First Draft Anxiety

Status
Not open for further replies.

MerriTudor

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 22, 2017
Messages
240
Reaction score
33
Location
Maine
Website
crampedquartersblog.wordpress.com
I’ve been grumpily picking around the edges of my first draft, attempting to release and organize all the detailed scenes and dialogue from the gigantic synopsis and craft a proper book. I’m doing the alarm clock method, committing myself to small increments of sticking my bottom to a chair to do some writing.

Unfortunately, my mind drifts free. I build 1:12 scale dollhouses and have 2 in progress, so my brain drops the book to run around the tiny houses, musing on the electrical system or considering bashing out a wall. Anxiety about the mechanics of putting together all these puzzle pieces is making me back off.

I was sitting at work the other day – well, to be honest, I was in the ladies’ room, of all places – and the ending of the book suddenly dropped into my head completely intact. Hadn’t been thinking about it. I had tried to craft the ending, but it always came out cobbled together and lifeless, so pushed it into the Scarlet O’Hara room where you store the things you’ll think about tomorrow. I’ve been missing the ending and a logistical bit in the middle, and suddenly the ending was just handed to me.

This is basically how all my stories come about. It’s like the old days before Hulu, when you had no control over what you watched. You’re running through channels and a movie catches your eye. But you get only the last half hour. Then, another time you happen to catch the same movie at the beginning, but you don’t have time to watch all of it. That’s how I get my plots, one block at a time and not necessarily in chronological order. And yet the blocks fit neatly into place. I’ve rarely had to discard any of them.

I feel like I’m not really a writer because I don’t sit down and consciously, deliberately make up all this stuff, and seem to have no idea how to work it into a simple book. I feel like an unskilled transcriptionist waiting for dictation! This is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever done!
 

Marlys

Resist. Love. Go outside.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 23, 2005
Messages
3,584
Reaction score
979
Location
midwest
Hang in there. People's writing styles are different, and often evolve over time. Get through the first draft however you have to, and what you learn by writing and later editing it will help you next time.
 

MAS

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 28, 2011
Messages
234
Reaction score
23
I don't think that what you are describing is anything odd. When I don't know what to do with my story, my mind drifts away from the revisions too. For me, it helps to have a specific goal in mind for the revision. For instance, I might read through once for structure, to see how the scene lineup is working, and whether scenes need to be moved around. The next time I might read it just to eliminate adverbs. Then maybe I'll realize that there isn't enough space devoted to one of my two main characters, so I'll revise it with an eye toward bringing that character forward, writing a few more scenes for him/her, or changing the POV in some of the scenes to that character's POV. Then, when I think I'm done, I go through it again and do my best to cut 5,000 or 10,000 words. It helps me to have just a single objective in the revision, otherwise I get overwhelmed by it.
 

Hopefully WLCT

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 5, 2014
Messages
258
Reaction score
17
Location
near Boston
I had no intentions of writing anything more than my grocery list. But then I read a very popular "romance" and thought," I can do better". The next day I woke up with a complete story. I don't know where it came from, but there it was. It's been 4 years in the making but I don't look at it as,"It has to be done by...whatever date". I'm enjoying the process and I love this website.
 

MerriTudor

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 22, 2017
Messages
240
Reaction score
33
Location
Maine
Website
crampedquartersblog.wordpress.com
Marlys - thanks for the encouragement! You're right, I have to just get through it and see what I have to work with. I never thought it would be this laborious! I have a new appreciation for anyone who gets through the process the first time.

MAS - whew! Glad to know that mine is not the only mind floating off into the ether. I have a tough time committing to one story (or one dollhouse build, which is why I have 4 sitting around, and one in the planning stage). I lose interest and focus, and when I get one of those care packages from the blue, it might not be for the story I'm working at the moment, but for one of the other 8 or 9 on the back burner. I need to discipline myself to focus on one goal, only. Thank you!

Hopefully WLCT - I, too, have read popular romances and found myself thinking I could do better. And I probably can, but now have a grudging respect for even somewhat unskilled writers who manage to make it from start to finish. Once you're past the inspiration, it's plain hard work. Fantastic that you got the complete story overnight! I wish I could. Waiting for the next "episode" is torture. Thanks for the response!
 

brewignall

Registered
Joined
May 24, 2017
Messages
9
Reaction score
1
Location
Sweden
I feel like I’m not really a writer because I don’t sit down and consciously, deliberately make up all this stuff, and seem to have no idea how to work it into a simple book.

On the contrary, often i feel like I'm not really a writer because I have to consciously think of the majority of my plot points, character traits, ticks, arcs and all that other stuff that a lot of writers seem to say just 'comes to them.' :p Personally, I'd love to be in your shoes, it sounds pretty magical! :D But yes, writing can definitely be a frustrating craft!
 

SKStark

Registered
Joined
May 8, 2017
Messages
38
Reaction score
4
Location
Texas
Website
www.skstark.com
I'm with brewignall. I'm jealous of you, Merri. I feel like nothing creative ever comes easily to me, but instead I just have to try and discard every possible option in a very meticulous and exhausting brainstorm session. Of course, even then, I am still figuring out how to make it work in book-form, like you.

I think it's just a matter of practice and doing it over and over. There are no doubt some lucky few out there who just one day sat down and decided to write a book, and it all worked out beautifully. But I think most authors who become really good have to just keep trying (and failing) until it slowly but surely starts becoming easier. Like MAS, I try to pick a singular goal that I want to work on when I write. At the moment, I'm just trying to finish a novel-length story, no matter how bad it is. Next, I'll focus on making good characters. After that, pacing. Etc. It keeps everything from getting too overwhelming. And in the end, hopefully, I'll have all the pieces I need to put together a book that's actually GOOD.

Just curious, what's your book about? :)
 

Undercover

I got it covered
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 1, 2010
Messages
10,432
Reaction score
2,054
Location
Not here, but there
Yeah, writing a novel can be torture sometimes. I can never force anything out, and when I do I just wind up deleting or abandoning it. But when a story sticks and really sticks good in my head, it's fairly easy to write (only in moments here and there) It's hard to stay committed to a story and see it all the way through. But for me, when it comes to writing novels, I usually invest 3 to 6 months to write it, having a word count goal everyday. I can't write and not have some kind of deadline for myself. For me, it doesn't work.

It's a big number game for me too, the daily word count, the total word count and the date of my (self-imposed) deadline. But during those months, lots of anxiety. Walking helps a lot. Plus getting away from the computer and writing in my notebook outside.
 

Jan74

Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 10, 2017
Messages
1,072
Reaction score
136
Location
Canada
That's great when things just happen, and I don't think your alone when it comes to being in the Lady's room when an idea strikes, lol. Sometimes that's the only place where we have any privacy(if your a mom). Yesterday while I was working on my outline everything just kind of fell in place. I was sad to let go of the original story line but it wasn't co-operating and now it's merged into romance....which completely shocked me and I have to admit I fought it at first since I never set out to write a romance. Funny how things go. You're a real writer, no matter how or what method you're a writer!
 

MerriTudor

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 22, 2017
Messages
240
Reaction score
33
Location
Maine
Website
crampedquartersblog.wordpress.com
SKStark, my book is about a Yankee privateer captain and a young Englishwoman during the American Revolution. Big bits of it dropped into the middle of a Victorian romance set in upstate New York, totally distracting me from that particular book. And the Victorian book distracted me from the one set in Medieval Ireland. Which distracted me from yet another Revolutionary War book. And there are more distractions beyond that!

That's one of the downsides of having globs of stuff thrown at you from the stratosphere - the glob may have nothing to do with what you're trying work on at the moment! Between that and my nimble Geminian mind (hah!) that can't stick to one thing for more than a few hours, I can't seem to get anything done from start to finish in book form.

I did set a goal of getting (a very necessary) prologue done for this book, but then I got a scene of the heroine's evil father threatening to pack her off to a "madhouse" if she doesn't marry as he wishes, and another of her unwanted husband-to-be presenting her with a pair of bracelets (LOVE those Georgian bracelets) as a wedding gift, and the goal went out the window as I scribbled everything down before I forgot it.

You seem very methodical in your approach, even though it may meticulous and exhausting. See, that seems like you have control of the situation! You probably won't have weird gaps and holes in your work, which is a BIG plus.

What's your book about, if you don't mind sharing?:)
 

MerriTudor

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 22, 2017
Messages
240
Reaction score
33
Location
Maine
Website
crampedquartersblog.wordpress.com
Undercover and Jan74 -

Undercover, first let me congratulate you on your upcoming release! Does it feel as wonderful as I think it does? And doing it in 3-6 months. Yikes!

Yes, like you, when I try to cobble something together instead of waiting for inspiration, it's wasted effort. It sticks out like a sore thumb and it's trashed eventually. I do need to impose some deadlines and word count goals, or some other measure, 'cause this is getting crazy. At this rate, I'll end up in a nursing home with 750 unfinished manuscripts in a trunk, none of them published.

Jan74, thanks for your encouraging words! And I've felt the pang of loss when I had to let a storyline go because it's no longer functioning as the book evolves. I started out writing tales of the supernatural...and somehow ended up writing historical romance. Never saw myself doing that! So things can get pretty weird on these journeys.
 
Last edited:

SKStark

Registered
Joined
May 8, 2017
Messages
38
Reaction score
4
Location
Texas
Website
www.skstark.com
SKStark, my book is about a Yankee privateer captain and a young Englishwoman during the American Revolution. Big bits of it dropped into the middle of a Victorian romance set in upstate New York, totally distracting me from that particular book. And the Victorian book distracted me from the one set in Medieval Ireland. Which distracted me from yet another Revolutionary War book. And there are more distractions beyond that!

That's one of the downsides of having globs of stuff thrown at you from the stratosphere - the glob may have nothing to do with what you're trying work on at the moment! Between that and my nimble Geminian mind (hah!) that can't stick to one thing for more than a few hours, I can't seem to get anything done from start to finish in book form.

Wow, I can see why it's hard for you to pick a book to stick with. :) It must be a lot of fun learning about all those different time periods and cultures while writing about them, too. That first idea--the American privateer captain and the Englishwoman in the American Revolution--personally interests me the most. Even just with that simple description. I love reading romances where the two main characters come from extremely different cultures/backgrounds. So many different conflicts to play with!

I did set a goal of getting (a very necessary) prologue done for this book, but then I got a scene of the heroine's evil father threatening to pack her off to a "madhouse" if she doesn't marry as he wishes, and another of her unwanted husband-to-be presenting her with a pair of bracelets (LOVE those Georgian bracelets) as a wedding gift, and the goal went out the window as I scribbled everything down before I forgot it.

You seem very methodical in your approach, even though it may meticulous and exhausting. See, that seems like you have control of the situation! You probably won't have weird gaps and holes in your work, which is a BIG plus.

What's your book about, if you don't mind sharing?:)

Oh, I hit gaps alright. My problem is, I can't make myself move forward until I figure out how to fill that gap. And in the past, this inevitably resulted in me just putting aside the story and starting something else. A solution that has led to my current problem of not being able to finish anything. It seems no matter what your preferred method is, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. :)

The story I'm currently working on and determined to actually finish (my training wheels story, if you will) is a very small scope fantasy set in a tiny village. The main guy kind of has a supernatural multiple personality thing going on, with the alt personality being pure predator instinct that he has to constantly keep control of by sticking to routine and avoiding anything too unfamiliar or over-stimulating. The main girl is an outcast of a people reviled for their ability to bespell/compel others, and their long tradition of creating enslaved harems. Both are "playing human" so as to avoid unwanted attention, but get stuck together in the tiny town. They recognize what each other are and how dangerous the other is. Shenanigans ensue.

If you ever need a beta reader or someone to help close gaps, feel free to PM me! :)
 

MerriTudor

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 22, 2017
Messages
240
Reaction score
33
Location
Maine
Website
crampedquartersblog.wordpress.com
SK - Enslaved harems? Supernatural multiple personality? I'm in already!

I love the idea that each of them knows the other is a potentially dangerous human imposter. Yeah, I'll bet the shenanigans ensue big time on this one! What inspired this concept?

Fellow die-hard gap-filler here as well. Which is another obstacle to finishing anything. I'm trying to break that habit by starting on prologue and Chapter 1 WITHOUT awaiting instructions from the ether on how to fill up two remaining gaps midway through the plot. But it's very difficult to keep my mind from wandering back and trying to fix them.

Don't be surprised if I take you up on your offer as a beta reader and gap filler. I'm working in a vacuum here, so have no idea if maybe my Yankee captain should just sail back to Salem and retire from the sea. And I'd be happy to reciprocate! I haven't read a lot of fantasy outside staples like The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, but I can give it a whirl.
 

RaggedEdge

I can do this
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 20, 2013
Messages
1,427
Reaction score
762
Location
USA, she/her
Interesting thread, and like others here have said, there's no one right way to write. Each book you write will probably come about differently, too. I've written two and both of mine have evolved differently, and now I've gotten more stuck trying to find my way into #3 than I had with either of the other two.

I, too, am writing a romance for the first time, although my last book had a significant romantic subplot. In fact, I've started about five different romances in the last six months, and they all intrigue me on different levels, so I'm just working on each one as my thoughts drift among them day by day (not that I get to write everyday, alas).

One thing that's helped me past the road block of anxiety is to give myself a document called 'Freewriting' for each started novel. I discovered that I'm usually preoccupied with some imagined scene or some question for a novel - completely random and in no sensible order - so when the time comes that day to face the blank page again, I open up my freewriting doc and just start writing what's in my head. I may or may not use it in my rough draft - and not having to know has taken away the anxiety.

I've come to appreciate this because everything I write contains at least one small gem somewhere - a character trait I wouldn't have otherwise thought of, a setting I'm suddenly excited about using, a piece of dialog that's perfect. That's how I'm going this time around, because I probably forced the first two novels a little too much, trying to write a draft, scene by scene, from the get-go. With those, I was afraid to 'waste time' on anything I wouldn't use, but I turned out having to cut and rewrite lots of material anyway. This time, especially as I'm attempting to write high fantasy for the first time, too, I'm just letting myself play with the sand in the sandbox and not forcing it to be something important to the story. This means I'm usually excited to find that time to write rather than feeling the dread of 'what next?' Occasionally, I write what I feel may be the next scene in the story, but mostly I write out of order.

True, it helps that I've gained some confidence by finishing two novels - I know I can tell a complete story in novel form, which I certainly didn't when starting novel #1. At some point, we all need to push through to the end. And then learn the art of revision. :)
 
Last edited:

Jan74

Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 10, 2017
Messages
1,072
Reaction score
136
Location
Canada
Undercover and Jan74 -

Undercover, first let me congratulate you on your upcoming release! Does it feel as wonderful as I think it does? And doing it in 3-6 months. Yikes!

Yes, like you, when I try to cobble something together instead of waiting for inspiration, it's wasted effort. It sticks out like a sore thumb and it's trashed eventually. I do need to impose some deadlines and word count goals, or some other measure, 'cause this is getting crazy. At this rate, I'll end up in a nursing home with 750 unfinished manuscripts in a trunk, none of them published.

Jan74, thanks for your encouraging words! And I've felt the pang of loss when I had to let a storyline go because it's no longer functioning as the book evolves. I started out writing tales of the supernatural...and somehow ended up writing historical romance. Never saw myself doing that! So things can get pretty weird on these journeys.
^^^agreed!
Interesting thread, and like others here have said, there's no one right way to write. Each book you write will probably come about differently, too. I've written two and both of mine have evolved differently, and now I've gotten more stuck trying to find my way into #3 than I had with either of the other two.

I, too, am writing a romance for the first time, although my last book had a significant romantic subplot. In fact, I've started about five different romances in the last six months, and they all intrigue me on different levels, so I'm just working on each one as my thoughts drift among them day by day (not that I get to write everyday, alas).

One thing that's helped me past the road block of anxiety is to give myself a document called 'Freewriting' for each started novel. I discovered that I'm usually preoccupied with some imagined scene or some question for a novel - completely random and in no sensible order - so when the time comes that day to face the blank page again, I open up my freewriting doc and just start writing what's in my head. I may or may not use it in my rough draft - and not having to know has taken away the anxiety.

I've come to appreciate this because everything I write contains at least one small gem somewhere - a character trait I wouldn't have otherwise thought of, a setting I'm suddenly excited about using, a piece of dialog that's perfect. That's how I'm going this time around, because I probably forced the first two novels a little too much, trying to write a draft, scene by scene, from the get-go. With those, I was afraid to 'waste time' on anything I wouldn't use, but I turned out having to cut and rewrite lots of material anyway. This time, especially as I'm attempting to write high fantasy for the first time, too, I'm just letting myself play with the sand in the sandbox and not forcing it to be something important to the story. This means I'm usually excited to find that time to write rather than feeling the dread of 'what next?' Occasionally, I write what I feel may be the next scene in the story, but mostly I write out of order.

True, it helps that I've gained some confidence by finishing two novels - I know I can tell a complete story in novel form, which I certainly didn't when starting novel #1. At some point, we all need to push through to the end. And then learn the art of revision. :)
I have a document which is just random. Sentences that pop in my head that have nothing to do with what I'm writing, quotes, and various other thoughts. It's a great place to scratch an itch.
 

MerriTudor

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 22, 2017
Messages
240
Reaction score
33
Location
Maine
Website
crampedquartersblog.wordpress.com
With those, I was afraid to 'waste time' on anything I wouldn't use, but I turned out having to cut and rewrite lots of material anyway.

Exactly! I feel as though every word must count, which really puts the brakes on. Replacing dread with excitement is what I need to do. I have the house to myself tomorrow, and nothing I have to do, so I think I'll tackle that prologue and just get it out there.

Good advice, RaggedEdge.
 

SKStark

Registered
Joined
May 8, 2017
Messages
38
Reaction score
4
Location
Texas
Website
www.skstark.com
I

One thing that's helped me past the road block of anxiety is to give myself a document called 'Freewriting' for each started novel. I discovered that I'm usually preoccupied with some imagined scene or some question for a novel - completely random and in no sensible order - so when the time comes that day to face the blank page again, I open up my freewriting doc and just start writing what's in my head. I may or may not use it in my rough draft - and not having to know has taken away the anxiety.

I love this idea! For me, in addition to switching free writing, something about switching to actually pen-and-paper freehand really helps me. Usually when I get stuck on a problem I can't figure out, or a scene I can't get right, I actually try to write out what I'm supposed to be accomplishing and where I want to get. For some reason, the act of actually writing with a pen slows my brain down to a different speed and helps me come up with ideas I wouldn't have had typing on the computer. It's weird. And also annoying to transcribe later if needed. But so far it's been working pretty well.

Merri, that's kind of where I got my book idea. It was just a random hand-written intro (with a totally different setting, different time period, different everything). The only part that stuck was the guy character. I guess it was kind of like one of those creative gift packages you mentioned. :)

We'll be even in our knowledge of each other's genre's! I've only read about 3 historical romances . . . Maybe the fresh perspective will be to our mutual advantage.

Your Yankee captain could always temporarily retire, only to have to head out to sea again unexpectedly when "Forces" compel him to.
 

MerriTudor

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 22, 2017
Messages
240
Reaction score
33
Location
Maine
Website
crampedquartersblog.wordpress.com
For me, in addition to switching free writing, something about switching to actually pen-and-paper freehand really helps me.

Oh, my! Something about writing by hand completely locks up my brain. I sit there like a zombie, listening to the clock ticking. And ticking. And ticking. And feeling cobwebs forming on my body. Aggghhhh!

I can jot down notes just to keep from forgetting something later on, but that's about it. And I'm damned lucky if I can make any sense of them later. But I can see that this process would stop you editing as you go because it's so much easier and cleaner to edit as you type, which negates the purpose of freewriting. I'm the Queen of the Backspace Key. :D

I've just started (attempting) meditation to slow my mind and discipline it so that I can focus and follow through on my goals. I might try a little longhand experiment right after to see what happens. If my brain wasn't skittering around like a centipede on speed, I'm pretty sure I could be more productive.

Anyone here meditate and if so, do you think it aids in your creative process?
 

RaggedEdge

I can do this
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 20, 2013
Messages
1,427
Reaction score
762
Location
USA, she/her
Merri, that's an interesting question about meditation. I don't have any experience with true meditation but I am very reflective and talk to God a lot and it doesn't hurt my process, I'm sure. ;) I remember reading an article about songwriter Alanis Morrisette who tried meditation and discovered it did wonders for her creativity. I've always thought I should explore that, too.

As for freewriting by hand, I didn't think I could do it either but a few summers ago I read through about half of WRITING DOWN THE BONES by Natalie Goldberg. It's one of those writing classics that some people love while others don't get much out of it. The book's goal is to 'free the writer within.' I followed her advice to do 10-minute writing sessions with pen and paper in which you don't stop moving your hand. You don't cross things out or edit or overthink at all.

Today, I still do that occasionally, especially diary-style as a way to get inside my characters' heads. But really, any exercise you can learn to turn off your internal editor is going to help you develop your rough draft writing. And meditation will probably be super helpful, too.
 

MerriTudor

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 22, 2017
Messages
240
Reaction score
33
Location
Maine
Website
crampedquartersblog.wordpress.com
RaggedEdge, that's a pleasant blast from the past! I remember reading Writing Down the Bones back when I just started college and my creative writing instructor recommended it. I should dig it out. I do remember the 10 minute session where you can't stop or edit. That was totally agonizing, but really fun. Thanks for the memory jog!

I tried a short session of quieting my mind today. Not true meditation, I'm sure. But just letting everything stand still for 10-15 minutes. Not thinking about work, or life or nagging things in the background. Quiet, like standing on a hill with only the wind blowing and everything "real" far away and far below. After a bit, I let just my book start moving, like a movie that's been on pause, and I saw my MMC walk into his father's house after a year at sea, and I THINK I have a starting point to work from. Whether it stays or goes, it's like finally finding the end of a roll of tape that you've scrabbling for and now you can get to work.

Fingers crossed!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.