Past tense and future

Nonicks · Feb 18, 2017

My novel is written in past tense, but I have a paragraph where my MC thinks about his future. It goes something like this:

“Imagine you are cured,” she said. “Can you picture your life without the blisters?”
“Yeah!” I said. That was easy: I’ll get back to school, stop wearing these long-sleeved shirts, and nobody is going to call me pizza-face ever again. I might transfer to another school, and I’m going to have three friends. Okay, one friend. But we are going to have a heck of a good time.

Is it correct?

Thanks for any advice!

Old Hack · Feb 19, 2017

Nonicks said:
My novel is written in past tense, but I have a paragraph where my MC thinks about his future. It goes something like this:

“Imagine you are cured,” she said. “Can you picture your life without the blisters?”
“Yeah!” I said. That was easy: I’ll get back to school, stop wearing these long-sleeved shirts, and nobody is going to call me pizza-face ever again. I might transfer to another school, and I’m going to have three friends. Okay, one friend. But we are going to have a heck of a good time.

Is it correct?

Thanks for any advice!

“Imagine you are cured,” she said. “Can you picture your life without the blisters?”
“Yeah!” I said. That was easy: I’d get back to school, stop wearing these long-sleeved shirts, and nobody would call me pizza-face ever again. I might transfer to another school, and I would have three friends. Okay, one friend. But we would have a heck of a good time.

That's how I'd do it, but it's your work, so you get to decide.

remister · Feb 19, 2017

I prefer Old Hack's version, too.

(But my personal taste cringes at present tense when a story is told in past tense. The reverse is fine.)

Nonicks · Feb 19, 2017

Thank you, guys! I've sent this version to several agents and then realized it could be better worded. I hope I won't be rejected because of this.
:e2thud:

Fallen · Feb 19, 2017

Nonicks said:
Thank you, guys! I've sent this version to several agents and then realized it could be better worded. I hope I won't be rejected because of this.

I don't think there's been a script that hasn't needed some work when an agent receives it. It won't be rejected because it has one or two tense issues. It could be rejected if the novel constantly jumps tense when it shouldn't, but even then, if an agent sees a very good story despite that, they could still represent and work with you, or recommend independent help. But don't panic, just listen to what they have to say.

blacbird · Feb 19, 2017

The problem I see is that you actually mixed future and present tense constructions in the second paragraph. Be consistent, and either would work for me, as a reader.

caw

BethS · Feb 20, 2017

I agree with Old Hack's rewrite.

ArtsyAmy · Feb 20, 2017

There's a subtle difference in the meaning with I'll (I will) vs. I'd (I would). The character is being asked to imagine how things would be (though at this time they are not that way). With I'll, it's more like the character has taken an additional step away from the conversation and the time of the conversation and has gone deeper into the imagination, and isn't imagining what it would be like if things were that way, but what he/she can do now that things are that way. Which you could do, if that's how you want to tell your story. Like Old Hack said, you get to decide.

namejohn · Feb 20, 2017

After reading "I said. That was easy:" I think it should be "I said. That is easy". This is because a character only speaks in the present tense. What they speak about can be any tense. The words "That was easy" refer more to the speaking then what is spoken about.
This is more of a personnal opinion then a correct way to write, so i assume several will disagree with what I saying.
It might be "was" is used instead if "is" because the novel is written in the past tense.

Past tense and future

Nonicks

Old Hack

Such a nasty woman

remister

Nonicks

Fallen

Stood at the coalface

blacbird

BethS

ArtsyAmy

namejohn