I'm so afraid to start querying!

This may not be what you want to hear, but if you are as thin-skinned as you intimate, then it's possible that you haven't had your work critted and beta'd as much as you should. Which means it won't be as good as it could be, which increases the possibility of rejection, which will hurt more if you're thin-skinned. Rinse, repeat.

My suggestion would be to dive into a beta read, at minimum. Even if only a chapter. At least it's a private conversation.

JenniferMannering said:

I'm trying so hard to toughen up, but my skin is still thin! I take everything SO personally. It's my first novel and if I don't get it published I feel like my confidence will be completely crushed... I'm worried I don't have the stamina.

Any suggestions on how to deal with the hard world of publishing?

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First, make sure your MS is in the best possible shape before you start querying. Have you had any beta readers who are not family and friends take a look at your work? If not, I would heartily suggest doing so. I've seen so many people (including myself) that relied on the praise of friends only to realize later that their MS had significant flaws. A beta reader who doesn't know you personally is a good thing. If they are a writer, it's even better. (In my opinion.)

Secondly, I'd make sure that my query was as good as it can be. Sample pages, as well. A run through Query Letter Hell is a good thing. Reading a bunch of threads in there is super helpful, too.

Third: Write another book! This sounds daunting, but it will cure the "all my hopes are wrapped up in my one MS" blues. To have a shiny new WIP to play with instead of endlessly checking your in-box is a huge help.

Having realistic expectations is very important to surviving the querying process. Getting an agent is a difficult process and many people end up writing multiple books before they snag one. Just enjoy the fact that you have a finished MS and are now in the querying club.

JenniferMannering said:

I'm trying so hard to toughen up, but my skin is still thin! I take everything SO personally. It's my first novel and if I don't get it published I feel like my confidence will be completely crushed... I'm worried I don't have the stamina.

Any suggestions on how to deal with the hard world of publishing?

Click to expand...

Others have touched on polishing your work and getting objective critiques before querying, so I'll agree with them, and assume you're on top of that.

I've been dealing with the hard world of publishing for a couple of years now (which makes me still a huge newbie), and nothing I can tell you is really going to help, because no matter what people tell you it's not the same when you go through it yourself.

Because rejection DOES suck and it can be nearly impossible not to take it personally, and things that you think will bother you won't, and things that seem like they should be nothing will drive you to absolute despair.

So the best I can do is to say:

1) The publishing industry is not out to crush your spirit. It is populated with people who are incredibly hardworking and enthusiastic about books. But they're looking at it from a completely different angle than you are. To an extent, it doesn't matter if your work is good: they have to be able to sell it. It's not about Art or Fairness or whose baby is the prettiest. It's about what readers are purchasing, and how good a particular publisher is at figuring that out in time to put the right book in front of them.

You might have written a work of Shakespearean genius, and it's still possible that every agent you query will say no. It's not a referendum on your talent, your commitment, or your value. All it means (unless you get a personalized rejection, which is a huge gift and should be paid attention to) is "I don't think I can sell this for you."

Which sucks beyond belief.​ But it is not personal, on any level.

2) You are not alone. AT ALL. Querying is terrifying and exposing. Rejection is painful and demoralizing. And every single writer out there has gone through this, and still goes through this. If you want your work out in the world, this is what's going to happen, and you will have days - sometimes weeks - where you wonder why on Earth you ever thought any of this was a good idea.

And that's the point at which you have to decide why you're writing, for real.

Are you writing because you need to get this specific book out into the world? That's a perfectly valid goal, and if that's the case, you want to look into maximizing your list of available agents and strategizing about how present your work in its best possible light.

Are you writing because you want to tell stories that other people will read? Then query the hell out of the novel you have, and while you're doing that, write another one. If you're in this for more than one book, you're going to need to keep writing whether you sell the first one or not. And when the second book is done, write another one. This is what a writing career looks like: write, submit, and write again.

The advice is pretty much the same if you're self-publishing: you need to keep writing, no matter what, and you need to remember that readers and reader reviews aren't a referendum on your worthiness. They are opinions, and nobody is going to love everything. Some very successful books have received some genuinely awful, merciless reviews.

And no matter how much of this you absorb intellectually, there will still be days when it's a gut punch, and you think the biggest mistake you ever made in your life was picking up a pen.

Publishing is like getting old: not for wimps. Stick with AW; you will find support for every step of your journey.

Listen to the naked cat.

Seconding what everybody said, especially lizmonster. Publishing is not issuing a verdict on your ability to put words together. Well, sometimes maybe that's part of it, but it's never all of it. Rejections aren't personal, and they are not blanket statements about your potential.

Now, here's the thing: you can follow every single one of these wonderful, helpful guidelines and still have a thin skin about your writing. I have a thin skin about my writing. So do many published writers I know. Some of us were just born that way. (I envy those who weren't.)

The difference between me when I started querying and me now is that I've seen a whole range of responses to my writing, positive and negative. I've cried myself to sleep over a bad trade review and woken the next morning to read a starred review from a different publication. I've received terrifyingly thorough critiques of my writing that gave me the tools I needed to make it better. So I know you have to take the bad with the good.

When you get a rejection, it's okay to feel the sting. You don't have to be impervious. But be aware that it will pass. Take some time, and then move on to the next thing — send out more queries, get more beta reads, write another book.

Sometimes even helpful, constructive critiques will really hurt at first, because you want so badly for your writing to be perfect. I've found it really helps just to sit with the crit for a few days and let it sink in. By the end of that time, I can accept it as a tool to improve my book. Give yourself that processing time.

Just remember, no rejection is the end until you want it to be. The memory of rejections will fade more quickly than you think. There is always a next proactive step to take. And taking those steps will distract you.

Really good stuff in this thread (she says as she psychs herself up to start querying).
F.

So I've been writing since I was 11. I'm 26 now. I've been writing the same series, other series, other stand alone books, and have re- written them all multiple times since. I've struggled though learning disabilities, and college, and jobs, all while still writing, or trying to write. I've had more beta readers, then I remember. Some made me cry. Others gave me hope. I've taken classes on writing. I even finally about three years ago, because of a writing mental breakdown re-wrote my first book for the millionth time tearing it apart and rebuilding it new, and paid a private editor to read over it, tell me what they though, and clean it up. (as you can tell by the post spelling and grammar are NOT my friends)

Still to this day. Despite the harassment from my friends and family, can not get myself over the fear to send it out and query someone. So trust me when I say, I know what your going through. I have in complete honesty 117 different query letters Ive written over the years, and let me tell you... in my opinion they all suck. I've read, re-read, and re-read again the post here about query letters. I've searched the deepest darkest parts of the internet as a whole, reading all I can about what i should and shouldn't do in a query letter, and I still cant write a good one. Hell I'm so confused still i don't even know what is up anymore. Infact I've been frozen (havent written, read or done much of anything) for three years now. All from fear.

Anyway I have no advice, I'm sorry. I just wanted to let you know your not alone. And if you ever want to vent to someone about your fears and woes feel free to message me. I wish you all the luck in the world for you and your book in your adventures querying.

As others have said, you need to work on your thick skin. Even with thick skin, the rejections--and there will be rejections-- are going to effect you. Find places to share your work and get beta readers who are not friends and family. That is of the utmost importance.

I'd go so far as to say, don't query yet. I know the book's finished and it's very exciting, but remember it's not a race. The book isn't going anywhere. Hold it, work on getting some crit, start the next project.

The digital age makes submissions easy, maybe too easy. I wonder sometimes how many first time submitters get put off of it entirely by submitting before they are completely ready. Don't be in a rush!

Publishing is SO hard! Not only is it cutthroat before you get in, it's cutthroat during your stay as an author.

Consider this: not only will you have to deal with agent rejection, but let's say you land an agent. Then you deal with editor rejection during the submission process. Then if your book gets out, you deal with reader rejection, bad reviews, and people who just plain don't get or like your book.

BUT, the good news is that EVERYONE experiences this, even the most successful writers. If writing is important to you, if getting your story out there is your dream, and having readers who your book speaks to, then all you can do is keep trying. Know that you're not alone, you're not the only one getting rejected, and it's nothing personally awful about you or your writing. Like you said, this is a tough business.

On the subject of thin skin, I'm also a sensitive person, but know that it's okay to feel crushed by an agent rejection or hurt by a bad CP/beta review. I've had them. It happens. Your stuff will not appeal to everyone, it's just not possible. But what matters is that you keep going because you have a long-term game plan in mind.

DO IT! With each rejection, you'll learn something new. You'll improve. It sounds cliche, but you have to shoot and shoot and shoot if you want to score.

But I totally agree with what everyone else has been saying: get betas, don't rush into publishing, but don't give up on writing!

* You're not a real writer until you get rejected. Hell, I don't even believe you'll be a real person until you're rejected at least once in your life.

* Writing is an art; and like all art, it is subject. Not everyone likes Van Gogh's Sunflowers or Bartok's From the Diary of a Fly. I even know some people who don't like Clair de Lune by Debussy, and that's considered one of the most successful and popular piano pieces of all time.

* Agents, those big scary monsters you're querying understand your heartbreak and toil and tears. I know it's funny to think about, but they deal with rejection too – sometimes countless of times when pitching projects to editors. Their pain is your pain.

* It's also important to exercise patience. Publishing is probably one of the most slowest industries out there. Writing is probably one of the slowest art out of all the arts. (I've danced on stage, I've played instruments, I've painted pictures and I've sculptures shapes from clay. Not one of them compare to the gradualism of writing)
You write a book, that could take a year.
You then have to set it aside, and then come back to it, and then edit it. Sometimes countless times. Sometimes not enough. Sometimes into eternity.

* Don't take things personally. Agents judge by the quality of the work, its saleability and pitch. Not you.
But many writers take it personally, especially at first. I guess that's the folly of getting attached and seeing the work as an extension of yourself. But we're writers. What else are we supposed to do.

What ChopinsMuse said! Remember the mystical gatekeepers are just people, with their own subjective tastes and preferences. I know and have met a bunch of them, and they're very normal people who are just trying to do their best work. They're sometimes wrong, and sometimes they strike gold. They pass on great stuff as well as bad and meh stuff, because at the end of the day they need to bring in a sale. So it's really NOT about you.

For instance, when my first book went on sub, we got a ton of passes, but they were all fairly complimentary. Some were less flattering, which is only natural, but one big name editor LOVED my book, absolutely loved it, but couldn't take it because she couldn't sell it to their team.

So remember that you could have written something amazing, and just because people who seem big and important are passing right now does not mean it's garbage or you're not good or worthy.

And YES, rejection is part of life because without it, how would we appreciate the YESes and the big win moments? How would anything have value if everything was published?

Dennis E. Taylor said:

This may not be what you want to hear, but if you are as thin-skinned as you intimate, then it's possible that you haven't had your work critted and beta'd as much as you should. Which means it won't be as good as it could be, which increases the possibility of rejection, which will hurt more if you're thin-skinned. Rinse, repeat.

My suggestion would be to dive into a beta read, at minimum. Even if only a chapter. At least it's a private conversation.

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So true! The more critiques, the better. It improves your work while helping you develop thick skin - a double gift in one!

I agree, get some betas that don't know you personally and some that actually know what they're doing. Some people do not see things like passive scenes, illogical story lines, or anything that doesn't fit in with market standards for a glossy, ultra pretty final product.

Agreed on writing another story is a great idea too. Sometimes you have to write two or three stories - novel length or short story - to hone the writing skills.

Study your genre. Make sure you know genre standards to a "T", and make sure your manuscript falls within the parameters.

It's scary getting that first query off to a publisher. This is your "baby" and having someone say it's not good enough is not fun. If you do send it out after critiques and get a rejection, listen closely to any feedback you get from any editors that take the time to tell you what you can do to improve your writing. That kind of stuff is *gold*.

All the best!

I have an agent and an editor and I still need thick skin, because the work doesn't stop when you get an agent or even when you get published. If you think everyone's going to shower compliments on you once your book is accepted by an agent (and it's totally normal to think this--I did, too), that's not how it works. I still get massive revision notes that make me want to shove the whole manuscript into a drawer and never look at it again. In fact, I recently finished a rewrite on a proposal because my agent said my heroine lacked the heart she was used to seeing in my work. She was totally right, of course. So, my advice? Find a way to grow that thick skin now, while everything is still fresh and new. Someone once told me that once the book was written, they looked at it as a product. That really helped me. This is a business, like any other. If you want to get better, you have to get used to feedback. Good luck!

Please don't be afraid. Rejections are very common, not only for writers, but for every other career in general.

I have hundreds of rejection e-mails in my inbox. In fact, as I mentioned in another thread in this forum, I even created a special folder named "Rejections" to place them all together. LOL!

My first erotic romance was recently released. My editor loved it and she was absolutely complimentary about it, but I already received two so-so reviews, which honestly bordered on the negative side of the fence. The critique that I read was not harsh though. I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't sting at all, but I'm used to criticisms and I really appreciate them. They help me to work the kinks out of my writing.

It's hard not to take it personally, especially as writers, because our writing is our "baby," our "precious" (LOL), BUT take the constructive criticisms and appreciate them for what they are. The nasty, mean-spirited ones? You can either say "Thank you" and don't engage in any argument, simply take the high road, or just ignore them.

I hope the above will help you somewhat.

JenniferMannering said:

Any suggestions on how to deal with the hard world of publishing?

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The best way to succeed at publishing is to forget all about publishing. Forget all about getting published. Write because you truly love to sit down and write, and you won't stop with one manuscript. You'll write five, or six, or ten because you love writing them.

Jamesaritchie said:

If beta readers actually help make manuscripts better, why do slush piles, even electronic slush piles, stink so bad you sniff rotten fish to get away from the odor?

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Because most people don't have the *right kind* of beta reader. They choose friends or family, people who don't likely know what to look for and have a compunction to not hurt the feelings of the writer. They may not even be readers of the genre in question.

A good beta reader, one who is familiar with the genre and one who is motivated to improve the work rather than to bolster the writer's self-esteem, is a great tool.

I didn't have a beta reader for the first manuscript I sent out. Thankfully one editor took the time to tell me a little about what I was doing wrong when she sent me the rejection. I've learned a lot in the three years since then.

It was my own arrogance that almost cost me my writing career.

Don't fret. JUst do what I do. Before you send out the query. Imagine you've already gotten the rejection letter. Envision it. Write about how that rejection letter made you feel in your diary. Cry about it even. And then. Send in the query. Once you imagine and embrace the worst case scenario as a certainty, anxiety fades.

I've submitted short stories only about four or five times in my life to try to get them published, and every time it's ended in rejection, with varying degrees of feedback from editors. My main experience with rejection, however comes from scientific manuscripts. It's a bit of a different game than fiction (there's not really a "slush pile" per se, but there are still some journals that won't even send out something like 90% of all papers for review and have extremely high rejection rates after review), but I think the qualitative experience is pretty much the same. For me, the most frightening thing is never sending a paper out, it's checking the reply from the editor after the first round of reviews.

Some things that help are
1) Expecting rejection and not considering it something "abnormal". After a certain point, you just learn that that's kind of the process. I got really lucky with the first two papers I wrote--partly because they weren't on a particularly contentious subject--and got spoiled by good reviews an immediate acceptance. Every paper I've tried to get published since then has gotten rejected in the first round of reviews. However, I've seen this pattern everywhere, with everyone, not just me. You learn that rejection isn't necessarily a reflection on you, it's just a part of the process. So, just expect it as something normal.

2) Take any feedback, no matter how stupid, seriously. For example, I one time had a reviewer recommend rejecting a paper on the completely bogus claim that it was exactly the same as work in another paper. The two were actually on completely different subjects. However, I still rewrote the entire introduction to try to clarify the purpose and scope of my work before resubmitting it (along with making a lot of other changes).

I realize I have a limited amount of relevant experience, but I guess the best I can do is to tell you to not be afraid. Be sure your manuscript is ready, but once it is, there's really no reason to be afraid. There's no reason to fear rejection. It will happen, and it doesn't have to hurt you unless you let it.

JenniferMannering said:

I'm trying so hard to toughen up, but my skin is still thin! I take everything SO personally. It's my first novel and if I don't get it published I feel like my confidence will be completely crushed... I'm worried I don't have the stamina.

Any suggestions on how to deal with the hard world of publishing?

Click to expand...

Do you cook? Just think of writing and then querying like coming up with a new recipe and having people try it for the first time. Maybe you even just guesstimated and eyeballed all the ingredients too. You like it, but will they? Only one way to find out! You have to let them try it.

Also, keep in mind that some people can't tell the difference between a mcburger patty and a perfectly aged, seasoned, and prepared steak, so while all feedback is valid, that doesn't mean it's all useful or well-informed.

Granted the first book i sent out DID have a beta reader but it didn't get an agent :\

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ChopinsMuse said:

* You're not a real writer until you get rejected. Hell, I don't even believe you'll be a real person until you're rejected at least once in your life.

* Writing is an art; and like all art, it is subject. Not everyone likes Van Gogh's Sunflowers or Bartok's From the Diary of a Fly. I even know some people who don't like Clair de Lune by Debussy, and that's considered one of the most successful and popular piano pieces of all time.

* Agents, those big scary monsters you're querying understand your heartbreak and toil and tears. I know it's funny to think about, but they deal with rejection too – sometimes countless of times when pitching projects to editors. Their pain is your pain.

* It's also important to exercise patience. Publishing is probably one of the most slowest industries out there. Writing is probably one of the slowest art out of all the arts. (I've danced on stage, I've played instruments, I've painted pictures and I've sculptures shapes from clay. Not one of them compare to the gradualism of writing)
You write a book, that could take a year.
You then have to set it aside, and then come back to it, and then edit it. Sometimes countless times. Sometimes not enough. Sometimes into eternity.

* Don't take things personally. Agents judge by the quality of the work, its saleability and pitch. Not you.
But many writers take it personally, especially at first. I guess that's the folly of getting attached and seeing the work as an extension of yourself. But we're writers. What else are we supposed to do.

Click to expand...

Such a great post.

I agree with Dennis E. Taylor and other folks up there -- if you're thin-skinned and take things personally, it doesn't sound like you've had a beta reader yet. You must, must, MUST have one before you start querying. Every rookie writer will think his/her manuscript is the best out there -- hell, I thought mine was amazing until I got an amazing beta reader who's giving me so much helpful critique. Now rethinking a lot of aspects of my story.

Life is about learning to take rejection and to take it in stride. You'll never improve without criticism; you'll never succeed without mistakes. Also, you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take.

So go forth, and get a reader, or revise, or start querying. Whichever you think suits the stage that your MS is in. And when you either get an offer of representation or ten rejections (I hope it's the former), you'll see where you stand.

Good luck!

One thing that has helped me is something I read from an author. He said querying is like a tumbler lock. Some agents reject a query because they already represent something similar, or the market isn't ready for the subject matter, or they just sold something similar. Lots of reasons that are not personal or a reflection of the quality of one's work.

The tumbler lock analogy means, to me, that I keep sending it out, over and over again, until all the 'pins' line up and the lock opens. It's hard for me to separate my work from my worth, though. Sometimes it also helps for me to try and put myself in the agent's shoes.

Also, thinking of rejections as a badge of honor, as well as a sign that I am now 'in the club' with all the other writers taking their work seriously helps.

I think your work deserves to be in the sunlight. Best of luck!