Toddaid Train

kborsden

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We've had haiku chains and triolet trails, both immensely popular :) Now, I feel it's time to introduce something new again: the Toddaid Train. So first off, what is a Toddaid? It's an ancient Welsh couplet construct similar to the heroic couplet in that it often tails a stanza, but can also be used independently. It's uncommon for a poem to exist as just a single Toddaid, but quite normal to see it used to form quatrains or sestains. It consists of a 10 syllable verse followed by a nine syllable verse with a crooked rhyme scheme (common in Welsh poetry — see my englynion threads). The blueprint is as below (see x = un-rhymed syllable, letter = rhymed syllable):

x x x x x x x a x x
x x x x a x x x b <-- will echo back to an earlier rhyme

[if chaining]
x x x x x x x b x x
x x x x b x x x c

For the purpose of this game, we'll each write a quatrain constructed from 2 Toddaidau where the A rhyme is the C rhyme of the previous poem.

Does that make sense?

For clarity then, my poem is:

When in the morning with worries I wake—
no matter my slurried sleep—still tired,
I drag my bones through morning's mire; so stiff
to not yet admire the hateful sun.


Your A rhyme will be a rhyme with 'sun'.
 
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kborsden

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Several views but no takers :( I'll bump start this train ...

When in the morning with worries I wake—
no matter my slurried sleep—still tired,
I drag my bones through morning's mire; so stiff
to not yet admire the hateful sun.

Despite how the night has become silent
once woven, undone—the walls now fallen
to the day's clean shaven attendance, proud
before the open eye—the dream cries out.
 
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CassandraW

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They swore great victory awaited me,
but I hesitated in my doubt.
I found myself outmatched and outwitted.
Was it just a stout heart that I lacked?

(hey, it's not great, but it's an attempt.)
 
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Xelebes

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A lacklustre attempt at a shoddy poem
is a mucking clod for which I suffer
and it is not how I differ here much
but a rhyme here for all to snicker at.
 

CassandraW

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ETA: I'm editing this post after the fact, not so as to cover my own goof (which I shall strike out rather than delete), but so as not to confuse future posters! I'm sorry -- if there is an arrow in instructions, apparently I will pay more attention to it than to actual words. (To tell the truth, I often don't read instructions at all, but go my own way and hope for the best.) Reading comprehension fail on my part.

A lacklustre attempt at a shoddy poem
is a mucking clod for which I suffer
and it is not how I differ here much
but a rhyme here for all to snicker at.


don't forget, we're chaining, using the "c" rhyme in the previous to be the "a" rhyme in the next.

x x x x x x x a x x <-- "a" will echo back to the "c" rhyme of the last.
x x x x a x x x b
x x x x x x x b x x
x x x x b x x x c <-- "c" will provide the "a" rhyme for the next.


So:


Rhyme the last word in the last line in yours --
the “b” rhyme in mine must rhyme with “at.
The next one’s “b” rhyme is the last in this.
Thus, find three words that rhyme with “conclude.

ETA:

(so the next one will look like this:

x x x x x x x a x x
x x x x a x x x ude <-- "b" will echo back to the "c" rhyme of the last --i.e., "ude".
x x x x x x x ude x x
x x x x ude x x x c <----
this will be the "b" rhyme for the next one in the chain.)
 
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jaus tail

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Cassandra says B must rhyme with C while kbord says A must rhyme with C. I'm confused.

the new teacher was eating food in class
she burped like a dude and we all laughed
when she taught it was an aircraft that bombed
with joy for her craft was fun and clear.
 

CassandraW

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You know, I was looking at the arrow in Kie's post, which pointed at the "b" in the second line (rather than at the first line, which contains only an "a" rhyme), and being a visual kind of gal, that's what I latched onto rather than on the wording of his instructions. Also, Kie dropped me an approving rep on my first effort, so I assumed I had it right.

But looking at it again, perhaps I don't.

Kie? Did I screw up after all? My apologies if I did.
 
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kborsden

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Bottom line, my explanation is confusing and not the clearest :p

My diagram in post 1 refers to common usage, but I followed it with a worded description for implementing as a game... without visual blueprint. Jaus is correct, and even I goofed with my rep to cass.

The final syl (rhyme c) of the first poem is the a rhyme in the next post.
 

CassandraW

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*weeps bitter tears*

*relinquishes poet laureate wreath*

*casts self off cliff into sea*

Eta:.

Seriously -- sorry, everyone! I'm an idiot. I won't cast myself off a cliff, but I will try harder next time to decipher directions.

In the interest of clarity, I edited my post above so it didn't throw off anyone else.
 
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kborsden

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the new teacher was eating food in class
she burped like a dude and we all laughed
when she taught it was an aircraft that bombed
with joy for her craft was fun and clear.

We promised ourselves not to fear old Hein,
but face him when near, no matter how
grim or meagre our breath now—never
a sweatier brow for a reaper...
 
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jaus tail

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the garden is fenced by creepers plenty
if you see deeper, rabbits wink back
with a cheered up heart, you attack your home
some clothes and a snack for the furry guests
 

NordicWrath

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Upon my heart was so impressed the tune,
natural and best when taken slow.
And all the earth does learn to grow-- Human.
Nature's bosom aglow, children sing.
 
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jaus tail

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the day turned sour when Mr. Ting showed up
he checked our books: king of dis'pline
little did we know it had been helpful
sowing values in our minds, strengthened us