Your saddest words

"Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.’”

I think many here are familiar with this famous quote by John Greenleef Whitter. If these are indeed the saddest of words, I think “He [she or it] is supposed to be...” ranks a close second.

I wrote a short story about a twelve-year-old boy who gets horribly buillied in a Catholic grade school by other students and by some nuns, one in particular of a sadistic bent. In accordance with the mores of that era, the boy hides this from his parents and neighborhood friends. Boys don’t cry and boys don’t fink…until one day he is confronted about his plight by a very special adult whom he knows he can’t hide such from. Although the boy resists, after encouragement by the man he finally breaks down and cries, for the first time since he was five or so, as a catharsis results. He pours out his pent-up feelings and remarks: “It’s supposed to be a Catholic school, a Christian school.” [Indeed, how did we ever go from Jesus to this?] Upon reflection, I think “it’s supposed to be…” is the best line I’ve ever written; certainly the most poignant as disillusionment, especially with the very young, is always heartwrenching

Are there any words that people here might feel equally or more sad? I was just wondering what they might be.

Thank you.

leifwright said:

I think you shouldn't be second-guessing yourself.

If those words evoke a deep emotion in you, they're likely to do the same in some of your target audience.

Keep them in.

Click to expand...

Well, thank you for the kind response. However, I’m afraid you misunderstood me. The story is about ten years old so I couldn’t change the sentence even if I wanted to. I just wanted to see what others might consider to be the saddest, most poignant words they’ve personally written.

Here’s an example of what I mean. Years ago I read a French detective short story (translated into English) about a French city police officer who comes across three boys getting into mischief. One of them comes from an apparently good family so he calls on his parents to express his concern. They listen politely but don’t seem to take the matter very seriously; they seem indifferent. He leaves with an uneasy feeling. A few days later he finds the three boys have hung themselves in an abandoned warehouse. The boy from the good family left a suicide note that read: “We three. We band of brothers,” an allusion to Shakespeare's famed St. Crispin’s Day speech.

The police officer interprets this as a sign that the boy felt more of a sense of kinship with these street urchins than he had ever felt at home. The author then notes: “He looked at the note and reflected. Then, against all his years of training, against every professional instinct, he crumpled the sheet and discarded it. He couldn't let the boy's parents read it. It was just too brutal.”

Now that’s effective writing! (I've never forgotten it.)

KTC said:

If a reader doesn't cry at some point during one of my novels, I'm left disappointed. But I don't know if I could pick a line that would be sad words. I wouldn't be able to excise something from a story, put it on the table, and go, "Voila, a sad string of words". Out of context...it would be f-ing hard to pick a string of words and show others who have not read the words that came before them that they are sad. I'm not buying it. Emotional writing is carried out through story...not through a sentence out of context with anything else.

Click to expand...

Fine and I agree. I gave context in both my offered examples.

Treehouseman said:

Sometimes you can't tell. I've written things that were supposed to be sad and got no response from readers. And then there would by other overwrought words: "because he was my friend" and I get emails from readers saying they had a weep over that. It is an odd thing.

Click to expand...

Oh, no. It’s easily understandable, the theme. I like that very much. I'm reminded of several poignant scenes in movies where a close friend (who is sometimes a subordinate) adamantly disagrees with his friend, yet in the end stands by him “because he is my friend.” My friend, right or wrong! I admire such loyalty. It is sunshine on a rainy day.

Examples of this can be found in the movie Taps: Sean Penn to Timothy Hutton (who is surprised to see his second in command in the morning for roll call after their having had a fist fight the evening before over their disagreement) “I might be a little ragged around the edges, but I don’t run out on a friend”; and the television movie Peter the Great: (Alexander Menshikov--who reappears on the eve of the decisive battle after a period of brooding--to Tsar Peter after a bitter quarrel between them at the time of the Swedish invasion of Russia) “When you first brought me to the Kremlin you said that I would have a rank far higher than prince or boyar; that I would have the rank of friend. It is that friend who will fight by your side at Poltava.” First rate writing, in my opinion. Thank you.

Jack Judah said:

I can't compete with these examples, but I'll throw hat in ring nonetheless. In my current WIP, my MC begins the story torn between innate ambition and a sense of duty to those around him. He's an exiled prince who's just been given an opportunity to regain power. Doing so means turning his back on the new life he's built, and the responsibilities that come with it. So he's up with the sun, brooding over his options as he watches dawn break over the desert. Something about that last sentence gets me every time:

"All of Edom’s rugged glory lay spread out before him, but it was on the Western horizon that his gaze lingered longest. On Egypt. On home. So high was his vantage, so vast his view, he fancied he could almost make out the Black Land’s frontiers in the far distance, as yet cloaked in purple shadow, awaiting the coming of Ra to start day anew.

He ripped eyes from the west and glanced east, toward Midian. Toward wife and son, and the life he’d fought and bled and killed to win after all that he was had been taken from him. It was not a bad life. Until yesterday it had almost seemed enough."

Click to expand...

Seriously, I like this very much. This is effective writing indeed. The line you like is an effective lead-in (wistful) to what promises to be a most interesting account. I would encourage you to continue with this by all means. Is it a short story or a novel? Historical fiction? The theme of being torn, conflicted, is one that often produces excellent results. I think you’re well on the way to that. I’m not familiar with you. Do you have any publication credits as yet? Thank you for sharing this.

M.S. Wiggins said:

What comes to mind are not my words, but I've recalled them enough that I should own a few shares. It's from, In a Lonely Place.

Character, Dixon Steele: "I was born when she kissed me. I died when she left me. I lived a few weeks while she loved me."


(*I don't know why, but this dialogue does something to me. It's kind of a punch-in-the-gut kind of feeling.*)

Click to expand...

I quite agree! Oddly, though, I've never seen this film despite being a big Bogart fan. I must rectify that ASAP!

Thank you.