I'm trying so hard to toughen up, but my skin is still thin! I take everything SO personally. It's my first novel and if I don't get it published I feel like my confidence will be completely crushed... I'm worried I don't have the stamina.
Any suggestions on how to deal with the hard world of publishing?
Others have touched on polishing your work and getting objective critiques before querying, so I'll agree with them, and assume you're on top of that.
I've been dealing with the hard world of publishing for a couple of years now (which makes me still a huge newbie), and nothing I can tell you is really going to help, because no matter what people tell you it's not the same when you go through it yourself.
Because rejection DOES suck and it can be nearly impossible not to take it personally, and things that you think will bother you won't, and things that seem like they should be nothing will drive you to absolute despair.
So the best I can do is to say:
1) The publishing industry is not out to crush your spirit. It is populated with people who are incredibly hardworking and enthusiastic about books. But they're looking at it from a completely different angle than you are. To an extent, it doesn't matter if your work is good: they have to be able to sell it. It's not about Art or Fairness or whose baby is the prettiest. It's about what readers are purchasing, and how good a particular publisher is at figuring that out in time to put the right book in front of them.
You might have written a work of Shakespearean genius, and it's still possible that every agent you query will say no. It's not a referendum on your talent, your commitment, or your value. All it means (unless you get a personalized rejection, which is a huge gift and should be paid attention to) is "I don't think I can sell this for you."
Which
sucks beyond belief. But it is not personal, on any level.
2) You are not alone. AT ALL. Querying is terrifying and exposing. Rejection is painful and demoralizing. And every single writer out there has gone through this, and still goes through this. If you want your work out in the world, this is what's going to happen, and you will have days - sometimes weeks - where you wonder why on Earth you ever thought any of this was a good idea.
And that's the point at which you have to decide why you're writing, for real.
Are you writing because you need to get
this specific book out into the world? That's a perfectly valid goal, and if that's the case, you want to look into maximizing your list of available agents and strategizing about how present your work in its best possible light.
Are you writing because you want to tell stories that other people will read? Then query the hell out of the novel you have, and while you're doing that, write another one. If you're in this for more than one book, you're going to need to keep writing whether you sell the first one or not. And when the second book is done, write another one. This is what a writing career looks like: write, submit, and write again.
The advice is pretty much the same if you're self-publishing: you need to keep writing, no matter what, and you need to remember that readers and reader reviews aren't a referendum on your worthiness. They are
opinions, and nobody is going to love everything. Some very successful books have received some genuinely awful, merciless reviews.
And no matter how much of this you absorb intellectually, there will still be days when it's a gut punch, and you think the biggest mistake you ever made in your life was picking up a pen.
Publishing is like getting old: not for wimps.
Stick with AW; you will find support for every step of your journey.