Comedy Cabaret

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Jaycinth

Your Cuddly Sociopathic
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Same Psychosis...different day.
***This is the part of town your mother warned you about. But you come here anyway. You heard the rumors. The truth is, well, interesting.

The cab driver chuckled when he let you out on the corner. He knows all about it. After all, he comes down here a few times a night.

You’re standing in front of a club. Through the windows you can see the patrons dancing. You’ve been in that club before. But it is not your destination tonight.
No.
This evening you walk past the club and turn down the poorly lit alley. You pass a dumpster. The resident accosts you, but you knowthe routine and you’ve brought along a couple bottles of Nighttrain to pay the toll.

A cat hisses and a dog snarls. You’re used to it. The requisite number of bacon wrapped steak nuggets always does the trick.

It’s a dead end. But to your left, there’s a door. You know the signal. You get in. The 1,200-pound yak knows you; you’ve never caused any trouble.
You descend the stairs, familiar scents drift past your nose. The cloak dude takes your coat and you walk through the door into.............***


Welcome to the Comedy Cabaret!
I’m glad to see you here.
..Quite frankly, I’m glad to see any of you here.
.... so you’ll be happy to know we’ll no longer be offering sushi.
On the bright side, though,
I’ve hired a new chef.
His name is Melkeesadeck
That’s right. Just like the bible, but spelled funny.
I call him ‘Mel’
He calls me, ah, ...it doesn’t translate well.
But...he knows how long to boil a cheeseburger,
and how many times to hit it, too.
Seriously folks,
The bar is well stocked,
I know what you all prefer,
Your servers are ‘Cindy’ and ‘Ron’. They work for tips, so please be generous.

As for the teenagers hiding out in the back of the bar, I know who you are. See that black light enhanced beaded curtain? Through that curtain is the arcade. You can purchase an arm band for a joke and play all day, but no way is the bartender going to give you anything stronger than a double chocolate mocha-latte malted shake.

So folks, make yourselves comfortable. Order a drink and sit a spell, or grab the mike.

It is ALWAYS open mike night in this caberet.

And, now, I’m going to step off the stage, and open it up to you. Tell a joke or a quip and anecdote or sing your favorite ‘comedy song’.
***steps off stage and meanders to the back of the club to watch.***
 

Haggis

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Welcome to the all new and improved Comedy Cabaret.

Make your selves at home.

Behave.
 

CassandraW

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Oh, it is so clean. So quiet. So blessedly free of batteries, muppets, and miscreants. What a splendid holiday gift.
 

CassandraW

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I'm pretty sure haggis was talking to alleycat.
 

KellyAssauer

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Undoubtedly the nicest gift anyone has given me this holiday season...
which isn't all that difficult since it's the only one

so far

I mean it's early yet,


right?



*and a happy thursday to all*
 

CassandraW

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I requested a giftless Christmas, and the only gifts I bought were for the kids in the family. Instead of shopping, I have spent some time in the last week writing notes and making calls to the people who've been kind over the last six months, and/or who've suffered losses or setbacks this year. (One of my dad's best friends lost his daughter in a car accident a month ago. He was already reeling from my dad's death -- I am worried sick about him now. I can't imagine how difficult Christmas is for him and his family this year.)

I feel weirdly serene. But I think I would not have felt that way if I'd tried to force myself into a holly-jolly Christmas. I am certain I made the right call.

Heh. One of my friends just won't buy that, though. She invited me over for Christmas, and (despite my explaining how I feel), she keeps leaving me voicemails saying she "won't take no for an answer" and threatening to come and drag me over to her place to be joyful. I've moved from feeling grateful for her kindness to kind of wanting to tell her to fuck the hell off. But it is Christmas, so I'm screening her calls instead.

ETA:

By the way -- happy holidays to all of you. Thank you for being so ridiculous, repulsive, and cruel. I despise you all.
 
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Rolling Thunder

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[FONT=Courier, helvetica, verdana] What's the difference between a chihuahua and a stick?[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier, helvetica, verdana] One's an inanamite object that clutters up the lawn, the other is a piece of wood.


What's ugly, drooly and goes 200 mph?
A chihuahua in a blender.

What's ugly, drooly and has an IQ of 150?
150 chihuahuas.

What's ugly, drooly and goes yip, yip, yip?
A Chihuahua on a frying pan.

Chihuahuas should ideally not wear clothes, except for a paper bag.
[/FONT]
 

PorterStarrByrd

nutruring tomorrows criminals today
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What's the difference between a chihuahua and a stick?
One's an inanamite object that clutters up the lawn, the other is a piece of wood.


What's ugly, drooly and goes 200 mph?
A chihuahua in a blender.

What's ugly, drooly and has an IQ of 150?
150 chihuahuas.

What's ugly, drooly and goes yip, yip, yip?
A Chihuahua on a frying pan.

Chihuahuas should ideally not wear clothes, except for a paper bag.


.. talk about a merciful way to tell that joke ....
 

PorterStarrByrd

nutruring tomorrows criminals today
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Schmooing is just Reg's way of 'giving' during the holidays .... and most of the rest of the year.

Transformers are more limited in what they can do than is first apparent.
 

CassandraW

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What's the difference between a chihuahua and a stick?
One's an inanamite object that clutters up the lawn, the other is a piece of wood.


What's ugly, drooly and goes 200 mph?
A chihuahua in a blender.

What's ugly, drooly and has an IQ of 150?
150 chihuahuas.

What's ugly, drooly and goes yip, yip, yip?
A Chihuahua on a frying pan.

Chihuahuas should ideally not wear clothes, except for a paper bag.


damn. that's heartwarming.
 
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KellyAssauer

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Let's see now. The sun is out. The sky is a pretty powder blue.
Even after last night's thunderstorm it's sixty some degrees on the porch.
The honeybees are buzzing... and it's December 24th.
*sings*
It's beginning to look a lot like summer,
everywhere I go...
 

CassandraW

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Let's see now. The sun is out. The sky is a pretty powder blue.
Even after last night's thunderstorm it's sixty some degrees on the porch.
The honeybees are buzzing... and it's December 24th.
*sings*
It's beginning to look a lot like summer,
everywhere I go...

take a look at the pretty blooms
that shouldn't be out 'til June...
 

Angie

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Riddle me this, degenerates: Why would anyone want to hang out in here when there's a thread where (allegedly) cray gets beaten to a pulp before breakfast???
 

CassandraW

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well, see, we've got the whole rest of the day to blow before we can get to tomorrow morning.
 
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