I'd like to introduce myself by telling you about the major long-form work of fiction I've been plugging away at, but I can't because there isn't one.

What I am is a [unintelligible mumbling] year-old, unpublished quitter who used to write a lot when he was young, then somehow managed to lose the ability to finish anything. That's my main project right now: working on grit. Lately I've been throwing little nonfiction essays and satirical pieces up on my website, but my ultimate aim is to write mostly fiction. Short stories, then someday longer short stories, and then someday a n... I can't even say the word right now. Don't want to get ahead of myself.

My parents met over a discussion of Breakfast of Champions, so that makes me somehow related to Kurt Vonnegut, right?