Bad Joke Thread
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Q: Why did the medium hold a seance in the elevator?
A: She wanted to raise everyone's spirits!
A: She wanted to raise everyone's spirits!
While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something related to their family's faith to class.
At the appropriate time she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students.
The first child said, "I am Muslim and this is my prayer rug."
The second child said, "I am Jewish and this is my Star of David."
The third child said, "I am Catholic and this is my rosary."
The final child said, "I am Southern Baptist and this is my casserole dish."
At the appropriate time she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students.
The first child said, "I am Muslim and this is my prayer rug."
The second child said, "I am Jewish and this is my Star of David."
The third child said, "I am Catholic and this is my rosary."
The final child said, "I am Southern Baptist and this is my casserole dish."
What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Why can’t a chicken coop have more than 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Why didn’t the guy mow his yard?Cause he only had 2 feet!
Why can’t a chicken coop have more than 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Why didn’t the guy mow his yard?Cause he only had 2 feet!
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
Judge says, "First offender?"
She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
What's the loudest type of pet you can buy?
A trumpet.
Judge says, "First offender?"
She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
What's the loudest type of pet you can buy?
A trumpet.
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My sister is an elementary school teacher. One day she was teaching spelling. "Can anyone spell the word 'before'?" she asked.
A little girl in the first row raised her hand. "Yes Susie, can you spell it?"
"B-E-F-O-O-R," she said.
"That's not quite right," my sister said. "Can anyone else spell 'before'?"
A boy in the back of the classroom began jumping up and down in his seat and waving his arms in the air. "Yes, Nathaniel. Can you spell the word 'before'?" my sister asked.
"B-E-F-O-R-E." he replied.
"That's very good. Now can you use the word in a sentence?"
"I sure can," he stated proudly. "2 plus 2 be 4."
A little girl in the first row raised her hand. "Yes Susie, can you spell it?"
"B-E-F-O-O-R," she said.
"That's not quite right," my sister said. "Can anyone else spell 'before'?"
A boy in the back of the classroom began jumping up and down in his seat and waving his arms in the air. "Yes, Nathaniel. Can you spell the word 'before'?" my sister asked.
"B-E-F-O-R-E." he replied.
"That's very good. Now can you use the word in a sentence?"
"I sure can," he stated proudly. "2 plus 2 be 4."
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "You've got a steering wheel in your pants!"
The pirate says, "Aye. It be driving me nuts."
Three old men are on a porch.
The first man says, "It's windy today."
The second man says, "No, it's Thursday."
The third man says, "Me, too. Let's go have a drink."
The pirate says, "Aye. It be driving me nuts."
Three old men are on a porch.
The first man says, "It's windy today."
The second man says, "No, it's Thursday."
The third man says, "Me, too. Let's go have a drink."
Harry the hapless hippo
tried to light his Zippo
he sat his bum on a gasoline drum
and turned a complete flippo.
tried to light his Zippo
he sat his bum on a gasoline drum
and turned a complete flippo.
My go to bad joke (I don't think I've posted it here before):
Woman walks into the pharmacy.
Woman: I need poison to kill my cheating husband.
Pharmacist: Lady, I can't sell you poison.
She pulls out a photo of her hubby with the pharmacist's wife.
Pharmacist: You should have told you had a prescription upfront.
Woman walks into the pharmacy.
Woman: I need poison to kill my cheating husband.
Pharmacist: Lady, I can't sell you poison.
She pulls out a photo of her hubby with the pharmacist's wife.
Pharmacist: You should have told you had a prescription upfront.
Happy to hear it, Maryn 
Here's another treat for your tea (I hope it has enough groaniness to qualify to be here):
A rabbi recently retired and was going through his old stuff when he found his drawer full of foreskins from all the circumcisions he had performed. Not knowing what to do with them he decided to take them to the local tailor. He told the tailor to do the best he could and make him something wonderful out of all these foreskins. The tailor said come back in two weeks and it'll be finished.
In two weeks time the rabbi came back only to be given a wallet. The rabbi asked "A wallet? That's all?" To which the tailor answered, "Yeah, but if you rub it, it turns into a suitcase!"
Here's another treat for your tea (I hope it has enough groaniness to qualify to be here):
A rabbi recently retired and was going through his old stuff when he found his drawer full of foreskins from all the circumcisions he had performed. Not knowing what to do with them he decided to take them to the local tailor. He told the tailor to do the best he could and make him something wonderful out of all these foreskins. The tailor said come back in two weeks and it'll be finished.
In two weeks time the rabbi came back only to be given a wallet. The rabbi asked "A wallet? That's all?" To which the tailor answered, "Yeah, but if you rub it, it turns into a suitcase!"
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