I'm not saying she has to identify as American, just that she has that option. She seemed to not want to be like one particular person who identifies as Latina. I'm saying you don't have to be like anyone. Be like yourself.
To be fair to morngstar, this is kind of how I used to try to think, but now I think somewhat differently, but still similar, if that makes sense?
I do understand how this attitude ("Be yourself") can be both helpful and hurtful.
When I was younger, especially as a teen, I used to reject my Latina side because it hurt me to be stuck between two worlds: the world of mis padres, mis abuelos, mis bisabuelos, and past ancestors, and then there's the other world that my parents and I have grown up in and have grown to love.
However, over time, as I became an adult (and after this lovely thread), I realized that it's
okay to love both worlds, and I can still be
me.
This is the thing: I
am an American. That is definitely true! I am pretty accustomed to many things Americana.
However, I am accepting that I am not "just" an American, but a
Latino American, to be exact.
I was born in Puerto Rico, and my parents, my grandparents, my great-grand parents, and who knows what other ancestors before them, were all Puerto Rican. My parents raised me with some traditions and pop culture from Puerto Rico.
I may have not lived long on that island (only visited after toddler years), but...It is still in my blood, and it is in my past. It is my heritage.
I can't ignore all that. It feels very disrespectful to my ancestors and my parents to reject this heritage. It doesn't feel right to just dismiss and erase all of that rich history, traditions, and entire culture.
I want to be proud of what I am now, but I also want to be proud of all aspects of me.
When I hang around with our family and family friends who are Latino, I sometimes feel some kind of kinship.
Sometimes, I do feel some rejection or hurt and confusion when some Latinos judge my Latina heritage based on my lack of Spanish language, or not being "Hispanic enough", etc.
However, there are many other times with other Latino people where I feel comfortable and welcomed, and feel right at home.
It's a very conflicting feeling, and this thread shows that I am not alone in feeling this kind of identity crisis.
In terms of dna, I can probably, sort of "pass" as White. Maybe.
But my golden-brown skin (which can get pretty dark brown in the sun), eyes, and sometimes wild/frizzy
raza hair can sometimes give me away. I cannot escape from that.
My ancestors' blood are in me, and it feels right to try to respect my the past heritage.
I still don't understand how some American citizens can feel no connection to their origin/heritage, or even to their state location or home locations, or something similar. (I do feel some envy for that kind of attitude, though. I tried adopting such an attitude, but it didn't feel right for me.)
For me, I need a sense of "connection" to where I was born and also where I was raised and where I am settled down. It's like I need a connection to both my past and present, and to both of my home lands, the birth island, and whichever state (or states) I am growing up in. I
need that sense of history, connection, sense of belonging, and pride.
I don't know if this makes any sense, but I cannot just say I'm "just an American" and try to reject all Hispanic aspects of me, when they are part of me.
Yes, I am me. But, part of me is Latina. The other is American. I want to embrace all aspects of me. This thread helped me realize that I am not alone in my mixed feelings, and that I can be happy to be myself, and that I am still a unique person who can be proud of
all parts of herself and feel good about herself, regardless of the mixed feelings and judgements.
Er, that probably sounds stupid and cheesy, but it's a hard thing to explain. ^_^;;
I think Kuwi and Lillith explain it much better.