However, I have a very pragmatic reason for wanting an apology that includes me - to make it clear to certain sections of the membership that there are a lot straight, cis, white, able-bodied, middle class, Christian people in a monogamous marriage who did and will push back against any attempt to go back to the Good Old Days When Those People Knew Their Place.
I strongly,
strongly disagree. The reason being that there is a very common trend of non-marginalized people demanding acknowledgment for their efforts in gaining acceptance for or fighting against oppression of marginalized people. Straight people who seem to want a damn medal for being involved in the push for LGBT rights, white people who want recognition for their work toward gaining civil rights for African Americans, etc. No one is saying those people DIDN'T help. What they're saying is...IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
In this case, yes, there are a lot of straight cis women who write LGBT. And yes, they have very much been a part of reversing the anti-LGBT sentiments within the romance genre. We're in a very different place than we were five years ago, never mind eleven.
However, IMHO, to include straight cis authors in that apology would make me question the sincerity of the apology toward queer people. It would, I think, imply that the two sides were equally hurt when, as Amergina said, there is a tremendous difference between being told "you shouldn't write that" and "you don't exist." Have you ever laid awake at night wondering what's wrong with you because of what you're feeling about other people? Have you ever been told you're a disgusting person, or that you don't deserve love/happiness, or that you don't exist, and believed it? Have you ever realized who you are as an adult because prior to that point, you had no idea people like you existed because society has done such a damn good job of erasing any role models or mention of what you are? No? Then that apology isn't about you.
That survey (and the implication that our romances don't exist and our love stories aren't worth telling) is one of many, many forms of erasure and phobic behaviors that queer people deal with all our lives. It was a large, respected organization adding to the marginalization that has done tremendous damage to queer people. It was a slap in the face to authors, but on nowhere near the same level as it was to queer people. If RWA decided not to recognize a section of romance, those stories could still be told and sold elsewhere, but when WHO YOU ARE and WHO YOU LOVE are questioned, it cuts deep, and not in a way that "fine, I'll just self-publish my stories" can numb.
So yes, I appreciate that straight people were hurt and distressed by this. I appreciate that they were instrumental in changing the prevailing attitudes within the romance community. But this apology isn't about you, and it shouldn't be. If you're a straight, cis, white, able-bodied, middle class, Christian person in a monogamous marriage, and you think you are as deserving of an apology as people who are marginalized by things like this, then I promise you that what marginalized people hear (even if it isn't true) is that you were only speaking up for them because of what you stood to gain.
The apology is long overdue and much appreciated. Don't make it about you.
