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Thread: regdog's Autobot & Decepticon Comedy Cabaret-Energon Served Hourly

  1. #1
    Your Cuddly Sociopathic AW Moderator Jaycinth's Avatar
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    regdog's Autobot & Decepticon Comedy Cabaret-Energon Served Hourly

    ***This is the part of town your mother warned you about. But you come here anyway. You heard the rumors. The truth is, well, interesting.

    The cab driver chuckled when he let you out on the corner. He knows all about it. After all, he comes down here a few times a night.

    You’re standing in front of a club. Through the windows you can see the patrons dancing. You’ve been in that club before. But it is not your destination tonight.
    No.
    This evening you walk past the club and turn down the poorly lit alley. You pass a dumpster. The resident accosts you, but you knowthe routine and you’ve brought along a couple bottles of Nighttrain to pay the toll.

    A cat hisses and a dog snarls. You’re used to it. The requisite number of bacon wrapped steak nuggets always does the trick.

    It’s a dead end. But to your left, there’s a door. You know the signal. You get in. The 1,200-pound yak knows you; you’ve never caused any trouble.
    You descend the stairs, familiar scents drift past your nose. The cloak dude takes your coat and you walk through the door into.............***


    Welcome to the Comedy Cabaret!
    I’m glad to see you here.
    ..Quite frankly, I’m glad to see any of you here.
    .... so you’ll be happy to know we’ll no longer be offering sushi.
    On the bright side, though,
    I’ve hired a new chef.
    His name is Melkeesadeck
    That’s right. Just like the bible, but spelled funny.
    I call him ‘Mel’
    He calls me, ah, ...it doesn’t translate well.
    But...he knows how long to boil a cheeseburger,
    and how many times to hit it, too.
    Seriously folks,
    The bar is well stocked,
    I know what you all prefer,
    Your servers are ‘Cindy’ and ‘Ron’. They work for tips, so please be generous.

    As for the teenagers hiding out in the back of the bar, I know who you are. See that black light enhanced beaded curtain? Through that curtain is the arcade. You can purchase an arm band for a joke and play all day, but no way is the bartender going to give you anything stronger than a double chocolate mocha-latte malted shake.

    So folks, make yourselves comfortable. Order a drink and sit a spell, or grab the mike.

    It is ALWAYS open mike night in this caberet.

    And, now, I’m going to step off the stage, and open it up to you. Tell a joke or a quip and anecdote or sing your favorite ‘comedy song’.
    ***steps off stage and meanders to the back of the club to watch.***
    By JAYCINTH: I have my OWN PAGE at Aquarius Custom Jewelry. Please, come and see and like me on Facebook.
    I'm editing the 'Sensible Man' I STILL love these unpaid gigs


  2. #2
    Read Banned Books AW Moderator regdog's Avatar
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    Mine all mine and you losers aren't invited.
    My Blog-Updated on 10/9/14 An Open Letter To Hasbro

    Stop by the Weekend Progress Report to brag about your weekly writing accomplishments

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  3. #3
    Read Banned Books AW Moderator regdog's Avatar
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    There are a few advantages of being early mod on duty.
    My Blog-Updated on 10/9/14 An Open Letter To Hasbro

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  4. #4
    Sophipygian AW Moderator Alessandra Kelley's Avatar
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    A double chocolate mocha-latte malted shake sounds pretty good, actually.

  5. #5
    Procrastinator Extraordinaire Lillian_Blaire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by regdog View Post
    Mine all mine and you losers aren't invited.
    *sneaks in anyway*

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'll wait tables if you let me stay.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaymz Connelly View Post
    I don't know that anyone could fill Lil's stilettos in her absence. She's very special and unique.
    Lil is just full of of sweetness and love, with a side of raunchy innuendo. That never hurt anyone! - Jaymz
    Tell that to the guy(s) manacled in her basement... - be frank

  6. #6
    Read Banned Books AW Moderator regdog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alessandra Kelley View Post
    A double chocolate mocha-latte malted shake sounds pretty good, actually.
    Welcome to the Cabaret, Alessandra.


    Quote Originally Posted by Lillian_Blaire View Post
    *sneaks in anyway*

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'll wait tables if you let me stay.

    Fine, fine. Go get Alessandra her drink and no stealing from the cash register.
    My Blog-Updated on 10/9/14 An Open Letter To Hasbro

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  7. #7
    Making Einstein cry since 1994 Maggie Maxwell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by regdog View Post
    Mine all mine and you losers aren't invited.
    Don't tell me what to do, Autobot.
    The insane who believe they are sane are crazy. The sane who know they are insane are writers.

    Blog (updated 09/05/17)| Twitter | Pinterest | Wattpad

  8. #8
    Procrastinator Extraordinaire Lillian_Blaire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by regdog View Post

    Fine, fine. Go get Alessandra her drink and no stealing from the cash register.
    *gets Allessandra her drink*

    *stares at the money in the register*

    *looks around, squinting at new shiny cameras that may not be working yet*

    *looks at money again*

    Fine. Whatever.

    *shuts the drawer without taking anything*
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaymz Connelly View Post
    I don't know that anyone could fill Lil's stilettos in her absence. She's very special and unique.
    Lil is just full of of sweetness and love, with a side of raunchy innuendo. That never hurt anyone! - Jaymz
    Tell that to the guy(s) manacled in her basement... - be frank

  9. #9
    Evil, undead Chihuahua SuperModerator Haggis's Avatar
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    *ambles in*

    *spit*
    Quote Originally Posted by Curlz View Post
    For those of you that don't know what "haggis" is, I can only say that it's much better not knowing anyway
    Stewie the Chihuey
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    Stop by the Weekend Progress Report to brag about your weekly writing accomplishments




  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by regdog
    Oh, I'm gonna lock this and open a new Cabaret and then not tell anyone where it is.


    Muhahahahahaha

    o rly

  11. #11
    Procrastinator Extraordinaire Lillian_Blaire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post

    *spit*
    Thanks! *polishes new thread til it sparkles*
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaymz Connelly View Post
    I don't know that anyone could fill Lil's stilettos in her absence. She's very special and unique.
    Lil is just full of of sweetness and love, with a side of raunchy innuendo. That never hurt anyone! - Jaymz
    Tell that to the guy(s) manacled in her basement... - be frank

  12. #12
    earthing.. swachski's Avatar
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    There's been a cray sighting in the old thread..


    swach,
    local bigfoot
    .
    .
    .



    Quote Originally Posted by Angie View Post
    You're a ray of sunshine in a dark and dreary world, swach.
    Quote Originally Posted by TedTheewen View Post
    Swach is Swach, she's not replaceable and she's nobody's replacement.



    Into every life crap will fall. Anne Lamott

    Never lose an opportunity to keep your mouth shut. Isabel Allende

  13. #13
    Read Banned Books AW Moderator regdog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post
    *ambles in*

    *spit*
    Wrong bar, puppeh.
    My Blog-Updated on 10/9/14 An Open Letter To Hasbro

    Stop by the Weekend Progress Report to brag about your weekly writing accomplishments

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  14. #14
    AW's Most Adorable Sociopath TedTheewen's Avatar
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    That wasn't a Cray. I've seen Cray before and while I was really drunk at the time, I'm sure that wasn't him back there. It was somebody dressed like Cray, which makes not sense, but there you go.

  15. #15
    Procrastinator Extraordinaire Lillian_Blaire's Avatar
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    Why would anyone dress up like a cray?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaymz Connelly View Post
    I don't know that anyone could fill Lil's stilettos in her absence. She's very special and unique.
    Lil is just full of of sweetness and love, with a side of raunchy innuendo. That never hurt anyone! - Jaymz
    Tell that to the guy(s) manacled in her basement... - be frank

  16. #16
    A flowering bud of bitchiness TrainofThought's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by regdog View Post
    Mine all mine and you losers aren't invited.
    It's loosers, not losers. Geez!

    Quote Originally Posted by regdog View Post
    There are a few advantages of being early mod on duty.
    Making the coffee? Changing passwords? Having bad breath yet no one can smell it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post
    *ambles in*

    *spit*
    *saunters behind Haggis*

    *a rancid smell of spoiled eggs and sauerkraut forces me to leave the room*

    Quote Originally Posted by swachski View Post
    There's been a cray sighting in the old thread..


    swach,
    local bigfoot
    *hears this, looks around and then giggles*

    cray was locked in the old thread. A different and same dimension beyond that which is known to avatars. It is a dimension as huge as David Hasselhoff making an appearance in Germany and as smelly as a 100-year old prostitute. It is the middle ground between funny and insane, between horoscopes and Scientology, and it lies between the pit of man's underarm and the summit of his comprehension. This is the dimension of ludicrousness. It is an area which we call the Cabaret.

  17. #17
    Evil, undead Chihuahua SuperModerator Haggis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TrainofThought View Post

    cray was locked in the old thread. A different and same dimension beyond that which is known to avatars. It is a dimension as huge as David Hasselhoff making an appearance in Germany and as smelly as a 100-year old prostitute. It is the middle ground between funny and insane, between horoscopes and Scientology, and it lies between the pit of man's underarm and the summit of his comprehension. This is the dimension of ludicrousness. It is an area which we call the Cabaret.
    That kind of brought a tear to my snout, Tater.
    Quote Originally Posted by Curlz View Post
    For those of you that don't know what "haggis" is, I can only say that it's much better not knowing anyway
    Stewie the Chihuey
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  18. #18
    AW's Most Adorable Sociopath TedTheewen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TrainofThought View Post

    cray was locked in the old thread a different and same dimension beyond that which is known to avatars it is a dimension as huge as David Hasselhoff making an appearance in Germany and as smelly as a 100-year old prostitute it is the middle ground between funny and insane between horoscopes and Scientology and it lies between the pit of man's underarm and the summit of his comprehension this is the dimension of ludicrousness it is an area which we call the Cabaret because
    FIFY

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by tater and ted
    cray was locked in the old thread a different and same dimension beyond that which is known to avatars it is a dimension as huge as David Hasselhoff making an appearance in Germany and as smelly as a 100-year old prostitute it is the middle ground between funny and insane between horoscopes and Scientology and it lies between the pit of man's underarm and the summit of his comprehension this is the dimension of ludicrousness it is an area which we call the Cabaret because your mom
    let's keep this current and diverse, guys

  20. #20
    A flowering bud of bitchiness TrainofThought's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post
    That kind of brought a tear to my snout, Tater.
    Aw! Golly Gee!

    Quote Originally Posted by TedTheewen View Post
    FIFY
    Thanks. I knew there were too many pauses for breaths.

  21. #21
    Evil and Sparkly. tiddlywinks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maggie Maxwell View Post
    Don't tell me what to do, Autobot.
    Maggie...you're supposed to call her a decepticon or a toaster. Trust me on these things.

    Also, here I thought I was going to have a heck of a time finding this joint again. *eyes title* I should have known.

    *slips in spit on floor*
    *goes sliding under the bar*

    Ewwwwwww...
    Loves to tell stories. Finds editing a necessary evil. No longer fueled by coffee (again).
    ------------

    *FRESH MEAT* Red Riding Hood retelling - Chapter One now available for squirrels in SYW!
    Pirate fantasy, Book 1 - Updated Chapter 1 (drafting)
    Russian ballerina vampire romance - Chapter 1 (polishing)
    UF romance with zombies, dwarves 'n biker chicks - Chapter 1 (querying)

    Bloggity blog |
    #Tweety tweets | Pinterest plot bunnies

  22. #22
    Read Banned Books AW Moderator regdog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maggie Maxwell View Post
    Don't tell me what to do, Autobot.
    So tell me, how attached to that avatar are you?



    Quote Originally Posted by tiddlywinks View Post
    Maggie...you're supposed to call her a decepticon or a toaster. Trust me on these things.
    That amnesty is running out pretty fast, rodent.


    Also, here I thought I was going to have a heck of a time finding this joint again. *eyes title* I should have known.

    *slips in spit on floor*
    *goes sliding under the bar*

    Ewwwwwww...
    Hmm, Haggis, I've reconsidered, keep spitting. It's getting damn funny.
    My Blog-Updated on 10/9/14 An Open Letter To Hasbro

    Stop by the Weekend Progress Report to brag about your weekly writing accomplishments

    Help find Tracey Cooeedownunder's sister is missing

  23. #23
    AW's Most Adorable Sociopath TedTheewen's Avatar
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    Oh, hi Tiddly.

    *sigh*

    You found us. Great!

    *orders more bubblewrap*

    you know, you might want to take it easy in here for a bit. I'm pretty sure FedEX won't get here as quickly as we need them.

    *orders more first-aid kits*

    So...yeah, take it easy. It's Saturday. Shouldn't you be reading a book or something?

  24. #24
    Evil and Sparkly. tiddlywinks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by regdog View Post
    That amnesty is running out pretty fast, rodent.
    *squeaks in indignation from under the bar*

    That's Ms. Reaper Rat to you.

    Hey, why are there already peanuts under here?

    *squints*

    Wait a minute...

    Quote Originally Posted by TedTheewen View Post
    Oh, hi Tiddly.

    *sigh*

    You found us. Great!

    *orders more bubblewrap*

    you know, you might want to take it easy in here for a bit. I'm pretty sure FedEX won't get here as quickly as we need them.

    *orders more first-aid kits*

    So...yeah, take it easy. It's Saturday. Shouldn't you be reading a book or something?
    Why yes, yes I am reading a book, Ted. On my tablet. So I can multitask! Isn't that swell?
    Loves to tell stories. Finds editing a necessary evil. No longer fueled by coffee (again).
    ------------

    *FRESH MEAT* Red Riding Hood retelling - Chapter One now available for squirrels in SYW!
    Pirate fantasy, Book 1 - Updated Chapter 1 (drafting)
    Russian ballerina vampire romance - Chapter 1 (polishing)
    UF romance with zombies, dwarves 'n biker chicks - Chapter 1 (querying)

    Bloggity blog |
    #Tweety tweets | Pinterest plot bunnies

  25. #25
    Read Banned Books AW Moderator regdog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiddlywinks View Post
    *squeaks in indignation from under the bar*

    That's Ms. Reaper Rat to you.
    Oh, indignant rodent. Fear the squeaker.


    Hey, why are there already peanuts under here?

    *squints*

    Wait a minute...
    Hmmm.
    My Blog-Updated on 10/9/14 An Open Letter To Hasbro

    Stop by the Weekend Progress Report to brag about your weekly writing accomplishments

    Help find Tracey Cooeedownunder's sister is missing

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