Conventions, Harassment, Enforcement, Protections: A Community Discussion

Thank you for sharing your story KTC. It was a hard thing to do, but it benefits others who have endured similar situations; to know they are not alone, and neither are you.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm having some seriously homicidal thoughts about 'Bob' right now.
Plus all the other Bobs, and all the Bob enablers.

Laurasaurus said:

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm having some seriously homicidal thoughts about 'Bob' right now.
Plus all the other Bobs, and all the Bob enablers.

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It takes a village to allow a BOB to happen. And it takes a village to stop a BOB.

KTC said:

It takes a village to allow a BOB to happen. And it takes a village to stop a BOB.

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That's a good point, because most BOBs (excluding the very evil or very disturbed ones) do what they do because they believe it's socially allowed. Hey, BOB just grabbed someone's breast, and everyone laughed. Each time a victim complains, and someone else trots out "Oh, that's just BOB," BOB gets the message that what he (or she) is doing isn't wrong, because if it were, wouldn't everyone be mad at him/her?

And other potential BOBs watch and learn that this is acceptable. Even admirable, because everyone laughs so heartily.

Twick said:

That's a good point, because most BOBs (excluding the very evil or very disturbed ones) do what they do because they believe it's socially allowed. Hey, BOB just grabbed someone's breast, and everyone laughed. Each time a victim complains, and someone else trots out "Oh, that's just BOB," BOB gets the message that what he (or she) is doing isn't wrong, because if it were, wouldn't everyone be mad at him/her?

And other potential BOBs watch and learn that this is acceptable. Even admirable, because everyone laughs so heartily.

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It isn't easy to be the sole person to stand up and say, 'this is wrong'. It takes courage because too often this person is the one who is censured, all in an effort to smooth things over and keep everyone calm. News flash: pushing it under the carpet doesn't make it go away.

Oh, and apologies to all the wonderful, good guys named Bob out there!

CindyGirl said:

Males experience these scenario's too, and they have as much of a right to report and reveal this behavior as any female does.

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They certainly do, and there was a case at a local college just now, in fact. Some guy taking videos of other guys in men's rooms on campus.

What's interesting is that some of the victims got together and confronted the perpetrator and escorted him to an administrator. I suspect most women might have a harder time doing this to a male perpetrator in a similar type of situation. We tend to be more physically intimidated by men, on average.

I think our culture really does have a problem with taking certain things seriously, though. Since I've been a kid, it's been portrayed as "normal" behavior for guys to peep at women, or touch them, harass them, or grope them in certain situations. Being a peeping tom or goosing women is often portrayed as hilarious in movies, for instance, and women who take such things seriously are mocked (the cool, pretty girls think it's funny). At some point in real life, more people start to regard the behavior as creeperish, peeping tomish, and criminal, not just "boys being boys," but some never seem to get the memo.

A good guideline is to ask a guy who thinks something might be a funny joke that involves the invasion of a woman's physical space is, "Would you do it to another guy you don't know super well? If not, why not?"

Kind of like with catcalling, or even just the aggressive "Hi there!" some guys lob at women passing on the street.

Well, my contact FINALLY sent me a link to the local con's harassment policy.

But it was hiding in the FAQ with no easy way or link to find it...

RedRajah, thanks for sharing the above link.