Describing Fear and Other Emotions

I know there's a book and blog posts that provides some ideas for general descriptions of how emotions affect the body and mind, and some ideas for traits.

ETA: The book is called The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression by Angela Ackerman & Becca Puglisi.

I think a good way to do it is to make sure you've got context, and to show what the person does and thinks about the sensation as well as describing it. The frustrating thing about emotions is most are felt in the chest, abdomen and throat area. So describing a clenching of the gut and/or throat by itself could be fear, anger, disappointment, or even just those oysters your pov character had for lunch. Likewise for a pounding heart. A heart can pound from fear, anger, arousal, excitement, eagerness, even joy.

Hasty example:

There it was again, that sucking sound. Something was in the next room, something that wasn't human. The doorknob turned, and she hunkered down, heart pounding so hard it hurt to breathe. This was it.

Yes, like Roxxsmom said, show some details of the situation that's causing the emotions.

Not all readers need every single thing spelled out for us; there are readers who can probably guess what a character may be feeling in a particular situation. For example, if there's a bunch of zombies outside a door, and the character is in a hurry trying to block the door with chairs and a sofa, I would assume that the character must be feeling pretty....uh, apprehensive about the situation, lol.

Show some narrative thoughts and dialogue from the character, too. "'Shit!' He rammed the sofa against the door, but the door wouldn't close all the way...."

And consider that people often aren't taking stock of all their physical sensations when they're in the middle of a crisis either. If you're blocking the door with a sofa, you probably aren't thinking about or noticing how much your heart is pounding. But you may become doubly aware of it once the crisis has passed. That's often when people faint, or get sick, or collapse, or have hysterics.

And when I'm angry at someone, I don't necessarily think, "Wow, I'm angry, and there's this hot coal behind my breastbone." I'm thinking, "This guy is a jerk," and I'm reining in a desire to kick him. Though I do sometimes get shaky or dry mouthed or (mortifyingly) get tears in my eyes when I'm a fight with someone. I think paradoxical fight or flight causes this.

I don't know, sometimes when I experience some strong feeling of frenetic doom in my body, it manifests not only or not at all as some internal organ clenching, but a spinning-out of logical thought and a filling of my head with wildly irrational observations and desires, like wanting to tear my skin off and plaster the wall with it like wallpaper. However, that's a very specific self-focused kind of agitation--not the sort of fear you're talking about--but it could be more focused on the weird rails your brain-train switches onto when emotions strangle out normal thoughts

It could also be focused on things in the surroundings you don't notice until you are looking, until every shadow is Death and every man walking behind you on the sidewalk is a masher and every mosquito brings malaria and heartworms and every lump in your skin is a fat fly larva, when paranoia sets in and shifts in the wind become sharp.

It could also be focused on how strange other body parts feel, how you've just noticed how your tongue fills your mouth and the scabby boogers in your nostrils narrow your breathing passages.

But fast heartbeats and stomachs that twist like a dog with GDV are a good ol standby, nothing wrong with it

And sometimes when one is in a stressful situation, one becomes focused on some strange, bizarre detail too, like the stain one of the people on your interview committee has on his tie, or on the crack in the third windowpane to the left, or in the weird pattern the tiles or carpet make on the floor. There was one time I remember seeing a cigarette burn on the edge of a table and thinking, "Wow, they haven't replaced the furniture in here since people actually smoked inside State buildings!"

Okay, maybe a job interview isn't the same as a zombie attack, but there are parallels.

Other times, everything about the setting or people you interacted with is a complete blur.

Don't "describe" them. Show what happens.This is the narrative situation in which the oft-misunderstood "show, don't tell" advice most clearly applies.

caw

blacbird said:

Don't "describe" them. Show what happens.This is the narrative situation in which the oft-misunderstood "show, don't tell" advice most clearly applies.

caw

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This. Feel it, and write it.

B.G. Dobbins said:

I'm trying to think of a fresh way to describe fear. Specifically, that sharp, clenching feeling you get in your stomach right before your heart starts pounding. But I feel just saying that might be a bit tired. What do you think?

On a similar topic, is there a thread where people post different ways to describe different emotions and feelings, perception of sensory details, etc?

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Don't describe emotion, show it.

Well, I'm going to go against the grain here and say that there are many ways to get emotion on the pages of a novel, and showing it is only one of them.

My advice is to start paying attention to how it's handled in the books you read.

Agree with Beth - I think the 'show don't tell' cliche is sometimes overused and misunderstood. Unless your book is illustrated, you are 'showing' with words - which means describing. I think we understand that it is more effective to say "David froze, his heart thumping against his chest." rather than "David was terrified and his heart was beating very quickly." But the former is still fairly cliched. Let me be clear, I am still learning to write, but as an avid reader many of these cliches come easy. But I think the vast majority of writers fall back on these cliches for much of their writing. And I think it is generally fine - a cliche is really only problematic when it makes a reader stop, lose her connection with the story and think 'what a dreadfully overused expression'. I try and find fresh ways of describing things when I can, but I'm not trying to find a new way of describing everything. I think that in itself would be a distraction for the reader that would detract from the experience of the story.
Anyway, just my 10c worth!

Great topic. Thanks for starting it, B.G.

B.G. Dobbins said:

I'm trying to think of a fresh way to describe fear. Specifically, that sharp, clenching feeling you get in your stomach right before your heart starts pounding. But I feel just saying that might be a bit tired. What do you think?

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I generally just imagine/remember how I feel when I'm afraid, and try to put that into writing. You know, that dry-mouthed, sweaty-palmed, heart-beating-its-way-out-of-chest feeling of standing on a knife-edge ridge and wanting to vomit over the side of it whilst the stomach gets all gurgly and every logical thought flees the mind?

I suppose it depends on context, more than anything. I'd try to show fear as much as possible through character actions and interactions, rather than just describing it.

ETA: I also like to internal monologue during moments of stark terror. It's a good way of showing the thought process under the influence of fear, especially in close third perspective, as I find it immersive to get inside a character's head like that.

This is a huge problem for me. Writing adventure/horror type stories, there are SO SO SO many moments when my characters have that heart-pounding fear. Trying to describe this from a variety of POVs at different times throughout the story without using the same tired wordings has been a big challenge. Not looking forward to figuring this out during the rewriting stage.

"Describing" emotions is a common assassin of solid, energetic, vigorous narrative. This is the most appropriate form of "show, don't tell". What reactions do your characters have to fear, or other strong emotions? Telling me, the reader, that the character is afraid, isn't nearly as engaging as showing me what the character does as a result of fear.

caw

The point of everything we do is to provoke certain reactions in the reader. Thus, when we describe fear, the point is not to be super at describing fear, but to convey this fear to the reader through the means at hand.

The means are generally two:
1) the internal reaction of the character;
2) maintaining suspense or tension outside the character.

When these two combine well--the tension of the external scene, with the internal feelings of the character--the reader gets a full blast.

"You'll be reunited with your parents," Father Castelli said with great sympathy."I absolutely guarantee that you will."

She bit her lower lip, trying to hold back her tears."I guarantee it," he repeated.Abruptly his face bulged. Not evenly like an inflating balloon. Rather, it bulged in some places and not others, rippled and pulsed, as if his skull had turned to mush and as if balls of worms were writhing and squirming just under the skin."I guarantee it!"

Chrissie was too terrified to scream. For a moment she could not move. She was paralyzed by fear, frozen in her chair, unable to summon even enough motor control to blink or draw a breath.She could hear his bones loudly crackling-crunching-popping as they splintered and dissolved and reshaped themselves with impossible speed. His flesh made a disgusting, wet, oozing sound as it flowed into new forms almost with the ease of hot wax.The priest's skull swelled upward and swept back in a bony crest, and his face was hardly human at all now but partly crustacean, partly insectile, vaguely wasplike, with something of the jackal in it, too, and with fiery hateful eyes.

At last Chrissie cried out explosively, "No!" Her heart was pounding so hard that each beat was painful. "No, go away, let me alone, let me go!"

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Midnight, by Dean Koontz