I only write while depressed, because it's been my chronic state of being for almost a decade now. Yes, pills may help, but I can't help you as to what pill (there's like a million different ones) or dosage. Me, I'm treated for bipolar depression with a cocktail of lithium, lamitrogine, and carbomazepine. I feel I could use a boost though, but no idea what and how much.
Be careful what you have prescribed, if anything. Some meds are said to cause or increase suicidal urges.
On the bright side of depression - for me anyway - I get inspired to get into the deeper, darker, poetic/romantic/angsty shit. Which is my favourite. Embrace the darkness and milk it, if there's no light switch.
Update: I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this Tuesday. I'm going to come back and tell you guys how it went since you've been such huge support.
She noticed she hadn't booked appointments for me in over a month, called me yesterday after hours (meaning after her office closed) and we made an appointment. That's going to help a lot. I got prescribed Prozac the last time I saw my psychiatrist. I forgot to mention that. Right now I'm at the lowest dosage, 10 mg, but it doesn't work immediately. I was told it may take a few weeks to work. It's the first antidepressant I've tried, so we'll see how it works for me. I envy you, Ravioli. I wish I could write anything while depressed. That's why I want to feel better so desperately, because I want to be able to write.
This thread is so painfully relevant to me right now. Writing used to be the thing that buoyed me above my depression. Now, it's just one more thing to feel down about. I'm not writing much these days, which makes me sad and irritable. When I do write, I'm not happy with what's on the page, which makes me doubt myself, so I take a break. It's a vicious cycle, as others have noted. The worst part is that it's no longer just my craft that's "contaminated" but my idea pool as well. As soon as a premise pops up, my depression rears its head to shoot it down.
Hang in there, Maggie, and best of luck getting out from under.
Knowing I can't write even if my life depended on it right now, because I'm afraid what I'm going to write is gonna suck, that makes me so much sadder. I listen to my favorite music and it helps me feel a little better, but only while I'm listening to it. I noticed that while I'm listening to music, I get ideas for my series, but not for the books I'm currently working on, which one is set in 1979 and the other one is set in 1981, but for works that are much farther in the future, beyond 2030, when the children of my main characters are grandparents already. I'm going to hang in there, though. I can't thank you enough for your support. You guys are amazing.
I'm gonna vent because this topic hits home. The last couple of months have been one punch to the face after another. Book didn't sell, left me agent, lost my job after 10 years, lost health insurance, rent increase, rejections galore on my current MS, the list goes on and on... I feel like I've been bulldozed by a train, a train so long that I can't reasonably see where the tail-end ends. I'm not sad, per se. I'd describe it as dysphoric.
It's a common misconception that you have to be weepy or sad or not wanting to get out of bed to be depressed. However, my current bout of depression (the most debilitating I've had in 7 years) has caused me to lose absolutely all interest in everything. I have tons of ideas and know exactly how my mss should go, but I have no desire or patience to write. No interest in reading. I don't care about anything. I no longer enjoy anything and get bored very easily. Nothing excites me. I've lost a massive amount of weight. The only time I've caught myself laughing is at silly cartoons. I avoid programs with that are highly dramatic and emotional in nature...
I don't know what to do with myself. I function normally. I just feel like an empty shell of my former self going on day to day, feeling nothing. Just anger. I thought I beat my anger, but slowly it's been creeping back in. Irritation. Loss of patience. Rage. Every little speed bump feels like a full blown punch in the gut. Anti depression meds are not an option as I no longer have health insurance. And hope. Well, hope is that furthest emotion from reach.
My love is writing. And to not write, to not get that excited feeling in the pit of my stomach, pains me so much.
Hang in there everyone. I hope you all get some relief soon.
I haven't had any rejections, but that's because I haven't submitted anything. I decided not to submit until I start editing my works and until I get the help of a beta. All my manuscripts are in first draft status right now, all five of them. I have yet to edit and write a second draft. And a third. And a fourth. I have no idea how many attempts it's going to take for these books to be publishable, but then again, I feel like I'm just beginning, so yes, it's going to take a few
yearsbefore I submit even my first book, the one in the series that's set in the year 2017, one of only two books I've finished in the series, so I won't have to worry about rejections for a while. I wanna make sure my books are the best they could possibly be before submitting. And oh, my God, that describes me perfectly right now, what you're experiencing. No, I don't sit here and cry, and no, I'm not ultra-sensitive. I have thick skin and I understand shit happens, so I don't get devastated, but like I said, nothing entertains me, I'm not interested in my favorite activities, and all I wanna do is sleep. My emotional status could be described simply as "Whatever".
This is my perspective too. Some of my best thoughts and words come when I am in darkness. It's one of the few silver linings.
You have no idea how much I envy you. The ability to write or to do any kind of art, while feeling like this, is something special.
It's the opposite for me. Depression makes me desperate to write light comedy.
That's interesting.
Lionel Ritchie wrote that 'party, fiesta' song during one of the darkest times of his life.
("All Night Long" - yeah, I think that's what it's called)
I didn't know that about Lionel Richie.
Daniela - I'm lurching/stumbling my way out of a period like this. Hang in there, too, ok?
Me, too. I'm trying to crawl out of this hole because this episode started only two weeks ago, and it's not until 5 months after the episode starts that I start to feel better (cold turkey, without medication) and I start writing and enjoying things again, little by little. Then, six to seven months in, it's like I get out of it from one day to the next and I start feeling normal again.
I'm just starting on antidepressants. Still trying to figure out the right drug/dosage (current one is kind of helping, honestly hard to tell) but if nothing else it feels really good to be doing something.
I will say, though, that writing has been a refuge. I've been able to commit to writing so much more now that my depression has really gotten bad. I have all the control I want in my novel, and there are no deadlines, no obligations, just what I can handle. If I get one paragraph down, I count it as a win. That isn't the reality for a lot of writers, especially if you support yourself through writing, but it's where I am right now. I don't write much, but what I do write helps a lot.
Btw, thanks for starting this thread, maggie. It's nice to see what others' experiences have been. It's a crappy illness, but none of us is alone.
That was the purpose in starting the thread, to find out if it was possible to write during a bout of depression and if it was possible for anyone to write while feeling like this. I found out I'm not the only one who's in a dark hole right now, and that brought me a slim sense of hope. The support I've gotten here has been incredible.
Thanks Layla. You too. I hope to overcome this really soon.
I'm trying to do this too. Every little bit is a win. I got about 350 on one WIP and another 300 on another. Wasn't feeling it, but it's a little further along than I was.
You're right. A little bit is better than nothing.
I'm glad I joined AW because here I find a lot of great advice about writing and just about life in general. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will keep reading this thread every now and again for more advice. You guys are the best.
-maggie.
