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Thread: Nocturnal departure into the stars

  1. #1
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin godofloveandlight's Avatar
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    New York
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    Nocturnal departure into the stars

    Here,
    we excavate my own desire.
    Quarry deeper than before.
    Full of lust,
    my love robust.
    Feel this appetency burn.
    Wildfire.
    Sway through life,
    my rhythm,
    it returns,
    take my hand,
    as everything around us burns.
    Can you feel my fire?
    Ears;
    inferno,
    dagger,
    deep.
    Still i slay,
    the fucking sheep.
    Sacrifices.
    Thoughts are calm,
    these waves of clear,
    as i exist,
    so blissfully here.
    Peak,
    I've climbed so high,
    spread my wings,
    i can finally fly.
    i
    let
    go.
    "Nocturnal departure into the stars."
    Last edited by godofloveandlight; 03-17-2017 at 07:58 AM.
    My writings-> Instagram

  2. #2
    interesting piece and some interesting choices.

    line breaks could assist with pacing, perhaps, and you went a little nuts with your commas... but i enjoyed the read.

    welcome to the forum.

    new blood's worth its weight in gold around here.
    _____________________________

    Thorn Forest: A Gift for AW

    My poems on Twitter. Please proceed in an orderly fashion.





  3. #3
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin godofloveandlight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    11
    Quote Originally Posted by William Haskins View Post
    interesting piece and some interesting choices.

    line breaks could assist with pacing, perhaps, and you went a little nuts with your commas... but i enjoyed the read.

    welcome to the forum.

    new blood's worth its weight in gold around here.

    I have recently realized my overuse of commas. Thanks for the feed back!
    It just sounds very different in my mind, than how it's actually written.
    I'll stray away from the commas for now
    My writings-> Instagram

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