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Critique Swap

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Denevius

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If anyone is interested, I'm willing to read up to 8,000 words of a short story/novel excerpt in exchange for reading a 7500 word short story that I need looked at. I've been having trouble selling it, so I guess fresh eyes are needed as I revise it again.

The story's title is GOYANGI SOJU, and it's a horror piece. I'll paste the first 189 words below. If you're interested, email me at eniac_caine at hotmail.com, or PM me here.

Thanks.

***

George ducked to avoid the intricate webs in the bus stop canopy above his balding head. More than once he’d been startled by eight hairy legs tickling his scalp as he waited for the local transfer bus heading into the outskirts of Suncheon city. He eased down onto the low wooden bench, his damaged knees protesting every inch, and he sighed with relief to be off his feet. As he slipped his shoulder bag off and placed it beside him, high-pitched wails clawed through the silence and ratcheted his heart up to a rapid-fire tattoo.

George leapt up and glanced over his shoulder into the woods where the cries floated up above the trees. The sudden movement sent jagged shocks of pain down the base of his neck, and tears filled his eyes. Struggling to control his breathing, George gritted his teeth and tamped down the adrenaline filling his body. He looked both ways down the narrow lane running past the bus stop to see if anyone lingered nearby.

No one. He stood alone.

The cries died off after several seconds, and silence surrounded him like a clenched fist.
 

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Just a suggestion: you might want to link instead to some crits you've written, to let potential partners know what your crit style is like as well as what your writing style is like.
 

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Brilliant! That is definitely the way to entice crit partners. Go you!
 
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