60 Word Hook Thread

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Keithy

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Okay, this is a more flexible version of the three sentence critique game. Except it's not a game.

Basic rules.

60 word limit, but any number of sentences. If you want to have 60 one word sentences, go right ahead, just don't expect many takers.

My reason for this is as follows: if your style is short(ish) sentences, then it makes no sense to start with three long-winded sentences then switch to your shorter ones. Or else you might have a short, snappy action scene at the start. Or you might want a choppy start. Who knows, perhaps someone will like it.

Please, please, tell us what genre it is.

There are many people who might never go near your shelf in the bookshop. Don't expect them to pick up your book.

Critique level request

1 = yes or no
2 = yes or no, with reason
3 = yes or no, with reason and/or one suggestion.

Critters are allowed to ignore the request level at their discretion. They're REQUESTS.

Critters: please don't go overboard with the suggestions. If you think your suggestion is too long then point the submitter at SYW.

Revised submissions

If you want to do this, give them version numbers.

If you're on version 300, I'd give up.

Please don't pester critters for re-evaluations.

Other

Please abide by the spirit of the rules where not explicitly stated.
 

The Urban Spaceman

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I'm struggling with this. Sentences are discrete units; if I posted the first 60 words of my current WIP, it ends mid-sentence.
 

neandermagnon

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There's a "first 200 words" thread in the science fiction section of SYW (show your work) section, if you want to get a bigger chunk of your intro critiqued. I'm not sure that there's a need for this thread as the "first three lines" thread format works very well, as long as it's taken in the right context, and any longer, more detailed, more indepth critiques belong in SYW not this section of the forum. You could see if a mod will move this thread in there, but then the first 200 words thread may suit your needs better anyway. And you get to post 200 words, not just 60.
 

Keithy

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I am well aware that SYW covers some of this. I don't think really think the three-sentence game does, at least in its strictest form. I don't think there's any way to have a thread that covers everything or is suitable for all writing styles.
I just regard this site as a learning site as much as a place for games. And the other thing is that SYW is not accessible to non-members: if we could show some of the "learning" aspect of this site, we'd get more members. that's assuming we want more members.

I was thinking of suggesting a "compare your blurb" thread but that's getting ridiculous.
 

The Urban Spaceman

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And the other thing is that SYW is not accessible to non-members: if we could show some of the "learning" aspect of this site, we'd get more members. that's assuming we want more members.

Posting in this thread isn't accessible to non-members, either. If people want to contribute here, they'd need to make an account, and it's not all that difficult to sensibly reach 50 posts to be able to access SYW. As for learning, there's a phenomenal wealth of info available here and in the other sticky topics on the basic writing sub-forum (and indeed, stickied info on almost every other sub-forum). I don't think the site is struggling for members, and it's not my site, but there's always an argument for quality over quantity. :)

Anyway, I'm still struggling with 60 words. I have 4 WIP novels right now, as well as several flash fictions ready to go, and having checked them out, not one of them ends concisely at 60 words. I'm always going to be ending mid-sentence.
 

Jason

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I'll play along, just to get things kick-started...

Genre:
SFF
Critique level request:
Go to town, tear me a new one if needed! :)

Full disclosure - this started as a FFC, but the comments I got there suggested that it may be worth exploring in more detail. So...here's the first 60:

Gruffo’s face scrunched up, the stench of musty air sweeping across his face. The cabin hadn’t seen fresh air in weeks since the old mans death, save for the removal of the corpse. He hurriedly opened the blinds and windows to let in some light and to air things out. Once done, Gruffo noticed how ramshackled the old man lived.
 
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Laer Carroll

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SFF or YA, no criticism desired, will be ignored. The books are done. I've moved on.

In each example I introduced the main character, set the scene or began to do so, and tried to hook my reader. But every author is different, and what works for one may not for another. For that matter, what works for one of our books may not work for others.

Annalisa King was very annoyed with the hurricane fifty miles below her.

Roan Kinnison returned from death the second time in his 325 years of life when his hillside grave crumbled around him and tumbled him into the ocean.

Bethany Rossiter had been a fairly ordinary girl before she died and came back to life. A loving mid-scale family, only moderately broken (no tug-of-kids drama, mostly friendly parents). Pretty, but not super-pretty. Good student, she was a better cheerleader. Until she died, that is.

Keith Taylor's world turned upside down on his 18th birthday.
#
It first tilted at the end of his English class just before lunch. That's when his teacher handed him a note from the principal. It read Please come to my office at the end of the day. Someone wants to see you.
 

mrsmig

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The mod for the Novels subforum stated this just a couple of weeks ago:

The Novels forum is not SYW and I don't want it becoming SYW...because we have an entire section dedicated to critiquing.


I have a sneaking suspicion that this critique thread is going to be either moved or shut down entirely.

To the OP: it's always a good idea to check with the mods or AW Admin before you try to reinvent the wheel.
 
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