Time-hopping in a single scene...

Maskoz · Nov 26, 2015

Hi there. I've been a lurker for years and am profoundly grateful this website exists, but have never actually posted anything until now.

In my current writing project I have a scene in which I want to be in two people's heads at once (I am trying earnestly to tackle 3rd person omni after 2 books of 3rd person limited), but separated by 24 hours.

I'm having some success with transitional sentences at each switch (about every three paragraphs), but my past perfect is starting to feel muddy against my past simple and I was wondering if anyone had any bright ideas as to examples of this? Books, chapters, essays... Or perhaps some of you have attempted it yourselves?

An option, of course, is to simply split the scenes into two separate time periods, one after another, but I like a challenge...

Any ideas?

Mr.Letterman · Nov 26, 2015

That sounds very jarring. It s doable (definitely a challenge

) but the transitions would have to be very apparent.

I just read a Benjamin black book called Christine falls and he head hops every now and then. I found my self having to double back which ruined the momentum of an otherwise awesome book.

My MS started as omniscient, then after reading here and following suggested links, I ve gone with 3Rd person pov.

GOOD LUCK

.

BethS · Nov 26, 2015

As Mr.Letterman said, that could potentially be jarring and confusing. You might be best served by making actual scene breaks between them, rather than using transitional sentences. But it's hard to say without actually reading it.

neandermagnon · Nov 26, 2015

Stephen King's Mr Mercedes did a good job of an omni narrator switching between protagonist and antagonist POV in some very tense scenes where the clock is ticking and you have to have a lot of words for the amount of time passing in the story. Sorry for the vague description, don't want to put in any spoilers.

ETA: also, if you're describing something done the previous day, maybe that should be described in real time in a previous scene. Mr Mercedes had some of the scenes with the antagonist preparing something where the narrator was vague about the precise details. Done well, this adds to the tension because you know he's planning *something* and that it's *something very bad* but it doesn't spoil the later scenes where he... (not going to continue - spoilers :greenie

) - read it and see what I mean.

Maskoz · Nov 27, 2015

Mr. Letterman - I normally find head-hopping irritating, but I just finished Zadie Smith's White Teeth and felt really comfortable with how she handled clean 3rd person omni so it made me want to try it at least.

BethS - I'd been thinking of page breaks, too. I think it might work.

neandermagnon - THANK YOU FOR NO SPOILERS! I happen to be in the middle of that book (though I'd put it down for a while). I'm not really a King fan (though I'm a huge fan of his son, Adam Hill), but I'm enjoying that one quite a lot. I'll pick it up again now that you've mentioned it. Thanks.

Jamesaritchie · Nov 27, 2015

Maskoz said:
Hi there. I've been a lurker for years and am profoundly grateful this website exists, but have never actually posted anything until now.

In my current writing project I have a scene in which I want to be in two people's heads at once (I am trying earnestly to tackle 3rd person omni after 2 books of 3rd person limited), but separated by 24 hours.

I'm having some success with transitional sentences at each switch (about every three paragraphs), but my past perfect is starting to feel muddy against my past simple and I was wondering if anyone had any bright ideas as to examples of this? Books, chapters, essays... Or perhaps some of you have attempted it yourselves?

An option, of course, is to simply split the scenes into two separate time periods, one after another, but I like a challenge...

Any ideas?

With omniscient, you shouldn't be in any character's head at all, let alone two at once. That is not the purpose of omniscient, or how it's written.

Mr.Letterman · Nov 27, 2015

If it's done well, it gives a great perspective, but it has lost its magic for me, personally. I like wondering what another character is thinking, or why they are doing something. Omniscient pov steals the mystery from me.

Just my biased opinion though

I haven't read Mr Mercedes, but from memory, the dark half, another king book, he head hops occasionally and it didn't stall as much as Benjamin black

Susan Coffin · Nov 28, 2015

In omniscient, the story is told through a narrator who sees, hears, and knows everything. The reader gets a panorama view of everyting the narrator deems is part of the story.

In my current writing project I have a scene in which I want to be in two people's heads at once (I am trying earnestly to tackle 3rd person omni after 2 books of 3rd person limited), but separated by 24 hours.

I don't think this would fly in even a third person limited because it sounds confusing. Never confuse your readers.

Bufty · Nov 29, 2015

Welcome, maskoz, but what on earth is 'clean 3rd person omni'?

Surely something is either Omniscient or it's not, and how well or not it's executed doesn't alter that. :Shrug:

Maskoz said:
Mr. Letterman - I normally find head-hopping irritating, but I just finished Zadie Smith's White Teeth and felt really comfortable with how she handled clean 3rd person omni so it made me want to try it at least.

BethS - I'd been thinking of page breaks, too. I think it might work.

neandermagnon - THANK YOU FOR NO SPOILERS! I happen to be in the middle of that book (though I'd put it down for a while). I'm not really a King fan (though I'm a huge fan of his son, Adam Hill), but I'm enjoying that one quite a lot. I'll pick it up again now that you've mentioned it. Thanks.

kuwisdelu · Nov 29, 2015

When I need to do this, I use actual scene breaks without additional transitions.

The "scenes" may be as short as a single line.

The first few breaks should be longer to set up the different overarching scenes.

Once you've established the scenes and gotten the reader used to them, you can switch back and forth between them quite quickly and seamlessly.

An example of this that you may already have on your shelf is chapter 3 of Brave New World.

Edit: I actually love reading and writing these kinds of scenes.

Maskoz · Dec 1, 2015

Bufty - By clean I just meant (I, personally, found it to be) not jarring. I never had to go back to figure out what was going on or who was thinking what. I thought it was quite elegant the way she used it throughout.

kuwisdelu - Good suggestion, thanks. I will go leaf through to chapter three.

I was picking through some John Le Carre over the last couple of nights, too, and happened to notice the way he uses omni. He stays very limited for long sections then will slip into broader omni. The fact that I've never noticed him doing this speaks to how well he does it, I suppose.

Time-hopping in a single scene...

Maskoz

Mr.Letterman

BethS

neandermagnon

Nolite timere, consilium callidum habeo!

Maskoz

Jamesaritchie

Mr.Letterman

Susan Coffin

Tell it like it Is

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

kuwisdelu

Revolutionize the World

Maskoz