How to Get Yourself Blacklisted

This entire thing is baffling to me.

The guy isn't a newbie. He's already been published, once by Random House. So why is he going to agent pitch sessions, and flying out-of-state to do it? He needs a new agent for some reason? Why isn't he in the bar at a local writers' conference, chatting informally with the agents he knows?

There's something to this story that hasn't been told. It isn't adding up the way it is.

(Speaking of pitch sessions... agents and editors hate 'em. Particularly the rule that the writer can't bring a writing sample. How else in the entire world would they know if they want to buy that writer's work? That's why they essentially tell everyone, "Send me your sample chapters." That isn't a success for the conference. It puts the author in the exact same place they would have been without going to the conference: in the slush pile.)

He could have been published 20 years ago, maybe he's never had an agent. I don't think it's too unusual that he would be at square one again now, in looking for an agent. (I have no idea when he was published, or anything else about his history.)

Laurasaurus said:

He could have been published 20 years ago, maybe he's never had an agent. I don't think it's too unusual that he would be at square one again now, in looking for an agent. (I have no idea when he was published, or anything else about his history.)

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On the Amazon listing for his book published by Random House, there is a blurb from Publisher's Weekly that says he was repped at the time by Scovil Chichak Galen.

So maybe he's shocked that he can't manage to snag one now.

If there was ever an anti-Christ for authors...

Don't know what to make of this. Judging by his rants, he's actually a pretty good writer. Maybe he can't craft a story, or his books are full of transparently loony ideas. The protagonist is a dog? Okay, I'd be willing to suppose that could work, but it could also be the the ravings of a lunatic, or maybe a hack's idea of a brilliant new literary device and absolutely necessary to do justice to his vision.

Or it's entirely possible it's an elaborate prank for Internet larfs. Which is sad because it hurts real people.

Helix said:

ETA: From one of his nasty rants on his web site:

The stuff I sent [agent] — about my book — was a fragment of a distortion. She received almost nothing that might help her understand who I am, nor how easy and pleasant I am to work with.

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I don't know that there's anything that might make a person think he'd be easy and pleasant to work with, and I got as far a crate of gold bars and a promise that any communication would be through an intermediary of the agent's own choosing before I gave up.
I mean, if he snagged an agent, what would make anyone think that he'd work well with an editor? So, what agent is going to recommend him to any publisher that the agent might want to work with again?

neandermagnon said:

Also, it's good material for future characterisation. In fact, I think there's even a sitcom in there somewhere.... writer with an ego the size of VY Canis Majoris and no people skills whatsoever who's completely oblivious to his own flaws and not open to any constructive criticism whatsoever tries to get published.

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Not a main character, I think. You'd need a brilliant actor to make that character endurable, even in half-hour doses. But, as a secondary character, brought in for a laugh or a bit of business - perfect! Ted Baxter on 'Mary Tyler Moore' or Newman on 'Seinfeld'. Or George Constanza.

James D. Macdonald said:

This entire thing is baffling to me.

The guy isn't a newbie. He's already been published, once by Random House. So why is he going to agent pitch sessions, and flying out-of-state to do it? He needs a new agent for some reason? Why isn't he in the bar at a local writers' conference, chatting informally with the agents he knows?

There's something to this story that hasn't been told. It isn't adding up the way it is.

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It doesn't seen baffling to me: he's somehow lost his agent, whether through the agent retiring, or him alienating the agent (no idea how he could have done that!)
And, presumably, ever agent in-state, or possibly every agent that he ever communicated with. (He's admitted to over 300 that he actually approached, how many others just saw the show at a distance, or heard stories?) I'll bet a bar full of agents empties fast when he approaches - the soberer ones pulling the totally inebriated to safety.

frimble3 said:

Not a main character, I think. You'd need a brilliant actor to make that character endurable, even in half-hour doses. But, as a secondary character, brought in for a laugh or a bit of business - perfect! Ted Baxter on 'Mary Tyler Moore' or Newman on 'Seinfeld'. Or George Constanza.

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Rik Mayall* could. He did Richie from Bottom - he had no redeeming features whatsoever. And Alan B'start from The New Statesman who is more the nasty kind of character with no redeeming features. Richie from Bottom was a blithering incompetent and didn't have much self-esteem, unlike B'Stard who had an ego of epic proportions. Both of these were main characters.

This is what Wikipedia says about Alan B'stard (as I don't think it made it across the pond): "B'Stard is a selfish, greedy, dishonest, devious, lecherous, sadistic, self-serving ultra-right-wing Conservative backbencher, a sociopathic schemer who occasionally resorts to murder to fulfill his megalomaniac ambitions. The show was mostly set in B'Stard's antechambers in the Palace of Westminster and featured Piers Fletcher-Dervish as B'Stard's twittish upper-class sidekick."

It was actually Rik Mayall that I had in mind when I wrote the comment. He could turn a character like that into comedy gold.

*RIP

Just checked out his blog, and WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE COMMENTS SECTION?? It is SO bizarre! Is every other commenter the OP in disguise?? Is the OP having conversations with himself in the comments section? Is he arguing with himself? Bwaaaaahh!

Putputt said:

Just checked out his blog, and WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE COMMENTS SECTION?? It is SO bizarre! Is every other commenter the OP in disguise?? Is the OP having conversations with himself in the comments section? Is he arguing with himself? Bwaaaaahh!

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I wanted to go in there and smack them all on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

You know, the fact that he calls his blog the "Daily Screed" should say something very important...

I'm just shaking my head as we look at another form of "The Author's Big Mistake" though on a much more self imposed target type stance...

Anna_Hedley said:

Ooft, I do this on Twitter. In my defence it's because my author names are both really common and I didn't want a load of numbers on the end.

As for this dude: I hate secondhand embarrassment so much but I'm also strangely compelled by it. I keep expecting him to realise how badly he's coming across but it just keeps getting worse instead.

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I do it for my email, and for the website I'm setting up. There's an actress, well known in the UK, with the same name, so I just couldn't think of another way to avoid confusion.

James D. Macdonald said:

This entire thing is baffling to me.

The guy isn't a newbie. He's already been published, once by Random House. So why is he going to agent pitch sessions, and flying out-of-state to do it? He needs a new agent for some reason? Why isn't he in the bar at a local writers' conference, chatting informally with the agents he knows?

There's something to this story that hasn't been told. It isn't adding up the way it is.

(Speaking of pitch sessions... agents and editors hate 'em. Particularly the rule that the writer can't bring a writing sample. How else in the entire world would they know if they want to buy that writer's work? That's why they essentially tell everyone, "Send me your sample chapters." That isn't a success for the conference. It puts the author in the exact same place they would have been without going to the conference: in the slush pile.)

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One of his ramblings mentioned his previous agent is deceased.

Now this is a comments section worth reading. This guy is a little scarynuts.

Also: The failure mode of "clever" is "asshole."

Weeping. Creeping. Jesus.

There is some sort of bizarre comfort to be had, in knowing that no matter how bad you are, no matter how horrible you've been or might be, you will never be that guy. In this he has done the world a favor, in a twisted and roundabout way.

Such an articulate arsehole. Flowery words can't hide a jackass.

Sad to say, it was pretty easy for me to believe. The lightning switch from "You are everything I've hoped for!" to "You're a shallow twit who doesn't understand my genius!" is dead common on that other great form of serialized rejection, dating sites. You see it constantly, and it doesn't matter how nicely the rejection's worded.

Person A: Hi, cutie!
Person B: Hi! I'm afraid that, looking at your profile, we seem to be looking for different things right now, but thanks for writing and good luck on here!
Person A: STUPID COW YOU'RE FAT ANYWAY

There's a personality type who's simply like that. It really wouldn't matter if the agent's reason was "Not taking manuscripts at this time," or "I've just accepted a position on the International Space Station," or "This is an ice-cream parlor, you've got the wrong e-mail," seems like it's ALWAYS personal and ALWAYS the other person's fault.

RedWombat said:

Sad to say, it was pretty easy for me to believe. The lightning switch from "You are everything I've hoped for!" to "You're a shallow twit who doesn't understand my genius!" is dead common on that other great form of serialized rejection, dating sites. You see it constantly, and it doesn't matter how nicely the rejection's worded.

Person A: Hi, cutie!
Person B: Hi! I'm afraid that, looking at your profile, we seem to be looking for different things right now, but thanks for writing and good luck on here!
Person A: STUPID COW YOU'RE FAT ANYWAY

There's a personality type who's simply like that. It really wouldn't matter if the agent's reason was "Not taking manuscripts at this time," or "I've just accepted a position on the International Space Station," or "This is an ice-cream parlor, you've got the wrong e-mail," seems like it's ALWAYS personal and ALWAYS the other person's fault.

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Yes!

When I think of querying agents, it's a business arrangement I'm thinking of. Bonus points if we like each other.

But, frankly, I want someone that likes my *book*, and will do their best for my *book*. I don't honestly care if they have the personality of oatmeal to me, as long as they're doing their best for my book.

This guy sounds like he's looking for his soul mate, and like a jilted lover when he's rejected.

Which makes me so glad, for the AGENTS that he was rejected. I can't imagine how he'd be to work with. He'd probably view it as 'cheating' if they weren't available to him 24/7, worked for other authors, or even *gasp* took on MORE authors after him. And if they sold a novel before his?

Holy crap, the narcissistic rage that would be incurred, with an added scorned lover element.

*shudder*

RedWombat said:

Sad to say, it was pretty easy for me to believe. The lightning switch from "You are everything I've hoped for!" to "You're a shallow twit who doesn't understand my genius!" is dead common on that other great form of serialized rejection, dating sites. You see it constantly, and it doesn't matter how nicely the rejection's worded.

Person A: Hi, cutie!
Person B: Hi! I'm afraid that, looking at your profile, we seem to be looking for different things right now, but thanks for writing and good luck on here!
Person A: STUPID COW YOU'RE FAT ANYWAY
/.../

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...Most times in this context it will "YOUR FAT ANYWAY"

RedWombat said:

Sad to say, it was pretty easy for me to believe. The lightning switch from "You are everything I've hoped for!" to "You're a shallow twit who doesn't understand my genius!" is dead common on that other great form of serialized rejection, dating sites. You see it constantly, and it doesn't matter how nicely the rejection's worded.

Person A: Hi, cutie!
Person B: Hi! I'm afraid that, looking at your profile, we seem to be looking for different things right now, but thanks for writing and good luck on here!
Person A: STUPID COW YOU'RE FAT ANYWAY

There's a personality type who's simply like that. It really wouldn't matter if the agent's reason was "Not taking manuscripts at this time," or "I've just accepted a position on the International Space Station," or "This is an ice-cream parlor, you've got the wrong e-mail," seems like it's ALWAYS personal and ALWAYS the other person's fault.

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I agree.

This happens when person A believes themselves to be fundamentally superior (generally for gender, ethnicity, etc reasons) and believes that they are doing this "inferior" person a favour by even giving them the time of day. Like they believe that women make rubbish agents and shouldn't be taken seriously, but hey, let's just go along with it because I want to get my book published, they should be eternally grateful that I'm even going to pretend to take them seriously for a while - then when they get turned down they're utterly offended and incensed - how dare this inferior person who shouldn't even be taken seriously actually turn me down! They then feel entitled to express this sentiment to them and publicly.

You're totally right it's not that different to the person on the dating scene who thinks they're perfect and God's gift to women when they get turned down by someone they consider to be an inferior specimen or they just feel that they're superior to all woman to begin with. I've seen this with women as well - a racist woman "complimented" a man by telling him he's really good looking for a (member of his ethnic group), then when he politely declines (a lot more politely than she deserved) she's outraged and tells him he should be eternally grateful for the fact she even gave him a chance. Same attitude - considering themselves fundamentally superior to the person they're interacting with.

Ultimately it shows these people's attitudes up for what they are. Can't imagine what they'd be like to work with.

It looks like he took the post down. Finally.