head of a decapitated foe, the teeth graze him, and he gets a scratch. That scratch gets infected and the infection kills him. A better job cleaning the wound, or a dab of modern-day neosporin, and he would have been fine.

kuwisdelu · Jul 11, 2017

DavidBrett said:
I don't want it to be anticlimatic, but rather strongly emotional and a harsh reminder to the MC that no matter how hard he fights the monsters of my world, even he can't save everyone from their fates, even he can't deny death all the time.

I don't see any issue with a character dying of illness in that situation, but I don't like it when a character is killed off primarily to advance the development of another character.

DavidBrett · Jul 11, 2017

Tazlima said:
I actually think a mundane (for lack of a better word) death among the craziness would help emphasize the crazy. Look at the story of Sigurd the Mighty. He's in all kinds of battles and how does he die? He's transporting the head of a decapitated foe, the teeth graze him, and he gets a scratch. That scratch gets infected and the infection kills him. A better job cleaning the wound, or a dab of modern-day neosporin, and he would have been fine.

Oh, man, I haven't heard that story since my earlier History classes. Takes me back... but yes, that's more or less the theme I'm looking to run with; the fact that they survive this literal hell on earth and all its macabre dangers, only to be harshly reminded that they're all fighting their own personal battles, and this character has finally lost theirs and there's nothing the MC can do about it other than to hold their hand and be with them in their final moments.

kuwisdelu said:
I don't see any issue with a character dying of illness in that situation, but I don't like it when a character is killed off primarily to advance the development of another character.

That's a prime concern for me, too... this character is going to be featured pretty much through the majority of the book, building a close relationship with the MC and bring some humanity to the narrative amidst all the supernatural craziness. But their death is necessary for the MC to realise he can't save everyone from everything, fantastical or mundane, that winning doesn't solely mean survival, but also about being at peace with yourself. The character will be at peace, even happy, as despite everything he made a true friend in the MC, who treated him like a normal person and not a frail flower, that he got to truly live - if only for a brief time, and in nightmarish conditions - rather than waste away on his death bed.

But having said that, I'm fully aware that I need to be careful that this character has a life, personality and motives, etc, all of their own, and that they don't exist solely to be a character development tool for the protagonist. Any suggestions...?

Will Collins said:
No, your book sounds awesome actually. Feel free to let me know if you even need a beta reader.

I appreciate that Will! I was actually looking at the beta section for possible readers, but like I said right now I'm rewriting it basically from the ground up, so there's not much to read other than the original's rough opening. I'll keep you in mind, though, unless you don't mind starting now? Either way, I'm grateful for your help

Sage · Jul 12, 2017

FWIW, I don't see anything wrong with another character's death helping to develop the MC. I understand that there are characters whose sole purpose is to die and propel the MC on their mission or into change (usually women for male MCs) and that's overdone and problematic, but for a character we have gotten to know and like and can feel the grief along with the MC? No problem there for me. Using it to juxtapose the supernatural deaths with one he has no control over is a meaningful device.

For such deaths, I feel like the trick is making the death feel both surprising and yet inevitable to the reader

(OTOH, I get impatient with cancer stories, as a cancer survivor myself)

Fruitbat · Jul 12, 2017

Since you are questioning this in the context of a specific story you are writing rather than in general terms, maybe something about it isn't sitting well with you.

If it seems too contrived or a distraction from the forward movement of your story or... whatever, consider exactly what that concern is and if your story might be better off without this bit. For example, it's possible it would annoy readers if they'd logically expect the death to fit in with the supernatural aspects somehow, keep waiting for that explanation to appear, and it never does. But without having read it, I couldn't weigh in on if it works or not.

The only other thought I have is since you want it to have strong emotional impact, if you do include this death, you might want to have it occur late in the story after we've had a chance to get good and attached to the character who dies.

Cekrit · Jul 12, 2017

If the death serves a purpose to the Mc's development, by all means kill them- but i wouldnt opt to kill them by natural causes, as you mentioned its like HURAH! We killed all of these demons and are total badasses, but now im coughing up blood and getting weak due to cancer or another illness. While that does highlight even a hero's mortality, I think the point would be missed.

personally, I would opt to have the secondary character utterly eviscerated in front of the MC, destroyed, torn apart- or even let his/her illness cause them to be so frail that they trip and fall, or fall behind and be caught by the demon.

But I think the MC witnessing the violent death of their best friend would burn a hatred deep within them that will carry them through their next fights.

But I would make a point to build their relationship up as much as you could and put the strongest focus you can on it so when they do die its a significant moment.

talktidy · Jul 12, 2017

Well, if I came to like your secondary character I might want to throw something at you for offing them.

As ever it depends on the skills of the writer, but I don't think I would have a problem with what you have suggested.

DavidBrett · Jul 12, 2017

Thanks again for all your continued help and advice!

Sage, I understand and feel cancer is too obvious a goto disease. So I'm thinking maybe something affecting the immune system, organs, etc or just making up a "rare condition" that has no cure. Also, I'm thinking more that the character will be a younger boy who looks up to the MC as a big brother figure, effectively plating on his recent loss of his own immediate family. There IS a female secondary character, or second protagonist if you want, who'll continue to appear in the planned series. I really like her, and have awesome ideas planned.

Fruitbat, I'm simply asking because I've never had a chance to write a character's death before, let alone intend it to be deeply meaningful and impact on the MC as much as this one will. Like with everything you're trying for the first time, it doesn't hurt to get advice from those more experienced

But yes, this death will occur just after the supernatural threat is defeated and things are looking to return to normal, to not give the MC the full satisfaction of victory that he expected.

Cekrit, I like your suggestions, but the way I have it initially planned out I don't think it will be easy to miss. Now the MC's inherited the spiritual powers of his mother (and the innate magic and knowledge of his father), he can see most of the ethereal beings that bleed into our reality (which is one of many, but the mechanics of my world is an entirely different topic, lol), including Reapers. As the name suggests, they're benign spirits whose sole function is to collect the souls/spirits of the dying and usher them through the dark space between realities to the next. They'd be mentioned and appear frequently in the story as the MC passes certain wards, room and bodies, not just casually mentioned once... so that when the day is won and the survivors are all happy to have made it, the MC's heart will sink when he sees a Reaper slowly form over his weakened friend, signifying the end...

Talktidy, I'll be sure to invest in shoe-proof armour, just in case

Thief · Jul 31, 2017

DavidBrett said:
So I'm thinking maybe something affecting the immune system, organs, etc or just making up a "rare condition" that has no cure. Also, I'm thinking more that the character will be a younger boy who looks up to the MC as a big brother figure, effectively plating on his recent loss of his own immediate family.

If you want to showcase that it's the mundane reality that can kill you, I feel making up a disease in order to do so would cheapen that impact.

As for the character being a young boy, that sounds like you're veering into Littlest Cancer Patient territory, in which case I'd pretty much be expecting him to succumb to his illness at some point in the story. Especially since you say he looks up to the MC and sees him as a big brother. To me, all of those character traits mark him with a flag for death--and needless to say, if I'm anticipating his death, it won't have nearly as much of an impact on me.

Not trying to sound harsh, though! And those are only my personal opinions. Someone else might see it differently.

frimble3 · Jul 31, 2017

Sage said:
(OTOH, I get impatient with cancer stories, as a cancer survivor myself)

Fairylet said:
If you want to showcase that it's the mundane reality that can kill you, I feel making up a disease in order to do so would cheapen that impact.

As for the character being a young boy, that sounds like you're veering into Littlest Cancer Patient territory, in which case I'd pretty much be expecting him to succumb to his illness at some point in the story. Especially since you say he looks up to the MC and sees him as a big brother. To me, all of those character traits mark him with a flag for death--and needless to say, if I'm anticipating his death, it won't have nearly as much of an impact on me.

Not trying to sound harsh, though! And those are only my personal opinions. Someone else might see it differently.

I'm kind of seeing it the way you do. Just put him in a cheery red shirt and be done with it. "Ooh, lookit - he's a plucky cancer patient, what could possibly happen to him?" It's also the whole 'Love Story' thing - patient is lying there all pale and sickly, but looking pretty nonetheless, and able to talk with the MC. Very Victorian.
If the boy is so sick that he just dies at the end of the day, how does he have the strength for running and dodging, let alone concentrate on forming friendships with the MC? Why isn't he hooked up to machines and IVs? If he's that badly off, can your little group afford to literally carry him?
Would it work for your idea (that the MC learns that he can't save everybody from everything) if he were to die from some sort of accident?
For example: (purely an example, I'm sure you can think of a better idea, based on your setting and characters.)
The fight is over, they're all wearily climbing up the stairs from the basement. The boy, who has been getting weaker and more tired all day, is lagging behind. At the top of the stairs, the survivors gather, MC hears a cry, turns around to see the boy falling down the stairs. Before he can turn back, he sees a Reaper gather over his friend's body. Nothing he can do.
He was a brave little kid, didn't ask for help, but in the end, he slipped and didn't have the strength or reflexes to grab the handrail. Maybe he slipped on the blood from some other survivor, or let go of the handrail to avoid the blood?

Could Secondary Character Death be Seen as Cheap...?

DavidBrett

Alas, poor Yorick, he fed me 'nanas

Cindyt

Gettin wiggy wit it

Maggie Maxwell

Making Einstein cry since 1994

Roxxsmom

Beastly Fido

DavidBrett

Alas, poor Yorick, he fed me 'nanas

Will Collins

Will Collins

Tazlima

kuwisdelu

Revolutionize the World

DavidBrett

Alas, poor Yorick, he fed me 'nanas

Sage

Supreme Guessinator

Fruitbat

.

Cekrit

talktidy

DavidBrett

Alas, poor Yorick, he fed me 'nanas

Thief

frimble3

Heckuva good sport