Having Kids or Being Childfree: The Controversy

kingofeli said:

So right now there's this big "controversy" around more people (at least in the US), especially women, either deciding not to have kids at all, wanting to adopt children, or waiting until they're older (late 30's-early 40's) to have kids. So what do you guys think? I've got a really simple, really quick little "questionnaire" thing to get some debate started.

Do you want to have kids?
What do you think about people who don't want to have children at all?
What do you think about people who don't like children?
What do you think about people who adopt children, but have no biological children?
What do you think about people who sterilize themselves (remove uterus, get tubes tied, remove testicles, etc.)?
What do you think about people waiting until they're older (late 30's-early 40's) to have kids?

Remember, please keep discussions respectful!

Click to expand...

Too late for me. I already have two of them. Hard to blame people for waiting when they're straddled with tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt--not to mention how expensive it is to live anywhere these days, but especially in a major city.

I've got one answer for all of your questions: To each their own.

Maze Runner said:

Too late for me. I already have two of them. Hard to blame people for waiting when they're straddled with tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt--not to mention how expensive it is to live anywhere these days, but especially in a major city.

I've got one answer for all of your questions: To each their own.

Click to expand...

Exact same answer. Kids are a pain, but they are worth it, and there is............................the grandchildren. You get to spoil them and then send them home.

T Robinson said:

Exact same answer. Kids are a pain, but they are worth it, and there is............................the grandchildren. You get to spoil them and then send them home.

Click to expand...

hahaha, yeah, my mother was probably better at grandparenting, once she'd been through all her youthful craziness, than parenting. She's gone now, always miss her and my dad more this time of year.

Agree 100% about kids being worth it. I'd have checked out long ago.

I sure think the planet needs less of them.

I don't have kids yet, though I do want them...someday. I don't live independently, and I want to be settled down in a more stable home, and get a better paying job so I can even afford a kid in the first place. I'm hoping to be more stable, mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically, before I start getting kids into my life.

I don't mind other people not wanting kids. I'm still child free and young myself.

Since I'm kind of Ace (and Lesbian), I'm not really into sex (with males, especially), and being fearful of pain and my health issues, I'm a bit scared to have babies naturally. (I'd rather adopt or use a surrogate or something.)

I don't understand how some people can hate, hate, hate kids, especially those that get jobs where they're constantly in contact with kids, lol.

I do understand that children can be very tiring and challenging at times, enough to drive a person crazy at times, hehe. XD

Anyway, I'm a human, and it's my right to decide whether or not I want kids. I'm not a breeding machine or only "just" someone's mother (when I become one). I'm a full 3-dimensional person with all sorts of hopes and dreams. So I'm not letting society pressure me to become a mother against my will or when I don't feel ready or comfortable.

ETA: People are people with freedom and rights. If someone wants kids, then it's their choice. If they don't want kids, then that's fine, too. Screw society trying to pressure people to become parents against their wishes.

I have dogs.

Kids are just a substitute for those that can't handle canine responsibility.

Although I did help raise my ex-girlfriend's two daughters from age 8 through college.

rugcat said:

Kids are just a substitute for those that can't handle canine responsibility.

Click to expand...

hahaha, exactly!

I'm at the point where my fiancee and I are talking about kids, although I don't really consider it a controversy. Call it semantics, but I don't feel that controversy is the right word. Either we want it or we don't, and I don't see it being controversial unless my fiancee and I choose not to, and my mom cries and complains about how we're killing her for not giving her grandchildren.

But answering your questions...
Do you want to have kids? - Yes. She wants three. I want two. We'll probably compromise at 2 1/2.
What do you think about people who don't want to have children at all? - That's perfectly fine. Do you, and I'll do me.
What do you think about people who don't like children? - As long as you don't like them to the point where you'll attack one on sight for no reason, it's none of my business.
What do you think about people who adopt children, but have no biological children? - It's great that they give children a home. My fiancee has some medical issues where becoming pregnant is difficult, so it may possibly be our future.
What do you think about people who sterilize themselves (remove uterus, get tubes tied, remove testicles, etc.)? - I see this only as a potential issue of some religious people, but I have no problem with it.
What do you think about people waiting until they're older (late 30's-early 40's) to have kids? - Better than teenagers having babies. If you want to wait until you're financially secure, then you're using your noggin'.

.

kingofeli said:

Do you want to have kids? multiple times throughout the day.
What do you think about people who don't want to have children at all? don't care.
What do you think about people who don't like children? i think they shouldn't reproduce.
What do you think about people who adopt children, but have no biological children? they are heroes if they are kind parents.
What do you think about people who sterilize themselves (remove uterus, get tubes tied, remove testicles, etc.)? who the fuck removes their testicles??
What do you think about people waiting until they're older (late 30's-early 40's) to have kids? keep em off my lawn.

Click to expand...

Do you want to have kids? - HELL, no.

What do you think about people who don't want to have children at all? - Their life. Their body. Their choice.

What do you think about people who don't like children? - The same thing I think about people who don't like cats or donkeys or sushi: Different strokes for different blokes. All people are not alike. It is perfectly normal for people to have dislikes or preferences that differ from the "norm."

What do you think about people who adopt children, but have no biological children? - Their life. Their choice. And in most cases: YAY to helping and loving a previously (for whatever reason) unloved child. (I am not all "YAY-y" about "adoption agencies" that essentially sell children, though, so I am not sure how I feel about adopters who go through those agencies.)

What do you think about people who sterilize themselves (remove uterus, get tubes tied, remove testicles, etc.)? - Their life. Their body. Their choice.

What do you think about people waiting until they're older (late 30's-early 40's) to have kids? - The few "older" parents I know are without any exception stellar parents with wonderful children. I guess having built a satisfactory life of their own before having children gives their parenting a different perspective from those parents (often younger) who pretty much stumble into parenthood by accident.

kingofeli said:

So right now there's this big "controversy" around more people (at least in the US), especially women, either deciding not to have kids at all, wanting to adopt children, or waiting until they're older (late 30's-early 40's) to have kids. So what do you guys think? I've got a really simple, really quick little "questionnaire" thing to get some debate started.

Click to expand...

Do you want to have kids? Have two, though one's my husband's and of the grown variety
What do you think about people who don't want to have children at all? Their choice
What do you think about people who don't like children? I quite often don't like other people's children, so I get it.
What do you think about people who adopt children, but have no biological children? *looks at self* *decides we're okay*
What do you think about people who sterilize themselves (remove uterus, get tubes tied, remove testicles, etc.)? Sounds painful and medically unlikely. Presuming you mean have a doctor do it for them, a-ok with me.
What do you think about people waiting until they're older (late 30's-early 40's) to have kids? aka most everybody I know...

We were married young. Had a great time and had 2 kids 9 years later. A lot of work, some pain, lots of joy. And now, as adults, they are our great friends. ( except somethime they are still damn fool kids). Plus the grandkid thing is great.
Wouldn't change a thing.

For the OP, I don't have much opinion either way on most of your questions, except I think it's to be sterilized, for men and women, if you're sure you don't want more kids. Fast, easy, and no fuss later, for a tubal ligation or vasectomy. The uterine or testicle removal you mentioned: more drastic, and usually not done unless diseased.

bunny-gypsy said:

I don't have kids yet, though I do want them...someday. I don't live independently, and I want to be settled down in a more stable home, and get a better paying job so I can even afford a kid in the first place.

...

ETA: People are people with freedom and rights. If someone wants kids, then it's their choice. If they don't want kids, then that's fine, too. Screw society trying to pressure people to become parents against their wishes.

Click to expand...

What about people who aren't financially stable? Is it their right to have kids, and then expect other people to pay for them? Repeat 3 or 4 times?

I've been thinking about various kids/no kids issues lately. Starting with the movement to have companies pay for extended postnatal time off, for both mothers and fathers, that's not hooked to their vacation or sick time, but is just extra paid time.

On the one hand, I agree with it, especially for the women who are recovering physically as well as wanting the bonding time.

On the other hand, for those workers who either choose to not have children, or are unable to, they get screwed. Why should they be punished for not having kids? Not get the extra paid time off?

Dislosure: I have 4 step-kids, no bio-kids.

I don't know how much of this is a controversy as opposed to just not getting it. First off, it does seem like the normal thing. You meet someone, get married, knock boots and the chromosome square dance begins. I think for a lot of people, it just seems natural. I've always dreamed of having children and was thrilled when my wife and were finally able to have children. We almost adopted and still entertain the idea. We would have liked to have more children, but we everything we went through, it just wasn't in the cards.

I do know some people who specifically don't want to have children, and they have complained that other's don't respect that. It's always 'you'll want them someday' or 'you're gonna regret it' or some such like that. They just can't comprehend not wanting children.

Personally, it never bothers me if someone says they don't want children. What bothers me is when people have them who don't want them, neglect or abuse them. It's always outrageous of course, when somebody hurts children, but when someone like my wife and I wanted them so badly had to work so hard to get them and went through so much turmoil and heartbreak on our road to parenthood, it really irks me when people have them and don't realize how important it is.

The only thing better than having kids is not having kids. Or possibly the other way around.

The best solution: adopt an 18-year-old, send'em off to college.

Don't want kids. My girlfriend does, so if we stay together long enough, I don't mind obliging her. But it's not something I'd be into on my own. I don't hate them. I just have enough shit to deal with without being responsible for another human being or three.

Anyone else can make their own decisions. Good luck, y'all.

Liosse de Velishaf said:

But it's not something I'd be into on my own.

Click to expand...

No offense intended, but I would be completely amazed if you managed to do it on your own.

Like some posters said, their lives, their bodies.

In terms of financial/taxpayer debate (the paying for others controversy), I'm not going to judge people who need some financial support. I was unemployed for a long time, and I had to rely on other people's charity and goodwill in order to survive. I was even qualified for food stamps and stuff like that. (Maybe still am; I'm kind of still poor-ish, because of low-paying day jobs.)

So. Yeah, who am I to talk about the supposed "unfairness" of paying to help other people?

Maybe because of my upbringing, but I'm all about helping others, and that there are times when many of us need a little help here and there.

ETA: Also, Who am I to control who reproduces? (As long as the kids aren't being abused or neglected.) I don't want to live in a dystopia, lol.

Kids are cute. I wish I could have known people like Billy O'Reilly and little Donny Trump when they were kids. I'd have liked them a lot more.
Probably.

I think more people should not be parents. Haven't we all seen plenty of parents who aren't very good at it. And it's not like the planet is short on people as it is.

I have always loved babies and most kids, but it's probably best that we stopped at two because I am not the most energetic creature around. If DH had let me fill up the house with them, it would likely have descended into total chaos. But sometimes I still get a pang, especially when I see a brand new baby or a child with idiotic parents.

But I think it's just like anything else, either it's your big thing or it's not for you at all, or you're somewhere in between. And that should be honored. I think women especially are often still treated poorly if they don't have or want kids and that's BS.

I don't consider it my business if a woman wants to delay childbirth but I will say fertility drops off dramatically by the late thirties/early forties so if it was a close friend of mine I'd advise her to have some eggs frozen while she's young at the very least. There are other medical risks with late maternity, too (if she plans to carry the baby herself). And I know I simply do not have the energy I had in my twenties.

Then again, I also think many older parents have more patience, money, maturity and wisdom, and have had enough time to reach other goals that they're ready and able to put the child/children first to an extent that would not have happened earlier on. All that definitely figures in as well. In any case, it's still up to them, not me.

Sometimes I fantasize about a world where everyone is gay. That way no one would ever get pregnant by accident.

Erm. I mean...

It's up to you?

I have my dogs. I don't have to put braces on their teeth, teach them to drive or send them off to college. though I did have to pick one up at the police station once.
If someone wants kids... go ahead. Knock your condoms off. Just make sure if you breed 'em, you can feed 'em.