Hello all!
I'm looking to swap prose for a critique. I have a 3800 word short story I'd like looked at. I'm willing to read up to 6000 words of fiction, whether it's an excerpt from a novel, or a short story or two. Anyting that adds up to about 6000 words.
If you're interested, PM me, or email me at eniac_caine at hotmail dot com. Below is the first 200 words of the story I'd like critiqued. The title is SHOVE PUSH STAND.
***
The granddaughter of the most powerful witch in the world woke up to bright sunlight shining through her bedroom window. An idea hopped around in her head. She was getting old. It was time to get married.
She got to Suncheon-si kindergarten an hour later. She sat in her homeroom seat. She inspected the boys in her class. They were talking. They were laughing. The crybaby was crying and repeating mommy over and over again. Not one of the boys was paying attention to her. That would change soon.
She took out a sheet of paper and drew an emerald ring. Now, whom should she give it to? Yesterday in gym class, Lee Jun-ho had run the fastest and jumped the highest. Everyone had cheered for him the loudest. If she was going to get married, she definitely wanted someone who everyone thought was a winner.
Six-year-old Jong Eun-Yul stood up and went to Jun-ho. She held the drawing of the ring directly in front of his face.
“Now we’re engaged,” she announced.
Jun-ho’s eyes opened wide. “What?” he squeaked. The voices in the classroom lowered. Even the crybaby stopped crying for his mother. He turned along with everyone else.
I'm looking to swap prose for a critique. I have a 3800 word short story I'd like looked at. I'm willing to read up to 6000 words of fiction, whether it's an excerpt from a novel, or a short story or two. Anyting that adds up to about 6000 words.
If you're interested, PM me, or email me at eniac_caine at hotmail dot com. Below is the first 200 words of the story I'd like critiqued. The title is SHOVE PUSH STAND.
***
The granddaughter of the most powerful witch in the world woke up to bright sunlight shining through her bedroom window. An idea hopped around in her head. She was getting old. It was time to get married.
She got to Suncheon-si kindergarten an hour later. She sat in her homeroom seat. She inspected the boys in her class. They were talking. They were laughing. The crybaby was crying and repeating mommy over and over again. Not one of the boys was paying attention to her. That would change soon.
She took out a sheet of paper and drew an emerald ring. Now, whom should she give it to? Yesterday in gym class, Lee Jun-ho had run the fastest and jumped the highest. Everyone had cheered for him the loudest. If she was going to get married, she definitely wanted someone who everyone thought was a winner.
Six-year-old Jong Eun-Yul stood up and went to Jun-ho. She held the drawing of the ring directly in front of his face.
“Now we’re engaged,” she announced.
Jun-ho’s eyes opened wide. “What?” he squeaked. The voices in the classroom lowered. Even the crybaby stopped crying for his mother. He turned along with everyone else.