The Woes of Life and Writing

It's easy to say and hard to do, but I think you have to forget about earning a living from writing at this stage, to take the pressure off. Very few writers live on their writing alone, including writers like me, who've had the good fortune to be published by the best houses. Nearly all of us have day jobs of one sort or another. I teach writing now and edit--that's my day job---but I also worked in publishing earlier in my career. Most writers build their lives on two or more tracks: there's the day-job track, the writing track, and the personal life and family track. My advice would be to try to make your day-job track more fulfilling and more lucrative. Keep looking for a better job that gives you more than sore feet. Publishing, for example, even on the retail level of bookselling, can teach you things that actually enrich your writing career. You can read a post on that topic here. But nearly every job can provide useful fodder for writing. Lots of writers I know, myself included, have waited tables (which pays better than retail, btw); this year one writer came out with a bestselling book based on that experience, which makes a lot of sense: it's all about dealing with people. I think that when you remove the financial expectations from the writing work, the work itself will come easier and turn out better. You're just starting out; you don't have a book deal, which means you can totally take your time and hone your work to the necessary level. Just make sure you schedule time for writing, and that you stick to that no matter what. Writing every day is ideal; but if you can't, it can be every weekend. The pages will accumulate.

I think when you are broke, and you view writing as a potential source of money rather than a pleasant, creative outlet, you're gonna doom yourself to freeze up. It's like you've made writing so critical to your future survival that it's become too important to write anything at all.

Separate the the two in your mind. Money, right now, should come from your job. Writing, right now, should be about creative fun. Don't think about it as a way to make money, but as a way to free your creative self.

I feel your pain -- or at least I have.

I spent last year in a horrible job that left me crying more days than not, and stressed to death over a mountain of debt I was trying to hide from my husband. If I stopped thinking about how bad work was, I started worrying about paying the bills next month, and if I got that taken care of, I was worrying about having not spent enough time with my kids, and my son's failing grades and how I was screwing everything up. And all the while, every word I DIDN'T write just added more guilt.

I don't have any great advice for you because I don't know your whole situation, but I can tell you that a year later, I'm in a much better place, and I owe most of that to having opened up about my stress and my problems to my husband and allowing for the possibility that, just maybe, I couldn't handle it all on my own. Have you looked at refinancing or asking for a forbearance on your student loans? I gave my husband all of our credit cards and now, we only use them if we've mutually agreed to an expense over $100. He has the cards, I get the bills, so we are each other's check and balance. We refinanced some of the debt, and stopped some of our optional monthly expenses.

Is there someone you can talk to? Friend, sibling, parent, mentor? Someone who is willing to help share your burdens? Maybe someone (same someone or different) who is good with money management that can help you work out a livable budget? A good time budget is important, too. Understand where the day goes and make time for yourself that doesn't involve spending money, but does give you time to recharge and refresh with something you enjoy.

And then there's writing. If pressure to write is making everything worse, it might be a good idea to take a break. Remove that stress for a while, or do something to make it less stressful. Stop working on that novel and start keeping a journal instead, or write flash, or fanfic, or poetry. Make it something you can unwind with instead of something that causes more anxiety.

Best wishes for you. Please take care of you.

How 'bout using writing as a kind of therapy right now. Write a story about a person in your position. As unfunny as it is right now, I could see this having a lot of humor in it. Plus, if you do it that way, it may help you see your situation in a less permanent, more humorous light. Maybe make the MC someone an awful lot like you, their situation an awful lot like yours, but just shift it to the left or right a little so it's not so personal and you're more able to get some distance and perspective. This could help you understand, give you some distance and context with which to gain insight, and if you take it for all it's worth, you might just end up with a pretty good story.

TimYeti said:

I would love to have a day-job that involves writing like this.

I'm not much of a teacher, but I love editing and proofreading. Publishing would also be something I would be interested in working. The issue is that I can't seem to find/land a job of this nature. I've been applying for positions that have to do with editing or proofreading and have found nothing. Due to life constraints, I'm trying to remain near my hometown (within 2-3 hours, preferably), but I can't seem to find anything.

Anywhere I look wants that dreaded 4-5 years experience that I don't have. I apply anyway, but I've only been called a handful of times. Nothing ever seems to pan out. I feel stuck, like my life has been put on hold for some reason and I can't seem to get anything to move forward.

In a response to Myrealana:

Unfortunately, no, I don't have too many people I can talk to about this stuff. I have my significant other, but she is still a student on her second to last year with her degree. She knows all of my woes, but she is over 2 hours away and is almost entirely powerless to help. My parents and siblings all have their own worries and even if I did try to open up to them, nothing would come to it other than a "well, you clearly just need to work harder".

I'm a little lost as to what to do, right now.

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Sounds like a frustrating situation and my heart goes out to you. I think of life as a roller coaster (I'm not the only one, I know) with ups and downs. Some stages of the ride are fast paced and some are slow, leading up to the fast parts again. The key is just hanging in there during the dull parts of life until things get better. And they almost always get better.

I think you've received some good advice--focus on what you can do to improve your situation, if possible, and allow writing to be the place you go when you need a break. If your 'break' place becomes your work place, it often leaves you without an outlet. A personal example: I'm an artist, and have been drawing/painting since I was a young child. It was my passion and my place to escape to when life was difficult. It seemed only natural that I would make a living from my art. I love it and frankly, I'm good at it. Seemed great! Except it wasn't. It turned my outlet into my job and I started to hate it.

Instead of picking up a pencil with the idea that I could draw whatever I wanted, and that if I didn't like it, I could toss it, now I had people to please, deadlines to meet, and specific subject matters I had to draw. It took every bit of happiness out of the process for me. It also took away my outlet, so now, I was stressed to the hilt by the very thing that I needed to help me relax and escape. So, I began writing. Writing is now my passion because art is my career. If writing is your passion, allow yourself to KEEP IT. That doesn't mean you can't eventually turn it into a career. It doesn't meant you can't get published some day. But in the mean time, focus on getting yourself a better job (if you can). Try to get your school loans differed.

Right now, when you need an outlet for stress, allow writing to be that, rather than trying to make it your career. I went through several years where I had no one to turn to with my problems and I desperately needed to talk to someone. I started a journal. Sometimes I'd write pages and pages and pages a day. It turned into volumes and volumes. And my first manuscript was a journal-style book about a girl suffering from depression, feeling alone, and writing a journal to save herself. So, life experiences, no matter what they are, help with writing (just like Myrealana said). This could very well be the experience you need that will make you a better writing. Who know?

Good luck to you. I hope you're able to find the answers you seek (sadly, I don't have them). Hang in there.

Have you tried Fiverr? Or Upwork? Fiverr has a huge database now. It $5 on Fiverr to start a gig but I know people who have built up a clientele and have repeat customers.

I got my first job in publishing by calling all the publishing companies in my area. Most of them thought I was crazy. Two of them gave me interviews. And one of them hired me as the editorial assistant/dog walker. We had an office pet. It was a great job, and I learned a lot. Seriously, I called the place up and asked for a job. I probably called a dozen or so places. But I only needed one job. And I got it. You've got to be a little daring to do this, but it can work. Just plan on it not working for most of the places.

I also think the idea of working in a bookstore can be great. Since you're not sure what to write, read. Read tons. This will help you in so many ways. Personally, I think time spent reading is often better than time spent writing. Reading great things will inspire you to write great things. And if you can be around books all day, why not? I tried many times to get a job at a bookstore many times. Never even got an interview. For me, it was harder to do than than find a job in publishing. But I think working in a bookstore would be great.

Another option could me to go back to school. It puts your student loans on hold, and with an MA or an MFA you can teach at universities. A lot of that might depend on where you are and what universities are around you. My MFA program was fully funded with a stipend. There were teaching opportunities for us that doubled the stipend. If teaching writing is something you want to do, these are the credentials you would need. Plus, you will do a ton of reading and writing and come out with better skills and works than when you went in.

Just wondering, what sort of writing are you looking to do? Do you have any idea? What kind of writer do you want to be?

You're probably not going to like this, but I need to say it.

Making a living from writing isn't easy. You're competing against lots of other people who want to do the same thing. So while your ultimate goal is to make enough money from writing to live on, you are probably going to have to find another job to support you first. It's hard to be creative when you can't pay the bills.

So my suggestion would be this:

1. Get financial security. Put all your energies into getting employment that will keep you afloat. You want to get to that happy position where you have paid off your debts and you are earning more than you spend. That's a great position to be in, but the bad news is that you're probably going to have to spend less while you are getting there. If you can get a job which involves some writing - even if it's only writing reports and business letters - so much the better.

2. Focus on what matters, one job at a time. When you are at work, give that work 110%. Give it your best. Learn new skills. When you are not at work, set aside time for writing. Give that your best and learn new skills.

3. Actually there isn't a 3. Do 1 and 2 properly and 3 will sort itself out.

Best of luck. It sounds like you need to make a plan and then stick to it.