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Really getting frustrated by my attempts to write erotica.

Thread starter White
Start date Oct 9, 2015

White

friendly white tiger

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Oct 9, 2015

#1

I know I can't be the only one having trouble with this but I am having trouble with my erotica writing. Nothing else. Anything else I can write easily enough. I'm not trying to turn this into a rant. But that is really my issue. It's very much the writing off it that I am having issues with.

Creating erotic stories and plot ideas, those I can do. Characters and settings and worlds, no problem. No, my problem does come down to actually getting to writing the ideas I have in my head. I can write things, can actually get words on paper. But words that just feel like the most boring and flat words I can think off. Pure pedestrian paragraphs and sentences. That is how it feels. I can plan a story but not seem to actually write it in a way that satisfies me. Am I being too hard on myself? Just letting my worries about this get to me? Could it be that I want this too much and am trying too hard?

Its like anything I read seems so much better and written in ways I couldn't think off. I try to say that I should learn from that and sometimes that works. But I still feel stuck in this rut. This is is really starting to get to me, this worry that I can't write erotica. Or at least write it well. Is this just in my head and I've built up a block on it? I just don't know. Some advice and clarity would be appreciated. Thanks so much.

White.

Chumplet

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Oct 9, 2015

#2

Do you write other genres besides erotica? Maybe it's just not your preferred genre. Are you comfortable writing explicit sex scenes?

Maybe you are trying too hard, right out of the gate. How long have you been writing?

Developing a voice, and skill, takes a lot of practice and patience. It took me eight years of critiques from my peers before they stopped calling my prose "newbie mistakes." Yes, it was brutal feedback, but in the long run it made me see where I could improve my writing.

On the other hand, many writers think their work is total garbage, when it isn't really that bad.

Maryn

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Oct 9, 2015

#3

It helped me to do a few things differently than from my other genres.

Write the first draft in first person, to get deeply into the thoughts and experiences of the POV character. If the book's in 3rd limited, the change to make it match is not terribly difficult.
Include more than what's going on in the sex scene. Allow your POV character to associate activities with personal memories. Maybe the way this new lover does X makes her feel just like her first boyfriend when she was 17, or reminds her that she needs to add butter to the grocery list, or to worry that her thighs are just so-o-o fat and he's going to see them.
Use as many of the five senses as you can. There's way more going on than what can be seen and heard.
Work on finding similes, metaphors, and figures of speech that are right for the tone of the narrator which enliven the sex description. Read good erotica, whatever that term means to you, and take notes on ones the authors use that work for you. Can you craft anything similar but original?
Limit how much of Tab A enters Slot B description, which gets old pretty fast.

ElaineA

All about that action, boss.

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Oct 9, 2015

#4

It sounds like you might be expecting a lot from yourself. And yes, being a little hard on yourself, too.

One thing I've had to accept is I am weak at including "emotion" in my erotica writing. I'm fine at the sex stuff, but finding words/phrases/metaphors that do double duty as physical and emotional is hard work for me. So I have had to actively allow myself to write the first draft the way I'm comfortable with it, let myself just be pedestrian for now, and then really concentrate on my weak areas on revision. Seconding Maryn here on close-reading whatever erotica resonates with you, with an eye to understanding why you love it, rather than as a comparison to your own work.

I use the Erotica SYW practice prompts on my own, a way to privately work on improving specific skills. The prompts are all up there in the stickies, and of course, sharing isn't required. You might find it useful to bite off smaller pieces to prove to yourself you can do it, and hone your skills in 1500-word increments instead of at novella- or novel-length.

Be nice to yourself. This is oh-so-true...

Chumplet said:
On the other hand, many writers think their work is total garbage, when it isn't really that bad.

White

friendly white tiger

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Oct 9, 2015

#5

Chumplet said:
Do you write other genres besides erotica? Maybe it's just not your preferred genre. Are you comfortable writing explicit sex scenes?

Maybe you are trying too hard, right out of the gate. How long have you been writing?

Developing a voice, and skill, takes a lot of practice and patience. It took me eight years of critiques from my peers before they stopped calling my prose "newbie mistakes." Yes, it was brutal feedback, but in the long run it made me see where I could improve my writing.

On the other hand, many writers think their work is total garbage, when it isn't really that bad.

i do yes. And I've considered that. But I don't think so. I certainly like reading erotica and what I read inspires me to write. At least, gets ideas bouncing around my head anyway. Which I guess is a good thing.

Its reassuring to know that someone thinks I could be trying too hard. I do hope that is it. I've been writing (putting words down on paper) for about ten years. But I've only been seriously writing erotica for two years.

From what you say, sounds like I am expecting too much, expecting something to be there overnight that takes years to develop. Which actually helps me. So thank you. This has helped me out. I guess getting some critic from more experienced writers here would be helpful too.

Thanks again.
White.

White

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Oct 10, 2015

#6

Maryn said:
It helped me to do a few things differently than from my other genres.

Write the first draft in first person, to get deeply into the thoughts and experiences of the POV character. If the book's in 3rd limited, the change to make it match is not terribly difficult.

Include more than what's going on in the sex scene. Allow your POV character to associate activities with personal memories. Maybe the way this new lover does X makes her feel just like her first boyfriend when she was 17, or reminds her that she needs to add butter to the grocery list, or to worry that her thighs are just so-o-o fat and he's going to see them.

Use as many of the five senses as you can. There's way more going on than what can be seen and heard.

Work on finding similes, metaphors, and figures of speech that are right for the tone of the narrator which enliven the sex description. Read good erotica, whatever that term means to you, and take notes on ones the authors use that work for you. Can you craft anything similar but original?

Limit how much of Tab A enters Slot B description, which gets old pretty fast.

Those sound like good ideas. I've already been toying around with a few, with limited degrees of success. Maybe that's just cause I've been too hard on myself after all. I definitely try to read stuff I like and use that to help develop my style. I have been able to write something similar to what I read but with my own twist. But that did feel like cheating to me. I'm starting to realise that thought was a bit warpy.

I think im maybe gonna try that, gets to reading for a bit, relax into it.

White

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Oct 10, 2015

#7

ElaineA said:
It sounds like you might be expecting a lot from yourself. And yes, being a little hard on yourself, too.

One thing I've had to accept is I am weak at including "emotion" in my erotica writing. I'm fine at the sex stuff, but finding words/phrases/metaphors that do double duty as physical and emotional is hard work for me. So I have had to actively allow myself to write the first draft the way I'm comfortable with it, let myself just be pedestrian for now, and then really concentrate on my weak areas on revision. Seconding Maryn here on close-reading whatever erotica resonates with you, with an eye to understanding why you love it, rather than as a comparison to your own work.

I use the Erotica SYW practice prompts on my own, a way to privately work on improving specific skills. The prompts are all up there in the stickies, and of course, sharing isn't required. You might find it useful to bite off smaller pieces to prove to yourself you can do it, and hone your skills in 1500-word increments instead of at novella- or novel-length.

Be nice to yourself. This is oh-so-true...

well..there is nothing new in that. Unfortunately.

Thats my issue too. I think I'm going to have to just accept that it sucks first time out, and trust that I can build it up later. It's good to know that reading other stuff will help. And understanding stuff about how it works can't help but..help.

Short stories are definitely the way I want to go for now. Getting out something not too long sounds good. I have some short ideas but the prompts could be fun.

acitore

I don't get the point of user title

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Oct 10, 2015

#8

What's the big deal? You said you can write other genres, so stick with those. Everyone knows what they're good at and what they aren't. Focus on what you're good at (whether it be writing or something else). As I read on a comment somewhere about writing erotica, if it doesn't arouse YOU, it's not going to arouse your audience.
Also, the word 'of' only has one f. Off is the opposite of 'on'.

Fruitbat

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Oct 10, 2015

#9

I have an idea. Try writing the most horrible, grossest, most boring sex scene possible. I mean, write the worst sex scene ever written. Then show it to us. ;0)

Captcha

Banned

Oct 11, 2015

#10

I write romance, with explicit sex scenes, and I have readers telling me the scenes are hot even though they bore me to tears, so - I don't think you necessarily have to trust the "if it doesn't turn me on, it won't turn anyone on" rule.

That said, I agree with the advice about focusing on things other than the slot A/tab B stuff. For me, sex scenes (whether I'm reading or writing them) are best when they're deep, DEEP in the character's POV. Yeah, you need a bit of narration so the reader can picture the scene, but even that can largely be done through the responses of your POV character. What is that character sensing, and more importantly, what is s/he desiring or anticipating? How is his/her body reacting, etc.

If you find yourself writing generally from a certain perspective (male vs. female, more active/dominant vs more passive, or whatever) try writing the same scene from the other perspective. It might help.

But, mostly, don't trust your own opinions on your sex scenes or erotica. Make sure someone else is reading it as well, and get their opinions. There is nothing sexy (for me) about worrying about pronouns and balancing show vs. tell and trying to find the perfect metaphor, etc. Writing sex scenes, for me, is hard work, and it's not sexy at all. But that doesn't mean others won't enjoy the results.

Filigree

Mildly Disturbing

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Oct 11, 2015

#11

What Captcha said. You may not be able to trust your own assessment. Deep POV, really excavating the character's emotional arcs and physical sensations, carefully balancing actions with accuracy (even with fantasy novels, I know a lot of authors who used dolls to map out sex scenes). It's rough work. Not even really arousing once you mentally step away from the 'action'.

What really helped me was reading a lot of published original erotica and erotic romance, and the same in fanfiction. If I was blind to my own work, at least I could learn to tell other people's great writing from awful, and why it worked or didn't.

As far as my own Worst Sex Scene Evah, nope, no one is ever going to see that one. I keep it around as a reminder.

White

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Oct 12, 2015

#12

acitore said:
What's the big deal? You said you can write other genres, so stick with those. Everyone knows what they're good at and what they aren't. Focus on what you're good at (whether it be writing or something else). As I read on a comment somewhere about writing erotica, if it doesn't arouse YOU, it's not going to arouse your audience.
Also, the word 'of' only has one f. Off is the opposite of 'on'.

The big deal is that I have ideas I feel inspired to write and it frustrates me that I can't. I've never been good at stepping away from things and part of me doesn't want to. A lot of advice I get has been convincing me I am just being too hard on myself and I'm trying to work through that as well.
Like Captcha and Filigree I have to disagree as well with the it must turn you on to arouse others idea. I had people say my writing makes them hot when I feel nothing from it. So I think that as much as anything is in my head.
BTW, the comment about 'of', not helpful here. You've brushed on something that really hacks me off I have to say.

White

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Oct 12, 2015

#13

Captcha said:
I write romance, with explicit sex scenes, and I have readers telling me the scenes are hot even though they bore me to tears, so - I don't think you necessarily have to trust the "if it doesn't turn me on, it won't turn anyone on" rule.

That said, I agree with the advice about focusing on things other than the slot A/tab B stuff. For me, sex scenes (whether I'm reading or writing them) are best when they're deep, DEEP in the character's POV. Yeah, you need a bit of narration so the reader can picture the scene, but even that can largely be done through the responses of your POV character. What is that character sensing, and more importantly, what is s/he desiring or anticipating? How is his/her body reacting, etc.

If you find yourself writing generally from a certain perspective (male vs. female, more active/dominant vs more passive, or whatever) try writing the same scene from the other perspective. It might help.

But, mostly, don't trust your own opinions on your sex scenes or erotica. Make sure someone else is reading it as well, and get their opinions. There is nothing sexy (for me) about worrying about pronouns and balancing show vs. tell and trying to find the perfect metaphor, etc. Writing sex scenes, for me, is hard work, and it's not sexy at all. But that doesn't mean others won't enjoy the results.

So..more about how they think and feel in the moment rather than just what they feel physically? Using emotion to fill the gap between description of the actual sex? As well as their expectation of what is going to happen?

Hmm..flipping things around might work. It's certainly an idea I hadn't considered. Turn things on its head kinda?

Thanks for your kind words. Its actually very helpful to know that others don't get turned on by what they write either. That was what bugged me the most, the feeling that I had to get aroused for it to be any good.

White

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Oct 12, 2015

#14

Filigree said:
What Captcha said. You may not be able to trust your own assessment. Deep POV, really excavating the character's emotional arcs and physical sensations, carefully balancing actions with accuracy (even with fantasy novels, I know a lot of authors who used dolls to map out sex scenes). It's rough work. Not even really arousing once you mentally step away from the 'action'.

What really helped me was reading a lot of published original erotica and erotic romance, and the same in fanfiction. If I was blind to my own work, at least I could learn to tell other people's great writing from awful, and why it worked or didn't.

As far as my own Worst Sex Scene Evah, nope, no one is ever going to see that one. I keep it around as a reminder.

like I said to Captcha, I'm glad to hear someone say that. It does help to know I'm not alone in this problem. And that maybe I'm just expecting too much from my writing in the first place. Which I think has been my problem. I've maybe been trying too hard to make it sexy that I've been focusing far too much on description, hoping that actions will bring the arousing content. Could it be that is what had been holding me back? Now that I think on it, that could be why stories can arouse me with very limited physical description. Cause it's more about setting and mood. Stuff to think on anyway.

Im definitely glad to hear that reading is the way to go. It's the one helpful idea I've been clinging too. And I'm going to start doing more of that.

White

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Oct 12, 2015

#15

Fruitbat said:
I have an idea. Try writing the most horrible, grossest, most boring sex scene possible. I mean, write the worst sex scene ever written. Then show it to us. ;0)

hmmm...interesting approach. Might give me some good feedback. Might just try that.

Captcha

Banned

Oct 12, 2015

#16

White said:
So..more about how they think and feel in the moment rather than just what they feel physically? Using emotion to fill the gap between description of the actual sex? As well as their expectation of what is going to happen?

It could be physical feelings as well as emotional, I'd say, but, yeah, I think it's effective to really focus on reactions. For me, the physical actions are more-or-less standard across most sexual interactions - sure, there's a degree of skill, and there are different techniques, but mostly what makes special sex special is the indefinable chemistry between the participants. And that's shown mostly by the reactions, not the actions. A guy I'm not attracted to brushing his fingers across my cheek? Yuck. But a guy I'm attracted to doing it? My reaction is totally different. So when I'm writing, I try to focus on the reactions, because the actions are rarely anything all that special.

Hmm..flipping things around might work. It's certainly an idea I hadn't considered. Turn things on its head kinda?

I think for 'regular' writing, I tend to write from the POV of the character who has the most at stake in the scene and that's often the character who ends up being most active. But for sex scenes, at least for me, it's often easier to reverse that and write from the POV of the character who's less active, who's being acted upon rather than doing the acting. (Of course you don't want to take it to the extreme and have one of your characters lying there like a slug! They both need to be somewhat active. But if I'm writing in terms of action/reaction, with most of my attention on the reaction, it's easiest to do that when the POV character is doing a lot of reacting.

Thanks for your kind words. Its actually very helpful to know that others don't get turned on by what they write either. That was what bugged me the most, the feeling that I had to get aroused for it to be any good.

I guess maybe it's a good rule for some writers, but it's never worked for me. So, no, I wouldn't assume your writing's weak just because it doesn't work for you, either!

dangerousbill

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Oct 16, 2015

#17

White said:
I know I can't be the only one having trouble with this but I am having trouble with my erotica writing. Nothing else. Anything else I can write easily enough.

I think that people expect that erotica should be easy to write. But when you take on the genre, you're dealing with some of the most powerful experiences and emotions in the entire human lexicon. Sensations and feelings have to be described that do not even have English words, and you have to recreate them in the mind of your reader. By comparison, it's easy to make a reader puzzled (mystery) or shoot some adrenaline (suspense or horror).

Another thing that makes erotica difficult is that everyone has different preferences and kinks. In a typical erotica sales site, you'll see that the stories are categorized as vanilla, erotic romance, BDSM, bondage, maledom, femdom, etc. It's hard or impossible to write for all of them. Try specializing, at least in the beginning.

If you want to write erotica, you have to read erotica, lots of it, just like any other genre. Study the ways successful authors express those difficult experiences and emotions.

White

friendly white tiger

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Nov 3, 2015

#18

Fruitbat said:
I have an idea. Try writing the most horrible, grossest, most boring sex scene possible. I mean, write the worst sex scene ever written. Then show it to us. ;0)

You know, I tried this. And I worked. Okay, it came from something I read and was inspired by but for the first time I didn't feel I was copying something. Yes, it was pretty much smut and not much plot but hey..I actually liked it. So, thank you. You are a genius.

White

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Nov 3, 2015

#19

dangerousbill said:
I think that people expect that erotica should be easy to write. But when you take on the genre, you're dealing with some of the most powerful experiences and emotions in the entire human lexicon. Sensations and feelings have to be described that do not even have English words, and you have to recreate them in the mind of your reader. By comparison, it's easy to make a reader puzzled (mystery) or shoot some adrenaline (suspense or horror).

Another thing that makes erotica difficult is that everyone has different preferences and kinks. In a typical erotica sales site, you'll see that the stories are categorized as vanilla, erotic romance, BDSM, bondage, maledom, femdom, etc. It's hard or impossible to write for all of them. Try specializing, at least in the beginning.

If you want to write erotica, you have to read erotica, lots of it, just like any other genre. Study the ways successful authors express those difficult experiences and emotions.

looking back on this, that is very much the trap I have fallen into. Easy to see now but at least I can see it. That's a good way to look at it. Makes me feel more positive anyway.

Could be be another good point. Maybe I am not being focused enough on what actually interests me. I think that might be another good approach.

As as for reading, I'm starting to get into that again without feeling the whole 'I could never write like that' doom feeling. So that's a plus too.

Paris Love

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Nov 12, 2015

#20

White said:
As as for reading, I'm starting to get into that again without feeling the whole 'I could never write like that' doom feeling. So that's a plus too.

Reading a lot of really good erotica is a great way to recognize whether you are writing really good erotica or not.

One of the main things I love about good erotica is that most of the story is told through emotions rather than through actions. Tab A goes into Slot B is boring. Get in the characters heads and describe what they are thinking and feeling while placing Tab A into Slot B.

And remember: "No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader." -Robert Frost
Write what moves you. Write what turns you on. Then you know you've got a compelling story. The rest is just editing for style.

wendymarlowe

writer, mother, geek

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Nov 22, 2015

#21

This may sound odd, but bear with me:

fanfiction is fantastic for this.

As research, archiveofourown.org is a fantastic resource to see how other people do it - you can search by keywords for specific acts/situations or just dig through some from your favorite show/movie. (Sort by kudos so you get the good ones first! You can also sort by wordcount, so if you just want the sex scenes you can seek out the <5K fics.) I find it particularly useful to see the good AND the bad - not just "this was exactly what mainstream publishing puts out," but "this author did something awesome and this author did something less effective and now that I see them back to back I understand how and why."

As a writing exercise, though, fanfiction is fantastic. All you need is a hook (sometimes not even that) - the characters are already developed, familiar to you and your readers, and the setting is established. Even the relationships are done for you unless you want to tinker with them. 99.999% of feedback from fanfic readers is positive, so it can be a nice ego boost, and it can also be helpful when people say little things they particularly liked or appreciated. Most importantly, though, it doesn't matter. You can write it anonymously - tons of authors do - and it doesn't have to be your best work, or the most thorough editing, or the most creative thing you've ever typed. I usually end up writing fanfic when I'm at my computer because dammit I'm going to write today but I have absolutely no drive to work on my "real" book and I know anything I wrote would just get ripped out tomorrow anyway. Fanfiction always seems to jump-start my creative process.

That said, I can only use my own experience as an example - but when I look back at my first sex scenes and then I look at the scenes I'm writing now, they're absolutely night and day different. I've had a lot of practice :tongue

:tongue

but that practice has definitely helped - both my "real" book AND my fanfic.

gingerwoman

Super Member

Registered

Dec 5, 2015

#22

White said:
Could it be that I want this too much and am trying too hard?

Could be. Although on the other hand, my first attempts where I thought "Oh this is good enough" did not get accepted by the semi pro markets I was aiming for, and when I decided to really try and knock it out of the park, that's when I got my first gig.

arielx

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Jan 7, 2016

#23

I'm new here, the OP's exact problem is what brought me to this website as I was just desperate for tips. Thanks for sharing everyone!

Maryn

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Jan 8, 2016

#24

We hope our members' input helps anyone who needs it. That's the great thing about a community with a writing interest in common.

E. S. Lark

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Jan 20, 2016

#25

I've been writing erom on and off since 2012. I've gotten contracts and done rather well. That said, no matter how graphic I get or how often i write sex scenes, they are still a struggle for me. I know of other senior members on this board with the same problem.

It's just hard. I'm at a point now where I don't want to have my scenes sounding like those in another book. But keeping everything raw and new is near impossible when you write in this genre and have numerous sex scenes in one book.

You may be just a little hard on yourself, but I think we all are to a degree as well.

This genre is full of veracious readers, so we feel compelled to make our writing perfect to keep those readers happy, but still wanting more.

It's a balancing act and, sometimes, you just have to let a piece go. Publish it and move on to the next one. otherwise, you'll be spinning your wheels forever.

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