Figuring out character descriptions

You set the scene in a slugline, left justified at the top of the scene:

EXT. TAMPA BEACH HOUSE -- DAY <--- The "ext" establishes the shot as being set outside. "Tampa beach house" (or whatever you need) establishes the physical setting. "Day / night / evening" (or whatever) establishes the light level required.

To set-up character information:

JOHN DOE, male, mid-thirties, with a pronounced limp, run-hops from the scene of a grizzly murder, leaving uneven bloody footprints in his wake. Beside him is BOB DOE, teenaged and pudgy, also running, but surprisingly swift.

You can make the descriptions tight, but remember that scripts aren't really meant to be read like a novel. No one is expecting you to write prose.

All pieces of a script have a set format. If you want to write to industry standard, then you've got to learn how to structure your writing to that format. Google Celtx, which is a free screenwriting program. It will help you with the format by setting the margins and formatting for things like the scene heading (slugline), justifying the action bits, and centering the dialog sections so that everything is neatly and cleanly arranged.

In general, you can assume 1 minute of run time/page as a guideline, meaning you need to trim your writing to around 100 pages for the whole thing to allow for variations in filming.

(You can go to Simply Scripts and read several free movie and TV scripts, if you want.)

Hope that helps.

This problem is one I myself struggled with for a long time. It is the hobgoblin of many writers who are new to this format. The good news is that if you conquer it, (and if everything else in your skillset stands relatively equal) then, you will find it's quite smooth sailing from then on.

Ugh, what i have to say next will probably come off as pompous and lecturing. I don't mean it to be. I would just like to voice what I experienced, because I sweated blood over this very problem you're describing.

The way I see it (even though I am no expert) is that there's really just two or three top-level, first-priority, 'golden rules' to remember.

First, a professional level script must be perfectly formatted. Then, it must be engaging. It must draw the reader in and make them sympathetic and invested. No one wants to read a boring script.

But right up there with these two strictures is that the story must zip down the page in a smooth, effortless, easy-to-read manner. Scripts are meant to be read FAST. They're being read by people who read hundreds of similar scripts every month.

'Flow' is simply a knack you have to acquire, and things like wordy-settings and wordy-character descriptions are so often the obstacles to it. It is agonizing to get past this stumbling block, I know!

One reason may be that we often visualize our stories so much in advance. We think to ourselves, 'oh, I know exactly how this would be shot and how it would play on screen'. But this is a dangerous conceit. Concentrate instead on The Reader. You have to enlist them in your story, and you have to use words alone.

And professional readers have plenty of other things in mind when they are reading our works. They are calculating 'time per scene', summing up 'probable production costs' and eyeing 'location difficulties' in their head as they skim down the page. Remember--later on in their day--they have to report on what they read to some higher-up. And they have to justify their report. That's whats in their mind.

Think for a moment, about what that job must be like. These individuals read a dozen stories per working day, so they're entitled to this sour attitude ...before they even get to your sheaf. They pick up your amateur spec-script, flip over the first few pages... with an attitude that they're 'looking for flaws'. It's just human nature. They're looking for an easy reason to toss your submission and move on. And as soon as they see that your story (even if perfectly formatted) is not an 'easy read' they will swiftly get GRUMPY. You are killing their day with an awkward script.

So. You're writing for a very specific set of gatekeepers. Ya gotta keep this in mind at all times, and drop the traits we all possess, such as 'over wordiness'. Scripts are brutally unforgiving to these (otherwise fine) writer's rhythms. In a script, you have to bend or break. Wordiness belongs in a novel or other fiction.

Oh well. Back to your OP: yes there are all sorts of perfectly legitimate things you can do to repair little bits'n'pieces of your story. You can move things around and find new places for them. You can get creative. But the one thing you really mustn't do is disrupt that story flow. That's the one thing I'd try to impart to you. Do whatever you gotta do, but don't break that nice, easy, vertical stream of the storytelling.

Ulp. Really... I swear...scout's honor... I'm NOT a sententious, posturing, windbag, I just play one on TV...