Tenses, help!

Zoe R

Fluffhead! Fluffy fluffy head!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 30, 2017
Messages
183
Reaction score
31
I'm wondering if I'm FUBARing myself with my tenses.

Example 1: Is the "Think" and "could I" ok in the midst of past tense? Is it assumed she is remembering those things, so it doesn't to have a qualifier - like "Think!" I told myself.

I pulled up a search engine and stared at the blank bar. Think! What innocent thing could I search for that would make my behavior seem normal? My mind was blank, I could think of nothing I wanted to see.

Example 2: Do I need to say "Would I have hated"?

She looked satisfied, if not smug, and she turned with a bounce that made her ponytail dance. A perfect blond ponytail tied with a perfect red bow. Would I hate her if she hadn’t replaced Millie?

Example 3: Should I to Should I have felt? Am I to Was I?

When the memory hit me it was immediately sobering. Should I feel guilty that I wasn’t concerning myself with the others down there? Am I also complicit in their suffering? I didn't want to consider that possibility.


I've noticed my MC asks a lot of questions in her thoughts, and sometimes those come out present tense. To make it all past tense gets clunky. It doesn't bother me when I read it, but I also wrote it, so I'm doubting my perspective. Would it make a difference if the present tense thought questions were italicized?

TIA for the feedback! :)
 
Last edited:

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 9, 2005
Messages
16,768
Reaction score
4,663
Location
Scotland
It's First person POV - you can use whatever tense you wish. I understand what you've written in each case, although I may (or may not) have written it differently. Doesn't mean you are wrong.

I don't see any need for italics for questions. They're obviously yours - who else's could they be?

Nothing wrong with anything from my view point or comprehension - I think you're over-thinking this. :Hug2:
 
Last edited:

be frank

not a bloke, not named frank
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 16, 2015
Messages
10,304
Reaction score
5,267
Location
Melbourne
Website
www.lanifrank.com
Example 1: Is the "Think" and "could I" ok in the midst of past tense? Is it assumed she is remembering those things, so it doesn't to have a qualifier - like "Think!" I told myself.

I pulled up a search engine and stared at the blank bar. Think! What innocent thing could I search for that would make my behavior seem normal? My mind was blank, I could think of nothing I wanted to see.

Given "Think!" is a direct thought, I'd put it in italics. No need for the "I told myself." :)

eta: Also, "could I" is fine as is since it's presumably not a direct thought (if it were, it'd be "Can I..." and "will make").

Example 2: Do I need to say "Would I have hated"?

She looked satisfied, if not smug, and she turned with a bounce that made her ponytail dance. A perfect blond ponytail tied with a perfect red bow. Would I hate her if she hadn’t replaced Millie?

This is fine as is IMO. (Side note: since "she" has the ponytail, it should be "blonde." She = blonde. He = blond)

Example 3: Should I to Should I have felt? Am I to Was I?

When the memory hit me it was immediately sobering. Should I feel guilty that I wasn’t concerning myself with the others down there? Am I also complicit in their suffering? I didn't want to consider that possibility.

This reads like the second question should be "Was I" in place of "Am I." While the "Think!" above seems like something you might actually, um, think (ie: a direct thought), these two read more like general musings of a first person narrator. So for this one (IMHO) no italics, but change to past tense.
 
Last edited:

angeliz2k

never mind the shorty
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
Messages
3,727
Reaction score
488
Location
Commonwealth of Virginia--it's for lovers
Website
www.elizabethhuhn.com
I'm wondering if I'm FUBARing myself with my tenses.

Example 1: Is the "Think" and "could I" ok in the midst of past tense? Is it assumed she is remembering those things, so it doesn't to have a qualifier - like "Think!" I told myself.

I pulled up a search engine and stared at the blank bar. Think! What innocent thing could I search for that would make my behavior seem normal? My mind was blank, I could think of nothing I wanted to see.

Example 2: Do I need to say "Would I have hated"?

She looked satisfied, if not smug, and she turned with a bounce that made her ponytail dance. A perfect blond ponytail tied with a perfect red bow. Would I hate her if she hadn’t replaced Millie?

Example 3: Should I to Should I have felt? Am I to Was I?

When the memory hit me it was immediately sobering. Should I feel guilty that I wasn’t concerning myself with the others down there? Am I also complicit in their suffering? I didn't want to consider that possibility.


I've noticed my MC asks a lot of questions in her thoughts, and sometimes those come out present tense. To make it all past tense gets clunky. It doesn't bother me when I read it, but I also wrote it, so I'm doubting my perspective. Would it make a difference if the present tense thought questions were italicized?

TIA for the feedback! :)

As is, these make sense, and I don't think you really need to change them. Still, if it were me I would change #2 to say, "Would I have hated her . . . ?" because otherwise it sounds a bit like speculation about something that might happen, as opposed to thoughts about something that (I think, based on context) has already happened.

I would also change #3 to "Was I also . . . ?" In the sentences before and after, the narrator is thinking about himself/herself from an analytical, outsider POV. In this sentence, you break that a bit by having him/her thinking of himself/herself from a first-person POV. I think that's why it seems to me to not quite fit.
 

King Neptune

Banned
Joined
Oct 24, 2012
Messages
4,253
Reaction score
372
Location
The Oceans
I'm wondering if I'm FUBARing myself with my tenses.

Example 1: Is the "Think" and "could I" ok in the midst of past tense? Is it assumed she is remembering those things, so it doesn't to have a qualifier - like "Think!" I told myself.

I pulled up a search engine and stared at the blank bar. Think! What innocent thing could I search for that would make my behavior seem normal? My mind was blank, I could think of nothing I wanted to see.

Example 2: Do I need to say "Would I have hated"?

She looked satisfied, if not smug, and she turned with a bounce that made her ponytail dance. A perfect blond ponytail tied with a perfect red bow. Would I hate her if she hadn’t replaced Millie?

Example 3: Should I to Should I have felt? Am I to Was I?

When the memory hit me it was immediately sobering. Should I feel guilty that I wasn’t concerning myself with the others down there? Am I also complicit in their suffering? I didn't want to consider that possibility.


I've noticed my MC asks a lot of questions in her thoughts, and sometimes those come out present tense. To make it all past tense gets clunky. It doesn't bother me when I read it, but I also wrote it, so I'm doubting my perspective. Would it make a difference if the present tense thought questions were italicized?

TIA for the feedback! :)

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]"Could"and "should"[/FONT]are both conditional tense not past. Conditional tense is often usedin questions, wondering, and things like that.
 

BethS

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 21, 2005
Messages
11,708
Reaction score
1,763
I'm wondering if I'm FUBARing myself with my tenses.

Example 1: Is the "Think" and "could I" ok in the midst of past tense? Is it assumed she is remembering those things, so it doesn't to have a qualifier - like "Think!" I told myself.

I pulled up a search engine and stared at the blank bar. Think! What innocent thing could I search for that would make my behavior seem normal? My mind was blank, I could think of nothing I wanted to see.

Example 2: Do I need to say "Would I have hated"?

She looked satisfied, if not smug, and she turned with a bounce that made her ponytail dance. A perfect blond ponytail tied with a perfect red bow. Would I hate her if she hadn’t replaced Millie?

Example 3: Should I to Should I have felt? Am I to Was I?

When the memory hit me it was immediately sobering. Should I feel guilty that I wasn’t concerning myself with the others down there? Am I also complicit in their suffering? I didn't want to consider that possibility.

These look mostly fine to me, although in example 3, I personally would write: "Was I also complicit..." That's the only one that sounded off to me.
 

Zoe R

Fluffhead! Fluffy fluffy head!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 30, 2017
Messages
183
Reaction score
31
Thank you! I caught myself typing example 3 last night and had a panic, and yes began to overthink it. I know you *can* do whatever you want, but I also don't want to confuse and annoy readers that aren't in my head. Plus I've never really taken creative writing so this site is so helpful - already has tamped down my use of adverbs :D

I agree with the changes to #3 and #2. Thanks again!
 

ironmikezero

practical experience, FTW
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 8, 2011
Messages
1,737
Reaction score
426
Location
Haunted Louisiana
Good advice here--best of luck! I only wanted to add that I love your avatar! Your pet? Chow puppy? How old? Forgive me, but we had a cinnamon female (a rescue) for a dozen years; pictures like this just tug at my heartstrings . . .
 

Zoe R

Fluffhead! Fluffy fluffy head!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 30, 2017
Messages
183
Reaction score
31
Good advice here--best of luck! I only wanted to add that I love your avatar! Your pet? Chow puppy? How old? Forgive me, but we had a cinnamon female (a rescue) for a dozen years; pictures like this just tug at my heartstrings . . .

Thanks! She's a 5 year old chow chow (Sasha). The photo is from a few weeks ago :) She's my second chow, I just fell in love with the breed!
 

ironmikezero

practical experience, FTW
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 8, 2011
Messages
1,737
Reaction score
426
Location
Haunted Louisiana
Congrats! Trust me, I grok . . . They're the only canine breed who act more like cats. She's adorable--you just want to hug her. ;)
 

Zoe R

Fluffhead! Fluffy fluffy head!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 30, 2017
Messages
183
Reaction score
31
Congrats! Trust me, I grok . . . They're the only canine breed who act more like cats. She's adorable--you just want to hug her. ;)

Yes! Cats that bark at anyone that comes near your house though, lol.
 

SandySimonton

Registered
Joined
Apr 17, 2017
Messages
23
Reaction score
2
Location
Newbury Park, CA
Change tense when it makes sense, and be purposeful when doing it. Use of tense can often be stylistic and as such there's no right or wrong, just preference.