Bad Joke Thread

Andrey said:

A rabbi recently retired and was going through his old stuff when he found his drawer full of foreskins from all the circumcisions he had performed. Not knowing what to do with them he decided to take them to the local tailor. He told the tailor to do the best he could and make him something wonderful out of all these foreskins. The tailor said come back in two weeks and it'll be finished.

In two weeks time the rabbi came back only to be given a wallet. The rabbi asked "A wallet? That's all?" To which the tailor answered, "Yeah, but if you rub it, it turns into a suitcase!"

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OMG.

I thought this was supposed to be the BAD joke thread. That one was actually funny.

This one's better out loud:

What do you call a fish with no eye?

A fsh.

(Roll the shhhhhh for more effect).

Maryn said:

An actual out-loud laugh!

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(Sotto voce) Hey! Keep it down in here guys, before Haggis throws us all out for having too much fun!

This one should help damp it down:

For the chem nerds in here . . .

Q) Want to hear a joke about Sodium?

A) Na.

Q) Want to hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

A) NaBrO.

Don't know if this one has been posted yet, but, What do you call a pig who does karate?


A pork-chop

Grandfather was getting on in years, and the family decided to gather around him so they could hear stories of his amazing life.
"So grandfather," the son said, "what's the most terrifying thing you've ever seen?"
"Well," said grandfather, "I was on an African safari, and I see this lion running towards us. And it keeps running and running, and I realize there's nothing we can do. And then, the lion pounces on us, and goes ROAR, and oh my my God I pooped my pants."
"Wait," the son said. "You pooped your pants when the lion pounced on you?"
"No, when I went ROAR!"

-Maybe easier to tell in person, since you want to do the roar as loud and scary as possible-

Three cats are competing in a race. There’s an English cat named “One Two Three”, a German cat named “Ein Zwei Drei”, and a French cat named “Un Deux Trois”. The cats all swim across a lake. The English cat finishes first, the German cat finishes second, but the French cat is nowhere to be found.

Why?

Because the Un Deux Trois quatre cinq.

Hah! Most enjoyable forum thread ever! Some real gems in here

What with all the recent political turmoil in northern Spain, I was reminded of the tensions they had there some years back with the Basque Separatist Movement. Back then, National Geographic did an article on the Pyrenees and I was struck by the curious architecture of the Basque houses. They all have one front door but several back doors. Then I remembered the saying...

'Never put all your Basques into one exit.'

A peasant inherited a throne from a distant blue-blooded relative. Fearful of leaving the magnificent piece of royal furniture out in the open, what with roving bands of thieves about, he stored the throne in the attic of his house. Unfortunately, the house being made of sticks and grass, the throne came crashing down from the attic one night, killing the poor peasant while he slept; thus giving rise to that old adage:
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"People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. (W. Churchill, I think.)

When asked what he had to say about his prize longhorn swallowing some C-4, the rancher replied. "Abominable"

Spoiler Text: (A bomb in a bull)

A hungry African lion came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

RoseDG said:

Three cats are competing in a race. There’s an English cat named “One Two Three”, a German cat named “Ein Zwei Drei”, and a French cat named “Un Deux Trois”. The cats all swim across a lake. The English cat finishes first, the German cat finishes second, but the French cat is nowhere to be found.

Why?

Because the Un Deux Trois quatre cinq.

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Beat you to it! (Post #177). Well, I had a different set-up, but the punch line was the same.

Husband and wife were sitting on the porch on a hot day. "You know what would taste good right now?" he said, "An ice cream sundae. I think I'll go down to the ice cream shop and buy us a couple. " "Well, OK," said his wife, "But don't you forget like you did last time - I want vanilla ice cream, not chocolate, and I want nuts on mine. You better write it down so you remember.""I'll remember, I don't need to write it," said the husband and off he went.

Came back an hour later with two ham sandwiches. His wife looked at him in disbelief. "Didn't I tell you to write it down, you stubborn old man? I told you - extra mustard!"

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

A dad just finished having surgery on his fingers.

He asked the doctor, "Will I be able to play the piano soon?"

"Yes," the doctor said.

"That's amazing!" the dad said. "I was never able to before!"

The senator defended his actions at the restaurant - the lady was choking and he was attempting the hind-lick maneuver.

Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.
- Dr. Samuel Johnson, to an aspiring writer

Ketzel said:

Beat you to it! (Post #177). Well, I had a different set-up, but the punch line was the same.

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Sorry -- I'm new and didn't read the whole thread.