Bad Joke Thread

Keithy said:

Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 ate 9 and 10...

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I'm gonna paste this on the fridge!

I was going to suggest the martini joke but it's too dry, and the table joke will probably fall flat.

Speaking of groaners:
What do you call an adult groan?
A groan up!

Got a visual one for you:

If you're happy and you know it...

How about the clam before the storm?

What did the classical composer say as he left?

I'll be Bach.

Joe, Bob and Arnie had been friends for over sixty years. When Arnie was about to turn ninety, Bob and Joe decided to hire Bambi, a local working girl, to give him a treat for his birthday. The morning of his birthday, there's a knock on Arnie's door. When he opens the door, there stands Bambi in a skimpy outfit. "Hello, big boy," she says to Arnie, "Happy Birthday! Your buddies sent me over to give you super sex!" "Well, isn't that nice of them!" says Arnie, "I'll have the soup."

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

Ba-dum-tish.

Ooooohh. I love jokes! Here's the lamest one I know.

How are a guitar and a comb alike?

Neither can climb trees.

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any fish?" The bartender says, " No, we don't have any fish." So the duck walks out. A little later the duck comes in and asks, "Do you have any fish?" The bartender says, "No, I already told you we don't have any fish." So the duck leaves. In an bit, the duck is back. "Do you have any fish?" By this time the bartender is getting upset so he yells, "No, we don't have any fish and if you come in here one more time and ask for fish I'll nail your feet to the floor!" The duck hurries out the door. A few minutes later the duck reappears in the doorway and asks the bartender, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, " No, we don't have any nails." "Ok," says the duck, "Do you have any fish?"

A cowboy had to go into town on a errand. On his way back out to the ranch he stops at the bar for a few quick drinks. Later, when he goes to get his horse he realizes someone has stolen it. So he storms back into the bar, pulls his gun, fires it into the ceiling, and yells, "Whoever stole my horse has five minutes to give it back before I do what I did in Texas!" The bartender slips out the back and in a few minutes comes back in and tells the cowboy that his horse is out front. The cowboy mounts his horse and is about to leave town when he is stopped by the bartender who asks nervously, "I uh... I was just kinda curious. What did you do in Texas?" The cowboy scowls. "Walked home."

I thought of stand-up comics like steve wright when I wrote these:

I’m not a very outgoing person. For me being a Socialite is when the light from my computer is on me when I’m on Facebook.

It’s hard to win at Blackjack when you’re masochistic, I keep saying “Hit me, Hit me” they tell me “sir, we haven’t dealt the hand yet.”

Cuts were made to my health policy, the only coverage I get now is by six feet of dirt.

How do you take out a circus? Go for the juggler.

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O"
The second one says "I'll have some H2O two."
The second one died.

possiblerobot said:

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O"
The second one says "I'll have some H2O two."
The second one died.

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Two cops examine a puddle at a crime scene.

"Is that H2O?" asks the first.

"No, sir," says the other. "It's K9P."

be frank said:

Two cops examine a puddle at a crime scene.

"Is that H2O?" asks the first.

"No, sir," says the other. "It's K9P."

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Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve Noble Gasses here"

Argon doesn't react.

The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

possiblerobot said:

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve Noble Gasses here"

Argon doesn't react.

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LOL.


Two atoms collide on the sidewalk.

"Oh no," says one atom, "I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"Yes, I'm positive."

What did the cell say to her sister after she stepped on her foot?

Mitosis!

Did you hear the joke about the roof?





Never mind, it's over your head anyway.

If you're Asian in the kitchen, South American in the living room, and Scandinavian in the den, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

A preacher buys a parrot and the bird swears like a sailor. The preacher tries everything he can to get the bird to clean up his vocabulary but nothing works. One day the parrot starts cursing up a storm at the preacher and his wife and mother and God and all, and the preacher gets so enraged he grabs the parrot and shove it into the freezer. After an hour of silence, the preacher yanks open the door to see if the parrot is OK. And the parrot comes out meekly and says, "I would like to apologize for all my bad language, and I will never offend you again." The preacher is astonished and pleased and goes to give the parrot some treats. "Thanks" says the parrot, "Do you mind if I ask a little question? Um, that chicken in there- what the hell did he do to you?"

Sticks float. They wood.

be frank said:

LOL.


Two atoms collide on the sidewalk.

"Oh no," says one atom, "I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"Yes, I'm positive."

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An electron was driving down the motorway when he got pulled over. The cop says to him, "You know you were doing 106mph back there".
The electron replies "Great, now I don't know where I am!"


I only tell bad chemistry jokes, because all the good ones Ar

JimmyB27 said:

I only tell bad chemistry jokes, because all the good ones Ar

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How often do we make chemistry jokes on AW?

Periodically.

What's another name for a grandfather clock?

An old-timer.