• Read this: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?288931-Guidelines-for-Participation-in-Outwitting-Writer-s-Block

    before you post.

Not exactly writer's block--more of a confidence block

Status
Not open for further replies.

CathleenT

I write
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
5,097
Reaction score
1,981
Location
Northern California
Not sure if this is the right place to put this, but the Conquering Challenges subforum seems more devoted to non-writing issues.

So, on the surface, no big deal. I submitted a story (which was accepted), and the editor gave me some terrific advice concerning over-use of narration (aka showing vs. telling). It was absolutely spot-on. He showed me where a line that I never really loved but didn't know why was better replaced by a texted conversation conveying the same information.

In a completely unrelated (except temporally) event, I received back a critique from an online friend of mine. I'd originally asked her for a possible author blurb to use as fodder when I release my freebie novelette (for people who join my email newsletter, since miscellaneous short stories aren't getting it done). I really thought the thing was pretty good. I'd submitted it to multiple betas, revised it myself in many different moods, and I liked it.

Diana had the guts to tell me it wasn't ready and proceeded to demonstrate in numerous places why it wasn't. Now please understand that I love feedback, especially that which makes my writing better. I will always be grateful to her for doing this. One of my biggest fears is of jumping the gun too fast because I still haven't learned enough self-control and adding to the enormous pile of forgettable literature.

But now I find myself paralyzed. I don't trust my judgment at all. I've given so many critiques, both on SYW and with betas, and I thought I'd learned enough from the experience to rationally consider my own work. I've put aside stories as "just not strong enough," not many, but enough that I thought I had some kind of discernment about this whole process.

And now I can't write. I can't edit. I can't do anything except yardwork because at least that keeps me moving. I can point to something I did in my spare time that had merit.

Maybe I've written too many flash stories. It was originally a prescription for too much wordiness in my novels. Writing short made me careful with my words, with the added bonus that short stories are easy to get feedback on. But maybe I've done this too much and now rely too heavily on narration to squeeze too much story into too few words.

Maybe I've learned all I can from this story length and should focus on another, like novelettes or novellas--something that will be more similar to novel-length patterns of showing vs. telling. I don't want to write another novel. I already have eight unpublished ones. I want to finish editing these #$%& things before I make any more of them.

Maybe I just want to like my own work too much, and I'll not be able to overcome that partiality to be rational about my words, in which case I'm screwed.

I don't even know why I'm going through this much angst. I've sucked up tough critiques before and never had issues. Maybe it's because I didn't think those stories were ready. It's the surprise that got to me more than anything else.

Has anyone here ever dealt with a severe confidence crisis? Any words of advice for working through one? I've given myself time, and that doesn't seem to be getting the job done.
 

Layla Nahar

Seashell Seller
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 6, 2007
Messages
7,655
Reaction score
913
Location
Seashore
When I finally bit the bullet and started subbing things - four tries, four rejections - I ended up not writing for about 14 months.
 

shizu

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 5, 2015
Messages
126
Reaction score
22
It's the dreaded comparison game that always sends my self-confidence crashing (and it's not exactly falling from heady heights to begin with...). If I read something I think is amazing, rather than be inspired I'm much more likely to end up thinking "I'll never be able to match that, so what's the point even trying?" at which point I freeze. Every word turns to absolute drivel. I hate my writing before I've even put it down on paper.

Unfortunately time's the only thing that really helps for me. Time, or being hit by an idea that doesn't care whether I'm confident or not, it demands I work on it rightnowdammit!

Some people find reading/watching really terrible stuff helpful, in that gleeful sorta "Well, I can definitely do better than that!" way. Writing/reading outside your usual comfort zone can give you some breathing space too, which it looks like you're thinking about? Experimenting with something new or different can be liberating enough that it short-circuits our judgmental selves for a while.

It's also worth bearing in mind that one opinion is just that, even if it's coming from a trusted and well-intentioned friend. Do you actually agree with the critique once the issues were pointed out? Or has the fact that your friend thought there were issues at all thrown your judgment into a hyper-critical "Well, then there must be a problem with it if this person thinks so, right?" mode? I think every single one of us has trouble sometimes being impartial to our own work (hence why we find betas in the first place), but I think for most of us it tends to be subjectivity of the being-too-negative variety far more often than "this is amazing, I'm the best writer in the world!" obliviousness (the Dunning-Kruger effect).

Sometimes (like your first example with the editor who accepted your story -- congrats, btw!) critiques will flag up issues we kinda knew existed in our work, but we just couldn't pinpoint ourselves. But if neither you nor any of your betas flagged up any of the problems your friend did, it's worth considering that it's not necessarily a systemic issue with the work and rather one reader possibly not clicking with it. Their reasons for that might be perfectly valid and make complete sense, but only you can decide if you agree enough to base changes on. If it's one "nay" vs. five, ten, however many "yay"s, then that's something to consider too.
 

CathleenT

I write
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
5,097
Reaction score
1,981
Location
Northern California
Thanks so much, Layla and shizu.

I'm so glad the block thing turned out to be temporary, Layla.

And shizu, it was a brilliant critique. Both of them were, actually. The kind of critique you always want--not that I agree with every single thing, but some of her points were outstanding and insightful, and I should have seen them myself.

It's not that either critique was destructive in any way. I've even sucked up somewhat destructive crits and been grateful for the useful nuggets contained therein.

It's just that I've pretty much decided that self-publishing (except for shorts, and I SP a lot of them on my blog anyway) is likely to be far less debilitating for me than trade publishing. I thought I had a reasonably good idea of what was publishable in terms of quality. I had two novels ready to go next year, plus a collection. Now, I'm back to dithering. Maybe I'm not really ready--I just want to be. [insert swear word of choice here]

And no one can tell me if I'm ready. I have to decide that for myself. I thought I had, and now I'm back to having no real idea. And if all the decades of reading voraciously in my genre (fantasy), plus writing eight novels, three collections, multiple beta swaps for all the previous, SYW, etc. haven't given me the judgment to decide this, maybe it can't be learned this way by me.

I suppose that's what I'm truly afraid of. I don't want to put out drivel and think it's good.
 
Last edited:

StoryofWoe

Sick and pale with grief.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 4, 2014
Messages
1,045
Reaction score
89
Location
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene.
I wish I had some advice to give, but I'm mired in a similar crisis of confidence now, and have been since spring of last year when I subbed a novel I'd prepped to the best of my ability, and it turned out my best wasn't good enough. After seeking feedback from fellow-writer betas, I realized what went wrong, but decided to shelve the project because it would've required significant gutting, and I didn't see the point in rewriting a story I was no longer excited about (plus, by that time, the subgenre was firmly on its way out). To me, it made more sense to start fresh with new characters and a return to my light-speculative roots. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to push past the fear that I'll make the same mistakes--or worse. As soon as I get an idea, I pick it to shreds. I did manage to write, sub, and sell three short stories last fall/winter, which are slated to come out later this year. But I'm completely stalled on the novel front. I no longer trust my instincts, and the constant second-guessing has sapped a lot of joy out of the process.

I'm sorry you're feeling paralyzed. It's an awful place to be, and I hope you're able to move past it. :Hug2:
 

morngnstar

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 9, 2014
Messages
2,271
Reaction score
297
It's okay not to be ready. It's also okay to be ready but not perfect. I'm not sure which one you are. But if you agree with the critique and think there are major flaws, at least you're halfway there because you know what they are.

It sounds like you are afraid that even if you rewrite, you will just rewrite the same flaws, or new ones, since if you didn't spot the mistakes before, how will you now? But now you know more than you did then, by virtue of receiving the critique. You have learned not only the particular flaws, but the kind of flaws to look out for. Probably there are some types you are still unaware of, and you might make more mistakes in the future, but you will make different mistakes, and that's how you make progress.
 

CathleenT

I write
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
5,097
Reaction score
1,981
Location
Northern California
Wow. This is one time that misery really doesn't love company. I'm so sorry, Story. But take hope in the three acceptances, at least. That's got to be a good thing.

morngstar, I'm wondering if there's a way to just power through this thing. Woman up, suck in my gut, get better somehow. Critique everything in the SYW rooms that I'm reasonably qualified to crit? Put a limit on it and then return to my work?

Or just act like nothing happened and maybe it will come true. Denial usually isn't effective, but this is just going on inside my head.

Aargh! There's got to be a way out of this thing. I refuse to be a rat stuck in a maze. Maybe that will work.
 
Last edited:

StoryofWoe

Sick and pale with grief.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 4, 2014
Messages
1,045
Reaction score
89
Location
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene.
Wow. This is one time that misery really doesn't love company. I'm so sorry. But take hope in the three acceptances, at least. That's got to be a good thing.

I'm wondering if there's a way to just power through this thing. Woman up, suck in my gut, get better somehow. Critique everything in the SYW rooms that I'm reasonably qualified to crit? Put a limit on it, like a hundred critiques, and then return to my work?

Eek. That's a lot of crits. And I NEED to write. And revise and publish. Of course, I'm not getting any writing done right now, so perhaps I'm not losing anything with that plan.
Thanks for the kind words. :heart: I've considered camping out in SYW for a while, too. Critting does take time, but if you're not writing or editing for yourself atm then, no, you're not really missing out on anything besides angst and anxiety--which like to take up more than their fair share of head-space to begin with! Every now and then I'll pop into QLH, but I find that if I spend too much time on the querying/publishing end of things, I'll start trying to write from the outside in, and that rarely ends well for me. My gut tells me it's probably going to take a combination of time and grit and distraction to get the words flowing again. Maybe I'll see you around SYW!
 

Cindyt

Gettin wiggy wit it
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 14, 2016
Messages
4,826
Reaction score
1,954
Location
The Sticks
Website
growingupwolf.blogspot.com
I get like that in spurts. What used to bog me down on WIP1 was the opening paragraph. It was compared to a real estate ad, too wordy, too convoluted, or "this line should be first" vs "No, this line should be first." The first time I came close to shelving it. Then I pulled on my big girl drawers and came up with an opening that makes sense, isn't a descriptive, and the first line is where is should be because it's how the story unfolds. Some people may find it too wordy, but it's active wordy, if that makes sense. :D
 
Last edited:

shizu

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 5, 2015
Messages
126
Reaction score
22
Sometimes I'm not sure there's such a thing as "100% ready" in this business, just "this is as ready as I can possibly be given the circumstances." I like to think that writing (and all the stuff that goes along with it) is something we're constantly learning and improving as we go, so in a sense you're always going to be not-quite-ready-enough, because your skills are always evolving.

I think there's always going to be that great bit of advice, or that insightful critique to improve something that you hadn't come to yet. That absolutely doesn't mean everything up until that point has been drivel. It just means you now have yet another tool in the toolbox for future reference. That's what we do as writers, I think. We build up bigger toolboxes.

I struggle a lot with perfectionism and second-guessing myself and my work. I've thrown away ideas I really love because I feel I'm not good enough to do them justice. I figure I need to learn more, read more, do something more before I'm somehow worthy of it. Only by that logic I never end up worthy enough, the toolbox is never full enough, so I end up spinning my wheels and going nowhere. My self-judgement is consistently "it's awful," so at some point I have to make myself let go, stop noodling around in endless revisions, betas and reworkings and hit 'Post' or 'Send' and see what happens. Sometimes that's the only way to gauge where I'm at.
 

CathleenT

I write
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
5,097
Reaction score
1,981
Location
Northern California
Thanks, Story.

Glad you're still moving forward, Cindy.

Okay, shizu, that makes sense. I don't think I'm trying to be a perfectionist. I'm trying to write at a professional standard.

I don't submit that much, but I do take heart from the acceptances. Rejections mostly run off my back. There are so many places to submit and they take such a variety of work that I figure it's just not a good fit. And maybe it's just not a good fit at the time--they already have a story too similar, or something like that. Or maybe they just don't get into what I do. That's okay. I don't think everyone will like what I write. Not everyone likes Tolkien. Or even the Bible.

I just don't want to publish something I'll look back at later and think it's crap. I visit a lot of blogs, and people sometimes post stream-of-consciousness rough draft stuff, and the idea makes me cringe. I know I need feedback to write anything decent. It's something I hope I'll outgrow, but I take comfort from the fact that Brandon Sanderson hasn't.

I'm probably making too much of this. Like you said, just because I can improve doesn't mean everything up until now is drivel.
 

Undercover

I got it covered
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 1, 2010
Messages
10,432
Reaction score
2,054
Location
Not here, but there
I go through a lot of this too. I'm in it right now. The last novel I finished writing was December of last year. 6 months later and I'm still not writing. Usually I'm writing a novel for 3 to 6 months, then stop for 3 months and start on a new one. But like you Cathleen, I have 4 other novels after my published novel (coming out later this year) I've been devoting a lot of time trying to stay active on social media, but I yearn to write again. BUT those 4 other novels keep nagging at me. I need to go back and fix them if they're to have a chance.

I think for me, I'm so worried about this one novel doing well, that it's just too plain hard to push through that and write something new. My doubt on maybe it's not good enough seeps through all the time. This was the same novel that got rejected the most out of all my novels, so I'm expecting mixed reviews. I got mixed reviews on my last book too. And my pro reviews on my last book was really sad, they ripped it apart. So I'm terrified of getting pro reviews on this one. It's like I can't move on right now. I still have proofs to read. And I'm NOW starting to think, what if this is a total bust? It's hard to have to read your book and think that.

I'm very grateful to have this experience, but I need it to do well or my forthcoming unpublished novels suffer. I dread having to go back to the drawing board and have to try to look for another publisher. It's such a dismal time when you're doing that. So my writing will always suffer. Sometimes you just need a big break from it. Gardening is a great thing to do. I love to walk, gets a lot of stuff out of my head. Or writing poems, or blog posts...other things besides novels. Novels are a huge commitment and as others have mentioned, sometimes I'm not always ready to commit.

Things will work themselves out eventually. You've been writing for a long time, Cath. And you're a really good writer too as I've had the opportunity to enjoy some of your work. Just hang in there, hopefully it wlll pass soon.
 

chompers

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 19, 2013
Messages
2,506
Reaction score
384
Don't beat yourself up over not catching a bunch of mistakes. There is a reason why we go through betas -- to get another pair of eyes on the work. They also bring in different perspectives, so it may be easier for them to spot something that others may not have seen. It's when it's already pointed out that sometimes it seems so obvious. Hindsight is 20/20.
 

CathleenT

I write
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
5,097
Reaction score
1,981
Location
Northern California
I'm so sorry you're feeling this, too, Undercover. Sheesh. I'm starting to think angst must be a writer's default state. I DON'T want anyone else to feel paralyzed, but it's helpful to not feel weird that it happened to me.

And you're probably right, chompers. Beating myself up isn't likely to be productive.
 

EMaree

a demon for tea
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 7, 2009
Messages
4,655
Reaction score
839
Location
Scotland
Website
www.emmamaree.com
Something similar happened to me recently. I was revising a project and thought it was stronger, but beta feedback came back making it clear I'd made it worse. Months of miserable, long, dragging editing had only sent me backwards. I've been struggling a lot with sadness over the news and politics this year, and finding out my almost-ready-to-query project wasn't ready knocked me for six.

So I took a step back. Listened to some confidence podcasts, read some self-improvement books, hung out with writer buddies online. Played video games, read books, didn't write. Breathed.

After a while, a few plotbunnies started scratching at my brain. After a while, I thought: what does it matter if I fail? If I never write a good book, if I never query, if I never make it, what changes? If I know I'm never going to succeed, will I stop?

And the answer, for me, was: no. Because it's fun. It is difficult, so difficult, and sometimes it's like slamming my head off a door. But I enjoy it.

Even if it goes nowhere, I enjoy it. Even if it's just for me, it's fun. And before I cared about publishing, I wanted to write books that teenage me would enjoy. I still want to write books that teenage me will enjoy... but I got so caught up in worrying about what agents want, what beta readers like, what the market wants that I forgot all of that.

So now I'm taking a break from editing (which I hate) and querying (which I fear). I'm scribbling out a rough draft, which is the part I love most. I'm writing for me, I'm doing what feels fun, and the rest can wait.

If you can, my advice is to step back and think about why you started writing. Chances are you have very different favourite parts of the process, and very different reasons why. But if you find them and focus on them, you'll feel better.
 

CathleenT

I write
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
5,097
Reaction score
1,981
Location
Northern California
Thanks, EMaree.

I'm not sure I actually know how to have fun anymore. The closest I come is walking my dog someplace beautiful, which I should do more. There's no point in living someplace lovely if I don't get out into it more. That's part of the yardwork thing.

Drafting is my favorite part, too. That part sucks because I spend way more time in revision than drafting--years vs. months. It's one of the reasons I've been writing so many short stories, since that was the only current writing that I'm doing, other than nonfic articles on my blog.

Maybe I should sit down and write a longer short story. About anything. A dog walker who crosses into Faerie.

Problem is that right now I look at that sentence and draw a blank on plot. Maybe I should just pants my way through like I used to. I did enjoy finding out the story as I wrote. Maybe I'm planning too much. :)
 

PastyAlien

Space butthole
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 10, 2014
Messages
3,146
Reaction score
2,797
Location
Under the table
Website
helfrich.ca
Diana had the guts to tell me it wasn't ready and proceeded to demonstrate in numerous places why it wasn't. Now please understand that I love feedback, especially that which makes my writing better. I will always be grateful to her for doing this. One of my biggest fears is of jumping the gun too fast because I still haven't learned enough self-control and adding to the enormous pile of forgettable literature.

But now I find myself paralyzed. I don't trust my judgment at all. I've given so many critiques, both on SYW and with betas, and I thought I'd learned enough from the experience to rationally consider my own work. I've put aside stories as "just not strong enough," not many, but enough that I thought I had some kind of discernment about this whole process.

And now I can't write. I can't edit. I can't do anything except yardwork because at least that keeps me moving. I can point to something I did in my spare time that had merit.

<snip>

I don't even know why I'm going through this much angst. I've sucked up tough critiques before and never had issues. Maybe it's because I didn't think those stories were ready. It's the surprise that got to me more than anything else.

Has anyone here ever dealt with a severe confidence crisis? Um. What time is it? Any words of advice for working through one? I've given myself time, and that doesn't seem to be getting the job done.
Everyone eventually gets a crit that sucker-punches the joy out of writing, no matter how well-intentioned the critter, or how talented the writer. IME, it's the quivering fetal-position ball-of-insecurity writers who are talented, and the confident Dunning-Kruger I KNOW EVERYTHING BASK IN THE BRILLIANCE OF MY GOLDEN WORDS writers who suck (Pasty has been known to take special joy in delivering that sucker punch to these latter types *hangs head*).

Maybe I'm not really ready--I just want to be. [insert swear word of choice here] Fuuuuuuuck. (Sorry. can't help myself :))

And no one can tell me if I'm ready. I can try to tell you. Whether you believe me or not is another matter I have to decide that for myself. I suppose that's what I'm truly afraid of. I don't want to put out drivel and think it's good.
FWIW, I think you're writing at a professional level. Even if that critter was right (I have no idea, just let's say), EVERYONE TURNS OUT DUDS ONCE IN A WHILE. I have trunks full of duds. They keep the bodies company.

Wow. This is one time that misery really doesn't love company. I'm so sorry, Story. But take hope in the three acceptances, at least. That's got to be a good thing.

morngstar, I'm wondering if there's a way to just power through this thing. Woman up, suck in my gut, get better somehow. Critique everything in the SYW rooms that I'm reasonably qualified to crit? Put a limit on it and then return to my work?

Or just act like nothing happened and maybe it will come true. This one. Just keep writing. Denial usually isn't effective, but this is just going on inside my head.

Aargh! There's got to be a way out of this thing. I refuse to be a rat stuck in a maze. Maybe that will work.

I don't think I'm trying to be a perfectionist. I'm trying to write at a professional standard. I think you are.

I don't submit that much, but I do take heart from the acceptances. See? Rejections mostly run off my back. There are so many places to submit and they take such a variety of work that I figure it's just not a good fit. Exactly And maybe it's just not a good fit at the time--they already have a story too similar, or something like that. Or maybe they just don't get into what I do. That's okay. I don't think everyone will like what I write. Not everyone likes Tolkien. *waves* Hmm. I've never admitted that in public before. *feels shame* Or even the Bible.

I just don't want to publish something I'll look back at later and think it's crap. I visit a lot of blogs, and people sometimes post stream-of-consciousness rough draft stuff, and the idea makes me cringe. Yeah, but you don't do that I know I need feedback to write anything decent. It's something I hope I'll outgrow, No, no, no. No writer outgrows this. All professional writers have alpha and beta readers. The need for feedback/crits never goes away, IMO. but I take comfort from the fact that Brandon Sanderson hasn't.

I'm probably making too much of this. Like you said, just because I can improve doesn't mean everything up until now is drivel.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this, too, Undercover. Sheesh. I'm starting to think angst must be a writer's default state. OF COURSE IT IS. WITHOUT ANGST, THERE IS NO ART. In fact, I am full of angst right now. I think I'll go write something.

I'm not sure I actually know how to have fun anymore. The closest I come is walking my dog someplace beautiful, which I should do more. Yes. And visit museums, art galleries; attend symphonies. Fill up your artistic tank. Great art inspires great art.

Drafting is my favorite part, too. That part sucks because I spend way more time in revision than drafting--years vs. months. It's one of the reasons I've been writing so many short stories, since that was the only current writing that I'm doing, other than nonfic articles on my blog.

Maybe I should sit down and write a longer short story. About anything. A dog walker who crosses into Faerie. Cool

Problem is that right now I look at that sentence and draw a blank on plot. Maybe I should just pants my way through like I used to. Yes. Let that inner panster vomit those words I did enjoy finding out the story as I wrote. Maybe I'm planning too much. :)
You've had the wind knocked out of you, but you'll get back up again. I'm sure of it. :Hug2:
 
Last edited:

Curlz

cutsie-pie
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 5, 2016
Messages
2,213
Reaction score
382
Location
here
Hi, CathleenT :hi:I always enjoy reading your critique notes because they are very sharp and wise. You do have a good discerning eye to spot what's wrong in a text. I'm sure you're not suffering any lack of talent or good judgement. It seems to me you just need a break. It's oversaturation, or being jaded, or just being surrounded by too much writing and it has become overwhelming at this point. The way you've described it, you are writing too much and have become desensitised towards your own writing. I'd suggest to give yourself a vacation, time when you don't have to push yourself to do anything writing-wise. If you get the "itch" to write or crit or invent or plot or whatever, by all means, do it, but don't force yourself to do those if you don't feel like it. Perhaps if you let an idea sit for a while and "ripen" it will become a better, juicier one, rather than using it straightaway for the first thing that comes to mind. And I'm not sure that writing shorts, or flash fic is a way to improve novel writing because those are different forms and require different skills. I'd "prescribe" reading (with a critical eye, and maybe with a cuppa tea, too!) instead.
 

CathleenT

I write
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
5,097
Reaction score
1,981
Location
Northern California
I love you sooo much, Pasty--even if you don't like Tolkien. Bummer of a thing to have on your fantasy writer resume, btw. :)

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Damn straight I'm getting back up again. Staying down is unacceptable.

Angst is our default state? What a drag. Writing is my escape from real life. I need to figure out a way to dial down the angst.

Concerts and museums are a great suggestion. Maybe Pictures at an Exhibition is being played by an orchestra somewhere not too far. Or maybe there's an Impressionist exhibit around. I'm in the Sacramento area, for pity's sake. It's not as though I'm in a cultural backwater.

Wait, I just checked the Ashland Shakespeare schedule, and they're playing Julius Caesar, which I've never seen live. Now that's tempting. Quick, someone encourage me to be financially irresponsible. I have no idea if it will actually help, but for a few hours I can forget that writing doesn't seem to be working right now. Maybe soaking myself in brilliance will help. It quite often has in the past. I can't reread LOTR--I already tried. The words just slip through my head, and that's scary. Major escape route blocked. Maybe I shouldn't try to reread the play first. Just go see it.

And it would help to have a plan, even a short-term one. Buy a ticket, see the show. That's not too complicated. Even a mentally fragile person should be able to manage that much. :)

ETA: Thanks for the attagirl, Curlz. Maybe it is just burnout. ("Just?!!!" screams my inner scaredy-cat.) Can't really read right now, at least in terms of getting lost in narrative, so that's a no-go. I suppose I could use the opportunity to deconstruct Tolkien or McKillip. Usually, I get so caught up in it that I end up just reading. Maybe study could be a quasi-substitute for my story happy place. Worth a shot.

ETA2: I just checked the schedule, and they have a seventy dollar ticket left for July 1st (all the cheap seats are gone). Really thinking about doing this. Maybe having something to look forward to would be a help all on its own.
 
Last edited:

griffins

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
392
Reaction score
128
Location
Los Angeles
One of my biggest fears is of jumping the gun too fast because I still haven't learned enough self-control and adding to the enormous pile of forgettable literature.

But now I find myself paralyzed. I don't trust my judgment at all. I've given so many critiques, both on SYW and with betas, and I thought I'd learned enough from the experience to rationally consider my own work. I've put aside stories as "just not strong enough," not many, but enough that I thought I had some kind of discernment about this whole process.

Hi Cathleen,
As far as I know, every writer has blind spots. Even Neil Gaiman has doubts (he talks very briefly about impostor syndrome in his May 17th post at http://journal.neilgaiman.com/), and Stephen King has said he can't tell if his short stories are any good or not (when he wrote "The Man in the Black Suit," King didn't think it was good. His agent sent it to the New Yorker anyway, and it won the O. Henry that year). I think Stephen King spins a lot of these tales, but the point is, even great writers have trouble objectively seeing their own work.
I went through the Paris Review interview archive a while back and this really fantastic novelist, whose name I can't remember right now (there's hundreds of interviews in there!), was asked if she ever had doubts about her work and she laughed and said, "only every day."
I don't think it's that novelists have particular issues with self-esteem or self-doubt, but rather, the job has immense struggles with navigating perspective. We each live in what David Foster Wallace calls "our skull-sized kingdoms" and what goes on outside of that is anyone's guess. It's natural to get hung up on all this uncertainty, but I think it's a hurdle we must all make. The nature of the job is to send words out across the chasm and hope it hits something profound.

I have trunks full of duds. They keep the bodies company.
I knew it! :gone:
 

CathleenT

I write
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
5,097
Reaction score
1,981
Location
Northern California
Thanks so much, griffins. I don't want anyone else to be feeling this stuff, but at least I'm not an odd duck. Apparently this is normal.

It's easy to lose track of this. We all tend to put our best foot forward, so I end up feeling somehow wanting. Maybe I'm just tired and pushing myself too hard.
 

PastyAlien

Space butthole
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 10, 2014
Messages
3,146
Reaction score
2,797
Location
Under the table
Website
helfrich.ca
I love you sooo much, Pasty--even if you don't like Tolkien. Bummer of a thing to have on your fantasy writer resume, btw. :) SO. MUCH. SHAME.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Damn straight I'm getting back up again. Staying down is unacceptable.

Angst is our default state? What a drag. Writing is my escape from real life. I need to figure out a way to dial down the angst. Writing (all art) is the *cure* for angst. Also, exercise. And gin. :tongue ETA: at least for me. Not to downplay crippling angst/anxiety/depression in others. Obviously this doesn't work for everyone. Don't want to get all Tom Cruise Scientology on y'all! :)

Concerts and museums are a great suggestion. Maybe Pictures at an Exhibition is being played by an orchestra somewhere not too far. Or maybe there's an Impressionist exhibit around. I'm in the Sacramento area, for pity's sake. It's not as though I'm in a cultural backwater.

Wait, I just checked the Ashland Shakespeare schedule, and they're playing Julius Caesar, which I've never seen live. Now that's tempting. Quick, someone encourage me to be financially irresponsible. I have no idea if it will actually help, but for a few hours I can forget that writing doesn't seem to be working right now. Maybe soaking myself in brilliance will help. Also, gin It quite often has in the past. I can't reread LOTR--I already tried. Me too, but with a different outcome. *wrings hands* The words just slip through my head, and that's scary. Major escape route blocked. Maybe I shouldn't try to reread the play first. Just go see it.

And it would help to have a plan, even a short-term one. Buy a ticket, see the show. That's not too complicated. Even a mentally fragile person should be able to manage that much. :)

ETA2: I just checked the schedule, and they have a seventy dollar ticket left for July 1st (all the cheap seats are gone). Really thinking about doing this. DO EET. DO EET NOW. Maybe having something to look forward to would be a help all on its own.

I knew it! :gone:
All those Dunning-Kruger wonders have gotta go SOMEWHERE. :evil
 
Last edited:

CathleenT

I write
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
5,097
Reaction score
1,981
Location
Northern California
I've asked McAllister to lock this thread. In the meantime, please, could we just leave it here and all walk away? I'd be very grateful if you would.
 

AW Admin

Administrator
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
18,772
Reaction score
6,285
CathleenT I'll lock the thread for you, but swear to you, this is normal for writers.

Honest. I say this as a writer, and as someone who has worked in publishing and knows an awful lot of writers who write for a living. I say this as someone whose looked at lots and lots of writer's biographies and letters and manuscripts.

This is absolutely normal. It's miserable, it sucks, and it hurts like a permanent stomach ache, but it's not a sign of something "wrong" with you.

Mostly, it proves that you're human, and a writer. This is why writers use multiple drafts, and readers, and editors. It's the nature of the beast. Honest.

Think about setting that book aside for a few months, and letting your hind brain rest and percolate.

Then maybe go back to it.

And if you're serious about deconstructing Tolkien or McKillip, drop me a line. We could do it on AW, and it could be a fun thing, if you were interested in looking at a book really closely with other writers and readers.
 
Last edited:

marlerj001

Registered
Joined
Jul 16, 2009
Messages
6
Reaction score
3
Location
Utah
My personal take on being paralyzed and having writers block tends to be that most negative emotions are rooted in fear. However, this isn't a bad thing. Fear is telling you to be prepared for the thing that you are considering. The problem lies in giving too much credence to the fear itself and less to what the emotion is attempting to tell you. Do what you can with what you have and then continue on with whatever task you are working on. Thank your fear for bringing it to your attention and accept it. Remember - feelings are not realities and we determine what emotions mean to us. To one person, fear may mean terrible danger and it immobilizes them and to another it's a sauce to make an activity that much more exciting, like skydiving.

In the end, you get to decide what that fear means to you - a helpful guide urging caution and preparation or a brick wall.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.