I think I must have been absent from class the day they handed out The Never-Miss Secret to Selling Your Books.

"Why on Earth do you say that?" the gentleman in the back with the beige Panama hat asks.

My reply is bleak. "Because, sir, absolutely nothing I've tried works."

"Not true," he returns with a smile, his blue eyes crinkled up in fine humor. "Have you tried lighting yourself on fire? Nothing draws a crowd like a cheery blaze."

"Yes," I nod, "but do any of those pyromaniacs like to READ?"

Oh well, here's my latest, if you're so inclined (see? I told you I don't know how to sell books).