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Thread: Favorite Line of the Day - NaNo 2016

  1. #26
    banned as an incurable tosspot
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    November 2:

    (My MC, who works in fast food, has discovered her ability to kill people with a thought and uses it on a horrible customer that's abusing her children in public.)

    The woman suddenly clutched her chest and fell to the floor.
    Okay, that couldn't be a coincidence.
    The crowd started gasping, talking, and yelling again. The boys just looked down at their mother's dead body.
    I smiled at them. “You're free now. She can't boss you around anymore.”
    The boys looked at me, and then they looked back down at their mother's lifeless body and started kicking it.

  2. #27
    Mostly dead and starting to smell paddismac's Avatar
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    I'm not spoiled for choice with favorite lines so far. Normally my favorites will make me snort something out of my nose, even after repeated readings, and that hasn't happened yet. But after a little editing (yeah, I KNOW), my first line and ensuing paragraph kind of stick out for me.

    Sylvan and Pastoral are among the prankster words of the English language. Sneaky little jokesters that lure in their unsuspecting victims with peaceful visions of sun-dappled thickets and cottony lambs frolicking amidst the daisies. Once those words have you under their spell, they fish-slap you back to reality with their putrid odors of moldy, dank earth and fetid, ammonia-sodden barnyards.


  3. #28
    New year, new avatar. hester's Avatar
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    I'm loving all of these!

    Here's mine:

    He was one of the few guys in the grade to keep up a Facebook page, but there wasn’t much on it. He didn’t have many friends, and his posts rarely got responses.One area where I could relate—when you put yourself out on social media, put out something you think will make you look cool or funny or make people realize what an amazing person you are, and no one responds.And you can only have so many conversations with yourself.
    YA psychological thriller--repped and revising.

    YA sci-fi--drafting.

    YA mystery--drafting.

  4. #29
    I am Groot AW Moderator Sage's Avatar
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    "Our commander wanted more than I wanted to give him. But he didn't take no for an answer. So..." She shrugs. "I hit him with an assault rifle. It's not like I shot him," she says wide-eyed.

    Oh, phrek, I really like this girl.
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    I am the prince of Winter. My heart is of ice.
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  5. #30
    Procrastinator Extraordinaire Lillian_Blaire's Avatar
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    I've hesitated to post here because I feel like all my lines will eventually get reworked or tossed out anyway, but what the hell. This is my favorite today.

    "Layna's hands are covered in quickly-drying clay. Her shirt is streaked with it and she's got a smear across her cheek and in her hair. She's as much a work of art as anything is this place."
    Lil is just full of of sweetness and love, with a side of raunchy innuendo. That never hurt anyone! - Jaymz
    Tell that to the guy(s) manacled in her basement... - be frank

  6. #31
    All the nopes. lizmonster's Avatar
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    It's all rubbish at this point, and will most likely get chucked en masse, but here's one I sort of like:

    Impossible not to smile when he looked at her like that, like he was pleased to see her, like the fact of her existence was enough.
    May goals:

    - WIP #1: Get the draft to 45K - 31,262/45,000
    - WIP #2: Probably nothing for May



    THE COLD BETWEEN - Out now

    REMNANTS OF TRUST - Out now
    BREACH OF CONTAINMENT - Preorderable

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  7. #32
    practical experience, FTW Mary Love's Avatar
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    Murmurs came from the pews edging the room, prayers worn to an incomprehensible dialect after a millennium of repetition.

  8. #33
    practical experience, FTW GeneBWell's Avatar
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    More of a paragraph than a phrase but I'm a little proud of how I showed a young teen who normally doesn't talk much struggling to explain the abstract concept behind why he wants to be a chef:

    “I think if everyone was eating the same thing they could talk more about it, you know? Like...” Alfredo struggled to find a way to explain it. “Like if you go up in the mountains and see a really beautiful sunset, wouldn't it be better to have someone with you, seeing the same sunset? And then it would be something you did together. Something you shared.”

    Basil leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, a thoughtful look on his face.

    “So you think food is something people should share?” he asked.

    Alfredo brightened up and nodded.

    “That's right! I want to make dishes that a whole family could order and share. I don't really know how to explain it well, but I think that would make eating more fun for everyone,” he said.

  9. #34
    practical experience, FTW Susannah Shepherd's Avatar
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    The first sentence needs work, but the second has nailed how I see my hero expressing his alpha-ness. For context, he's pondering whether the heroine will fetch much as a slave...

    No man wanted to pay good money to put a hellcat in his bed, not unless he was one of those men who liked to prove his manhood by destroying a spirited woman. Thorkell had never understood that. What was the point of winning if you were left with a broken prize?
    Twitter: http://twitter.com/SusannahWrites

    WIP: The Hysterical Bride (18th century erotic romance M/F) - first draft complete


  10. #35
    Making Einstein cry since 1994 Maggie Maxwell's Avatar
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    “Yeah, sure, we’ll just sashay our way into a high security prison and walk out with a guy on Death Row. No biggie.”

    “See, that’s what I like about you, boss. You’re confident.”
    The insane who believe they are sane are crazy. The sane who know they are insane are writers.

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  11. #36
    Hello, I must be going jlmott's Avatar
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    I have a character who doesn't talk but does sing (just go with it) and I made up an impromptu short bluesy verse which I might expand or change or possible even dump later on, but at the moment anyway, I kind of like it. Unless I've somehow unconsciously cribbed it from something I heard once, which is not out of the realm of possibility.


    Got nothing behind but another’s day’s load
    Got nothing ahead but the long hard road
    If I make it to the morning, I’ll be fit to cry
    Just another day down till the day I die
    "The time has come," the Walrus said,
    "To talk of many things:
    Of shoes--and ships--and sealing wax--
    Of cabbages--and kings--"

    Lewis Carroll

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  12. #37
    Re-NaNoing AnnieColleen's Avatar
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    She's underwater without equipment, trying to get a door open, and a bit of backstory popped up:

    And so I thought of the station, and moving slow, breathing shallow, so as not to put too much strain on the filters. Of tapping out messages, sketching signs in barren dirt, rather than to waste precious breath on words.

  13. #38
    banned as an incurable tosspot
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    November 3:

    (MC working in fast food observes her customers.)

    Finally, a dude that looked like he fell face-first into a tackle box came up to the counter.

  14. #39
    I am Groot AW Moderator Sage's Avatar
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    "I'm going to be sick," I say, rubbing my face against Max's shoulder.

    "You're pathetic, you know that?"

    "To my credit, I do."
    It's Beta Project time!
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    I am the prince of Winter. My heart is of ice.
    And he's been slowly melting it for years.




  15. #40
    practical experience, FTW Dreity's Avatar
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    Having just busted her old friend out of a slave auction, this happened:

    She voiced the question that had been burning inside her since this late this morning. “How did you end up here?”


    Yadira’s perpetual scowl deepened.


    Felisa’s question was answered with a sharp-knuckled fist to the face.
    Last edited by Dreity; 11-05-2016 at 09:07 AM.

  16. #41
    Re-NaNoing AnnieColleen's Avatar
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    Not sure of a favorite today, but I liked this one:

    He let the silence speak his contradiction. It sang out, eloquent, and I gave mine back.
    Under the patronage of Murphy the Muse

    When writing a novel that's pretty much entirely what life turns into: "House burned down. Car stolen. Cat exploded. Did 1500 easy words, so all in all it was a pretty good day."
    ~Neil Gaiman

  17. #42
    Mostly dead and starting to smell paddismac's Avatar
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    I didn't hate this one:

    "My memory of your wedding is fully intact… unlike your wayward husband's," Inge replied with a cold sneer. "And perhaps there's reason for his lapse. You look like something warmed over that should never have been cooked in the first place."


  18. #43
    Procrastinator Extraordinaire Lillian_Blaire's Avatar
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    Not very profound or anything, but this was my fave line from yesterday:

    "My mom tends to attract a--holes who use fists instead of words. My father feels responsible, like somehow leaving her f---ed her up beyond repair. I'm not sure he's wrong."
    Lil is just full of of sweetness and love, with a side of raunchy innuendo. That never hurt anyone! - Jaymz
    Tell that to the guy(s) manacled in her basement... - be frank

  19. #44
    All the nopes. lizmonster's Avatar
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    Wee bit o' dialogue:

    “You can’t tell her why.”
    “Oh, hell, no. If I could tell her the truth, it wouldn’t be exhausting. That woman can spot a lie from three sectors and a wormhole away. I’m going to have to be clever.”
    May goals:

    - WIP #1: Get the draft to 45K - 31,262/45,000
    - WIP #2: Probably nothing for May



    THE COLD BETWEEN - Out now

    REMNANTS OF TRUST - Out now
    BREACH OF CONTAINMENT - Preorderable

    author page | sporadically-updated blog | twitter | facebook

  20. #45
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin MeghS's Avatar
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    So many great lines in this thread! I'll throw one out there:

    She didn't like the loss of control that came along with the drink, the way it allowed her feelings to bubble over and out into the open, where anyone could see them.
    NaNoWriMo 2016 = 50,311/50,000 words
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  21. #46
    Look on my works, ye Mighty Jade A's Avatar
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    (I love all of your lines! They're so good!)

    YLE
    "This is what you are. You’re not a person. You don’t have real hair, and you don’t need clothes. You’re a robot. A thing. You don’t get to learn, or think. You do as I tell you, or I send you back to where you came from."

    1-61
    "Please, don’t!"

    YLE
    "I will. This is your final warning. If you step out of line again, I’ll make sure they turn you into scrap metal."

    Yle releases 1-61 and exits. 1-61 stares at her reflection.

    1-61
    "I’m not a thing."

  22. #47
    Procrastinator Extraordinaire Lillian_Blaire's Avatar
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    I've struggled to write today (and not from lack of trying). So, nothing great to share, but this is the best I can do for today.

    “Don’t cuss,” he said, walking around the island to bring me a plate of food. “It doesn’t flatter you.”
    “Neither do these khakis, and yet you still make me wear them.”
    “I wear khakis every day.”
    I raise my eyebrow, taking my plate from him. “Exactly.”
    Lil is just full of of sweetness and love, with a side of raunchy innuendo. That never hurt anyone! - Jaymz
    Tell that to the guy(s) manacled in her basement... - be frank

  23. #48
    practical experience, FTW Josie Cloos's Avatar
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    This is the best I've got so far.

    It’s times like this Damien wishes Lenore wasn’t so old fashioned and allowed food in the house that didn’t require the ability to cook because his stomach is grumbling as if it hadn’t been fed in months. That’s what too much thinking does to him, but never the less he continues to think. He thinks about waking Lenore at the godforsaken hour to have her make him something to eat.
    Signs Along The Way-89k words. In editing

    WIP Take A Message-Not very far along

    Wip My Screwed Up Life-4k- Put away for now

  24. #49
    banned as an incurable tosspot
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    November 4:

    (My MC, who works in fast food, can telepathically kill people - or make them kill themselves or others.)

    The dude died from his injuries. More disruption and more questioning. Oh, well, it beats working, and I get paid for it.

  25. #50
    I am Groot AW Moderator Sage's Avatar
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    "We were busy distracting your [swear word] of a commander. Nice guy. Practically knocked my block off."

    She cocks her head and crosses the hall to me. Her hand runs along my cheek and turns my head as she examines it. That canned air seems awfully thin all of a sudden. "You seem pretty bruise-free on this block. Or am I missing a translation?" Her eyes flick down. "Did he knock something else off?"

    "No! No, you are not missing a translation!" I squeak, pressing myself back against the wall.
    It's Beta Project time!
    Looking to beta but want more information before committing?
    Dying to work on your critting skills, particularly in an anonymous setting?
    Come check out the Beta Project Entries (password: testing) and send crits and beta requests through me.


    I am the prince of Winter. My heart is of ice.
    And he's been slowly melting it for years.




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