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Inner critic making me self-conscious

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eruthford

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I am trying to write a travel memoir right now. My inner critic says two things. One is, "Why are you writing all these useless details in summary? Sure, it's the history of the story, but people aren't going to care about it unless it's in scene."

And the other thing the inner critic says is, "The problems you were going through during this time were all so sissy. You were privileged and white, and nobody cares that you were frustrated about girls. Nobody cares that you wanted to be a good boy and follow your religion's rules on virginity."

Any ideas how to keep an inner critic quiet enough to keep writing?

Eric
 

tiggs

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I am trying to write a travel memoir right now. My inner critic says two things. One is, "Why are you writing all these useless details in summary? Sure, it's the history of the story, but people aren't going to care about it unless it's in scene."

And the other thing the inner critic says is, "The problems you were going through during this time were all so sissy. You were privileged and white, and nobody cares that you were frustrated about girls. Nobody cares that you wanted to be a good boy and follow your religion's rules on virginity."

Any ideas how to keep an inner critic quiet enough to keep writing?

Eric
I try and think of it like painting a wall.

First coat, you just need coverage. Get as much of the wall coated as you can. Don't worry about the gaps or the terrible job you've done near the skirting boards. Just get the paint on there.

Once that first coat's up -- you can take a step back and look to see what's left to do. Maybe it'll need several more coats (edits) to finish. Maybe some of it will just need a minor touch up. Maybe you're going to have to choose an entirely different color for that wall.

But you can't do that, until at least the first coat's up.
 

Staugaard

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I use something very similar to tiggs only with a different metaphor. I think of it as scaffolding (really, the metaphor doesn't matter - it's just a cue). Eventually, I'll tear the scaffolding down and there's going to be something polished and nice underneath, but while building the scaffolding, I don't worry about polish or nice. One thing I do worry about: The scaffolding needs to be solid, so I won't fall down. Before this metaphor gets out of hand, I'll switch to concrete terms: What I write should be compelling to me - make me shiver, smile, laugh, cry, worry and so on. There should be a strong personal investment, and I suppose this is at least doubly true for a memoir.

The negative thoughts you mention sound like they are from an imagined, external source - a future reader or critic. Never mind that guy/girl. If your writing makes YOU feel something right now, then that's fine for now. Later on (when the first draft is done), you can become that analytical person and start tearing down what you wrote.

However, if you're having these thoughts now because your writing is not making YOU feel something, then maybe you need to dig deeper in an emotional sense. Maybe revisit the hot spots in your story and elaborate on the emotions. Frustration is one thing, but what made you really hurt? Or soar for that matter.
 

Curlz

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Any ideas how to keep an inner critic quiet enough to keep writing?
Just argue with your inner critic. That's what critics are for, somebody to have a good argument with ;) Have some fun with it. Pretend you're a fan of your own work (perhaps you already are) and defend it :e2sling::e2cheer::e2cheer:
 

Tsu Dho Nimh

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"Why are you writing all these useless details in summary? Sure, it's the history of the story, but people aren't going to care about it unless it's in scene."

Tell your critic that until you are done with the memoir, you don't know what's useless and what is not. Get it out of your head an onto paper where you can pick up a detail you need any time you want it for a scene.

"The problems you were going through during this time were all so sissy. You were privileged and white, and nobody cares that you were frustrated about girls. Nobody cares that you wanted to be a good boy and follow your religion's rules on virginity."

ALL boys are frustrated about girls and having problems with the rules. You can write something they all can read and identify with in some parts.

And the girls might think - wow, didn't know boys were so complicated.
 

Devil Ledbetter

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Get a wooden coffin. Nail your inner editor inside of it. Do not let her out until you've completed your first draft.
 

Dennis E. Taylor

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Most of us (possibly all) go through this, fiction or non-fiction. The trick is to treat your first draft like something you're just hammering together. How you do that depends on what works for you. I personally tell myself that I'm just spitballing, and no one is going to see it anyway.
 

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There are various ways I deal with inner editors like that. Only one involves alcohol and it's probably not the most helpful!

Other things I do:

I go with the editor. I write down what the editor thinks. For example: "this book is dreadful, this scene isn't working, I am writing such stilted dialogue and what I really need is for Character X to leave this scene and go and talk to Character Y instead, and tell her...." Write out your worries, write out why you're worried, how you're going to overcome the barriers your editor is pointing out and it might get you to where you need to be.

I practise (practice?) self-care. I've been doing some research into writers' block lately and all the causes and justifications for it come back to a lack of self-compassion. Thinking you're not good enough, and so on. So I looked into that and found some free self-compassion meditations to download, and they are surprisingly helpful. Also very easy to do.

I just write.

All three approaches have been helpful to me. You might try them. Good luck.
 

auzerais

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I have struggled with confidence so hard for so long that I've given up on the idea that I will ever actually have any. I won't try to tell you that this is a preferable way of being. I spend a lot of money on booze and therapists. But I have gotten reasonably adept at living my life without being very confident, and it's not a bad life.

I have found that the only two words that really, honestly work on my inner critic are: Oh well. This is the most poorly written dreck in the history of poorly written dreck -- oh well. Nobody wants to read this -- oh well. I'm not very interesting -- oh well. I have a big nose and my mother dresses me funny -- oh well.

Then you know what? Do it anyway.

I don't know anybody who writes or paints or draws or plays the harmonica who says that they do it because they think they're any good at it. All the artists I've ever met in the history of ever do their art because it must be done, because they have a voice, because they love to do it. I crawl along in my art hoping it's just good enough to get the point across. Nobody thinks they are the perfect vessel for their story. But you are the only vessel for your story. And if you are an imperfect, boring, unpolished, over privileged vessel -- oh well. Do it anyway.
 

Layla Nahar

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I try to see that the critic thinks it's helping me. So I talk to it (sometime right out loud) and I acknowledge the points it makes and I *thank* it for its wanting the best for me - so like, I might say 'I understand you're worried that I'll end up homeless and I'm grateful that you want me to be safe. I'm going to write a paragraph (or a sentence, if it's a really bad day) and I'll come back an listen to you after that.' And then when I'm done with the sentence or paragraph, I'll ask my critic what it's thinking now. Oddly, it's usually quite silent in those moments. So I try to sneak in another paragraph or two...
 

eruthford

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Thank you! All of you! Your thoughts have been very kind and helpful. I liked the scaffolding and paint metaphors very much, and Tso Dho Nimh's suggestion that the girls might think, "Wow, didn't know boys were so complicated" is encouraging.
 

eruthford

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Ok, another question then -- anyone here use Sid Meier's Civilization while having writer's block? This has become a vice of mine because it sort has a story of what happens to your empire. And, I find myself restarting the game frequently because the newness of the new world is so appealing. Sort of like restarting a writing project because introducing new characters is a great deal more fun than making them do things that support the plot.

Or maybe I'm the only one with this problem...
 

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It's good to have an inner critic. But it's important to find that balance between being your worst critic and your biggest fan.

If you're passionate about what you're writing it will show, and someone out there is likely to feel the same.
 

tiggs

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Ok, another question then -- anyone here use Sid Meier's Civilization while having writer's block? This has become a vice of mine because it sort has a story of what happens to your empire. And, I find myself restarting the game frequently because the newness of the new world is so appealing. Sort of like restarting a writing project because introducing new characters is a great deal more fun than making them do things that support the plot.

Or maybe I'm the only one with this problem...
Video games are a wonderful way to avoid finishing things. Civ is particularly dangerous -- as are other management sims.

I have a PhD in Not Finishing Things™. Or, Y'know. I would have -- apart from the whole having to finish it thing.
 

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Dealt with lack of confidence in writing for a long time, in fact, I think subconsciously I didn't feel like I could do it, so I didn't even bother.

Now...I ignore any doubts. At the end of the day, lots of successful writers had doubts, and struggles, and confidence issues at some point, and they continued to strive forward. The difference between them and people that give up....they didn't give up, and somehow, some way, they kept on believing in themselves.

The best thing I do....is I just enjoy the creative experience of writing, and creating a completely new reality, and brand new people to populate it. I worry about the other stuff later. If I don't just focus on the fun, I wouldn't write.

A similar thing happened to me when I used to write songs. Somewhere along the way, with arguments, and being surrounded by people who just thought about making money, the fun disappeared, and so did my love, enjoyment and drive for writing songs. I'm not about to let that happen to my novel writing.
 

eruthford

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Dealt with lack of confidence in writing for a long time, in fact, I think subconsciously I didn't feel like I could do it, so I didn't even bother.

Now...I ignore any doubts. At the end of the day, lots of successful writers had doubts, and struggles, and confidence issues at some point, and they continued to strive forward. The difference between them and people that give up....they didn't give up, and somehow, some way, they kept on believing in themselves.

The best thing I do....is I just enjoy the creative experience of writing, and creating a completely new reality, and brand new people to populate it. I worry about the other stuff later. If I don't just focus on the fun, I wouldn't write.

A similar thing happened to me when I used to write songs. Somewhere along the way, with arguments, and being surrounded by people who just thought about making money, the fun disappeared, and so did my love, enjoyment and drive for writing songs. I'm not about to let that happen to my novel writing.

Thank you for reminding me that this is supposed to be fun. I had fun writing a novella back in October about a girl who kidnaps her teacher and steals a spaceship. I don't know that the plot ever made it to orbit, but it was fun. I gave the story to a girl at church and she kinda forgot about it. But maybe if I post enough things like this, I'll make it to 50 posts and be admitted to SYW. :)
 

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Thank you for making this. I came here to make a near identical post, and all the advice here is very helpful!

I am new to writing, and confidence is probably my largest hurdle right now.
 

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Do you use templates? I've used them in my diet blog, articles, and now my ebooks. I figure out 5-10 subjects in the piece, I make headings and I write a little something under each heading. Textbook style. Often, I write 'coming soon' as a place holder.

I was at a childrens writer's talk who used the one word technique. Think about one word. What's the one word for the day? I've done it myself. It brings me back to the template which is just a collection of 5-10 words.

Ultimately, that's how you structure any book. the parts need to branch out from the idea.
 

BreeC

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I am trying to write a travel memoir right now. My inner critic says two things. One is, "Why are you writing all these useless details in summary? Sure, it's the history of the story, but people aren't going to care about it unless it's in scene."

And the other thing the inner critic says is, "The problems you were going through during this time were all so sissy. You were privileged and white, and nobody cares that you were frustrated about girls. Nobody cares that you wanted to be a good boy and follow your religion's rules on virginity."

Any ideas how to keep an inner critic quiet enough to keep writing?

Eric
Ugh, I so get where you're coming from here. Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you other than that if you can't just get over it and write, the writing will never be there to be critiqued. Literally, you just have to disallow the inner editor/critic from having a voice. You give that voice fuel. Cut it out and get to work!
 

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My inner editor is like this whole other person living inside my head who has definite ideas of how things should be and what's going on and her version of 'reality' is much more black and white than mine. Since she's so hard to please, I've found the art of negotiation is the best way to get her to quiet down. I wrote out a scene once. This may sound silly, but I swear it worked but it was basically a 'conversation' I had with my inner critic. I asked her why she was so hard on me for everything I wrote and I let her have her say, how she feared I would be seen as stupid, pointless, etc., basically all the things you said and then some. Then I told her how I felt...writing was important to me and even if I never published, I still wanted to write it and when I finished each project, I would let her cut loose and be as harsh on me as she wanted to be, but not until I was ready.

That actually seemed to help settle my inner critic and I've kept up my end of the deal. When I finish write something, I let her cut loose and tear into everything I've written. Over the last year, she's settled down a bit. She's not nearly as harsh on me and isn't attacking my credibility as a human being anymore so I guess I might be doing something right.

In a way, I turned my worst writing enemy into a handy friend to have, as long as she doesn't yap at me me while I'm writing. :)

Hope this helps.
 

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Thank you for reminding me that this is supposed to be fun. I had fun writing a novella back in October about a girl who kidnaps her teacher and steals a spaceship. I don't know that the plot ever made it to orbit, but it was fun. I gave the story to a girl at church and she kinda forgot about it. But maybe if I post enough things like this, I'll make it to 50 posts and be admitted to SYW. :)

Go for it if you feel nearly ready to receive some feedback, though if you need to re-insert some fun, I'd just focus on the enjoyment of writing in the mean time. You can speed through a first draft, to get the story out, then worry about editing it later.

However if you need the feedback for some assurance or to gauge whether or not you need to improve on some things go for it, and then feel at ease knowing constructive feedback is a gift to allowing us to get better at our craft. But all in all...enjoy it.
 

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I try and think of it like painting a wall.

First coat, you just need coverage. Get as much of the wall coated as you can. Don't worry about the gaps or the terrible job you've done near the skirting boards. Just get the paint on there.

Once that first coat's up -- you can take a step back and look to see what's left to do. Maybe it'll need several more coats (edits) to finish. Maybe some of it will just need a minor touch up. Maybe you're going to have to choose an entirely different color for that wall.

But you can't do that, until at least the first coat's up.


This advice was very inspirational to me. It resonated with how I have been feeling about a certain ms I've been avoiding. I've been so worried about its entirety I haven't been able to get any of the story going.



Thanks! :Hug2:
 

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1) I spend a great deal of time outlining before hand so that I have a head start on getting the scene exactly the way I want it

Do you ever outline?

2) I listen to music to drown out anything except the scene itself

Do you have any good music to listen to?

3) I remind myself that the first draft is supposed to suck, Stephen King's first drafts suck, that's what second drafts are for

Have you read 1408?

and 4) most importantly, I focus on why I'm writing less than on what I'm writing (at least until I get to the editing stage):

I am a Ravenclaw-Slytherin with a compulsive drive to show off how clever and creative I am, and the longer I go without writing new material, the less I will be able to dazzle my captive audiences (though I do also just want my creative ideas to make other people as happy as my ideas make me). I am an LGBT+ liberal Special Snowflake SJW, and the longer I go without writing new material, the longer conservative propaganda ("90% of the world are straight white men" "Muslims must be villains" ...) goes unchallenged by my brilliant counter-examples that better reflect the real world.

What kind of person are you in terms of what you write and why you write it?
 
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