Bad Joke Thread
- Thread starter Keithy
- Start date
- Status
Descartes walks into a bar.
Bartender comes over and inquires, "Care for a drink?"
Descartes replies, "I think not"
And disappears
Bartender comes over and inquires, "Care for a drink?"
Descartes replies, "I think not"
And disappears
Schrodinger and Heisenberg were pulled over by a cop.
The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg responds, "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was."
The officer finds this strange answer as a cause to search the car. In the search, he finds a dead cat in the trunk.
He goes back to the front of the car and asks, "Do you know there's a dead cat in your trunk?
Schrodinger says, "Well, I do now!"
The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg responds, "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was."
The officer finds this strange answer as a cause to search the car. In the search, he finds a dead cat in the trunk.
He goes back to the front of the car and asks, "Do you know there's a dead cat in your trunk?
Schrodinger says, "Well, I do now!"
Literary PawnAndRepo
Registered
Why do gas stations now charge a dollar to fill your tires when the air pump used to be free?
Inflation!
Inflation!
Most of these are just awful. That must be why I'm enjoying this thread so much.
There was a time when I kept the best jokes people shared on Prodigy (I'm that old!), but I stopped when the internet replaced it. Anyway, I have this one joke about Easter. Whether you are blond or celebrate the holiday, no offense is intended.
Three blondes died in a car crash. At the Pearly Gates of Heaven, Saint Peter tells them that they can enter if they can answer one simple question. He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everybody gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."
"Wrong! You must go to Hell!" replies Saint Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question.
She replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
Saint Peter bangs his head on the Pearly Gates, tells the second blonde she's wrong and to go to Hell, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde. "What is Easter?"
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks Saint Peter in the eyes. "I know what Easter is."
"Oh?" says Saint Peter incredulously. "What?"
"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."
Saint Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, "And every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out. If he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
There was a time when I kept the best jokes people shared on Prodigy (I'm that old!), but I stopped when the internet replaced it. Anyway, I have this one joke about Easter. Whether you are blond or celebrate the holiday, no offense is intended.
Three blondes died in a car crash. At the Pearly Gates of Heaven, Saint Peter tells them that they can enter if they can answer one simple question. He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everybody gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."
"Wrong! You must go to Hell!" replies Saint Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question.
She replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
Saint Peter bangs his head on the Pearly Gates, tells the second blonde she's wrong and to go to Hell, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde. "What is Easter?"
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks Saint Peter in the eyes. "I know what Easter is."
"Oh?" says Saint Peter incredulously. "What?"
"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."
Saint Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, "And every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out. If he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2008
- Messages
- 72
- Reaction score
- 5
- Location
- Boston area
- Website
- www.MichaelSussmanBooks.com
[h=2]A duck walks into a pharmacy to buy some Chapstick. The clerk asks, "Will that be cash or credit?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill."[/h]
Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer.
Why don't robots have brothers? Because they all have trans-sisters.
How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.
Why don't robots have brothers? Because they all have trans-sisters.
How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.
This reminds me of a pretty adult one:
How do you make a hormone?
[18+]Don't pay her[/18+]
Last edited:
Employer's Lingo:
"Requires Team Leadership Skills."
Translation:
"You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect."
"Requires Team Leadership Skills."
Translation:
"You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect."
Did you hear about the invention of the shovel? It was ground-breaking.
Why did Lenin only drink chamomile tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
What are the advantages of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
Why did Lenin only drink chamomile tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
What are the advantages of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
Oh man, there were some truly great groaners.
Allow me to add:
Why are dragons big, green, and scaly?
Because if they were small, white, and smooth they'd be Tic-Tacs.
Why did the orange go to doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Two talking muffins are in the oven. One turns to other and says, "Hi!" The other says, "Ahh! A talking muffin!"
How much does a pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.
Allow me to add:
Why are dragons big, green, and scaly?
Because if they were small, white, and smooth they'd be Tic-Tacs.
Why did the orange go to doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Two talking muffins are in the oven. One turns to other and says, "Hi!" The other says, "Ahh! A talking muffin!"
How much does a pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.
I know I shouldn't be having so much fun with this thread. 
Why did the mathematician's manuscript get rejected?
Too many add verbs.
Policeman: "Please give me your name."
Driver: "If I do, what am I to be called?"
Why did the mathematician's manuscript get rejected?
Too many add verbs.
Policeman: "Please give me your name."
Driver: "If I do, what am I to be called?"
I know I shouldn't be having so much fun with this thread.
...
Agreed (as I groan and laugh at the same time)...nfta sorry
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2006
- Messages
- 17,873
- Reaction score
- 4,664
- Location
- dunking doughnuts at Dunkin' Donuts
The Single Girl's Guide To Romance by Amanda Hugginkiss
Butterfly Catching For Fun And Profit by Annette Andajar
- Status