Safety Pins

Simpson17866 said:

Then let's make it clear that the Safety message is about uniting the divided factions to take care of each other.

You know, the way we already were.

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I agree 100%. I missed McCardy's post, we all understand it was a simple error. We all understand the point of the pin and we are all for it. No one needs to start the name calling in this thread.

I saw several at the STEM fair for my son's school district on Saturday, but not a single one in my office today.

Not a surprise, really. Colorado is a leaning blue state, but people in my office have made no bones about being far more conservative than average for the area.

I'm wearing mine, though. Every day.

It's not likely, given my environment, that I'll ever be called on to back it with actions, but I'm prepared to do so. I may be a fat old white lady, but I will not tolerate a bully in my presence.

You have a problem with a post or a poster, PM me or MacAllister or use the button.

Sage said:

I've sadly seen a lot of cynicism on twitter regarding the safety pins. I totally get the cynical view that it's a white cishet person's way of saying, "I care" without having to do anything, but I see so many ways that it can communicate that you're an ally when the need for one is more subtle. A transwoman feeling safe to go into the women's bathroom because she saw a women with a pin go in. A woman in a hijab knowing she can sit next to a white person on the bus because they're wearing the pin. Even if all the safety pin means is "thank goodness, this person is safe!" it is a powerful thing. But I also agree that a person needs to do more than just declare themselves safe. If they see injustice, they need to fight it. A safety pin won't fix a lot of the stuff we're facing out there these days. But it's not useless.

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I don't think it's useless either. I understand the limits of the practical application, but I think in addition to being a signal that you're ready to stand up for people, it's a signal to other non-marginalized folks about your perspective. Not as obvious as a BLM t-shirt, but something that says "Yeah, don't start with me" to the sort of people who might otherwise assume you're a bigot when you're not.

I'm not looking for ally cookies. I'm looking to let people know tangibly that I'm not okay with what's happening.

lizmonster said:

I don't think it's useless either. I understand the limits of the practical application, but I think in addition to being a signal that you're ready to stand up for people, it's a signal to other non-marginalized folks about your perspective. Not as obvious as a BLM t-shirt, but something that says "Yeah, don't start with me" to the sort of people who might otherwise assume you're a bigot when you're not.

I'm not looking for ally cookies. I'm looking to let people know tangibly that I'm not okay with what's happening.

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I'm not looking for cookies. I'm not trying to get vulnerable people to be throwing a parade in my honor or anything. I literally don't know what else to do to face down the everyday prejudice that, as a white woman, I just don't see. Someone who might be viciously cruel to a gay couple smiles at me as I walk into their store with my tall, blonde haired, blue eyed sons.

My FB feed last night was full of backlash against safety pins, primarily from Black people saying STFU with your safety pins and Hillary votes. We don't want you on our side. I considered my privilege as a college-educated white American and thought, maybe they're right. I mean, if they don't want me to advertise that I'm an ally in their fight, maybe I don't belong.

Then, the most remarkable thing happened.

I was picking my son up from drum lessons and a young Black man stepped out of my way on the sidewalk, head downcast. He was skinny, really skinny, and had that look of someone who never has enough to eat. He was also obviously gay, wearing eye makeup, (and let's face it if my gaydar goes off, there's no question. I didn't know Nathan Lane was gay.)

He stepped aside, even though he wasn't in my way at all, in that way that only people who are used to being yelled at do. He glanced up at me, looked at my collar, where my safety pin sat and then into my eyes. I smiled and nodded. He said "Ma'am, I ain't had nothing to eat all day. Can you help me?"

I gave him my standard answer "I'm sorry, I don't carry any cash." Which has the benefit of being true. But then I thought, I've got 15 minutes before I have to get my son and there's a Dominoes 50 feet away. I said "How about a pizza?"

He said "That would be great." We walked down to Dominoes and we chatted a bit, about drums, music lessons, the unseasonably warm weather... Then, I told him to order whatever he wanted. He got a large pepperoni pizza and a bottle of Coke. I put the $10 order on my credit card and added a $2 tip for the guy behind the counter.

My safety pin is on my collar again today, and it will stay there until America IS the safe place. If you look at me and think "there's a fat old white lady trying to work off her guilt," that's fine. As long as I can create even one moment of hope for a single person, I will.

I'm an ally whether you want me or not. I'm not going to riot in the streets, but I will march. I will shout, but I'm not going to be hateful. I'm going to create whatever small safe places I can until safe places are no longer needed. I don't need anyone's approval, consent or congratulations. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm abusing my privilege. Tell the world I'm just a lame liberal who wears a diaper pin and throws tantrums when I don't get my way. Throw ALL the mean words at me you want. My pin stays.

I'm wondering the safety pin might be more helpful to LGBT people than to POCs at the moment. I've heard backlash mostly from POCs, but praise mostly from LGBT. Not sure why that is... Or is this just something I'm noticing because of the bubble I'm in and it's not actually a thing?

Like Amergina, I'm wearing something LGBT+ coded each day. I made a rainbow silk wrap bracelet (with relevant charms and crystals and beads). I've taken to keeping my safety pin on that. I know people are going to look at the heart or collar for the pin, but I wear a lot of clothes where you can't see the pin at all (laces and beadery and busy prints and the like). I'm trying to remember to put them on my coats in the right place, but I figure in the wrong place is better than not at all?

Our area is.... very shockingly white (rust belt rural Appalachia), but I am ready to stand and help if help is needed. I've got a plan and I'm good in emergencies, and I can take a punch even if I'm still too weak to throw a good one, though that's worst case scenario.

harmonyisarine said:

Like Amergina, I'm wearing something LGBT+ coded each day. I made a rainbow silk wrap bracelet (with relevant charms and crystals and beads). I've taken to keeping my safety pin on that.

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That's a good idea. I'm not a real crafts kind of person, but that doesn't sound too hard to make (is it).

I've been thinking about the safety pin thing, in case anyone ever challenges me for wearing one (or asks me why I'm wearing one). It's a symbol of solidarity, yes, and a message that I'm safe to sit next to or approach. But it's also a reminder to myself to be more aware of my surroundings, more engaged with others and offering to help (and meaning it) if someone looks like they might need it.

This is hard for me, actually, because I'm one of those people who is often lost in my own little world when I'm going through my day. I generally hope no one will bug me or need anything from me, and I generally don't want anyone to sit in that empty seat next to me in the waiting room or bus or wherever. I'm pretty introverted and value my privacy and free time. I can't become someone I'm not, but I do want to be more available to people who need it. Also, I need to be more willing to step in and do something if I'm getting bad vibes from a situation or someone looks like they're being bullied or harassed.

I learned about innocent bystander syndrome in a social psychology class I took years ago. Diffusion of responsibility and other factors contribute to this, of course. I've decided I don't want to be someone who wears blinders about what's going on around me or who sends that "don't bug me" vibe anymore.

Roxxsmom said:

This is hard for me, actually, because I'm one of those people who is often lost in my own little world when I'm going through my day. I generally hope no one will bug me or need anything from me, and I generally don't want anyone to sit in that empty seat next to me in the waiting room or bus or wherever. I'm pretty introverted and value my privacy and free time. I can't become someone I'm not, but I do want to be more available to people who need it. Also, I need to be more willing to step in and do something if I'm getting bad vibes from a situation or someone looks like they're being bullied or harassed.

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Yeah, this. Just breaking my shell enough to chat for a little longer to a casual acquaintance and see how they're holding up (so far the only "reaching out" type thing I've done) was REALLY tough. I reckon many of us introverts have this problem. And we're going to need to overcome it at least a little to make this work.

For myself, I wouldn't want anyone to be or do something out of their unique character.

We all have something to contribute. Some will be rock star at calling legislative offices to say We Are Watching You. Some will write letters, sign petitions (only, like, 4 states have conversion therapy bans in place - state houses need to know citizens want protection for their children and neighbors), march, meet-and-brainstorm, care for homeless youth, etc..

Friday one of my 'regular' shoppers came by. She's an art professor at a local college, and a gregarious person, but very white/cis/het/menopausal Oblivious. I asked her how her students were, and she seemed surprised that I would ask, and that the school had brought in crisis counselors. Which I heartily endorsed, and let her read the depth of my concern (you know, as an adult-who-should-really-be-fine-waiting-out-4-years-so-Buck-Up!-kids). I'll follow up on this point with her in future, and hope that she looks more deeply into the faces around her. This is my style. It works for me.

But I'd also take in a good cleansing breath if someone - anyone - passed by wearing an indication they'd miss me if I were sent to a Federal Reeducation Prison.

I don't get pushy with shy people professionally, and I wouldn't pressure them socially. But I'm always happy to see good people going about their day giving what they can contribute.

Roxxsmom said:

That's a good idea. I'm not a real crafts kind of person, but that doesn't sound too hard to make (is it).

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They're not hard to make if you can find the rainbow silk. I couldn't find any, but I do regularly dye my own fabrics so I was able to just break out a rainbow of silk dyes and the thickening agent needed to make them paint-viscosity. Friends have convinced me to try selling on Etsy, with most of the profit going to Trevor Project. Maybe I'll post in the QUILTBAG room when I get those posted...

I've been thinking about the safety pin thing, in case anyone ever challenges me for wearing one (or asks me why I'm wearing one). It's a symbol of solidarity, yes, and a message that I'm safe to sit next to or approach. But it's also a reminder to myself to be more aware of my surroundings, more engaged with others and offering to help (and meaning it) if someone looks like they might need it.

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I like this line of thinking. It's definitely been reminding me the last few days to keep my eyes open (not that I do much and there's no public transport in my tiny city that I use). I just hope I don't become too familiar with wearing it that I forget.