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Would it be a mistake to do this?

Daxos

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I came up with the crazy idea to write a science fiction novel and was wondering if it would be a mistake to start it off with a few expository sentences that include the year (4023), a "fact" about the estimated number of planets in the universe that has changed due to new technology, and all to set up the vastness of the universe around a particular interstellar ship as it hurtles toward the wrong planet?
 

Chris P

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Give it a shot and see what you think. Even if you don't end up using it it could get the right balls rolling.

I'm wondering why you think it could be a mistake? Is there something specific that puts up red flags? Why do you want to open the book this way? And most importantly, how could you open it this way in a way that doesn't trigger the flags? It might take a few drafts, but it's worth the try.
 

Daxos

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Give it a shot and see what you think. Even if you don't end up using it it could get the right balls rolling.

I'm wondering why you think it could be a mistake? Is there something specific that puts up red flags? Why do you want to open the book this way? And most importantly, how could you open it this way in a way that doesn't trigger the flags? It might take a few drafts, but it's worth the try.

I feel it's not a very popular way to start a book. I like it for the sake of providing a mind-boggling "fact" (it's a new estimate for the number of planets in the universe, 150 quintillion higher than the current figure of 700 quintillion) to provide a sense of scale and for the transition sentence at the end of the paragraph that reads: "An Interstellar Cruiser hurtling towards one of these planets would be insignificant amid the vastness of the cosmos - an imperceptible fleck of space dust in an endless sea of galaxies - but what is significant is that it is heading toward the wrong planet and is nearly out of fuel."

I used to write avidly, but life steered me in a different direction a couple decades ago so I'm kind of just looking for a little guidance/feedback as I get started with this particular story. It feels a little bit like a science article in those first couple of sentences. It's what I was going for, but I realize there are more effective ways to start a novel than with the date and a couple of plausible, but fictitious, scientific "facts".
 

Chris P

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I suspected you would say something along the lines of that, and was my gut as well. It would be very easy to do this poorly.

For my taste, I think it would work if you kept it brief. Like, one or two sentences brief before the sentence you posted, then launch immediately into the action, the characters, the story, etc. Where it would turn me off is if you started with 10 pages of world building descriptions of what we know about the universe by that time. Once you get 50 posts and have participated for a while post it in the Share Your Work section if you're comfortable with that. The input there can be pretty varied, so I usually look for a general flavor of input (you won't please everyone).
 

Daxos

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I will definitely put that forum to use after I've written more of the story and have the requisite number of posts.

The part in question is just three sentences to put the estimated number of planets into perspective. It's far from a traditional "hook", but 850 quintillion (it's 700 quintillion in the 21st century) is a number that is so mind-boggling I felt that sharing it was a hook in and of itself. So I mention that, explain that it's 850 followed by eighteen zeros, and then pose a rhetorical question about how dismayed Galileo would have been to know that if one could count a planet every second, day and night, it would take 269 billion years to count them all.

If nothing else, it gets the ball rolling, like you said, and gets me excited.
 
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Bacchus

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I would avoid a lesson in number theory in the opening lines. If you have to put the numbers in, try and keep it fairly short along the lines of:-

"by the fifth Millenium it had long been established that there were over eight hundred and fifty quintillion planets in the universe, over a hundred and fifty quintillion more than we estimate today, so it's easy enough to see why Captain Starbuck's ship was hurtling towards the wrong one."

Readers will either
  • know already how many zeros a quintillion has
  • care what a quintillion is and go look it up
  • gather that it's a big number and read on
 
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Anna Iguana

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I came up with the crazy idea to write a science fiction novel and was wondering if it would be a mistake to start it off with a few expository sentences

Dragonflight, the first Dragonriders of Pern book by Anne McCaffrey, starts with exposition. It might be an example worth consulting.
 

BethS

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I would avoid a lesson in number theory in the opening lines. If you have to put the numbers in, try and keep it fairly short along the lines of:-

"by the fifth Millenium it had long been established that there were over eight hundred and fifty quintillion planets in the universe, over a hundred and fifty quintillion more than we estimate today, so it's easy enough to see why Captain Starbuck's ship was hurtling towards the wrong one."

Just wanted to say that I would totally read that book, if it existed.
 

BethS

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Dragonflight, the first Dragonriders of Pern book by Anne McCaffrey, starts with exposition. It might be an example worth consulting.

Or not. Styles do change.
 

Jason

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Interesting factoid about numbers ending in 'illion' like quintillion - the prefix is the indicator of the number of sets of 3 zeros after 1,000:

1,000,000 - Million (though I don't know how "M" gets us one lol)
1,000,000,000 - Billion (two)
1,000,000,000,000 - Trillion (three)
1,000,000,000,000,000 - Quadrillion (four)
1,000,000,000,000,000,000 - Quintillion (five)
etc.

To your question, rather than throwing this sort of world building fact out at the beginning, maybe expressing it as a percentage might be easier:

"By the Fifth Millenium of charted history, researchers had discovered their predictions for planetary objects was off by 20%, throwing the number nearly into the septillions. Gallileo would have turned over in his grave. But this didn't prevent our hero, Spaceman Spiff, from hurtling through the vast nothingness in front of him for nearly 4 parsecs...toward the wrong planet!"
 

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I, for one, have never been put off by an expository opening, especially if (as is your intention) the length is sane and it's linked smoothly in medias res. I also genuinely believe that "Space is big" will always have a home in sci-fi writing, even if some people nowadays might think of it as a red flag - that sense of scale is part of the genre's heart and soul. That said, I'd be a little wary of leaning too heavily on your additional 150 Quintillion planets. My concern is that 7 x 10^20 (if that's correct...) and 8.5 x 10^20 aren't going to strike the casual, less astronomically-inclined reader as particularly different to one another, unless perhaps you sell it well as "space is even bigger than you thought".
 

neandermagnon

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I came up with the crazy idea to write a science fiction novel and was wondering if it would be a mistake to start it off with a few expository sentences that include the year (4023), a "fact" about the estimated number of planets in the universe that has changed due to new technology, and all to set up the vastness of the universe around a particular interstellar ship as it hurtles toward the wrong planet?

I can't see how new technology would change the estimate of how many planets there are in the universe. Current estimates are not limited to what can be observed through telescopes. Better telescopes would mean higher resolution images, but they won't be able to see further, because speed of light is a limiting factor to what can be observed (if the light hasn't reached us yet, we can't see it no matter how powerful the telescope) and estimates about numbers of galaxies (and therefore stars, planets etc) already take into account the fact we can't see most of them. You'd have to do a lot of explaining before I'll accept that "new technology" means we've changed our estimates. Finding out that all of what physicists currently think is correct (like the theories of relativity, big bang theory, expansion of the universe etc) is completely wrong and has been replaced by new theories... it stands to reason then that this would change things like estimates of how many planets there are.

Granted that I'm a biology nerd and not a physicist and I'm totally prepared to be corrected by a physicist, but you need to get stuff like this right if it's being presented as hard science. The type of science fiction story determines how much I care about accuracy in these matters, but if you start off like it's going to be hard science, then the story continues more like the kind of story where you don't have to explain how technology works and we can just accept that "future technology" means they can break the known laws of physics and stuff, I'd find that off-putting in the extreme, when I'd have been totally fine with it if it hadn't tried to explain stuff like it's hard science. Start as you mean to go on, basically.

Also, in terms of what would work for me in conveying the vastness of space as an interstellar ship hurtles towards the wrong planet, viewing it through the eyes of one of the people on the spaceship would work better. There are lots of ways you can do this, e.g. being surrounded by empty, black, space, the stars looking no nearer (and possibly much further) than they ever did on Earth, or maybe the time it takes to get messages to Earth and back... if you're 10 light years from Earth, it'll take ten years for your message to reach your family back home, and another ten years for their reply to reach you. Your kids will have grown up in that time. That's the kind of thing that would really drive home for me just how vast the universe is.

Also, if presented with a humorous twist like Bacchus's lines, that would be different. I wouldn't question stuff like that in comedy sci-fi (of which I'm a very big fan). So that still comes down to "start as you mean to go on".
 

the bunny hugger

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As a sci fi reader who has been burned many times by books that were more about engineering and WASP Gary Stus than "real" people and speculative science--it is an opening that would make me nervous.
 

Daxos

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I appreciate all the feedback and suggestions. My apologies for not being able to get back in here sooner to acknowledge them.

I, for one, have never been put off by an expository opening, especially if (as is your intention) the length is sane and it's linked smoothly in medias res. I also genuinely believe that "Space is big" will always have a home in sci-fi writing, even if some people nowadays might think of it as a red flag - that sense of scale is part of the genre's heart and soul. That said, I'd be a little wary of leaning too heavily on your additional 150 Quintillion planets. My concern is that 7 x 10^20 (if that's correct...) and 8.5 x 10^20 aren't going to strike the casual, less astronomically-inclined reader as particularly different to one another, unless perhaps you sell it well as "space is even bigger than you thought".


The additional 150 quintillion is not as important as the revelation that there are an estimated 700 quintillion planets to begin with. I knew from prior research that it would be in the quintillions and I remember how captivated I was by such an imposing estimate. That initial "Holy s***!" reaction I had was something I wanted to impart and impress upon potential readers, not just for a general sense of size and scale, but for some of the philosophical questions the protagonist has to confront later as he tries to come to terms with his predicament. There is a reason for how and why, out of the 850 quintillion planets in the universe in 4023, that their ship managed to crash-land on another habitable planet that goes beyond random chance.

I would avoid a lesson in number theory in the opening lines. If you have to put the numbers in, try and keep it fairly short along the lines of:-

"by the fifth Millenium it had long been established that there were over eight hundred and fifty quintillion planets in the universe, over a hundred and fifty quintillion more than we estimate today, so it's easy enough to see why Captain Starbuck's ship was hurtling towards the wrong one."

Readers will either
  • know already how many zeros a quintillion has
  • care what a quintillion is and go look it up
  • gather that it's a big number and read on

I enjoyed your example. It neatly covers the crux of what I said in a single sentence while omitting the potentially tedious detail about how large the number is. I agree with your logic in the bullet points and think that particular factoid is a strong candidate for the scrap heap.
 

Daxos

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I can't see how new technology would change the estimate of how many planets there are in the universe. Current estimates are not limited to what can be observed through telescopes. Better telescopes would mean higher resolution images, but they won't be able to see further, because speed of light is a limiting factor to what can be observed (if the light hasn't reached us yet, we can't see it no matter how powerful the telescope) and estimates about numbers of galaxies (and therefore stars, planets etc) already take into account the fact we can't see most of them. You'd have to do a lot of explaining before I'll accept that "new technology" means we've changed our estimates. Finding out that all of what physicists currently think is correct (like the theories of relativity, big bang theory, expansion of the universe etc) is completely wrong and has been replaced by new theories... it stands to reason then that this would change things like estimates of how many planets there are.

I'll say that the higher estimate is more about an improved understanding of the universe in 4023 and some of the comments I'd read that the existing figure (700 quintillion) could be woefully conservative. For all intents and purposes it could be left alone - 700 quintillion is mind-boggling enough - but I felt like our understanding of the cosmos would improve within the next 2000 years.

Also, in terms of what would work for me in conveying the vastness of space as an interstellar ship hurtles towards the wrong planet, viewing it through the eyes of one of the people on the spaceship would work better. There are lots of ways you can do this, e.g. being surrounded by empty, black, space, the stars looking no nearer (and possibly much further) than they ever did on Earth, or maybe the time it takes to get messages to Earth and back... if you're 10 light years from Earth, it'll take ten years for your message to reach your family back home, and another ten years for their reply to reach you. Your kids will have grown up in that time. That's the kind of thing that would really drive home for me just how vast the universe is.

Everyone onboard is in cryogenic stasis and the ship is piloted by computers, manned by service droids. That was the other reason for the more number-driven opening. I introduce the protagonist immediately following the opening paragraph described in the OP and a couple of subsequent posts as he awakens from hibernation to blaring alarms and "brace for impact" warnings. That may be the actual opening when all is said and done. Maybe something along the lines of:

"They say that awakening from cryogenic stasis can be a bit disorienting. I imagine this is particularly true when it's accompanied by a cacophony of blaring alarms, flashing emergency lights, and a warning to brace for impact. To complicate matters, the hatch of my cryogenic chamber was refusing to open. It was a rude awakening."

There will be undertones of dark comedy throughout, so Bacchus's example worked particularly well for me.
 

DarienW

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It wouldn't necessarily scare me off to have a few factoids to launch the story, but I'm not sure how big the universe is matters when a ship is hurtling toward a planet. Maybe you could convey this by showing the character in the ship, or the one on the planet about to get hit, saying it with dialogue or inner voice. The date could be the heading at the top.

Best of luck with your idea!

:)
 

BethS

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"They say that awakening from cryogenic stasis can be a bit disorienting. I imagine this is particularly true when it's accompanied by a cacophony of blaring alarms, flashing emergency lights, and a warning to brace for impact. To complicate matters, the hatch of my cryogenic chamber was refusing to open. It was a rude awakening."

Thumbs up.
 

neandermagnon

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I'll say that the higher estimate is more about an improved understanding of the universe in 4023 and some of the comments I'd read that the existing figure (700 quintillion) could be woefully conservative. For all intents and purposes it could be left alone - 700 quintillion is mind-boggling enough - but I felt like our understanding of the cosmos would improve within the next 2000 years.

I'd be totally fine with new/improved/refined theories/understanding changing the estimates. It was purely the suggestion that new technology would change it that was the issue.

Everyone onboard is in cryogenic stasis and the ship is piloted by computers, manned by service droids. That was the other reason for the more number-driven opening. I introduce the protagonist immediately following the opening paragraph described in the OP and a couple of subsequent posts as he awakens from hibernation to blaring alarms and "brace for impact" warnings. That may be the actual opening when all is said and done. Maybe something along the lines of:

"They say that awakening from cryogenic stasis can be a bit disorienting. I imagine this is particularly true when it's accompanied by a cacophony of blaring alarms, flashing emergency lights, and a warning to brace for impact. To complicate matters, the hatch of my cryogenic chamber was refusing to open. It was a rude awakening."

There will be undertones of dark comedy throughout, so Bacchus's example worked particularly well for me.

This is right up my street and totally my cup of tea. Definitely would read. :Thumbs:
 

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You could also add a quote from a fake history book after your chapter heading but before the start of the chapter itself. Frank Herbert does this in Dune and it doesn't interrupt the flow of the story.
 

Once!

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One of the problem with exposition is that it can become infectious. You feel the need for some exposition to start the story. Then you have to have some more exposition to explain how faster than light travel works. Then you need some exposition to explain what technology we've got. The political factions that are in play. Who are the good guys and who are the bad guys.

And, if you're not careful, you soon end up with something that looks like a Wikipedia page.

The challenge of writing sci fi set in a far distant future is that the characters all know what their life is like but we don't. That's why so many science fiction stories have a time travelling character from our time who has to have things explained to them.

So sooner or later you're going to have to develop the technique of slipping exposition into the story. Because you're going to be doing it a lot.

For me, that would start with the first sentence. I get put off if the first sentence of a novel starts with too much clunky exposition. Sure, there are novels where it works. More or less. But it's not as smooth a start as an opening scene with action and a hook.

I'm guessing that you're telling us that there are lots of planets for a reason. It's important for the plot. So fine - start with the bit of the plot that hinges on the number of planets. The ship hurtling towards the wrong planet. That's where I'd start. Only I would lose the "hurtle" because, for me at least, ships don't hurtle. And I'd do something about the "wrong" planet, which sounds like a faulty sat nav. But I'd start with the spaceship, establish some tension, and only then weave in the exposition.

Whenever I feel the need for some exposition, I challenge myself to find a way to write it without outright exposition. Even if that means inventing a character or a plot line or two.
 

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I wouldn't say a "mistake" - if you can pull it off and make it into a gripping beginning, I say go for it.

That being said, it does come across as a bit info-dumpy. It reminds me of how Star Wars begins and I know I might be a minority here, but I hated this opening. I have a thing for stories that reveal bits and pieces of info about the world as we read along, through dialogue and the occasional exposition. Once has made some great points - I think sci-fi is one of the most difficult genres to write precisely for this reason; you need to reveal things that your characters will know but your readers won't even suspect, and you have to do it in a natural way. Still, there are plenty of successful sci-fi novels out there who start with an info dump and it wouldn't make me put down the book and never read it, if the rest of it is good. So perhaps think if you can slip these bits of info throughout the text but if not, go ahead : )

Just my 2 cents as always.
 

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It's important to give the reader a sense of conflict / urgency within the first few paragraphs - enough to understand the character, what's going on that's creating conflict, and develop a sense of empathy between character and reader so they want to keep going to see how everything plays out. For me, it's much more important to bring the reader and the character/situation together than let them know facts about the geopolitical makeup of the universe. That stuff can be worked in later once the reader is invested in the character/story and wants to see where it goes.

If you get the reader caring about the character, later, when you add details about the setting, they care more about that too. If a story opens with a wall of facts it's less likely to grab and hook the average reader. (Though I imagine there are people who may glom on to the setting details in that format, but I wouldn't hold my breath that they'd be any kind of majority.)

What you're talking about sounds a bit like a prologue, which I keep hearing people suggest against. Consider establishing the scene around the main character, that they are on a spaceship (which already provides a lot of info about the setting) and what's going on that creates conflict. You can work the planet number into dialogue later on. E.g. once the main realizes they're in the wrong place, use dialogue: "A quintillion known planets, and we wind up at this one?"
 

Lady Ice

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It feels a bit stale and old fashioned. Start with the hurtling ship then after the fallout whilst the reader is still processing that, give a bit of context because at that point they will want the explanation. Don't give them the explanation before they demand it.